Have you driven around Hastings lately? It appears we have many new residents. In the snowman form, that is! Yes moms, it seems winter is here.
I must say it was nice to have an excuse to just have some fun with the kids for a change. It seems lately life has been a whirlwind of appoitments and running. Little of my day is spent actually being able to enjoy being a mom. Most of it falls victim to the crazziness that can be life and at the end of the day when it is finally quiet, it is hard to find the energy or motivation to do anything that feels any too meaningful. It is a good reminder,though, that sometimes we have to make opportunities to enjoy our kids rather then waiting for opportunities like snowstorms to present themselves. Afterall the kids aren't going to remember us bringing them here, there or everywhere. They are going to remember the fun things, or lack there of. I thank the snow this weekend for the reminder of this.
Fun times, it seems, have been a rare comodity in my house lately. You see, there has been this big elephant in the room for some time and while it has hardly gone unnoticed, certainly it has felt impossible to get rid of.
This past week my family was given a gift that I hope will be one that opens opportunities for us and makes the path not such a difficult one. It's hardly something that many people would consider a gift, but for me it was exactly that. And finally that elephant has been given a name.
You see, my son was finally diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and early ADHD with impulsivity, two things which can commonly go together. All my struggles with him, all my pleading with the school district and the like that he needs help and there is something wrong with him have finally lead me here. Granted it was not the school district that recognized it but a psychologist and our family doc, but my hope is that our days of struggling are not necessarily over, as they are far from it, but that finally my son has a chance and a hope.
Most people who meet my son would describe him as very sweet but "very active". He has been called "aggressive", "physical", and "demanding". Not exactly labels you want attached to your child. Where for so long people were able to see the magnificance in him, in his radiant smile, his sensitivity, his genuine spirit, and caring soul, that has been recently overshadowed by worsening behavior issues, impulse control issues which have become real safety issues, and learning problems. While he can do some work and projects and take pride in them, other things he struggles to focus on, becomes distracted, fails to finish or struggles to retain. He has some speech issues which at times make it hard for him to articulate his needs and his struggles with retention continue to allow him to fall more and more behind his peers. As was told to me at a recent parent-teacher conference, he is less then consistent with being able to retain things like shapes, colors, numbers, counting and his name. Additionally, while he has some positive peer relationships, in recent outings he has struggