Moms~
This article I found states things in a great way with great ideas for raising thankful kids. Please take a moment to check it out!
Hope you are having a great week!
Amy
http://www.localwireless.com/wap/news/text.jsp?sid=27&nid=29056420&cid=2961&scid=15&ith=0&title=Lifestyle%22
Monday, November 22, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Here We Go Again...
Well, here we go again. But hey, mums the word!
I woke up this morning to my crying daughter and after consoling her, I made my regular morning jaunt to the bathroom. This one was different, though. See earlier this week in unwrapping my faithful old First Response test stick, I made my deposit on it and waited. Is that a line I see? Let's see.. Hold it up to the light, the window. Yes, faint, though. Hmmm.. Could it really be again? Later that day I tried again. Same response. And the next day. When I had it checked at the clinic, negative. Hmmm... That was a few days ago. Today was the day to try again. So back to this bathroom scene. I am crossing my legs as to not pee my pants as I am fumbling with that blasted stick to try to get it unwrapped, and finally did my thing. Within minutes that beautiful light pink line started to emerge. In deed it appears as if we may once again be pregnant. All at once I gather myself and go call my husband as I know he, too will be up. Do you have news?- he prompts. At which time I reveal to him our fate. Could baby number three be on its way after all?
To those of you following me I have had two consecutive miscarriages in the past short while. While I am so desperately wanting another child, it seems it hasn't been in our cards. One would understand then why I am terrified at the prospect of being pregnant again. The nausea and cramping is a constant reminder of the good that lies within, but how quickly it can turn in to not so good. Part of me is here, just waiting for another loss. Each time I go to the bathroom I hold my breath. Blood? Any hint of blood? Anything? Sigh. Safe for now. Later, I go through the same thing all over.
Sunday I get my hormone level checked and two days later we repeat to see if we will get through another week. Then its one week at a time. I know it does me no good to constantly wonder and worry, which is why I am sharing this now. I will be here to share all my thoughts, my worries, my fears, hopefully my joys. This is one thing I cant tackle alone. While I have been very reluctant to share this news with anyone at the prospect of having to reveal another loss, I know it will be worse to hold this all in. And so I am here now.
Wish me luck.
Amy
I woke up this morning to my crying daughter and after consoling her, I made my regular morning jaunt to the bathroom. This one was different, though. See earlier this week in unwrapping my faithful old First Response test stick, I made my deposit on it and waited. Is that a line I see? Let's see.. Hold it up to the light, the window. Yes, faint, though. Hmmm.. Could it really be again? Later that day I tried again. Same response. And the next day. When I had it checked at the clinic, negative. Hmmm... That was a few days ago. Today was the day to try again. So back to this bathroom scene. I am crossing my legs as to not pee my pants as I am fumbling with that blasted stick to try to get it unwrapped, and finally did my thing. Within minutes that beautiful light pink line started to emerge. In deed it appears as if we may once again be pregnant. All at once I gather myself and go call my husband as I know he, too will be up. Do you have news?- he prompts. At which time I reveal to him our fate. Could baby number three be on its way after all?
To those of you following me I have had two consecutive miscarriages in the past short while. While I am so desperately wanting another child, it seems it hasn't been in our cards. One would understand then why I am terrified at the prospect of being pregnant again. The nausea and cramping is a constant reminder of the good that lies within, but how quickly it can turn in to not so good. Part of me is here, just waiting for another loss. Each time I go to the bathroom I hold my breath. Blood? Any hint of blood? Anything? Sigh. Safe for now. Later, I go through the same thing all over.
Sunday I get my hormone level checked and two days later we repeat to see if we will get through another week. Then its one week at a time. I know it does me no good to constantly wonder and worry, which is why I am sharing this now. I will be here to share all my thoughts, my worries, my fears, hopefully my joys. This is one thing I cant tackle alone. While I have been very reluctant to share this news with anyone at the prospect of having to reveal another loss, I know it will be worse to hold this all in. And so I am here now.
Wish me luck.
Amy
Monday, November 15, 2010
Time to Focus...and regroup!
An old friend of mine used to say when things got a little haywire "Focus...and regroup. Redirect all your negative energy from your head to your toes.." She even had little motions that went with them!
This is always something that stuck for me because I tend to get a little unfocused. I get distracted. I get a bit... oh... I tend to go off the beaten path. Like, way off. We are talking out in the middle of poe-dung nowhere.
I find myself in that place today. Feeling distracted, out of sorts, in limbo. I am kicking my own butt over a lot of things, which is hard considering ones butt is after all on their backside and I am not as limber as I once was! lol.. But the mental butt kicking is something that has always come easy for me. Now is no exception. Among things that are making me kick up those heels are first and foremost my whole fall shape up challenge. I have been working hard to train for the Gobble Gait. The Hastings Thanksgiving Day 8K run/walk. I have been pumped and focused... until recently. The thing is, I lost my way. My goal to shape up seemed to zone in on the whole shape aspect and instead of focusing on just getting healthier and being more active, it has turned in to this whole weight thing, which is a losing battle for me. Instead of enjoying the running and working it I see it as a means to an end and not the journey it is. So this past week when things were busy and the scale wasn't cooperating I slacked. I dropped the ball. I didn't get to the y. I didn't hit the trails. I moped. I sat in my chair watching the Biggest Loser drinking my diet coke and eating left over Halloween Candy and thought "What was the point? What ever made me think I could do this?" Like I said, I lost my way.
School has also sent me off track. Well, not really school itself but everything going on with the kids. The demands of being a mom have overshadowed the demands of being a student and I have not done my best work. I have not been so commited. I have let my GPA down and am struggling just to pass this semester. Once again, I feel like throwing in the towel. Like, what was I thinking?
Ah.. today, I know from within, that I need to reclaim these things. I need to get back out on the path. I need to get out the door and get on the running trail. I need to do my schoolwork and regain my focus. A venture off the path doesn't mean you are lost forever. It just means you have lost your way. It means I need to retrace where I ventured off and get myself back on track. A single downfall is not a failure unless you let it be. It's time to pull myself up by the bootstraps, and give myself a wakeup call. Last week was a bad week. The scale reflects it. My mood reflects it. School reflects it. This is a new week. Let's see if I can't get back on course...
Amy
This is always something that stuck for me because I tend to get a little unfocused. I get distracted. I get a bit... oh... I tend to go off the beaten path. Like, way off. We are talking out in the middle of poe-dung nowhere.
I find myself in that place today. Feeling distracted, out of sorts, in limbo. I am kicking my own butt over a lot of things, which is hard considering ones butt is after all on their backside and I am not as limber as I once was! lol.. But the mental butt kicking is something that has always come easy for me. Now is no exception. Among things that are making me kick up those heels are first and foremost my whole fall shape up challenge. I have been working hard to train for the Gobble Gait. The Hastings Thanksgiving Day 8K run/walk. I have been pumped and focused... until recently. The thing is, I lost my way. My goal to shape up seemed to zone in on the whole shape aspect and instead of focusing on just getting healthier and being more active, it has turned in to this whole weight thing, which is a losing battle for me. Instead of enjoying the running and working it I see it as a means to an end and not the journey it is. So this past week when things were busy and the scale wasn't cooperating I slacked. I dropped the ball. I didn't get to the y. I didn't hit the trails. I moped. I sat in my chair watching the Biggest Loser drinking my diet coke and eating left over Halloween Candy and thought "What was the point? What ever made me think I could do this?" Like I said, I lost my way.
School has also sent me off track. Well, not really school itself but everything going on with the kids. The demands of being a mom have overshadowed the demands of being a student and I have not done my best work. I have not been so commited. I have let my GPA down and am struggling just to pass this semester. Once again, I feel like throwing in the towel. Like, what was I thinking?
Ah.. today, I know from within, that I need to reclaim these things. I need to get back out on the path. I need to get out the door and get on the running trail. I need to do my schoolwork and regain my focus. A venture off the path doesn't mean you are lost forever. It just means you have lost your way. It means I need to retrace where I ventured off and get myself back on track. A single downfall is not a failure unless you let it be. It's time to pull myself up by the bootstraps, and give myself a wakeup call. Last week was a bad week. The scale reflects it. My mood reflects it. School reflects it. This is a new week. Let's see if I can't get back on course...
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: Naming the Elephant (and helping Matthew!)
Have you driven around Hastings lately? It appears we have many new residents. In the snowman form, that is! Yes moms, it seems winter is here.
I must say it was nice to have an excuse to just have some fun with the kids for a change. It seems lately life has been a whirlwind of appoitments and running. Little of my day is spent actually being able to enjoy being a mom. Most of it falls victim to the crazziness that can be life and at the end of the day when it is finally quiet, it is hard to find the energy or motivation to do anything that feels any too meaningful. It is a good reminder,though, that sometimes we have to make opportunities to enjoy our kids rather then waiting for opportunities like snowstorms to present themselves. Afterall the kids aren't going to remember us bringing them here, there or everywhere. They are going to remember the fun things, or lack there of. I thank the snow this weekend for the reminder of this.
Fun times, it seems, have been a rare comodity in my house lately. You see, there has been this big elephant in the room for some time and while it has hardly gone unnoticed, certainly it has felt impossible to get rid of.
This past week my family was given a gift that I hope will be one that opens opportunities for us and makes the path not such a difficult one. It's hardly something that many people would consider a gift, but for me it was exactly that. And finally that elephant has been given a name.
You see, my son was finally diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and early ADHD with impulsivity, two things which can commonly go together. All my struggles with him, all my pleading with the school district and the like that he needs help and there is something wrong with him have finally lead me here. Granted it was not the school district that recognized it but a psychologist and our family doc, but my hope is that our days of struggling are not necessarily over, as they are far from it, but that finally my son has a chance and a hope.
Most people who meet my son would describe him as very sweet but "very active". He has been called "aggressive", "physical", and "demanding". Not exactly labels you want attached to your child. Where for so long people were able to see the magnificance in him, in his radiant smile, his sensitivity, his genuine spirit, and caring soul, that has been recently overshadowed by worsening behavior issues, impulse control issues which have become real safety issues, and learning problems. While he can do some work and projects and take pride in them, other things he struggles to focus on, becomes distracted, fails to finish or struggles to retain. He has some speech issues which at times make it hard for him to articulate his needs and his struggles with retention continue to allow him to fall more and more behind his peers. As was told to me at a recent parent-teacher conference, he is less then consistent with being able to retain things like shapes, colors, numbers, counting and his name. Additionally, while he has some positive peer relationships, in recent outings he has struggled to connect with other children in positive ways and has as a result of his activity and aggressiveness been out cast.
So coming back full circle, where, you might wonder, is the gift in this? How is having your child be labeled as having emotional and behavioral issues actually a good thing?
The answer my moms, is that my son, in getting these labels, does not become them, but instead now can bring an awareness to others that he struggles with these things. He can receive various forms of treatment and we can finally have something concrete to hang our hat on and work with. It is hard as a parent when you see your child struggling and the answers as to why aren't forthcoming, to feel frustrated or give up.To blame yourself. It makes getting help or support or services near impossible. Additionally when other parents or strangers complain to you about your child or look at you in a judgemental way when they see your child acting out it is easy to feel you are to blame or lost. But with such an answer I feel the door is finally open to us. I can now reach out to other parents who also have children struggling with this. I can research it and find both traditional and non traditional ways of addressing the struggles we have. And fortunately for my son these are common things. Things that have had a lot of research and trials and people know how to help. It isn't some rare thing that no one knows the least bit about.
And so my moms, as we embark on this journey with my son, I have new found hope that things can and will get better. It may not happen today or tomorrow or a few months from now, but my hope is that his needs will be better met and the doors will be open to a multitude of future successes for him. And I hope if you have a child who struggles in the same ways, that you, too will seek help. That you will be the squeaky wheel who keeps reaching out until someone listens. There is help and there is hope. You are not alone. See you next week.
I must say it was nice to have an excuse to just have some fun with the kids for a change. It seems lately life has been a whirlwind of appoitments and running. Little of my day is spent actually being able to enjoy being a mom. Most of it falls victim to the crazziness that can be life and at the end of the day when it is finally quiet, it is hard to find the energy or motivation to do anything that feels any too meaningful. It is a good reminder,though, that sometimes we have to make opportunities to enjoy our kids rather then waiting for opportunities like snowstorms to present themselves. Afterall the kids aren't going to remember us bringing them here, there or everywhere. They are going to remember the fun things, or lack there of. I thank the snow this weekend for the reminder of this.
Fun times, it seems, have been a rare comodity in my house lately. You see, there has been this big elephant in the room for some time and while it has hardly gone unnoticed, certainly it has felt impossible to get rid of.
This past week my family was given a gift that I hope will be one that opens opportunities for us and makes the path not such a difficult one. It's hardly something that many people would consider a gift, but for me it was exactly that. And finally that elephant has been given a name.
You see, my son was finally diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and early ADHD with impulsivity, two things which can commonly go together. All my struggles with him, all my pleading with the school district and the like that he needs help and there is something wrong with him have finally lead me here. Granted it was not the school district that recognized it but a psychologist and our family doc, but my hope is that our days of struggling are not necessarily over, as they are far from it, but that finally my son has a chance and a hope.
Most people who meet my son would describe him as very sweet but "very active". He has been called "aggressive", "physical", and "demanding". Not exactly labels you want attached to your child. Where for so long people were able to see the magnificance in him, in his radiant smile, his sensitivity, his genuine spirit, and caring soul, that has been recently overshadowed by worsening behavior issues, impulse control issues which have become real safety issues, and learning problems. While he can do some work and projects and take pride in them, other things he struggles to focus on, becomes distracted, fails to finish or struggles to retain. He has some speech issues which at times make it hard for him to articulate his needs and his struggles with retention continue to allow him to fall more and more behind his peers. As was told to me at a recent parent-teacher conference, he is less then consistent with being able to retain things like shapes, colors, numbers, counting and his name. Additionally, while he has some positive peer relationships, in recent outings he has struggled to connect with other children in positive ways and has as a result of his activity and aggressiveness been out cast.
So coming back full circle, where, you might wonder, is the gift in this? How is having your child be labeled as having emotional and behavioral issues actually a good thing?
The answer my moms, is that my son, in getting these labels, does not become them, but instead now can bring an awareness to others that he struggles with these things. He can receive various forms of treatment and we can finally have something concrete to hang our hat on and work with. It is hard as a parent when you see your child struggling and the answers as to why aren't forthcoming, to feel frustrated or give up.To blame yourself. It makes getting help or support or services near impossible. Additionally when other parents or strangers complain to you about your child or look at you in a judgemental way when they see your child acting out it is easy to feel you are to blame or lost. But with such an answer I feel the door is finally open to us. I can now reach out to other parents who also have children struggling with this. I can research it and find both traditional and non traditional ways of addressing the struggles we have. And fortunately for my son these are common things. Things that have had a lot of research and trials and people know how to help. It isn't some rare thing that no one knows the least bit about.
And so my moms, as we embark on this journey with my son, I have new found hope that things can and will get better. It may not happen today or tomorrow or a few months from now, but my hope is that his needs will be better met and the doors will be open to a multitude of future successes for him. And I hope if you have a child who struggles in the same ways, that you, too will seek help. That you will be the squeaky wheel who keeps reaching out until someone listens. There is help and there is hope. You are not alone. See you next week.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
First Big Snow Comes Early!
Holy Smokes, Moms! I have barely put away my Halloween decor and already the white stuff is covering the ground! As it came down this morning, I found myself scrambling around my yard putting away things that should have been put away weeks ago: My kids's bikes, garden decor, and the like. While not an exuberant amount of snow, it was enough to make a small snow man and have some time to play! It was a crash course in being prepared, that's forsure! lol.. Luckily I wasn't caught off guard. We had our boots and snowpants, and the rest of our gear ready. We can use an extra pair of water proof mittens or two, but all in all we had a great day!
I hope you and your families are enjoying this change. I feel like it's a bit early and am not sure if I am completely ready yet for this whole winter business, especially the holidays. Whew! But ready or not winter and the holiday season are here. We will certainly try to make the best of it!
Happy Snowday!
I hope you and your families are enjoying this change. I feel like it's a bit early and am not sure if I am completely ready yet for this whole winter business, especially the holidays. Whew! But ready or not winter and the holiday season are here. We will certainly try to make the best of it!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
November Already
Hi, Moms~
Can you believe it's November already?! And not just November, mid November at that! We are already surrounded by holiday commercials and decor and I don't know I am quite ready for this yet! I have seen many posts on Facebook already about putting up holiday decorations and listening to holiday music. I just don't have it in me yet! Usually I am not to slow to get in to the holiday spirit. Normally I am one of those people who are all over the decorating and such well before the turkey lands on the Thanksgiving table. However, this year seems different. I am not entirely certain why. I am not sure if its the warm weather or just everything going on with my kids and family but I am struggling to find that spirit of the season that is starting to stir. I am hoping this doesn't last too long!
There have been a number of struggles as of recent. As I mentioned in my column I had a miscarriage earlier in the fall. It drug on and on and this past weekend was the first weekend since that happened that my body started to do its thing again. I am open to the prospect of having another baby, and we are doing nothing to prevent that, but the thought terrifies me. Another loss? I don't know if I can handle that one! Our current status is not trying but not preventing either. How many of you have been through this? This was the second miscarriage in a row for us and I am terrified of adding to that number. Something I heard recently was something I have heard over and over.. That God doesn' give us more then we can handle. Usually we think of that in terms of giving us bad things. But someone recently posed that to me as it pertains to another child. Is God trying to send me a message? Is he trying to tell me that perhaps I can't handle a third so He isn't going to allow me to have one? How I wish I knew His ways and plans He has for me. The reality is that I don't and so I will try to be patient and forge on.
The other complication in life is with my kids, primarily my son. We are going through the diagnosis process for him. He has been diagnosed with ODD- Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Very, very difficult to deal with. It appears as if he may also have ADHD with Impulsivity. It's been a very trying time. We now have been given an Rx for meds for him. I am very conflicted as to whether or not to medicate him. He is after all, only four and a half. But as it's gotten to be more of a safety issue we are going to do so. Time will tell what the outcome will be.
I hope I can continue to come here more regularly to share these insights. I know I have often lacked in consistency in this area, but with another blog for the paper to keep up, it seems a bit easier these days.
In the mean time,
I hope you all have a fabulous week.
See you here again soon!
Amy
Can you believe it's November already?! And not just November, mid November at that! We are already surrounded by holiday commercials and decor and I don't know I am quite ready for this yet! I have seen many posts on Facebook already about putting up holiday decorations and listening to holiday music. I just don't have it in me yet! Usually I am not to slow to get in to the holiday spirit. Normally I am one of those people who are all over the decorating and such well before the turkey lands on the Thanksgiving table. However, this year seems different. I am not entirely certain why. I am not sure if its the warm weather or just everything going on with my kids and family but I am struggling to find that spirit of the season that is starting to stir. I am hoping this doesn't last too long!
There have been a number of struggles as of recent. As I mentioned in my column I had a miscarriage earlier in the fall. It drug on and on and this past weekend was the first weekend since that happened that my body started to do its thing again. I am open to the prospect of having another baby, and we are doing nothing to prevent that, but the thought terrifies me. Another loss? I don't know if I can handle that one! Our current status is not trying but not preventing either. How many of you have been through this? This was the second miscarriage in a row for us and I am terrified of adding to that number. Something I heard recently was something I have heard over and over.. That God doesn' give us more then we can handle. Usually we think of that in terms of giving us bad things. But someone recently posed that to me as it pertains to another child. Is God trying to send me a message? Is he trying to tell me that perhaps I can't handle a third so He isn't going to allow me to have one? How I wish I knew His ways and plans He has for me. The reality is that I don't and so I will try to be patient and forge on.
The other complication in life is with my kids, primarily my son. We are going through the diagnosis process for him. He has been diagnosed with ODD- Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Very, very difficult to deal with. It appears as if he may also have ADHD with Impulsivity. It's been a very trying time. We now have been given an Rx for meds for him. I am very conflicted as to whether or not to medicate him. He is after all, only four and a half. But as it's gotten to be more of a safety issue we are going to do so. Time will tell what the outcome will be.
I hope I can continue to come here more regularly to share these insights. I know I have often lacked in consistency in this area, but with another blog for the paper to keep up, it seems a bit easier these days.
In the mean time,
I hope you all have a fabulous week.
See you here again soon!
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: Finding Your Inner Turkey! Nov. 11, 10
The Mom Chronicles: Finding our Your Inner Turkey
Welcome back, moms! I feel like it has been forever since I've been here! With election season now over, I am back reclaiming my spot in your papers and happy to be doing so.
I am happy to report that I have, even in my absence, been keeping good on my end of the fall shape up challenge. While the weight isn't exactly melting off, to my great frustration, what is happening is I have remained commited to my goal even when there were many days I felt like quitting.I guess you could say, I have had to find my inner turkey and forge on.
As many of you are well aware of, motherhood can get a little, oh-who am I kidding, a lot hectic. My house is no exception. Especially in a house where there is just one parent around most of the time, and it happens to be the same one also trying to go to school and achieve her own goals. There are always things to be done, places to go, appointments for the kids. It often seems like it never ends. Yet oddly as it may seem, this hasn't been the biggest barrier for me in terms of achieving this goal set for myself.
What has and continues to challenge me, not only in this instance but in many walks of life, is my own ability to self sabotage. To quit. To throw in the towel. To not fight for what I want. Now don't get me wrong. If you ask those who know me or are closest to me, this is not how they would define me. They would say I am resiliant. I am dedicated. I dig deep and when things get hard I forge on. But appearing that way and actually feeling and being that way are two very different things.
As it turns out this whole shape up challenge and goal to run the Gobble Gait was something I set my sights on knowing I would be challenged by it, more mentally then physically. I have been a runner in the past, running cross country in college and the like. But many times that feels like it was in a different lifetime. And rather then the successes I had in it, I remember that one big time I failed miserably. I remember the worst race of my life, and hardly a run goes by that I don't return to that day in my head and how it felt.
So why then would I set a goal that involves running again? The truth is my moms, that as moms and as women we are faced with obstacles each day. We are faced over and over with failures and things we wish we had done better. Yet, we don't give up. We are resiliant. We forge on. When confronted with the the same bedtime battle we've had for two weeks, or same argument with our daughter we've had so many times we could predict it word for word, we persist. We don't always know how or why, but we do. Some may say it's because we have to, others may argue it's who we are.
But what happens during those times, as I have been facing, when it does seem easier to give up or give in? When quitting seems more desirable then the blood, sweat and tears of continuing the battle? Then what?
Enter my new inspiration: the turkey. I am, afterall, training for the Gobblegait which just happens to be on Thanksgiving, and so then, it seemed rather fitting to involve this delicious yet ever inspiring bird.
I know little about turkeys other then I've never cooked one myself, but that they taste delicious. And so I did a little research. They are actually rather intelligent when in the wild, and they tend to flock together. They can be territorial and fight for what they want or what is theirs. They are aware of their surroundings and have certain inate characteristics that help protect themselves from preditors.
So what does that have to do with any of us? The thing is, when we think of turkeys this is not how we see them. We see them golden and plump and on our tables. We see them as victims. The fact of the matter is turkeys aren't running around seeing each other getting plucked out to be Thanksgiving feasts and just rolling over giving up accepting that fate. No. Infact they flock together. They do what works. They continue to assert themselves to reign over what is theirs. They continue their rituals, they continue to gobble and call out as if to take a stand and say go away preditors! I may not be the most vicious of animal but I am going to puff out my feathers and raise my head high and make you think I am.
This my moms, is what we, too must do. When faced with challenges we must also ban together, which in many ways, is what this column is all about. When faced with obstacles such as the Gobblegait has been for me, we must act in such a way that doesn't show our fear or doubt in ourselves, but find that inner gobble that is going to call out as a warrior call and announce we are here. It may not always be easy to find that part of ourselves. But rolling over and being defeated is also not an option. If I am going to be served on a platter as someone's Thanksgiving dinner, I am going to make them work awefully hard to get me there.
And so my moms as you embark on whatever challenges you face this week, I urge you to take a moment and find your own inner turkey. Not the golden basted one that is on your table, but the Wild one that runs free. See you next week.
Welcome back, moms! I feel like it has been forever since I've been here! With election season now over, I am back reclaiming my spot in your papers and happy to be doing so.
I am happy to report that I have, even in my absence, been keeping good on my end of the fall shape up challenge. While the weight isn't exactly melting off, to my great frustration, what is happening is I have remained commited to my goal even when there were many days I felt like quitting.I guess you could say, I have had to find my inner turkey and forge on.
As many of you are well aware of, motherhood can get a little, oh-who am I kidding, a lot hectic. My house is no exception. Especially in a house where there is just one parent around most of the time, and it happens to be the same one also trying to go to school and achieve her own goals. There are always things to be done, places to go, appointments for the kids. It often seems like it never ends. Yet oddly as it may seem, this hasn't been the biggest barrier for me in terms of achieving this goal set for myself.
What has and continues to challenge me, not only in this instance but in many walks of life, is my own ability to self sabotage. To quit. To throw in the towel. To not fight for what I want. Now don't get me wrong. If you ask those who know me or are closest to me, this is not how they would define me. They would say I am resiliant. I am dedicated. I dig deep and when things get hard I forge on. But appearing that way and actually feeling and being that way are two very different things.
As it turns out this whole shape up challenge and goal to run the Gobble Gait was something I set my sights on knowing I would be challenged by it, more mentally then physically. I have been a runner in the past, running cross country in college and the like. But many times that feels like it was in a different lifetime. And rather then the successes I had in it, I remember that one big time I failed miserably. I remember the worst race of my life, and hardly a run goes by that I don't return to that day in my head and how it felt.
So why then would I set a goal that involves running again? The truth is my moms, that as moms and as women we are faced with obstacles each day. We are faced over and over with failures and things we wish we had done better. Yet, we don't give up. We are resiliant. We forge on. When confronted with the the same bedtime battle we've had for two weeks, or same argument with our daughter we've had so many times we could predict it word for word, we persist. We don't always know how or why, but we do. Some may say it's because we have to, others may argue it's who we are.
But what happens during those times, as I have been facing, when it does seem easier to give up or give in? When quitting seems more desirable then the blood, sweat and tears of continuing the battle? Then what?
Enter my new inspiration: the turkey. I am, afterall, training for the Gobblegait which just happens to be on Thanksgiving, and so then, it seemed rather fitting to involve this delicious yet ever inspiring bird.
I know little about turkeys other then I've never cooked one myself, but that they taste delicious. And so I did a little research. They are actually rather intelligent when in the wild, and they tend to flock together. They can be territorial and fight for what they want or what is theirs. They are aware of their surroundings and have certain inate characteristics that help protect themselves from preditors.
So what does that have to do with any of us? The thing is, when we think of turkeys this is not how we see them. We see them golden and plump and on our tables. We see them as victims. The fact of the matter is turkeys aren't running around seeing each other getting plucked out to be Thanksgiving feasts and just rolling over giving up accepting that fate. No. Infact they flock together. They do what works. They continue to assert themselves to reign over what is theirs. They continue their rituals, they continue to gobble and call out as if to take a stand and say go away preditors! I may not be the most vicious of animal but I am going to puff out my feathers and raise my head high and make you think I am.
This my moms, is what we, too must do. When faced with challenges we must also ban together, which in many ways, is what this column is all about. When faced with obstacles such as the Gobblegait has been for me, we must act in such a way that doesn't show our fear or doubt in ourselves, but find that inner gobble that is going to call out as a warrior call and announce we are here. It may not always be easy to find that part of ourselves. But rolling over and being defeated is also not an option. If I am going to be served on a platter as someone's Thanksgiving dinner, I am going to make them work awefully hard to get me there.
And so my moms as you embark on whatever challenges you face this week, I urge you to take a moment and find your own inner turkey. Not the golden basted one that is on your table, but the Wild one that runs free. See you next week.
The Mom Chronicles: Halloween Safety
The Mom Chronicles: Here's to a Safe Halloween!
Hi, moms! It's finally here! The spookiest night of the year and it's my goal is to help you prevent anything too scary from befalling your little goblins. As usual, I take my role here as an advocate for you and your kids seriously and that means I did the extra research in safety tips for this years trick or treating season so you don't have to! Perhaps you can use the time you would have spent surfing for these reminders and instead spend it implementing some of them. While not the most entertaining of topics, it's an important one.
So let's start with the basics. As usual, so much of this is common sense. Safety is not meant to be complicated. It's about being aware and alert and prepared and just using your head. Kids can get easily distracted by all the treats and fun so it's your job to stay focused and be sure the night goes on with out any more of a hitch then perhaps running out of candy. If that's the worst thing that happens this Halloween, I think you can consider it a success!
Decorations. I've seen them as simple as a pumpkin on a front step and as elaborate as a giant display with lots of lights and inflatables (one of which can be found on fifth street west, just a couple blocks past the fire department). As with your holiday displays, before putting up decorations check them and their cords for wear and tare. Don't overload electrical outlets, connect more then three strands of lights, or use decor with showing or freying wires. If possible, avoid torches and candles. Consider using those LED or battery operated flickering candles in pumpkins verses real candles that can catch a child's costume on fire. Also, while putting out decorations, be sure to check your yard for trip hazards or other things that could hurt kids walking through your front lawn. Help eliminate tripping hazards.
When it comes to costumes, help your children choose costumes that are fire resistent. Even if they are it is a good time to remind them of the "Stop, Drop and Roll" rule should anything happen. Try to choose costumes lighter in color, and if they aren't consider attaching relfective materials. Choose costumes that are not too long and don't drag on the ground and if your child is wearing a mask, be sure it does not restrict their vision too much. Consider applying make up instead of a mask. If your child is carrying props check to see that they are smooth and flexible that they won't hurt themselves or others. Additionally send flashlights with fresh batteries or glow sticks with your kids to make them more visable. Finally, attach emergency information somewhere on your chid be it under their hat, in their treat bag or inside their costume in the event it becomes necessary.
Before your child goes out the door take time to have a conversation with them. Plan the route you will take ahead of time. Stick to nieghborhoods well lit and familiar. Avoid going to areas that are too much out of the beaten path. Consider dressing up or at least just accompanying your kids. If your kids are at that inbetween stage of not quite old enough to go alone but not quile young enough you need to be at their side, consider following a distance behind either on foot or in the car. Set specific times to return home or check in and remind them not to go in to people's homes or cars. Kids should stay on a front porch that is well lit and visable to others. If your child does not have a cell phone consider sending yours with them. Don't allow your children to go alone, either. A group is better. Send them off with neighbor kids or friends so they are not out alone. Reminders about crossing the road are also important. Have your children avoid crossing in the middle of the street. Instruct them to cross at corners or cross walks where they are more visable to drivers.
One of the biggest temptations for kids is to eat that fabulous Halloween candy before it even hits their treat bag. Candy should be inspected by you before they dig in. To help avoid overindulgence before this occurs, consider cooking a spooky dinner for them ahead of time to fill them up so they aren't so tempted to snack.
Finally, while these will all help ensure a safe trick or treating night, it goes with out saying that our world isn't what it used to be and Halloween isn't perhaps as safe as it once was. It is a holiday full of opportunities for not so good things to happen. While we don't want to shelter our kids from fun things like going trick or treating, we need to be smart about it. Consider bringing your kids to a mall or local stores to trick or treat instead of to peoples homes, or going to a community event or even throwing your own Halloween party. Be aware and help your kids be aware to things that just don't seem right. Don't allow yourself to be caught off guard or make your child an easy target. Halloween after all, is supposed to be fun.
With that, I hope you have a safe and not too spooky night of tricks and treats with your wee ones!
Now, before I go, I must say a full hearted thank you to the generous family that so kindly replaced our stolen pumpkins. It was an awesome surprise to find the new pumpkins on our front steps. You made our Halloween! Thank you!
See you next week!
Hi, moms! It's finally here! The spookiest night of the year and it's my goal is to help you prevent anything too scary from befalling your little goblins. As usual, I take my role here as an advocate for you and your kids seriously and that means I did the extra research in safety tips for this years trick or treating season so you don't have to! Perhaps you can use the time you would have spent surfing for these reminders and instead spend it implementing some of them. While not the most entertaining of topics, it's an important one.
So let's start with the basics. As usual, so much of this is common sense. Safety is not meant to be complicated. It's about being aware and alert and prepared and just using your head. Kids can get easily distracted by all the treats and fun so it's your job to stay focused and be sure the night goes on with out any more of a hitch then perhaps running out of candy. If that's the worst thing that happens this Halloween, I think you can consider it a success!
Decorations. I've seen them as simple as a pumpkin on a front step and as elaborate as a giant display with lots of lights and inflatables (one of which can be found on fifth street west, just a couple blocks past the fire department). As with your holiday displays, before putting up decorations check them and their cords for wear and tare. Don't overload electrical outlets, connect more then three strands of lights, or use decor with showing or freying wires. If possible, avoid torches and candles. Consider using those LED or battery operated flickering candles in pumpkins verses real candles that can catch a child's costume on fire. Also, while putting out decorations, be sure to check your yard for trip hazards or other things that could hurt kids walking through your front lawn. Help eliminate tripping hazards.
When it comes to costumes, help your children choose costumes that are fire resistent. Even if they are it is a good time to remind them of the "Stop, Drop and Roll" rule should anything happen. Try to choose costumes lighter in color, and if they aren't consider attaching relfective materials. Choose costumes that are not too long and don't drag on the ground and if your child is wearing a mask, be sure it does not restrict their vision too much. Consider applying make up instead of a mask. If your child is carrying props check to see that they are smooth and flexible that they won't hurt themselves or others. Additionally send flashlights with fresh batteries or glow sticks with your kids to make them more visable. Finally, attach emergency information somewhere on your chid be it under their hat, in their treat bag or inside their costume in the event it becomes necessary.
Before your child goes out the door take time to have a conversation with them. Plan the route you will take ahead of time. Stick to nieghborhoods well lit and familiar. Avoid going to areas that are too much out of the beaten path. Consider dressing up or at least just accompanying your kids. If your kids are at that inbetween stage of not quite old enough to go alone but not quile young enough you need to be at their side, consider following a distance behind either on foot or in the car. Set specific times to return home or check in and remind them not to go in to people's homes or cars. Kids should stay on a front porch that is well lit and visable to others. If your child does not have a cell phone consider sending yours with them. Don't allow your children to go alone, either. A group is better. Send them off with neighbor kids or friends so they are not out alone. Reminders about crossing the road are also important. Have your children avoid crossing in the middle of the street. Instruct them to cross at corners or cross walks where they are more visable to drivers.
One of the biggest temptations for kids is to eat that fabulous Halloween candy before it even hits their treat bag. Candy should be inspected by you before they dig in. To help avoid overindulgence before this occurs, consider cooking a spooky dinner for them ahead of time to fill them up so they aren't so tempted to snack.
Finally, while these will all help ensure a safe trick or treating night, it goes with out saying that our world isn't what it used to be and Halloween isn't perhaps as safe as it once was. It is a holiday full of opportunities for not so good things to happen. While we don't want to shelter our kids from fun things like going trick or treating, we need to be smart about it. Consider bringing your kids to a mall or local stores to trick or treat instead of to peoples homes, or going to a community event or even throwing your own Halloween party. Be aware and help your kids be aware to things that just don't seem right. Don't allow yourself to be caught off guard or make your child an easy target. Halloween after all, is supposed to be fun.
With that, I hope you have a safe and not too spooky night of tricks and treats with your wee ones!
Now, before I go, I must say a full hearted thank you to the generous family that so kindly replaced our stolen pumpkins. It was an awesome surprise to find the new pumpkins on our front steps. You made our Halloween! Thank you!
See you next week!
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Mom Chronicles: Halloween Tricks Start Early (10/12/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Halloween Tricks Start Early
Hi, moms. I come to you this week heeding great warning: Beware of the Pumpkin thieves. Yes, regrettably I must report that they are striking again and striking early. Yes, it seems no pumpkin is safe on the stoops of homes in Hastings. Unless they are tied down or spend the night indoors under the safe roofs of their beloved owners who took such care in picking them to be their beloved Halloween jack-o-lantern, no pumpkin is safe.
Unfortunately my family learned about this scandal first hand this weekend when the great big pumpkins that my dad grew for my kids were taken off of our front steps. I was livid. There were my kids bikes and their wagon out front. It was obvious this is the home of small children. And yet the thieves took it upon themselves to come during the night, choosing to ignore the fact that there would be two very sad children in the morning, and boldly took the pumpkins off of our front steps, when the front porch light was on no less! When my son walked out the front door to leave for preschool in the morning he was devistated. What happened to his pumpkin from grandpa? I was hard pressed to hide my anger.
So enters life lesson number one for my son. At the tender age of four he is already learning how cruel and heartless people can be. I tried to make the situation seem not so horrible and told him maybe it was someone who needed them more then we did or didn't have the money to buy their own, to try to instill compassion instead of anger and resentment. Unfortunately, I don't think my son is feeling real compassionate. Likely, this was not a gesture of someone in need. Likely, it was the gesture of some kids pulling some pranks or a selfish, thoughtless adult, and our perfect Halloween pumpkins probably are spread out somewhere on some pavement, their insides all over, from being smashed or whatever else.
As I have shared this with friends on facebook and other members of the community, it seems this is a frequent occurance here in Hastings. I have heard lots of stories of pumpkin thieves coming during the night, sometimes smashing, sometimes just dashing with them. And while I am sure our community is not alone in this, I am ticked. I like to think of Hastings as a nice place to live and raise a family. A place to be proud of and somewhat removed from the ugly things that happen in bigger cities. Unfortunately it seems we are not all that different after all. We have our drugs (in abundance it seems). We have our school attempted shootings. And now it seems we have our pumpkin thieves.
So my moms, I offer only this advice: protect your beloved pumpkins. Unless you want them to disappear, bring them in at night, or put them somewhere hard for these thieves to get to. Don't assume just because they are on your front steps or next to your home they are safe. Apparently these thieves are bold and willing to take the risk. Don't let your kids fall victom like mine, to the thoughtless, inconsiderate actions of others.
Now, my family has the task of replacing what we lost. They will not be as special, as they were not grown with the love of grandpa for my kids, but we will not let the actions of others ruin our Halloween. We will rise above. We will choose to believe there is greater good out there in the form of people who aren't so mean and inconsiderate. We will get new pumpkins and display them proudly (during the day, that is!)
And on that note, my moms, may your week be filled with more treats then tricks, and here is to hoping that the great pumpkin thieves don't strike in your pumpin patch.
Hi, moms. I come to you this week heeding great warning: Beware of the Pumpkin thieves. Yes, regrettably I must report that they are striking again and striking early. Yes, it seems no pumpkin is safe on the stoops of homes in Hastings. Unless they are tied down or spend the night indoors under the safe roofs of their beloved owners who took such care in picking them to be their beloved Halloween jack-o-lantern, no pumpkin is safe.
Unfortunately my family learned about this scandal first hand this weekend when the great big pumpkins that my dad grew for my kids were taken off of our front steps. I was livid. There were my kids bikes and their wagon out front. It was obvious this is the home of small children. And yet the thieves took it upon themselves to come during the night, choosing to ignore the fact that there would be two very sad children in the morning, and boldly took the pumpkins off of our front steps, when the front porch light was on no less! When my son walked out the front door to leave for preschool in the morning he was devistated. What happened to his pumpkin from grandpa? I was hard pressed to hide my anger.
So enters life lesson number one for my son. At the tender age of four he is already learning how cruel and heartless people can be. I tried to make the situation seem not so horrible and told him maybe it was someone who needed them more then we did or didn't have the money to buy their own, to try to instill compassion instead of anger and resentment. Unfortunately, I don't think my son is feeling real compassionate. Likely, this was not a gesture of someone in need. Likely, it was the gesture of some kids pulling some pranks or a selfish, thoughtless adult, and our perfect Halloween pumpkins probably are spread out somewhere on some pavement, their insides all over, from being smashed or whatever else.
As I have shared this with friends on facebook and other members of the community, it seems this is a frequent occurance here in Hastings. I have heard lots of stories of pumpkin thieves coming during the night, sometimes smashing, sometimes just dashing with them. And while I am sure our community is not alone in this, I am ticked. I like to think of Hastings as a nice place to live and raise a family. A place to be proud of and somewhat removed from the ugly things that happen in bigger cities. Unfortunately it seems we are not all that different after all. We have our drugs (in abundance it seems). We have our school attempted shootings. And now it seems we have our pumpkin thieves.
So my moms, I offer only this advice: protect your beloved pumpkins. Unless you want them to disappear, bring them in at night, or put them somewhere hard for these thieves to get to. Don't assume just because they are on your front steps or next to your home they are safe. Apparently these thieves are bold and willing to take the risk. Don't let your kids fall victom like mine, to the thoughtless, inconsiderate actions of others.
Now, my family has the task of replacing what we lost. They will not be as special, as they were not grown with the love of grandpa for my kids, but we will not let the actions of others ruin our Halloween. We will rise above. We will choose to believe there is greater good out there in the form of people who aren't so mean and inconsiderate. We will get new pumpkins and display them proudly (during the day, that is!)
And on that note, my moms, may your week be filled with more treats then tricks, and here is to hoping that the great pumpkin thieves don't strike in your pumpin patch.
The Mom Chronciles: Fall Shape Up Challenge (10/4/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Fall Shape Up Challenge
If even after reading the title for this column you are still here reading it I applaud you. You've taken your first step. For those who read the title and were scared away at the words shape up and challenge in the same sentence I can only hope that one of you gets to one of them.
The reality is none of us like to admit that there comes a time when our shapes get the best of us. When the scale tips to numbers we'd prefer to be the balance in our bank account and our jeans can't quite be squeezed in to with out feeling like a sardine.
As moms we are notorious for not taking care of ourselves or letting ourselves go. We find time for every one else and their needs, neglecting our own. We don't realize it at first. It starts small. One day we forget to brush our teeth, the next we realize it's been two weeks since we shaved our legs, then we move the sofa to find that gym membership card and realize it's been six months since we last wondered where it was, all while munching on a Big Mac and drinking a Diet Coke as if it cancels things out.
Well, this mom is just like many of you facing these very things. And in fact I probably would have continued on my not so merry way barely noticing that I have let this happen to me, too, if not for some recent calls to reality.
This fall, I find myself at the ripe age of twenty nine forced to finally face some things I have chose to ignore for some time. Don't get me wrong.I've known that I haven't been exactly a picture of perfect health. That I haven't worked out as I should or eaten as well as I could have. And then this past week at the doctor's office I got on the scale. I was horrified with what I saw. "That's a lot of two's!" the nurse said. Thanks a lot, I thought. Ouch. Do I really weigh that much? And then there is my climbing blood pressure that we just can't get a handle on, or the fact I now have developed sleep apnea and have to wear one of those dreaded CPAP machines which makes me feel less then attractive when laying in bed next to my husband. Can you say Darth Vador? And I havene't yet mentioned the size of jeans I recently tried on. This doesn't even include what effect my weight is having on my fertility issues.
So you see my moms, I have a problem. Not only have I let myself go, but I have let myself go in such a way that is effecting my health. There is a reality that obesity comes with consequences. We hate to admit it. We all think it won't be us. But it is so many of us.
So this brings me here. My little come to Jesus moment was followed by some soul searching and I decided if I need to get on the horse and get my butt back in to shape, I don't want to do it alone. And so my moms, I am sorry, but I am challenging you to do the same.
The challenge is a simple one. It is not to loose so many pounds or work out so many days a week. It is to set a fitness goal and work for it. My goal is to finally run the Gobble Gait on Thanksgiving. I would welcome you to make that your goal as well. Not run it, perhaps, but walk it. Just participate in it. That gives us just under two months. By setting a goal, one has to make natural changes in their daily lives to accomodate it. I can't possibly get ready for a race by sitting on my rear end eating fast food. And so I have restarted my gym membership. Just so happened I had some personal training sessions left from the last time I had my membership so I am working with someone else that will help keep me accountable. I am looking for healthy recipes to cook for my family, as I know if I eat better I will feel better. And mostly, I am sharing the venture with all of you, encouraging you to jump on board. What better time but the present? The Gobble Gait marks the official start of the holiday season with Thanksgiving and what a better way to start it then with a fitness routine and healthy eating habits? We all dread those added pounds that seem to pile on during the winter months. Yet each year we succomb to them as if we feel it is our duty, and then make it our resolution to shed the pounds. For many of us it never happens.
This year, let's make the resolution that we won't need to make that resolution. Choose to not put on that winter weight. To be healthier. Are you on board?
I shouldn't forget to mention this won't just benefit you, but your families as well. If you are eating better and being more active you families will, too. Everyone can be included.
I will be blogging about my weekly progress on my Area Voices blog. I encourage you to join me. Share your own experiences and come and be inspired. I hope to see you at the starting line in November.
If even after reading the title for this column you are still here reading it I applaud you. You've taken your first step. For those who read the title and were scared away at the words shape up and challenge in the same sentence I can only hope that one of you gets to one of them.
The reality is none of us like to admit that there comes a time when our shapes get the best of us. When the scale tips to numbers we'd prefer to be the balance in our bank account and our jeans can't quite be squeezed in to with out feeling like a sardine.
As moms we are notorious for not taking care of ourselves or letting ourselves go. We find time for every one else and their needs, neglecting our own. We don't realize it at first. It starts small. One day we forget to brush our teeth, the next we realize it's been two weeks since we shaved our legs, then we move the sofa to find that gym membership card and realize it's been six months since we last wondered where it was, all while munching on a Big Mac and drinking a Diet Coke as if it cancels things out.
Well, this mom is just like many of you facing these very things. And in fact I probably would have continued on my not so merry way barely noticing that I have let this happen to me, too, if not for some recent calls to reality.
This fall, I find myself at the ripe age of twenty nine forced to finally face some things I have chose to ignore for some time. Don't get me wrong.I've known that I haven't been exactly a picture of perfect health. That I haven't worked out as I should or eaten as well as I could have. And then this past week at the doctor's office I got on the scale. I was horrified with what I saw. "That's a lot of two's!" the nurse said. Thanks a lot, I thought. Ouch. Do I really weigh that much? And then there is my climbing blood pressure that we just can't get a handle on, or the fact I now have developed sleep apnea and have to wear one of those dreaded CPAP machines which makes me feel less then attractive when laying in bed next to my husband. Can you say Darth Vador? And I havene't yet mentioned the size of jeans I recently tried on. This doesn't even include what effect my weight is having on my fertility issues.
So you see my moms, I have a problem. Not only have I let myself go, but I have let myself go in such a way that is effecting my health. There is a reality that obesity comes with consequences. We hate to admit it. We all think it won't be us. But it is so many of us.
So this brings me here. My little come to Jesus moment was followed by some soul searching and I decided if I need to get on the horse and get my butt back in to shape, I don't want to do it alone. And so my moms, I am sorry, but I am challenging you to do the same.
The challenge is a simple one. It is not to loose so many pounds or work out so many days a week. It is to set a fitness goal and work for it. My goal is to finally run the Gobble Gait on Thanksgiving. I would welcome you to make that your goal as well. Not run it, perhaps, but walk it. Just participate in it. That gives us just under two months. By setting a goal, one has to make natural changes in their daily lives to accomodate it. I can't possibly get ready for a race by sitting on my rear end eating fast food. And so I have restarted my gym membership. Just so happened I had some personal training sessions left from the last time I had my membership so I am working with someone else that will help keep me accountable. I am looking for healthy recipes to cook for my family, as I know if I eat better I will feel better. And mostly, I am sharing the venture with all of you, encouraging you to jump on board. What better time but the present? The Gobble Gait marks the official start of the holiday season with Thanksgiving and what a better way to start it then with a fitness routine and healthy eating habits? We all dread those added pounds that seem to pile on during the winter months. Yet each year we succomb to them as if we feel it is our duty, and then make it our resolution to shed the pounds. For many of us it never happens.
This year, let's make the resolution that we won't need to make that resolution. Choose to not put on that winter weight. To be healthier. Are you on board?
I shouldn't forget to mention this won't just benefit you, but your families as well. If you are eating better and being more active you families will, too. Everyone can be included.
I will be blogging about my weekly progress on my Area Voices blog. I encourage you to join me. Share your own experiences and come and be inspired. I hope to see you at the starting line in November.
The Mom Chronicles: A Time to Heal (9/28/10)
The Mom Chronicles: A Time to Heal
Fall is finally officially here and with the change of seasons I am reminded of the verse which talks about there being a time and season for everything. I find this season one in which I hope brings waves of healing through the Peterson household. So far, I think we are off to a good start.
With all that went awry the past couple months it was easy to lose focus on the things most important to us. The things, which make our family what it is. These are the things I seek to get back. Fortunately for me, it happens to be my favorite time of the year so perhaps this healing comes just in time that we can heal together under the radiance of the fall colors and coolness in the air.
The thing is stress can have a horrific effect on families. You take what is already a rediculously high divorce rate and add things like financial stress, sick or disabled children and death or loss of life and you see it sky rocket even higher. You look at kids who can normally be resilliant and you put them through significant life changes and one can see regression in skills or knowledge previously learned, acting out and behavior issues, and a handful of other things as well. Now imagine a child who already has developmental challenges as my son and it's been very hard on him. He isn't able to express himself very well and so we are dealing with some of those things I just mentioned magnified by ten. Indeed the past months have been hard on all of us. Certainly my husband and I's already fragile relationship has been challenged. My son struggles to adapt to some of the new changes in his life, and thus far my daughter seems like the most sane of us all!
This said, I am certain we are not the only family who has gone through so much in such a short period of time. We are not the first and certainly will not be the last. There are many families who go through major losses or periods of change and survive just fine. Unfortunately, there are many who don't. We don't intend on being one of them.
So what are we doing to heal? The biggest thing for us is taking time out of the busy to spend time together. Now this can be a challenge as my husband is only in town a few days a month. But I am taking the kids places they enjoy and when he is around, we are going places as a family. We recently went on a fishing adventure. It was great fun. We caught some enormous fish and were able to find escape in a fall oasis that suited us quite well. I have been baking again, and this continues to thrill not just my family, but others who have recieved some of these baked gifts as well. Baking is something I do a decent job at and enjoy, but I don't do much of it when things are as they've been. These days I am making use of the fabulous apples of the season and making things like apple bars and apple crisp. There is nothing that warms the soul more then a hot pan of apple crisp on a brisk day. Additionally baking is something everyone can help with, so it keeps in theme of togetherness.
Perhaps the greatest healing moment came with the addition of a guinea pig whom we named Pumpkin to our family. We had to give up our dog who was a tremendous out and comfort to myself and my kids, and that has been a very big loss for us. Being able to hold and pet an animal can bring a great sense of calm and comfort and so I felt the need to bring that back to my home, so we got a guinea pig. She is the perfect little kid pet. She has a tremendous disposition and lets me and the kids sit and hold her for hours. She is low maintenance, but fits perfectly in our ranks and we adore her. Who knew such a small thing could bring so much good?
And so our journey to heal continues. We certainly have a way to go, but we are off to a great start. We are setting our eyes on the prospect of adding to our family if that is in the greater plan for us, and work to grieve the child we just lost.
And so in the days and weeks ahead my hope is that my family can continue to find a sense of peace and calm and healing that has illuded us for so long.
In the mean time, I will be posting ideas on my blog under the Area Voices section of the paper's website, on ways to help your family heal in times of change and loss. Please feel free to add anything that has worked for you, that we may help each other in our journeys that lie ahead.
Have a great week!
Fall is finally officially here and with the change of seasons I am reminded of the verse which talks about there being a time and season for everything. I find this season one in which I hope brings waves of healing through the Peterson household. So far, I think we are off to a good start.
With all that went awry the past couple months it was easy to lose focus on the things most important to us. The things, which make our family what it is. These are the things I seek to get back. Fortunately for me, it happens to be my favorite time of the year so perhaps this healing comes just in time that we can heal together under the radiance of the fall colors and coolness in the air.
The thing is stress can have a horrific effect on families. You take what is already a rediculously high divorce rate and add things like financial stress, sick or disabled children and death or loss of life and you see it sky rocket even higher. You look at kids who can normally be resilliant and you put them through significant life changes and one can see regression in skills or knowledge previously learned, acting out and behavior issues, and a handful of other things as well. Now imagine a child who already has developmental challenges as my son and it's been very hard on him. He isn't able to express himself very well and so we are dealing with some of those things I just mentioned magnified by ten. Indeed the past months have been hard on all of us. Certainly my husband and I's already fragile relationship has been challenged. My son struggles to adapt to some of the new changes in his life, and thus far my daughter seems like the most sane of us all!
This said, I am certain we are not the only family who has gone through so much in such a short period of time. We are not the first and certainly will not be the last. There are many families who go through major losses or periods of change and survive just fine. Unfortunately, there are many who don't. We don't intend on being one of them.
So what are we doing to heal? The biggest thing for us is taking time out of the busy to spend time together. Now this can be a challenge as my husband is only in town a few days a month. But I am taking the kids places they enjoy and when he is around, we are going places as a family. We recently went on a fishing adventure. It was great fun. We caught some enormous fish and were able to find escape in a fall oasis that suited us quite well. I have been baking again, and this continues to thrill not just my family, but others who have recieved some of these baked gifts as well. Baking is something I do a decent job at and enjoy, but I don't do much of it when things are as they've been. These days I am making use of the fabulous apples of the season and making things like apple bars and apple crisp. There is nothing that warms the soul more then a hot pan of apple crisp on a brisk day. Additionally baking is something everyone can help with, so it keeps in theme of togetherness.
Perhaps the greatest healing moment came with the addition of a guinea pig whom we named Pumpkin to our family. We had to give up our dog who was a tremendous out and comfort to myself and my kids, and that has been a very big loss for us. Being able to hold and pet an animal can bring a great sense of calm and comfort and so I felt the need to bring that back to my home, so we got a guinea pig. She is the perfect little kid pet. She has a tremendous disposition and lets me and the kids sit and hold her for hours. She is low maintenance, but fits perfectly in our ranks and we adore her. Who knew such a small thing could bring so much good?
And so our journey to heal continues. We certainly have a way to go, but we are off to a great start. We are setting our eyes on the prospect of adding to our family if that is in the greater plan for us, and work to grieve the child we just lost.
And so in the days and weeks ahead my hope is that my family can continue to find a sense of peace and calm and healing that has illuded us for so long.
In the mean time, I will be posting ideas on my blog under the Area Voices section of the paper's website, on ways to help your family heal in times of change and loss. Please feel free to add anything that has worked for you, that we may help each other in our journeys that lie ahead.
Have a great week!
The Mom Chronicles: Fall Preview (9/20/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Fall Preview
Welcome back. I am going to forego my usual welcome to just moms as it's been brought to my attention there are some non-mom readers out there and so to you,too I also extend this welcome.
Well, I am pleased to say that this rendition on the Chronicles is going to be a good old fashion one. It seems lately I've been writing about all the fires I have had to put out. Now that many of them are smoldering, I find myself in need of a return to basics. A return to what makes this column a place you want to come each week. Additionally, it's a bit of a fall preview. There are a number of hot topics I am just itching to cover and so I want to enlighten you on a few of them as well.
First though, an update on the kids. I find myself being as busy as a soccer mom these days, only, with out the soccer. Matthew is now in preschool three days a week. He is doing well. Additionally he has started his weekly speech therapy in the cities. While currently we are working with the school district to reassess him for services locally (fingers crossed!) we are still making the ventures northbound. As of late he has been intrugued by my Halloween decorations (Yes, they are up. I am one of those people.) and my baking adventures which have gained me the title of best mom ever. Got that, moms? He says I am the best. I must laugh. For if he only knew what lied within so many of you other moms out there, surely the title would get placed elsewhere! What has got me the title though, is my oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and my apple bars. Mostly the cookies. He says they are better then the bakery. I think he is lying. He does love those visits in the mornings to Emily's. Personally, I think his dad has just gotten to him and is coaxing him in to buttering me up so I continue to make them. I think it's working.
As for Miss Ella, her language is blooming and she is talking up a storm. It's been great fun to hear. Coming out is also some of her terrific two attitudes. You know the ones. The ones of "Mine!" and "I want to do it myself!". Yes indeed, we have a strong minded little girl on our hands but fortuntaly, she's a strong minded little girl who loves to get dressed up so I have gotten to dress her in a whole bunch of fall gettups that are beyond adorable. She is starting back up with the therapy in the cities as well, so the running continues.
As for me I am still in school, just down to one class. I have really needed it for me, and so I continue. I almost quit. As the past weeks got harder and harder, I almost threw in the towel, but I am still here. I will perservere. And so on my journey I continue.
Now that you are all well and updated, let's talk what's coming to the Mom Chronicles in the future. Well, as was the case in the summer, safety is an ongoing topic and there are more safety related topics I will be covering. Strangers is something we are working on in my house. Here's a good story. Matty had decided while playing outside he had to go to the bathroom and didn't want to come all the way in the house. Well, he got busted by some neighbors relieving himself in the front bushes. They tried to get him directed to his home, as he got his pants wet, but he just hid and wouldn't go with them. They thought he was worried he was in trouble. No indeed! When they came to my door and I coaxed him out, he was actually hiding from them as "they were strangers, mom!" No running away or screaming as he had been instructed, but he did hide and refused to come with them, even to his own house door, so for that I am proud. So definitely talking to your kids about strangers.
Other topics will include helping you children through times of significant change or transition, how to help your kids deal with rejection, and my now favorite, how to talk to your kids about where babies come from. It was inevitable. We are to this dreadful topic and we, you and I, will embark on it together. This will be interesting.
This was prompted, again by my son, soon after I miscarried. As I was getting him ready for bed one night, he said, "Mom, did you loose the baby?" To which I replied that yes, as we had talked about I had. To that he replied, "Don't be sad, mom. Jonah (the neighbor boy) said the next time dad is home he can help you get a new baby! Maybe he will bring it in his truck! Maybe dad will grow it in his truck so you don't have to grow it in your belly and then it can ride with him to all the Walmart stores and be nice and warm. Does that sound good mom?" To this I simply offer the cop out, "We'll see." Coward! Coward I tell you! As soon as I heard those words that dad would help me get another baby I thought oh, no. Here we go! Fortunately, he didn't know all about the birds and bees, but he is to an age where the stork won't exactly explain it either. So I will be doing some exploring on the topic and I will share that with you.
In the mean time, I hope you are enjoying these fall days. It's that fabulous time of year for orchards, and apple picking, pumpkin patches and bonfires. If you are looking for a group to go with I did see Community Ed is offering several adventures.
Finally, the Mom Chronicles has a new blog! Check it out. It is now under the Star Gazette webpage under the "Area Voices". I am working this week to load all my past columns to it and hope it will be a great place for you to interact with me and share your ideas, comments and suggestions. I am looking forward to the new page and hope you will take time to check it out.
Until then, have a safe and enjoyable week!
Welcome back. I am going to forego my usual welcome to just moms as it's been brought to my attention there are some non-mom readers out there and so to you,too I also extend this welcome.
Well, I am pleased to say that this rendition on the Chronicles is going to be a good old fashion one. It seems lately I've been writing about all the fires I have had to put out. Now that many of them are smoldering, I find myself in need of a return to basics. A return to what makes this column a place you want to come each week. Additionally, it's a bit of a fall preview. There are a number of hot topics I am just itching to cover and so I want to enlighten you on a few of them as well.
First though, an update on the kids. I find myself being as busy as a soccer mom these days, only, with out the soccer. Matthew is now in preschool three days a week. He is doing well. Additionally he has started his weekly speech therapy in the cities. While currently we are working with the school district to reassess him for services locally (fingers crossed!) we are still making the ventures northbound. As of late he has been intrugued by my Halloween decorations (Yes, they are up. I am one of those people.) and my baking adventures which have gained me the title of best mom ever. Got that, moms? He says I am the best. I must laugh. For if he only knew what lied within so many of you other moms out there, surely the title would get placed elsewhere! What has got me the title though, is my oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and my apple bars. Mostly the cookies. He says they are better then the bakery. I think he is lying. He does love those visits in the mornings to Emily's. Personally, I think his dad has just gotten to him and is coaxing him in to buttering me up so I continue to make them. I think it's working.
As for Miss Ella, her language is blooming and she is talking up a storm. It's been great fun to hear. Coming out is also some of her terrific two attitudes. You know the ones. The ones of "Mine!" and "I want to do it myself!". Yes indeed, we have a strong minded little girl on our hands but fortuntaly, she's a strong minded little girl who loves to get dressed up so I have gotten to dress her in a whole bunch of fall gettups that are beyond adorable. She is starting back up with the therapy in the cities as well, so the running continues.
As for me I am still in school, just down to one class. I have really needed it for me, and so I continue. I almost quit. As the past weeks got harder and harder, I almost threw in the towel, but I am still here. I will perservere. And so on my journey I continue.
Now that you are all well and updated, let's talk what's coming to the Mom Chronicles in the future. Well, as was the case in the summer, safety is an ongoing topic and there are more safety related topics I will be covering. Strangers is something we are working on in my house. Here's a good story. Matty had decided while playing outside he had to go to the bathroom and didn't want to come all the way in the house. Well, he got busted by some neighbors relieving himself in the front bushes. They tried to get him directed to his home, as he got his pants wet, but he just hid and wouldn't go with them. They thought he was worried he was in trouble. No indeed! When they came to my door and I coaxed him out, he was actually hiding from them as "they were strangers, mom!" No running away or screaming as he had been instructed, but he did hide and refused to come with them, even to his own house door, so for that I am proud. So definitely talking to your kids about strangers.
Other topics will include helping you children through times of significant change or transition, how to help your kids deal with rejection, and my now favorite, how to talk to your kids about where babies come from. It was inevitable. We are to this dreadful topic and we, you and I, will embark on it together. This will be interesting.
This was prompted, again by my son, soon after I miscarried. As I was getting him ready for bed one night, he said, "Mom, did you loose the baby?" To which I replied that yes, as we had talked about I had. To that he replied, "Don't be sad, mom. Jonah (the neighbor boy) said the next time dad is home he can help you get a new baby! Maybe he will bring it in his truck! Maybe dad will grow it in his truck so you don't have to grow it in your belly and then it can ride with him to all the Walmart stores and be nice and warm. Does that sound good mom?" To this I simply offer the cop out, "We'll see." Coward! Coward I tell you! As soon as I heard those words that dad would help me get another baby I thought oh, no. Here we go! Fortunately, he didn't know all about the birds and bees, but he is to an age where the stork won't exactly explain it either. So I will be doing some exploring on the topic and I will share that with you.
In the mean time, I hope you are enjoying these fall days. It's that fabulous time of year for orchards, and apple picking, pumpkin patches and bonfires. If you are looking for a group to go with I did see Community Ed is offering several adventures.
Finally, the Mom Chronicles has a new blog! Check it out. It is now under the Star Gazette webpage under the "Area Voices". I am working this week to load all my past columns to it and hope it will be a great place for you to interact with me and share your ideas, comments and suggestions. I am looking forward to the new page and hope you will take time to check it out.
Until then, have a safe and enjoyable week!
The Mom Chronciles: Stop and Smell the Dandelions (9/11/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Stop and Smell the Dandelions
Welcome back, moms! Has it been a week already? I feel like I was just here sharing my latest bout of crapiness in the form of my miscarriage. Perhaps that has been because the week has been such a roller coaster of emotions and events. While things are not really any better off, in fact are even worse on some levels, I am feeling a little better, and so I am thankful for that.
Wait a minute. did I just say I am feeling better when things are getting worse? That hardly makes any sense at all. As we are here now, I am two weeks away from having to move my family into a shelter unless a small miracle occurs, or at least series of necessary events needed to prevent that. This weekend we had to give away my dog, which has been a therapeutic out for me and best friend to a certain four year old in my house, something which brought on only more loss and sobs to a very sad little boy and his mom at a time already full of grief and loss. We had the painful task of choosing a name for our baby we lost (We chose Charley) and continue to go through the process of mourning that loss has brought.
Now I admit, my soul has had many dark, dark moments this week. At one point I was in my doctors office with the only words that could come out being of sincere wishes to just be done with this life. To die. That life was no longer worth it. That I was just..done. White flag. I surrender. All the hurt and issues of the past I have worked so hard to overcome, all the battles recently fought just don't quite seem worth it anymore. Why, I asked, would I want to continue to fight so hard when more pain and suffering are just inevitable?
Well, fortunately I have an amazing doctor. He's the best. I'd give him like a trophy full of bling and flashing lights that say "World's best doctor EVER" if such a thing existed (instead he had to settle for homemade cookies, which I must say isn't exactly settling with that particular recipe!) He knew and cared enough to try to talk some sense in to me , which didn't solve a thing, but gave the heartfelt message of being truly cared for and valued, not to mention a necessity for my kids, and I left having my heart felt squeezed, in a good way.
A couple other things happened this week that left my heart feeling squeezed in a good way. One occured at a garage sale of all places where a dear and thoughtful loyal reader of this column overwhelmed me with support and well wishes and generosity of spirit and made my day. Then there is a member of my church that I have had the privledge of connecting with in the past, but whom I connected with at a deeper level this week. While a bit overloaded with clients in her job, she's made the time to be there for me, help and support me in my quest to find resources for my family, and she's been amazing. She'd of gotten cookies, too, if only our interactions had been in person and not just via email!
And while these have brought great comfort to my aching heart, the greatest boost to my spirit came from my son this week. As you know he recently started preschool. Well, Friday before pick up time the kids were outside playing and doing what kids do. Myself and the other parents anxiously waited as our kids filed back in to their class to get ready to go. Low and behold near the tail end of the line appears my son, and in his hand, a bouquet of dandelions, just for me! When he saw me his eyes lit up and he promptly left his spot in line and and he rushed them over to me exclaiming "Mom! I picked these for YOU!" I squeezed him and told him he made my day. There I stood as he rejoined his classmates, feeling like the luckiest mom in the world.My son loves me so much that while the other kids were rolling down the hill and frolicking around, he noticed the flowers and took the time to pick them for me.Just me! How lucky am I ? And even though they were just dandelions, it was the most beautiful, most heartfelt bouquet I have ever received. My heart overflowed.
And so my moms, while nothing has changed in terms of any positive advancements in my home situation, what did change was that I was given the opportunity to be blessed by my own son in such a way that I truly fell more in love with him then I ever even have been. Additionally my life has been touched by people who value me enough that they have stepped outside of themselves and their lives to touch mine, in some cases with out even knowing me or having ever met me. And while those things change nothing physically, they change a lot soulfully. They have brought some light in to a very dark time in my life and I can only hope and pray that if you are going through times like my family's that you may be blessed in such a way as I.
And so this week, I find myself in the darkest of moments stopping and smelling the dandelions. And let me tell you they smell positively delightful. I may not yet know what form of roof will be over my kids heads in a couple weeks, what my financial status will be, and so many other uncertainties, but by God I feel loved. And for now, that's all a girl can wish for.
Welcome back, moms! Has it been a week already? I feel like I was just here sharing my latest bout of crapiness in the form of my miscarriage. Perhaps that has been because the week has been such a roller coaster of emotions and events. While things are not really any better off, in fact are even worse on some levels, I am feeling a little better, and so I am thankful for that.
Wait a minute. did I just say I am feeling better when things are getting worse? That hardly makes any sense at all. As we are here now, I am two weeks away from having to move my family into a shelter unless a small miracle occurs, or at least series of necessary events needed to prevent that. This weekend we had to give away my dog, which has been a therapeutic out for me and best friend to a certain four year old in my house, something which brought on only more loss and sobs to a very sad little boy and his mom at a time already full of grief and loss. We had the painful task of choosing a name for our baby we lost (We chose Charley) and continue to go through the process of mourning that loss has brought.
Now I admit, my soul has had many dark, dark moments this week. At one point I was in my doctors office with the only words that could come out being of sincere wishes to just be done with this life. To die. That life was no longer worth it. That I was just..done. White flag. I surrender. All the hurt and issues of the past I have worked so hard to overcome, all the battles recently fought just don't quite seem worth it anymore. Why, I asked, would I want to continue to fight so hard when more pain and suffering are just inevitable?
Well, fortunately I have an amazing doctor. He's the best. I'd give him like a trophy full of bling and flashing lights that say "World's best doctor EVER" if such a thing existed (instead he had to settle for homemade cookies, which I must say isn't exactly settling with that particular recipe!) He knew and cared enough to try to talk some sense in to me , which didn't solve a thing, but gave the heartfelt message of being truly cared for and valued, not to mention a necessity for my kids, and I left having my heart felt squeezed, in a good way.
A couple other things happened this week that left my heart feeling squeezed in a good way. One occured at a garage sale of all places where a dear and thoughtful loyal reader of this column overwhelmed me with support and well wishes and generosity of spirit and made my day. Then there is a member of my church that I have had the privledge of connecting with in the past, but whom I connected with at a deeper level this week. While a bit overloaded with clients in her job, she's made the time to be there for me, help and support me in my quest to find resources for my family, and she's been amazing. She'd of gotten cookies, too, if only our interactions had been in person and not just via email!
And while these have brought great comfort to my aching heart, the greatest boost to my spirit came from my son this week. As you know he recently started preschool. Well, Friday before pick up time the kids were outside playing and doing what kids do. Myself and the other parents anxiously waited as our kids filed back in to their class to get ready to go. Low and behold near the tail end of the line appears my son, and in his hand, a bouquet of dandelions, just for me! When he saw me his eyes lit up and he promptly left his spot in line and and he rushed them over to me exclaiming "Mom! I picked these for YOU!" I squeezed him and told him he made my day. There I stood as he rejoined his classmates, feeling like the luckiest mom in the world.My son loves me so much that while the other kids were rolling down the hill and frolicking around, he noticed the flowers and took the time to pick them for me.Just me! How lucky am I ? And even though they were just dandelions, it was the most beautiful, most heartfelt bouquet I have ever received. My heart overflowed.
And so my moms, while nothing has changed in terms of any positive advancements in my home situation, what did change was that I was given the opportunity to be blessed by my own son in such a way that I truly fell more in love with him then I ever even have been. Additionally my life has been touched by people who value me enough that they have stepped outside of themselves and their lives to touch mine, in some cases with out even knowing me or having ever met me. And while those things change nothing physically, they change a lot soulfully. They have brought some light in to a very dark time in my life and I can only hope and pray that if you are going through times like my family's that you may be blessed in such a way as I.
And so this week, I find myself in the darkest of moments stopping and smelling the dandelions. And let me tell you they smell positively delightful. I may not yet know what form of roof will be over my kids heads in a couple weeks, what my financial status will be, and so many other uncertainties, but by God I feel loved. And for now, that's all a girl can wish for.
The Mom Chronciles: Finding Joy (9/3/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Finding Joy
I feel like the the only words to start this column with are the painful "Here we go again". You see my moms, while many of you are here eagerly awaiting the joyous news I promised in last week's column, and I will keep my promise of news, it is not the news I had planned to be sharing.
You see, as many of you were out enjoying the Labor Day weekend, perhaps taking in the fair or a last trip to the cabin, I was home being run over by the freight train of grief and loss that seems to have found me, dug it's claws in to me, and doesn't seem to ever want to let go.
You see, if all went as planned and hoped this week I was going to be announcing the expectancy of another Peterson family member, in the form of another baby. In fact, there was even speculation of there being more then one. And then this week as the days got closer to this column being written, the pain started. Then the spotting and finally cramping. A little persistence got my doctor to check my hormone levels and while the first looked promising, the second was certainly not. Those wonderful pregnancy hormones dropped in half, almost simultaneously as the bleeding and passing of those beautiful baby tissues began to pass. This, on the weekend marking the second anniversary of my last miscarriage two years ago. And so now you can say, then there were two, in heaven that is.
This is so not the column I want to be writing right now, let me tell you. In fact if there were any way to avoid it and make this whole thing disappear I would. However, I made a promise to you and to myself that sharing this news I would, no matter how it turned out.
You see, this column was also to memorialize our first baby we lost, Sam. It would include how deeply she's missed and how it is only after two years that we have finally gotten to this place to be brave enough to try again. Not to replace, but to move on.
Additionally, after I suffered in so much silence during the last miscarriage, I vowed to share this pregnancy early on that I may have people to rejoice with in the times it goes well, and to take comfort in when or if it didn't.
Now a lot could be said of the timing of this event. I admit I was leary to share in light of the horrific situation my family is in. And yet this very personal decision was made between us earlier this summer to try as I have some worsening chronic conditions of my female system that need to be addressed with a long term solution, and if there was going to be an attempt at that long desired number three, it was needing to happen during a small window of opportunity presented to us this summer. Great timing, no. But it's hard to argue with biology and Mother nature.
And so here we are. Many of you may be thinking, well that's just better or as I have already heard "Be thankful for the two you have. Maybe this is God trying to tell you something. Listen to him." Such words are not only not helpful now, in fact are quite hurtful. Instead what has been helpful are some of the simple "I am so sorry for your loss" messages that have been posted on my facebook page. My mom's words of encouragement as she suffered three miscarriages herself. And with that I am so blessed to have the family and friends I do. My folks have been an enormous support through everything these past months and while they more then anyone could have been less then excited for us, did what they continue to do best, be there for us supporting us through everything with the unconditional love, lack of judgment and support that parents should have for their kids, with out any deserving on our part.
And so my moms I promised a joyful column this week. Thus far it has been lacking in just that. And while it is hard to find joy in such a double whammy of loss as this is, I am going to try. I admit I am having a hard time with the whole "this happened for a reason" and "God doesn't give you more then you can handle" messages. While deep down I know these to be true, for now they feel like crap. So finding joy is certainly a stretch. In fact I have gone so far as to be angry at Sam, the first baby that was lost, as she get's this new baby to play with and we don't. Doesn't she have enough friends in heaven?
In fact however, that last statement is the one that holds the joy. I know because of my faith, which I admit is lacking at the moment, that this baby, while not in my loving arms, will be in the loving arms of the only other person I would full heartedly trust to care for my baby in the event I couldn't. The only joy here, is that this baby, while not on this earth, will be surrounded with nothing but beauty and love and care and support that they could only dream of here. By being in heaven it will not have to deal with the selfishness, the pain, the cruelty that walks on our earth. And so in that, I find joy.
I do deeply hope that in time there will be an opportunity for me to share news with you of a new baby that does make it in to my arms. In the mean time, though, I can only ask for your thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time.
You know, It is often easy for people to cast judgment on others in situations as such. Judgments about timing and the like. But a baby is a very personal decision, and in my eyes is a blessing no matter what. Additionally if you aren't there in pain, don't expect to be there in joy. And so my moms as I embark on the weeks ahead that are sure to feel dark and heavy, I hope you will walk with me that in the end, we will find joy.
I feel like the the only words to start this column with are the painful "Here we go again". You see my moms, while many of you are here eagerly awaiting the joyous news I promised in last week's column, and I will keep my promise of news, it is not the news I had planned to be sharing.
You see, as many of you were out enjoying the Labor Day weekend, perhaps taking in the fair or a last trip to the cabin, I was home being run over by the freight train of grief and loss that seems to have found me, dug it's claws in to me, and doesn't seem to ever want to let go.
You see, if all went as planned and hoped this week I was going to be announcing the expectancy of another Peterson family member, in the form of another baby. In fact, there was even speculation of there being more then one. And then this week as the days got closer to this column being written, the pain started. Then the spotting and finally cramping. A little persistence got my doctor to check my hormone levels and while the first looked promising, the second was certainly not. Those wonderful pregnancy hormones dropped in half, almost simultaneously as the bleeding and passing of those beautiful baby tissues began to pass. This, on the weekend marking the second anniversary of my last miscarriage two years ago. And so now you can say, then there were two, in heaven that is.
This is so not the column I want to be writing right now, let me tell you. In fact if there were any way to avoid it and make this whole thing disappear I would. However, I made a promise to you and to myself that sharing this news I would, no matter how it turned out.
You see, this column was also to memorialize our first baby we lost, Sam. It would include how deeply she's missed and how it is only after two years that we have finally gotten to this place to be brave enough to try again. Not to replace, but to move on.
Additionally, after I suffered in so much silence during the last miscarriage, I vowed to share this pregnancy early on that I may have people to rejoice with in the times it goes well, and to take comfort in when or if it didn't.
Now a lot could be said of the timing of this event. I admit I was leary to share in light of the horrific situation my family is in. And yet this very personal decision was made between us earlier this summer to try as I have some worsening chronic conditions of my female system that need to be addressed with a long term solution, and if there was going to be an attempt at that long desired number three, it was needing to happen during a small window of opportunity presented to us this summer. Great timing, no. But it's hard to argue with biology and Mother nature.
And so here we are. Many of you may be thinking, well that's just better or as I have already heard "Be thankful for the two you have. Maybe this is God trying to tell you something. Listen to him." Such words are not only not helpful now, in fact are quite hurtful. Instead what has been helpful are some of the simple "I am so sorry for your loss" messages that have been posted on my facebook page. My mom's words of encouragement as she suffered three miscarriages herself. And with that I am so blessed to have the family and friends I do. My folks have been an enormous support through everything these past months and while they more then anyone could have been less then excited for us, did what they continue to do best, be there for us supporting us through everything with the unconditional love, lack of judgment and support that parents should have for their kids, with out any deserving on our part.
And so my moms I promised a joyful column this week. Thus far it has been lacking in just that. And while it is hard to find joy in such a double whammy of loss as this is, I am going to try. I admit I am having a hard time with the whole "this happened for a reason" and "God doesn't give you more then you can handle" messages. While deep down I know these to be true, for now they feel like crap. So finding joy is certainly a stretch. In fact I have gone so far as to be angry at Sam, the first baby that was lost, as she get's this new baby to play with and we don't. Doesn't she have enough friends in heaven?
In fact however, that last statement is the one that holds the joy. I know because of my faith, which I admit is lacking at the moment, that this baby, while not in my loving arms, will be in the loving arms of the only other person I would full heartedly trust to care for my baby in the event I couldn't. The only joy here, is that this baby, while not on this earth, will be surrounded with nothing but beauty and love and care and support that they could only dream of here. By being in heaven it will not have to deal with the selfishness, the pain, the cruelty that walks on our earth. And so in that, I find joy.
I do deeply hope that in time there will be an opportunity for me to share news with you of a new baby that does make it in to my arms. In the mean time, though, I can only ask for your thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time.
You know, It is often easy for people to cast judgment on others in situations as such. Judgments about timing and the like. But a baby is a very personal decision, and in my eyes is a blessing no matter what. Additionally if you aren't there in pain, don't expect to be there in joy. And so my moms as I embark on the weeks ahead that are sure to feel dark and heavy, I hope you will walk with me that in the end, we will find joy.
The Mom Chronicles: Leaving the Nest (8/30/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Leaving the Nest
Hi, Moms! Well, its finally here. The week we have both looked forward to and dreaded all summer long: the week our kids return to, or in some cases, start school. I have seen a number of postings on Facebook this week in reference to how quiet some people's homes are and of various preparations of getting ready for school.
Well, this tradition has finally fallen upon the Peterson household. That's it, my Matthew is starting school. Granted its PRE-school, but it feels like it could be college! As I drove him past his new school last week I felt myself choking up, the tears welling up in my eyes, and the dread in my gut as I invisioned sending him off on his first day later this week. Granted preparations started a long time ago. We got his new glasses this summer and have been working with him on his language development. I got him a brand new light-up Spider Man backpack (only because I couldn't find any firetruck ones!) and the traditional new socks and underwear. He is stocked up on new clothes for the fall and has been practicing writing his name, which thus far consists of just two "t"s. We've talked about it, read books about it, planned for it. But now that its finally here, I don't know if I am ready!
I am worried for him in that big school. I am worried he will feel overwhelmed or be teased by other kids for his glasses or language or just not fit in somehow. I want him to like school. To be excited for it. Only, I wish I could do it in the safe coccoon of my own home where I can protect him and make sure he doesn't fall victim to the hurts brought on by others. Deep down, though, I know that's not the best thing, for either of us.
So as I prepare to walk him through those doors this Friday there have been a number of things I have done to prepare myself. My favorite of them being picking up the book "The Kissing Hand". For those of you who haven't heard of it and are sending your kids off for the first time- buy it! Check it out at the library! Whatever! It will make you glad you did!
The book is about an old tradition in a Raccoon family. The little boy raccoon in the story is starting school for the first time and to ease his tension and resistence the mother raccoon shares the tradition that her mother and her mother's mother had passed on to their children. She has him open up his left hand (or, paw, I guess) and kisses it and tells him to put it to his cheek. In doing so he can feel the warmth of the kiss and his mom's love run deep with in him. The magic part is that the kiss can't wash off, so even when he washes his hands, or does what little boys do, it can't come off. That way whenever he is lonely or misses his mom or just needs his mom's love, he has it right on the palm of his hand. In addition to being a tear jerker, the story is fabulous.
And so my son and I have partaken in this ritual and he returned the favor by kissing my hand. That way whenever I miss him I, too, can put my hand to my face and feel his love and warmth for me and know he is safe.
It may not be the same as having him here by my side, or me by his side, but it's been a great thing for us.
So what are you and your kids doing as you say your send offs this week? Do you have any traditions that will keep you close? Matthew will undoubtably have to undergo the first day of school pictures (which he doesn't know to dread yet!) and this mom will have a box of Kleenex in the car for after that first drop off, but I intend to be brave for him as he embarks on this new adventure.
No matter what your sendoff traditions are, I hope this first week is a great one for you and your families! Whether you are sending your kids off to preschool, junior high or college, the challenge is the same. We are sending our kids off in to someone else's hands and in doing so putting our faith and trust in those people to be there for our kids, to help and guide our kids, while they are there. This can be very hard, but it also makes our time together that much more valuable.
So my moms, I hope this week's sendoffs have gone well. Enjoy the peace and quiet that has fallen upon your homes, and take some time to care for yourself in this time of transition. It's not just about the kids, it's about you, too.
Finally, on a different note, be sure to tune in next week as the Chronicle Mom has a special announcement to share with all of you. You've been on this journey with me the past year as I have gone through the ups and downs in life and have been so fortunate to have this place to come and share those things with, hopefully helping some of you in the process. And so it seems only fitting that you embark on this next journey with me as well. I look forward to it with joy and fear and anticipation and so many other things. But that's for next week. So stay tuned!
And until next time, have a wonderful week!
Hi, Moms! Well, its finally here. The week we have both looked forward to and dreaded all summer long: the week our kids return to, or in some cases, start school. I have seen a number of postings on Facebook this week in reference to how quiet some people's homes are and of various preparations of getting ready for school.
Well, this tradition has finally fallen upon the Peterson household. That's it, my Matthew is starting school. Granted its PRE-school, but it feels like it could be college! As I drove him past his new school last week I felt myself choking up, the tears welling up in my eyes, and the dread in my gut as I invisioned sending him off on his first day later this week. Granted preparations started a long time ago. We got his new glasses this summer and have been working with him on his language development. I got him a brand new light-up Spider Man backpack (only because I couldn't find any firetruck ones!) and the traditional new socks and underwear. He is stocked up on new clothes for the fall and has been practicing writing his name, which thus far consists of just two "t"s. We've talked about it, read books about it, planned for it. But now that its finally here, I don't know if I am ready!
I am worried for him in that big school. I am worried he will feel overwhelmed or be teased by other kids for his glasses or language or just not fit in somehow. I want him to like school. To be excited for it. Only, I wish I could do it in the safe coccoon of my own home where I can protect him and make sure he doesn't fall victim to the hurts brought on by others. Deep down, though, I know that's not the best thing, for either of us.
So as I prepare to walk him through those doors this Friday there have been a number of things I have done to prepare myself. My favorite of them being picking up the book "The Kissing Hand". For those of you who haven't heard of it and are sending your kids off for the first time- buy it! Check it out at the library! Whatever! It will make you glad you did!
The book is about an old tradition in a Raccoon family. The little boy raccoon in the story is starting school for the first time and to ease his tension and resistence the mother raccoon shares the tradition that her mother and her mother's mother had passed on to their children. She has him open up his left hand (or, paw, I guess) and kisses it and tells him to put it to his cheek. In doing so he can feel the warmth of the kiss and his mom's love run deep with in him. The magic part is that the kiss can't wash off, so even when he washes his hands, or does what little boys do, it can't come off. That way whenever he is lonely or misses his mom or just needs his mom's love, he has it right on the palm of his hand. In addition to being a tear jerker, the story is fabulous.
And so my son and I have partaken in this ritual and he returned the favor by kissing my hand. That way whenever I miss him I, too, can put my hand to my face and feel his love and warmth for me and know he is safe.
It may not be the same as having him here by my side, or me by his side, but it's been a great thing for us.
So what are you and your kids doing as you say your send offs this week? Do you have any traditions that will keep you close? Matthew will undoubtably have to undergo the first day of school pictures (which he doesn't know to dread yet!) and this mom will have a box of Kleenex in the car for after that first drop off, but I intend to be brave for him as he embarks on this new adventure.
No matter what your sendoff traditions are, I hope this first week is a great one for you and your families! Whether you are sending your kids off to preschool, junior high or college, the challenge is the same. We are sending our kids off in to someone else's hands and in doing so putting our faith and trust in those people to be there for our kids, to help and guide our kids, while they are there. This can be very hard, but it also makes our time together that much more valuable.
So my moms, I hope this week's sendoffs have gone well. Enjoy the peace and quiet that has fallen upon your homes, and take some time to care for yourself in this time of transition. It's not just about the kids, it's about you, too.
Finally, on a different note, be sure to tune in next week as the Chronicle Mom has a special announcement to share with all of you. You've been on this journey with me the past year as I have gone through the ups and downs in life and have been so fortunate to have this place to come and share those things with, hopefully helping some of you in the process. And so it seems only fitting that you embark on this next journey with me as well. I look forward to it with joy and fear and anticipation and so many other things. But that's for next week. So stay tuned!
And until next time, have a wonderful week!
The Mom Chronicles: When it Rains, It pours (8/23/10)
The Mom Chronicles: When it rains, it pours
This week I find myself back on solid earth out of the confinements of my husband's semi truck. It's good to be home. Or was, at least. But I will explain that in a moment.
First I want to follow up, as promised, to my little little experiment of Eat, Pray, Love Mom Chronicles style. Well, lets just say it wasn't exactly as glamorous as the movie and I didn't take away quite as much as the gal who did the original experience did. However, that is not to say it was a failure. The scale upon my arrival home certainly confirmed the fact that I ate. Unfortunately, the highlight of my eating was a whopper with cheese on one of the last days after eating nothing but snacks and sandwiches up to that point. In terms of the praying, I think what I walked away with is I have been pretty out of touch with the spiritual me. I tried to take some quiet time and keep my head from spinning with the traditional worries and stressers it likes to run with, and that was very hard. I found myself wanting to seek that spiritual connection again, and admitably it was challenging. But it gave me a place to start and I am making progress.
Finally, the love. Oh, the love. Well, all I can say on that is it ended better then it started. My husband treated me with a venture to a museum of my favorite race car driver and I totally loved him for that. While he would argue I spent more time on my facebook page or playing on my Blackberry, we actually had a fair amount of time to bond and talk about some things. Our problems are certainly not gone by any means, but that was the most time we've spent together by ourselves in four years, and we needed that.
Now, as I suggested earlier coming home wasn't as great as I thought. In fact I asked my hubby yesterday if I could go take his truck out for the week this week and let him stay home and put out fires all week. You see, it's good I had a couple days away as I came home to quite the storm. They do say, afterall, when it rains it pours. In this house it certainly does.
Let me share. So while I got my school bill paid it wasn't before all my classes had been dropped and I found out there were no openings in any of the ones I needed. That meant spending tons of time emailing professors for spots in classes. Some have worked out, others not.And while the bill for my classes was taken care of, it still remains to be seen how I will be able to get the books I need for them. Since being home I have also been diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease that has the same complications as that which is responsible for taking a substantial part of my uncle's vision. The same day I got home from the doctor from learning this, I had a phone call regarding the ability for my family to stay in our current residence and it remains to be seen if my family will still have a roof over our heads a month from now. As if none of this were enough I am days away from the anniversary of the loss of a baby two years ago, and I continue to be strung out by the county and my disability company in terms of help and assistence I need for my family. Assistence for medictions I have gone weeks with out, and for income I currently have none of. So pretty much things are pretty rough right now. Pretty much I feel like I am on the receiving end of someone's bad joke and have had enough being rained on.
I guess you could say that is why I have struggled so with the spiritual portion of life lately. I have struggled to understand why it is that some people are given so much? Why are some tested and dumped on over and over I want to know? When is enough, enough?
And so my moms while these are questions I put out there not necessarily looking for answers to but more just to throw out in to the great unknown, what I can say is that despite this all, I am still here. I am not sure how. I am not sure how some times at some moments I figure out how to even get one foot in front of the other. It's a miracle I am still standing at all. And yes, I am wondering just how much one person is meant to be able to take. Definitely part of me wants back on that truck to hide and get away from this all. However if there was anything I learned on that truck it was that while I may not be the greatest mom (far from it) or be able to give my kids everything they need and want, I love them, and I missed them, and I am so lucky to have them. I had everything I needed on the truck- time, food, a roof over my head, protection from the world of hurts around me. But what I didn't have were the two things that mean most to me, my kids. And so while my world continues to rain, I will be a shelter to them. I will try to protect them from it the best I can that they can continue to live a happy and carefree life that they are meant to live. In the mean time, think of us this week as we continue to struggle to find footing in a very unsteady time. There is after all the reality that once the rain settles, there is the inevitable mud that follows that's just as easy to get stuck in.
In full rain gear I say to you, have a great week.
This week I find myself back on solid earth out of the confinements of my husband's semi truck. It's good to be home. Or was, at least. But I will explain that in a moment.
First I want to follow up, as promised, to my little little experiment of Eat, Pray, Love Mom Chronicles style. Well, lets just say it wasn't exactly as glamorous as the movie and I didn't take away quite as much as the gal who did the original experience did. However, that is not to say it was a failure. The scale upon my arrival home certainly confirmed the fact that I ate. Unfortunately, the highlight of my eating was a whopper with cheese on one of the last days after eating nothing but snacks and sandwiches up to that point. In terms of the praying, I think what I walked away with is I have been pretty out of touch with the spiritual me. I tried to take some quiet time and keep my head from spinning with the traditional worries and stressers it likes to run with, and that was very hard. I found myself wanting to seek that spiritual connection again, and admitably it was challenging. But it gave me a place to start and I am making progress.
Finally, the love. Oh, the love. Well, all I can say on that is it ended better then it started. My husband treated me with a venture to a museum of my favorite race car driver and I totally loved him for that. While he would argue I spent more time on my facebook page or playing on my Blackberry, we actually had a fair amount of time to bond and talk about some things. Our problems are certainly not gone by any means, but that was the most time we've spent together by ourselves in four years, and we needed that.
Now, as I suggested earlier coming home wasn't as great as I thought. In fact I asked my hubby yesterday if I could go take his truck out for the week this week and let him stay home and put out fires all week. You see, it's good I had a couple days away as I came home to quite the storm. They do say, afterall, when it rains it pours. In this house it certainly does.
Let me share. So while I got my school bill paid it wasn't before all my classes had been dropped and I found out there were no openings in any of the ones I needed. That meant spending tons of time emailing professors for spots in classes. Some have worked out, others not.And while the bill for my classes was taken care of, it still remains to be seen how I will be able to get the books I need for them. Since being home I have also been diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease that has the same complications as that which is responsible for taking a substantial part of my uncle's vision. The same day I got home from the doctor from learning this, I had a phone call regarding the ability for my family to stay in our current residence and it remains to be seen if my family will still have a roof over our heads a month from now. As if none of this were enough I am days away from the anniversary of the loss of a baby two years ago, and I continue to be strung out by the county and my disability company in terms of help and assistence I need for my family. Assistence for medictions I have gone weeks with out, and for income I currently have none of. So pretty much things are pretty rough right now. Pretty much I feel like I am on the receiving end of someone's bad joke and have had enough being rained on.
I guess you could say that is why I have struggled so with the spiritual portion of life lately. I have struggled to understand why it is that some people are given so much? Why are some tested and dumped on over and over I want to know? When is enough, enough?
And so my moms while these are questions I put out there not necessarily looking for answers to but more just to throw out in to the great unknown, what I can say is that despite this all, I am still here. I am not sure how. I am not sure how some times at some moments I figure out how to even get one foot in front of the other. It's a miracle I am still standing at all. And yes, I am wondering just how much one person is meant to be able to take. Definitely part of me wants back on that truck to hide and get away from this all. However if there was anything I learned on that truck it was that while I may not be the greatest mom (far from it) or be able to give my kids everything they need and want, I love them, and I missed them, and I am so lucky to have them. I had everything I needed on the truck- time, food, a roof over my head, protection from the world of hurts around me. But what I didn't have were the two things that mean most to me, my kids. And so while my world continues to rain, I will be a shelter to them. I will try to protect them from it the best I can that they can continue to live a happy and carefree life that they are meant to live. In the mean time, think of us this week as we continue to struggle to find footing in a very unsteady time. There is after all the reality that once the rain settles, there is the inevitable mud that follows that's just as easy to get stuck in.
In full rain gear I say to you, have a great week.
The Mom Chronicles: Eat, Pray, Love Mom Chronicle Style (8/16/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Eat, Pray, Love Mom Chronicle Style
Hi, moms. Fall is in the air and I absolutely love it!
Well, this week I find myself on an interesting journey. I am on a break from school for a couple weeks and quite frankly in need of some time away, and so to pass the time I agreed, reluctantly, to accompany my husband in his semi-truck for a few days this week. I say reluctantly, because sitting in a semi-truck for sixteen hours a day in this beautiful weather is not exactly my idea of a good time. Yet I did it perhaps out of inspiration by the new movie out based on the book "Eat.Pray.Love." Now, I haven't seen it yet, nor have I read the book, but last week's episode of Oprah (which I have now had time to watch) did a good job of discussing it, so I got the jist and felt like it was exactly what the doctor called for.For the purpose of saving space here, if you aren't familiar with it, I encourage you to look in to it, but the synopsis is that its about a woman who goes on a bit of a soul searching mission following a divorce and deep depression in her life.
Now without knowing how it goes or how the story ends, perhaps in some way I felt like joining my hubby could be my own time away from the world to examine these things on my own. Now, certainly places like Italy or Indonesia may be a much grander place to do so as the book and movie did, but my world offers limitations that ultimately don't allow me to do this on such a scale.
Well, as I write this today, it is Monday. I have been in the truck for one day and I have mastered eating. Lots and lots of eating. No delicacies or lucious treats to arouse the tastebuds, unless you count those observed in the move "Julia and Julia" I watched. No, just some Twizzlers, chips and salsa and salads compliments of our local Cub foods.Yet, I am eating alright. But pretty sure I have missed the point. Instead of eating for pleasure and to find a sense of joy in something not normally joyful for me, I have tainted it with feelings of guilt and regret as my stomach bloats out today screaming "Don't eat! Don't eat!" Perhaps the joy and pleasure in it is yet to come (will I find some great treat at a truck stop perhaps? Ah, the possibilities are endless!)
Now, as for the praying and love, I have had my share of thinking time on my hands, and while no real praying yet, perhaps there is the reality that that needs to come. That spiritually I have lost my connection,my devotion, to that which is there to guide and create me and perhaps life wouldn't be so hard if only I got that connection back. Perhaps then could I be humbled in the generosity of others rather then feeling guilty and ashamed for needing their help, as I recently felt in having to utilize public assistence again. Feelings, mind you, that were self inflicted completely,not based whatsoever on the treatment from those offering it. But perhaps it indicated that I need to be able to get past my own feelings of worthlessness and instead feel courage. Perhaps all these feelings of fear I struggle with and feelings of being out of control I need to instead look to confront. And perhaps there lies in there somewhere, compassion for myself.
And that brings me to the love. I admit there has not been much lovey dovey in that oversided truck. I have hibernated in the sleeper compartment and watched movies, mostly, while only emerging to use the bathroom. However, it was part of the plan. My husband and I have, in working on and trying to make decisions still on our marriage after what's been quite the road, had intended on going on a couple's retreat. It hasn't been in the budget. Instead, I guess you could say this has taken its place. And while perhaps in the next four days it will emerge, my guess is that the love on this journey will be a lot more about myself then him.
And that brings me to that need for compassion as it goes with love. I am not talking of compassion for others, I have that licked. I am talking compassion towards myself. I am my own worst enemy. I sabotage my own life because I feel I deserve it. I treat myself poorly because I feel I don't deserve better. I stumble. I fall. I feel like that's what I do best,and I feel that way even amid a very conflicting new sense of self that is a direct impact of doing well in school. That need for compassion towards self, that's the big one.
It's day two.
And so my mom's this is no Hollywood tale. This is nothing you will see on the big screen or read about probably much beyond here (and yes, I do promise to let you know how it all ends next week!). However, it is a journey I am taking for a whole lot of reasons, mostly in hopes that one day in my life, I will be able to step back and truly live. I have a card hanging on my fridge that reads " The world is full of many people who will go through their whole lives and never actually live one day. She did not intend on being one of them." Perhaps this little venture around the midwest is my trying to figure out how to have that one day full of pleasure, devotion and balance, even if it is happening from the back of a big rig semi truck.
And finally, an unrelated call for help. I am seeking any of your knowledge of resources available beyond traditional loans to help pay for school. My fall semester is supposed to start next week, but I can't start until I get my summer paid for, which gives me little time. My financial situation is such I can't do it on my own, and losing my outlet of school would be devistating. And so if any of you are aware of any resources that can help quickly, please notify me through the paper.
As always have a beatiful and safe week and in it may you find your own peices of pleasure, devotion and balance.
Hi, moms. Fall is in the air and I absolutely love it!
Well, this week I find myself on an interesting journey. I am on a break from school for a couple weeks and quite frankly in need of some time away, and so to pass the time I agreed, reluctantly, to accompany my husband in his semi-truck for a few days this week. I say reluctantly, because sitting in a semi-truck for sixteen hours a day in this beautiful weather is not exactly my idea of a good time. Yet I did it perhaps out of inspiration by the new movie out based on the book "Eat.Pray.Love." Now, I haven't seen it yet, nor have I read the book, but last week's episode of Oprah (which I have now had time to watch) did a good job of discussing it, so I got the jist and felt like it was exactly what the doctor called for.For the purpose of saving space here, if you aren't familiar with it, I encourage you to look in to it, but the synopsis is that its about a woman who goes on a bit of a soul searching mission following a divorce and deep depression in her life.
Now without knowing how it goes or how the story ends, perhaps in some way I felt like joining my hubby could be my own time away from the world to examine these things on my own. Now, certainly places like Italy or Indonesia may be a much grander place to do so as the book and movie did, but my world offers limitations that ultimately don't allow me to do this on such a scale.
Well, as I write this today, it is Monday. I have been in the truck for one day and I have mastered eating. Lots and lots of eating. No delicacies or lucious treats to arouse the tastebuds, unless you count those observed in the move "Julia and Julia" I watched. No, just some Twizzlers, chips and salsa and salads compliments of our local Cub foods.Yet, I am eating alright. But pretty sure I have missed the point. Instead of eating for pleasure and to find a sense of joy in something not normally joyful for me, I have tainted it with feelings of guilt and regret as my stomach bloats out today screaming "Don't eat! Don't eat!" Perhaps the joy and pleasure in it is yet to come (will I find some great treat at a truck stop perhaps? Ah, the possibilities are endless!)
Now, as for the praying and love, I have had my share of thinking time on my hands, and while no real praying yet, perhaps there is the reality that that needs to come. That spiritually I have lost my connection,my devotion, to that which is there to guide and create me and perhaps life wouldn't be so hard if only I got that connection back. Perhaps then could I be humbled in the generosity of others rather then feeling guilty and ashamed for needing their help, as I recently felt in having to utilize public assistence again. Feelings, mind you, that were self inflicted completely,not based whatsoever on the treatment from those offering it. But perhaps it indicated that I need to be able to get past my own feelings of worthlessness and instead feel courage. Perhaps all these feelings of fear I struggle with and feelings of being out of control I need to instead look to confront. And perhaps there lies in there somewhere, compassion for myself.
And that brings me to the love. I admit there has not been much lovey dovey in that oversided truck. I have hibernated in the sleeper compartment and watched movies, mostly, while only emerging to use the bathroom. However, it was part of the plan. My husband and I have, in working on and trying to make decisions still on our marriage after what's been quite the road, had intended on going on a couple's retreat. It hasn't been in the budget. Instead, I guess you could say this has taken its place. And while perhaps in the next four days it will emerge, my guess is that the love on this journey will be a lot more about myself then him.
And that brings me to that need for compassion as it goes with love. I am not talking of compassion for others, I have that licked. I am talking compassion towards myself. I am my own worst enemy. I sabotage my own life because I feel I deserve it. I treat myself poorly because I feel I don't deserve better. I stumble. I fall. I feel like that's what I do best,and I feel that way even amid a very conflicting new sense of self that is a direct impact of doing well in school. That need for compassion towards self, that's the big one.
It's day two.
And so my mom's this is no Hollywood tale. This is nothing you will see on the big screen or read about probably much beyond here (and yes, I do promise to let you know how it all ends next week!). However, it is a journey I am taking for a whole lot of reasons, mostly in hopes that one day in my life, I will be able to step back and truly live. I have a card hanging on my fridge that reads " The world is full of many people who will go through their whole lives and never actually live one day. She did not intend on being one of them." Perhaps this little venture around the midwest is my trying to figure out how to have that one day full of pleasure, devotion and balance, even if it is happening from the back of a big rig semi truck.
And finally, an unrelated call for help. I am seeking any of your knowledge of resources available beyond traditional loans to help pay for school. My fall semester is supposed to start next week, but I can't start until I get my summer paid for, which gives me little time. My financial situation is such I can't do it on my own, and losing my outlet of school would be devistating. And so if any of you are aware of any resources that can help quickly, please notify me through the paper.
As always have a beatiful and safe week and in it may you find your own peices of pleasure, devotion and balance.
The Mom Chronicles: A Flawed System Part 2 (8/9/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Part 2 of A Flawed System
Hi, Moms! I hope you are all staying cool in this heat wave we are having! Our home does not have air conditioning so as you are cranking up yours, think of us as we fight the heat in the Peterson household! With two little kids, that's been an interesting task!
Well, as promised I write today with a follow up to my column a few weeks ago about the flawed system we have in addressing the needs of kids with special needs. For those of you who missed it, I wrote about the concerns I have about kids, my own in particular, not being able to receive special ed services in our community as they did not fall below the cut off the state and school district has for offering services. I have been forced to take my children to the cities for care, as they do not fall below two standards of deviation below others in certain areas which would allow them to be helped through the district.
This past week my son was evaluated through Gillette Children's in St. Paul and the experience was eye opening. Part of why he did not qualify for language assistence in our district was because he was hitting some of his later sounds a child learns in their language building. In fact, however, while he has a couple later sounds, he is missing almost all of the early sounds which give him the basis for which he needs to be able to construct his words. While his cognition of language is good, his ability to articulate it and process it verbally is substantially lacking. Instead of sounding like a four year old, he sounds like a late two year old when he talks as his fundamentals are lacking in his language. The appointment offered direction and hope I have been lacking. Now before I go further, the district has offered to reevaluate my son after school starts up again, and I will be taking them up on that offer. However, I remain frustrated with the system in place, and the visit to Gillette offered other insight as well. According to the provider we saw, they see far too many children who are requiring services and are just short of the school district cut offs. And while the school district screenings are supposed to be standardized, her own experience with her child was one where subs were brought in the day of preschool screenings and given a quick training session that morning. She had to remove herself from the room during the screenings as she was able to observe as a professional herself, the lack of skill and knowledge these folks had in screening the kids and was short of outraged. Now, while that was not in our district, it shows how unreliable this screening can be, and of all screenings, one that is so important.
You see, in denying children programs based on a screening which is in many cases subjective and not always performed by specialists in the area, we are doing them a huge diservice. How many kids are walking around who may actually qualfiy and aren't because of a flawed screening process?
The primary problem with this is if these kids are not identified as having issues until later in life or their school careers, we have missed the perfect window of opportunity to actually help them. In fact, child research information has established, according to Kidsource online, that the "rate of human development is most rapid in the preschool years," and "timeing of intervention becomes particularly important when a child runs the risk of missing an opportunity to learn during a state of maximun readiness. If the most teachable moments or stages of greatest readiness are not taken advantage of, a child may have difficult learning a particular skill at a later time", which means a child won't be able to develop to their full potential.
In addition to for the children themselves in which intervening earlier at a lower rate of deviation from the norm can lessen the effects of a condition, it can also lessen the effects of conditions on their families as well. I myself have experienced the feelings of disappointment, isolation, stess and frustration that this website talked about and can see how families can experience divorce, suicide, and abuse if they are not supported in their childrens special needs because of these feelings. By helping kids earlier, we are also helping their families as well in their attitudes, which in fact will impact the child themselves and provide them with the supportive and nourishing environment they need.
This all said, it seems to obvious to me why early interventions for kids are necessary and how much our system needs to be reviewed in terms of early screening in kids. Remember, as parents you can always request second opinions or evals. And remember that if the school district says no, you have other options. Unfortunately they may not be local or may be costly to you, however, it is so necessary to get your kids the help and support they need. Gillette has been a godsend for my family. Truly. And I hope you will step up and be the best support for your family you can. You are your child's best advocates. Remember that. And don't let anyone say no in terms of offering services. Where one door closes, others will open.
Indeed our system is still flawed, and as parents we must do what is necessary to fix it, be it at a local or state level. I am not sure where to start but as I continue on this journey, I will keep you updated and I hope and pray that others may support me on it.
Hi, Moms! I hope you are all staying cool in this heat wave we are having! Our home does not have air conditioning so as you are cranking up yours, think of us as we fight the heat in the Peterson household! With two little kids, that's been an interesting task!
Well, as promised I write today with a follow up to my column a few weeks ago about the flawed system we have in addressing the needs of kids with special needs. For those of you who missed it, I wrote about the concerns I have about kids, my own in particular, not being able to receive special ed services in our community as they did not fall below the cut off the state and school district has for offering services. I have been forced to take my children to the cities for care, as they do not fall below two standards of deviation below others in certain areas which would allow them to be helped through the district.
This past week my son was evaluated through Gillette Children's in St. Paul and the experience was eye opening. Part of why he did not qualify for language assistence in our district was because he was hitting some of his later sounds a child learns in their language building. In fact, however, while he has a couple later sounds, he is missing almost all of the early sounds which give him the basis for which he needs to be able to construct his words. While his cognition of language is good, his ability to articulate it and process it verbally is substantially lacking. Instead of sounding like a four year old, he sounds like a late two year old when he talks as his fundamentals are lacking in his language. The appointment offered direction and hope I have been lacking. Now before I go further, the district has offered to reevaluate my son after school starts up again, and I will be taking them up on that offer. However, I remain frustrated with the system in place, and the visit to Gillette offered other insight as well. According to the provider we saw, they see far too many children who are requiring services and are just short of the school district cut offs. And while the school district screenings are supposed to be standardized, her own experience with her child was one where subs were brought in the day of preschool screenings and given a quick training session that morning. She had to remove herself from the room during the screenings as she was able to observe as a professional herself, the lack of skill and knowledge these folks had in screening the kids and was short of outraged. Now, while that was not in our district, it shows how unreliable this screening can be, and of all screenings, one that is so important.
You see, in denying children programs based on a screening which is in many cases subjective and not always performed by specialists in the area, we are doing them a huge diservice. How many kids are walking around who may actually qualfiy and aren't because of a flawed screening process?
The primary problem with this is if these kids are not identified as having issues until later in life or their school careers, we have missed the perfect window of opportunity to actually help them. In fact, child research information has established, according to Kidsource online, that the "rate of human development is most rapid in the preschool years," and "timeing of intervention becomes particularly important when a child runs the risk of missing an opportunity to learn during a state of maximun readiness. If the most teachable moments or stages of greatest readiness are not taken advantage of, a child may have difficult learning a particular skill at a later time", which means a child won't be able to develop to their full potential.
In addition to for the children themselves in which intervening earlier at a lower rate of deviation from the norm can lessen the effects of a condition, it can also lessen the effects of conditions on their families as well. I myself have experienced the feelings of disappointment, isolation, stess and frustration that this website talked about and can see how families can experience divorce, suicide, and abuse if they are not supported in their childrens special needs because of these feelings. By helping kids earlier, we are also helping their families as well in their attitudes, which in fact will impact the child themselves and provide them with the supportive and nourishing environment they need.
This all said, it seems to obvious to me why early interventions for kids are necessary and how much our system needs to be reviewed in terms of early screening in kids. Remember, as parents you can always request second opinions or evals. And remember that if the school district says no, you have other options. Unfortunately they may not be local or may be costly to you, however, it is so necessary to get your kids the help and support they need. Gillette has been a godsend for my family. Truly. And I hope you will step up and be the best support for your family you can. You are your child's best advocates. Remember that. And don't let anyone say no in terms of offering services. Where one door closes, others will open.
Indeed our system is still flawed, and as parents we must do what is necessary to fix it, be it at a local or state level. I am not sure where to start but as I continue on this journey, I will keep you updated and I hope and pray that others may support me on it.
The Mom Chronicles: Unexpecte Pride (8/1/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Unexpected Pride
Hey, moms. In case you felt my absence last week, it can be attributed to only one of the worst bouts of GI flu I have ever had. Now that you have that bit of TMI I thought in light of the week I had, I would enlighten you with a lighter column this week and kind of pop around a bit, sharing a few highlights of our summer so far.
As we get in to the dog days and are somewhere between hating to see it go, not ready to give up the beach quite yet, and looking forward to the change of leaves and football games, I wanted to share with you some of the things that have set this summer apart from others for the Petersons.
Most notably for us, the kids are growing up. That means that while only two and four, we are able to venture out a bit more easily then in the past. We have already had our share of outings, and truly have tried to venture out every weekend. This summer Ella has had her first real go around on carnival rides, to her delight, and the true joy in my heart is when I got to take her on the carousel (my favorite) for the first time. I also got to take Matty on the big old fashion Coney Island carousel at Como Park. I think that was the greatest thing ever. Truly brings out the little girl left in me. The radiance in his face was priceless. Something no camera could ever begin to grasp. And Ella, while her ride was only on the one at Rivertown days, the reaction was near the same. This summer, since we are on the topic of rides, I also brought Matthew on his first rollarcoaster. Granted it was the mini one at Como Park, but there is nothing like going on a ride like that with your child for the first time and experiencing the thrill as if you are four all over again.
We've been to the beach. A lot. I even took the kids to the water park solo. That was surprisingly a good experience. We have gone to the McDonald's playplace, though after an unfortunate incident with a child not being able to hold their bladder inside it and the staff not so quick or concerned to clean it (ugh!!!!) we won't be back real soon! We've been to the zoo, several times, but have yet to get passed the polar bears and butterflies. Those darn rides at Como town seem to get in our way! Ah, and there was fishing where at lake Rebecca Matthew caught more turtles, including a huge snapper on his little Spiderman line, then fish! Matthew can pump the swing on his own now, and Ella is a dancing machine. She is constantly looking for opportunities to show off her moves to anyone willing to watch.There have been parades and fireworks and trips to pick berries.
But this summer hasn't been all fun and games. There was the incident at the beach, for example, that I won't soon forget. We had our first bit of stuff (aka playdough) up the nose and mom had to come to the rescue. We've been to the ER for a bee sting, in which my son is allergic (and that was followed this weekend with four more stings. He must taste awefully sweet!) We've had tumbles out of bed as Ella adjusts to a "big girl" toddler bed, and our share of scrapes and bruises as well.
Above all, though, perhaps the most surprising of all has been what my being in school has done for my family. My children now go to bed with ambulances and firetrucks under their arms. I got the opportunity to bring Matthew with on a mass casualty incident that my class planned and he got to play a patient. Watching him be taken under the wing of classmates as he oohed and awed over the ambulances was fantastic. He prances around the house in my EMT boots and uniform for school, and his fireman hat. He was in fact quite upset when I told him I would be gone the next couple weekends as I have the fabulous opportunity to ride with Burnsville fire. He said, "MOM! I want to drive the firetrucks and ambulances! Not you!" And Ella gets ever so angry if we can't drive by the fire department each day and see the "woos" and "kire kucks" as she calls them.
As for me, I still have a 4.0. That's right, after three classes I still have straight A's, I am proud to say. And perhaps that is the biggest thing that has changed for this family. Finally, my family has a mom they can be proud of. Take pride in. My kids actually want to be like me. They dress up like me, be it in my school uniform or shoes. They talk about what mom gets to do. We drive by school and Matty says, "Mom! There's our school!" as he was so proud to go be a helper at. And that my moms, is what this summer has been all about. Yes, there has been the fun in the sun and games and garage sales and so on, but this mom has learned an aweful lot about where she has been and where she is going and that's one thing that will eternally set this summer apart from the rest.
Have a safe and wonderful week!
Hey, moms. In case you felt my absence last week, it can be attributed to only one of the worst bouts of GI flu I have ever had. Now that you have that bit of TMI I thought in light of the week I had, I would enlighten you with a lighter column this week and kind of pop around a bit, sharing a few highlights of our summer so far.
As we get in to the dog days and are somewhere between hating to see it go, not ready to give up the beach quite yet, and looking forward to the change of leaves and football games, I wanted to share with you some of the things that have set this summer apart from others for the Petersons.
Most notably for us, the kids are growing up. That means that while only two and four, we are able to venture out a bit more easily then in the past. We have already had our share of outings, and truly have tried to venture out every weekend. This summer Ella has had her first real go around on carnival rides, to her delight, and the true joy in my heart is when I got to take her on the carousel (my favorite) for the first time. I also got to take Matty on the big old fashion Coney Island carousel at Como Park. I think that was the greatest thing ever. Truly brings out the little girl left in me. The radiance in his face was priceless. Something no camera could ever begin to grasp. And Ella, while her ride was only on the one at Rivertown days, the reaction was near the same. This summer, since we are on the topic of rides, I also brought Matthew on his first rollarcoaster. Granted it was the mini one at Como Park, but there is nothing like going on a ride like that with your child for the first time and experiencing the thrill as if you are four all over again.
We've been to the beach. A lot. I even took the kids to the water park solo. That was surprisingly a good experience. We have gone to the McDonald's playplace, though after an unfortunate incident with a child not being able to hold their bladder inside it and the staff not so quick or concerned to clean it (ugh!!!!) we won't be back real soon! We've been to the zoo, several times, but have yet to get passed the polar bears and butterflies. Those darn rides at Como town seem to get in our way! Ah, and there was fishing where at lake Rebecca Matthew caught more turtles, including a huge snapper on his little Spiderman line, then fish! Matthew can pump the swing on his own now, and Ella is a dancing machine. She is constantly looking for opportunities to show off her moves to anyone willing to watch.There have been parades and fireworks and trips to pick berries.
But this summer hasn't been all fun and games. There was the incident at the beach, for example, that I won't soon forget. We had our first bit of stuff (aka playdough) up the nose and mom had to come to the rescue. We've been to the ER for a bee sting, in which my son is allergic (and that was followed this weekend with four more stings. He must taste awefully sweet!) We've had tumbles out of bed as Ella adjusts to a "big girl" toddler bed, and our share of scrapes and bruises as well.
Above all, though, perhaps the most surprising of all has been what my being in school has done for my family. My children now go to bed with ambulances and firetrucks under their arms. I got the opportunity to bring Matthew with on a mass casualty incident that my class planned and he got to play a patient. Watching him be taken under the wing of classmates as he oohed and awed over the ambulances was fantastic. He prances around the house in my EMT boots and uniform for school, and his fireman hat. He was in fact quite upset when I told him I would be gone the next couple weekends as I have the fabulous opportunity to ride with Burnsville fire. He said, "MOM! I want to drive the firetrucks and ambulances! Not you!" And Ella gets ever so angry if we can't drive by the fire department each day and see the "woos" and "kire kucks" as she calls them.
As for me, I still have a 4.0. That's right, after three classes I still have straight A's, I am proud to say. And perhaps that is the biggest thing that has changed for this family. Finally, my family has a mom they can be proud of. Take pride in. My kids actually want to be like me. They dress up like me, be it in my school uniform or shoes. They talk about what mom gets to do. We drive by school and Matty says, "Mom! There's our school!" as he was so proud to go be a helper at. And that my moms, is what this summer has been all about. Yes, there has been the fun in the sun and games and garage sales and so on, but this mom has learned an aweful lot about where she has been and where she is going and that's one thing that will eternally set this summer apart from the rest.
Have a safe and wonderful week!
Monday, July 19, 2010
The Mom Chronicles: A flawed System 7/21/10
Moms~
Here is this week's column. I hope you find it insightful and I hope that if you can relate you may share your experiences with me. There will be a second part to it I will be posting for next week. It's about the flawed system that is early childhood screaning for kids with disabilities.
I encourage any feedback you may have.
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: A Flawed System
My dear moms. I write this week on a topic very near and dear to my heart. This is the first of what is going to be a two part column, to be continued next week. I am examining the early childhood special education and early intervention system available to our children in our community and state. While I have spent a decent amount of time researching the subject for my family and their needs, as well as for you, I certainly am far from knowing all the ins and outs. What I am going to share with you is opinion based, with some popcorn facts and information I have been able to obtain. I would greatly appreciate any feedback any of you may have.
I have two children who are currently struggling with impairments and delays which have caused them to struggle in their physical, emotional and social development. As a mom, watching them struggle has been heart wrenching. What has moved me from sadness to anger and frustration, however, is the lack of services that I have been able to obtain for my children at a local level.
To date, my daughter was evaluated, as is the standard in MN, by our local school district early childhood folks. She was specificially evaluated for physical delays as she was at the time 21 months old and still couldn't take steps independantly. I was told at the time because she could pull herself up and stand holding on to something, she was too advanced to qualify for special services in our community. That was at almost two. Are you kidding me, I thought? And so since January, I have had to make weekly visits with her to Gillette Children's Specialty Care in St. Paul where she was evaluated by a Pediatric Orthopedist, given diagnosis for a physical condition causing her impairments, and now has required continued physical therapy and bracing for her legs and feet to be able to walk. My daughter at two still can not run or do steps independantly. She gets left in the dust behind her friends her age at the park and her brother who are miles ahead of her. I don't understand. Don't get me wrong. The physical therapy has been amazing and she has made enormous strides. However, Ella still is not where she is supposed to be, and instead of having services in my community available to me, I am having to spend an hour on the road, plus the cost of gas and parking, plus my time with my daughter to have these basic services rendered a half an hour away. How can this be?
Then we have my son. My Matthew. On the outside he is active and vibrant and glowing. But try to talk to him or ask him how old he is and at four, you can barely understand him and he can't tell you his age. He is starting to be able to tell you some colors, but he doesn't know his last name, can't identify most shapes, can't count to ten, can't write the letters of his name. He struggles behaviorally with impulse control issues and struggles with social skills as he has a hard time making his wants, needs, desires known so he becomes physical. He gets angry. He throws things when he gets frustrated, hits. And yet he seemed to have passed his preschool screaning with flying colors and thus when I requested it initially the school district would not further screen him. It was not in fact, until after he recently had his well child visit when his primary doctor was concerned on a number of levels of his development, most noted vision,speech and language issues and impulse control issues and after being contacted regarding this column that the school district was willing to evaluate him further. You see he was screened for his vision and they determined his vision was borderline and perhaps wouldn't even warrent glasses, when in fact he had a significant need for glasses. And how could that assesssment even have been accurate when my son couldn't even tell them the shapes they were asking him to identify on the eye chart because he didn't know them. He couldn't say the words, he couldn't remember the names of the shapes and so we resorted to him pointing to a chart to show me what he saw and matching the images. Most of the time he was distracted and guessing and pointing to random things. Are you kidding me again? And yet, again, no concerns. When shown an image of a ball my son would say "play!" or "ball!". He could not identify the color, the shape or even pronounce it correctly saying "bow". Yet my son was deemed ready for preschool with out any further need for help. If he was still struggling after preschool started let them know and they would consider reassessing him. He was noted to have a higher level of activity and needing more redirections then the rest of the kids they saw and regularly see, yet he was still ok to be watched. Again, it would be interesting to see how he did once school started and if it is interfering, go ahead and request a rescreen. And so I ask you, how can a child who is less then two months shy of four, who can't pronounce basic words, can't tell you his name, age, colors, count to ten, and any number of things that myself and my day care provider have literally worked for hours with him trying to get to sink in, not qualify for special services in our district? Again, we are headed to Gillette.
And so my dear parents, I am frustrated. I am angry. We have a flawed system. We live in a state where there is emphasis on birth to three and then K and up but that middle ground of preschoolers are kind of left hanging. There is little for early intervention in terms of addressing high risk kids. My son if you look at the risk factors for having disabilities has most on the list: a low birthweight, prematurity, low five minute Apgar scores, maternal health issues during pregnancy, and extended time in the nursery after birth for treatment for medical complications. And while it could be argued something should have been identified for him by now, I am finding that everytime I bring up a concern to everyone I get the canned response of "every child develops at their own pace and Matthew is just behind other kids". And despite these high risk factors I can't get any help for him. He is supposed to be able to get early interventions if he is at a high risk but I can't seem to get anything for him unless I want to pay for it or want my insurance to pay for and want to drive a great distance to get it. So when is it enough? When is it behind enough?
I come at this having worked for several years in special ed. Before I came in to Emergency Medical Services I was going to school to teach special education and I have seen far too many kids that have fallen through the cracks. Middle schoolers reading and writing at a kidnergarten level, doing Math at a first grade level, struggling to communicate, while exhibiting extreme behavioral issues and poor social skills, a lack of self confidence, and the list goes on. And so I ask you what is the cost? At what cost are we making our children have to be so delayed and behind before we will help them? There have been cuts to special education, as in every area, but to what cost to the long term? Is it not hurting our children more and costing us more in the long run to let our children struggle and struggle and become more and more behind until they can finally qualify for services when at that point they have developed other issues secondary to the primary one that now need to be addressed that could have been prevented all together to begin with?
There are so many reasons to intervene early, and next week I am going to discuss them. I am also working to gather resources to pass on to you if you are in the same boat I am. Don't get me wrong, we have a fabulous, dedicated group of special education providers in Hastings. The problem lies greatly beyond them. However, we need to look at our priority as a community and what we want for our kids. Perhaps we need to provide more for our kids then just what the state expects. I heard on the news tonight of a whole group of people coming together in an area of Minneapolis providing interventions for kids there to try to give them a better chance for the future. These are kids not qualifying but high risk kids based mostly on social factors. And there are multiple organizations who at the request of the community have banned together and are going to help the youth to try to catch them up. To try to give them a chance. What about our kids in Hastings? What are we doing for the kids here not qualifying under Minnesota standards? You hear each day of leaving no child behind. Both of my kids have been left behind and who is coming to pick them up? Who is going to catch my children up? So far, no one in our community, aside from a very proactive family practice provider and yours truly.
And so I urge you, moms, advocate for your kids. Fight this fight with me, to bring awareness and try to bring a change with in our community and within our state to help our children. To be there. So that they don't have to struggle as my kids have. It makes me sick. I feel lonely. I feel unheard. I feel lost in terms of who to turn to when my local resources close doors. How do I feel confident sending my son to school where I know he will be behind? Where he will struggle? Where he will not be fostered and feel confident? For he already is teased for not knowing how old he is and for acting out because he is lacking in social skills. The kids two doors down, they come and knock on my door all the time complaining about Matthew. Matthew this or Matthew that. Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. When is it his time? Heck, when is it mine? This mom needs help. And Ella. She is struggling physically mostly, but her language skills are also lacking. Not to the extent of Matty's but they are still lacking. And I am soon to be on this journey with her. Then what?
So my moms, I hope you will come back here next week and be educated. In the mean time, share your stories with me. Educate me. You are always welcome at my blog www.hastingsmomchronicles.blogspot.com I look forward to meeting you back here next week, hopefully with more answers and resources then I can offer you today. In the mean time, thanks for listening.
Here is this week's column. I hope you find it insightful and I hope that if you can relate you may share your experiences with me. There will be a second part to it I will be posting for next week. It's about the flawed system that is early childhood screaning for kids with disabilities.
I encourage any feedback you may have.
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: A Flawed System
My dear moms. I write this week on a topic very near and dear to my heart. This is the first of what is going to be a two part column, to be continued next week. I am examining the early childhood special education and early intervention system available to our children in our community and state. While I have spent a decent amount of time researching the subject for my family and their needs, as well as for you, I certainly am far from knowing all the ins and outs. What I am going to share with you is opinion based, with some popcorn facts and information I have been able to obtain. I would greatly appreciate any feedback any of you may have.
I have two children who are currently struggling with impairments and delays which have caused them to struggle in their physical, emotional and social development. As a mom, watching them struggle has been heart wrenching. What has moved me from sadness to anger and frustration, however, is the lack of services that I have been able to obtain for my children at a local level.
To date, my daughter was evaluated, as is the standard in MN, by our local school district early childhood folks. She was specificially evaluated for physical delays as she was at the time 21 months old and still couldn't take steps independantly. I was told at the time because she could pull herself up and stand holding on to something, she was too advanced to qualify for special services in our community. That was at almost two. Are you kidding me, I thought? And so since January, I have had to make weekly visits with her to Gillette Children's Specialty Care in St. Paul where she was evaluated by a Pediatric Orthopedist, given diagnosis for a physical condition causing her impairments, and now has required continued physical therapy and bracing for her legs and feet to be able to walk. My daughter at two still can not run or do steps independantly. She gets left in the dust behind her friends her age at the park and her brother who are miles ahead of her. I don't understand. Don't get me wrong. The physical therapy has been amazing and she has made enormous strides. However, Ella still is not where she is supposed to be, and instead of having services in my community available to me, I am having to spend an hour on the road, plus the cost of gas and parking, plus my time with my daughter to have these basic services rendered a half an hour away. How can this be?
Then we have my son. My Matthew. On the outside he is active and vibrant and glowing. But try to talk to him or ask him how old he is and at four, you can barely understand him and he can't tell you his age. He is starting to be able to tell you some colors, but he doesn't know his last name, can't identify most shapes, can't count to ten, can't write the letters of his name. He struggles behaviorally with impulse control issues and struggles with social skills as he has a hard time making his wants, needs, desires known so he becomes physical. He gets angry. He throws things when he gets frustrated, hits. And yet he seemed to have passed his preschool screaning with flying colors and thus when I requested it initially the school district would not further screen him. It was not in fact, until after he recently had his well child visit when his primary doctor was concerned on a number of levels of his development, most noted vision,speech and language issues and impulse control issues and after being contacted regarding this column that the school district was willing to evaluate him further. You see he was screened for his vision and they determined his vision was borderline and perhaps wouldn't even warrent glasses, when in fact he had a significant need for glasses. And how could that assesssment even have been accurate when my son couldn't even tell them the shapes they were asking him to identify on the eye chart because he didn't know them. He couldn't say the words, he couldn't remember the names of the shapes and so we resorted to him pointing to a chart to show me what he saw and matching the images. Most of the time he was distracted and guessing and pointing to random things. Are you kidding me again? And yet, again, no concerns. When shown an image of a ball my son would say "play!" or "ball!". He could not identify the color, the shape or even pronounce it correctly saying "bow". Yet my son was deemed ready for preschool with out any further need for help. If he was still struggling after preschool started let them know and they would consider reassessing him. He was noted to have a higher level of activity and needing more redirections then the rest of the kids they saw and regularly see, yet he was still ok to be watched. Again, it would be interesting to see how he did once school started and if it is interfering, go ahead and request a rescreen. And so I ask you, how can a child who is less then two months shy of four, who can't pronounce basic words, can't tell you his name, age, colors, count to ten, and any number of things that myself and my day care provider have literally worked for hours with him trying to get to sink in, not qualify for special services in our district? Again, we are headed to Gillette.
And so my dear parents, I am frustrated. I am angry. We have a flawed system. We live in a state where there is emphasis on birth to three and then K and up but that middle ground of preschoolers are kind of left hanging. There is little for early intervention in terms of addressing high risk kids. My son if you look at the risk factors for having disabilities has most on the list: a low birthweight, prematurity, low five minute Apgar scores, maternal health issues during pregnancy, and extended time in the nursery after birth for treatment for medical complications. And while it could be argued something should have been identified for him by now, I am finding that everytime I bring up a concern to everyone I get the canned response of "every child develops at their own pace and Matthew is just behind other kids". And despite these high risk factors I can't get any help for him. He is supposed to be able to get early interventions if he is at a high risk but I can't seem to get anything for him unless I want to pay for it or want my insurance to pay for and want to drive a great distance to get it. So when is it enough? When is it behind enough?
I come at this having worked for several years in special ed. Before I came in to Emergency Medical Services I was going to school to teach special education and I have seen far too many kids that have fallen through the cracks. Middle schoolers reading and writing at a kidnergarten level, doing Math at a first grade level, struggling to communicate, while exhibiting extreme behavioral issues and poor social skills, a lack of self confidence, and the list goes on. And so I ask you what is the cost? At what cost are we making our children have to be so delayed and behind before we will help them? There have been cuts to special education, as in every area, but to what cost to the long term? Is it not hurting our children more and costing us more in the long run to let our children struggle and struggle and become more and more behind until they can finally qualify for services when at that point they have developed other issues secondary to the primary one that now need to be addressed that could have been prevented all together to begin with?
There are so many reasons to intervene early, and next week I am going to discuss them. I am also working to gather resources to pass on to you if you are in the same boat I am. Don't get me wrong, we have a fabulous, dedicated group of special education providers in Hastings. The problem lies greatly beyond them. However, we need to look at our priority as a community and what we want for our kids. Perhaps we need to provide more for our kids then just what the state expects. I heard on the news tonight of a whole group of people coming together in an area of Minneapolis providing interventions for kids there to try to give them a better chance for the future. These are kids not qualifying but high risk kids based mostly on social factors. And there are multiple organizations who at the request of the community have banned together and are going to help the youth to try to catch them up. To try to give them a chance. What about our kids in Hastings? What are we doing for the kids here not qualifying under Minnesota standards? You hear each day of leaving no child behind. Both of my kids have been left behind and who is coming to pick them up? Who is going to catch my children up? So far, no one in our community, aside from a very proactive family practice provider and yours truly.
And so I urge you, moms, advocate for your kids. Fight this fight with me, to bring awareness and try to bring a change with in our community and within our state to help our children. To be there. So that they don't have to struggle as my kids have. It makes me sick. I feel lonely. I feel unheard. I feel lost in terms of who to turn to when my local resources close doors. How do I feel confident sending my son to school where I know he will be behind? Where he will struggle? Where he will not be fostered and feel confident? For he already is teased for not knowing how old he is and for acting out because he is lacking in social skills. The kids two doors down, they come and knock on my door all the time complaining about Matthew. Matthew this or Matthew that. Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. When is it his time? Heck, when is it mine? This mom needs help. And Ella. She is struggling physically mostly, but her language skills are also lacking. Not to the extent of Matty's but they are still lacking. And I am soon to be on this journey with her. Then what?
So my moms, I hope you will come back here next week and be educated. In the mean time, share your stories with me. Educate me. You are always welcome at my blog www.hastingsmomchronicles.blogspot.com I look forward to meeting you back here next week, hopefully with more answers and resources then I can offer you today. In the mean time, thanks for listening.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Long Time Gone
Let's just say quite frankly that I have sucked at this blog thing the past few months. Ok, now that I got that out there I can beg your forgiveness and update you all on life in the Peterson household!
My time has been in great demand in terms of having school and mulitple things for the kids. I completed my EMT course in May and passed my National Registry and License exams in June. I am now a NREMT-B (Nationally Registered Emergency Medical Technician- Basic). Now that's a mouthful! I loved school so much that I have stayed in it and am continuing on to become a Paramedic. This summer I took two classes and am almost done, before a short break and the fall semester starts. Whew!
As for the kids, I have continued to have to bring Ella to her physical therapy at Gillette, and Matthew now needs both glasses, AND speech therapy. He is showing early signs of learning issues and we have a long road ahead, I am afraid.
Ella turned two in April, Matty just turned 4, and I turned 29 yesterday. Woo hoo! One more year of 20's then its on to the next decade of my life. I am not sure how to feel about that. Probably as any mom does- OLD!- with my son starting preschool already! But I am excited and look forward to what life the next years brings.
And so as I have a break in life for a few weeks, I hope to get back on top of this whole blog thing. I appreciate your coming back and finding me again. I realized I commited blog suicide in taking a hiatus..... and I hope my loyal followers find their way back again!
Please..sit back, put your feet up and get caught up in my columns. They are all posted up through this week. I have started a new summer safety series and that has been a very exciting thing for me. As I embark on my second year of the column, I am full of new ideas. Feel free to share with me any ideas you have for it or any needs of yours you'd like me to address.
I look forward to meeting you here again!
The Mom Chronicles: Kids and Cars (7/15)
The Mom Chronicles: Kids and Cars
I was inspired for this week's column by an aritcle I recently read in a parenting magazine. It was hugely eye opening and I wanted to share it with you. The issue? Safety in and around cars and kids. There is a phenominal website on the topic of kids and vehicle safety and it is www.kidsand cars.com . Most of the content in this column comes from it and I urge you to visit it if you get a chance.
The fact is, when we think of kids and car safety we think of seat belts or car seats. We sometimes think of them being rolled or run over. Rarely do we think about the other risks.
Point taken from the website: A car is not a toy, a backyard, and certainly not a babysitter.
Some of the most common incidences with cars involve overheating by deadly temps in cars, accidentally knocking a car in to gear, being strangled by power windows, sunroofs or other power accessories, abducted from cars, getting locked in the trunk in an innocent game of hide and seak and carbon monoxide poisioning. Minnesota has had 15 deaths related to these things in children in the past decade, and that is on the low end. Some states have had over 50 deaths. Most are unintentional and accidents, and that doesn't make them any easier to swallow.
Backovers are the greatest cause of injuries and fatalities in kids when it comes to cars. In fact, 50 kids a week are backed over by a vehicle due to lack of visibility. One picture on the kids and cars website showed 62 kids sitting on the ground behind an SUV. Not one was visible to the driver because of the blind spots the SUV had. As parents, how many of us drive those large trucks or SUV's, even mini-vans? How often do the kids play in the driveway and how many times have you late to somewhere took off out of the driveway in a hurry with out knowing fully where your children are? It only takes one time, and unfortunately, 50 kids a week fall victim to this one time.
Additionally, my kids are two that love to "drive" aka play in the car. I have to drag them kicking and screaming sometimes away from the car reminding them it is not a toy, and yet the next time I get in and turn the key, my windshield wipers turn on, the music is blared and I have a CD in my player that wasn't there when I left it. That happens in minutes. While there are no keys in the ignition. What could happen in minutes if there were?
And how about those errands when we want to run in and pay for gas or grab something in the store while our kids wait for us in the parked car? The website's montra is "Not even for a minute". It takes seconds for a child to decide to get out of their car seat and come find mom or dad, or for mom to become distracted on a hot day in the cool comforts of a grocery store and forget her child sitting in the cooking car. Are you willing to take the risk? Now I know, it is a huge temptation. For me I think do I want to drag two kids in to the gas station where there are treats and distractions, etc? Or do I want to spare myself and run in and pay and get out in far less time and stress? I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with this. But who ultimately will pay the price if you leave them?
And finally, as it comes to overheating, the article which prompted me to do this column was about a distracted mom out of her daily habit who thought she dropped her sleeping baby in the back seat off at day care and instead left it in the car all day while she worked. The child died due to overheating. It was eye opening how easily we can become distracted and how getting out of our daily routines is an easy way for accidents to happen. Have a small child in a car seat? So this doesn't happen to you try these suggestions: keep a small stuffed animal in your child's car seat. When you put them in it move it to the front seat, when you take them out put it back. This way you will have a visual cue to check the back seat. Put your purse, bag, etc in the back as a matter of habit, even if the kids are not in the car. This will make you turn around to see the back seat. Make an agreement with your child care provider if you are late by twenty minutes on any given day that they call you. This way if you get to work and forget your child in the car, you are prompted.
While this information is so basic, and I don't mean to insult your intelligence by addressing it, things happen each day. Thousands of drivers are distracted at any given moment. And while you can't do anything about other people's inattentiveness, you can do a whole lot about yours. Cutting corners may save a minute or two, but in the long run, is the added risk to your child by not taking them in to the store with you, or allowing them to play in the car, or by not being aware of where they are before you back out of the driveway worth the risk?
Finally, do an experiment. Have your kids stand at different locations around your car while you are in it so you get a sense of your cars blind spots. This may not only be educational, but eye opening as you discover just how easy it would be for an accident to happen if your child is around your car.
I hope you all continue to have a safe and fabulous summer. Remember, not even for a minute. See you next week!
I was inspired for this week's column by an aritcle I recently read in a parenting magazine. It was hugely eye opening and I wanted to share it with you. The issue? Safety in and around cars and kids. There is a phenominal website on the topic of kids and vehicle safety and it is www.kidsand cars.com . Most of the content in this column comes from it and I urge you to visit it if you get a chance.
The fact is, when we think of kids and car safety we think of seat belts or car seats. We sometimes think of them being rolled or run over. Rarely do we think about the other risks.
Point taken from the website: A car is not a toy, a backyard, and certainly not a babysitter.
Some of the most common incidences with cars involve overheating by deadly temps in cars, accidentally knocking a car in to gear, being strangled by power windows, sunroofs or other power accessories, abducted from cars, getting locked in the trunk in an innocent game of hide and seak and carbon monoxide poisioning. Minnesota has had 15 deaths related to these things in children in the past decade, and that is on the low end. Some states have had over 50 deaths. Most are unintentional and accidents, and that doesn't make them any easier to swallow.
Backovers are the greatest cause of injuries and fatalities in kids when it comes to cars. In fact, 50 kids a week are backed over by a vehicle due to lack of visibility. One picture on the kids and cars website showed 62 kids sitting on the ground behind an SUV. Not one was visible to the driver because of the blind spots the SUV had. As parents, how many of us drive those large trucks or SUV's, even mini-vans? How often do the kids play in the driveway and how many times have you late to somewhere took off out of the driveway in a hurry with out knowing fully where your children are? It only takes one time, and unfortunately, 50 kids a week fall victim to this one time.
Additionally, my kids are two that love to "drive" aka play in the car. I have to drag them kicking and screaming sometimes away from the car reminding them it is not a toy, and yet the next time I get in and turn the key, my windshield wipers turn on, the music is blared and I have a CD in my player that wasn't there when I left it. That happens in minutes. While there are no keys in the ignition. What could happen in minutes if there were?
And how about those errands when we want to run in and pay for gas or grab something in the store while our kids wait for us in the parked car? The website's montra is "Not even for a minute". It takes seconds for a child to decide to get out of their car seat and come find mom or dad, or for mom to become distracted on a hot day in the cool comforts of a grocery store and forget her child sitting in the cooking car. Are you willing to take the risk? Now I know, it is a huge temptation. For me I think do I want to drag two kids in to the gas station where there are treats and distractions, etc? Or do I want to spare myself and run in and pay and get out in far less time and stress? I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with this. But who ultimately will pay the price if you leave them?
And finally, as it comes to overheating, the article which prompted me to do this column was about a distracted mom out of her daily habit who thought she dropped her sleeping baby in the back seat off at day care and instead left it in the car all day while she worked. The child died due to overheating. It was eye opening how easily we can become distracted and how getting out of our daily routines is an easy way for accidents to happen. Have a small child in a car seat? So this doesn't happen to you try these suggestions: keep a small stuffed animal in your child's car seat. When you put them in it move it to the front seat, when you take them out put it back. This way you will have a visual cue to check the back seat. Put your purse, bag, etc in the back as a matter of habit, even if the kids are not in the car. This will make you turn around to see the back seat. Make an agreement with your child care provider if you are late by twenty minutes on any given day that they call you. This way if you get to work and forget your child in the car, you are prompted.
While this information is so basic, and I don't mean to insult your intelligence by addressing it, things happen each day. Thousands of drivers are distracted at any given moment. And while you can't do anything about other people's inattentiveness, you can do a whole lot about yours. Cutting corners may save a minute or two, but in the long run, is the added risk to your child by not taking them in to the store with you, or allowing them to play in the car, or by not being aware of where they are before you back out of the driveway worth the risk?
Finally, do an experiment. Have your kids stand at different locations around your car while you are in it so you get a sense of your cars blind spots. This may not only be educational, but eye opening as you discover just how easy it would be for an accident to happen if your child is around your car.
I hope you all continue to have a safe and fabulous summer. Remember, not even for a minute. See you next week!
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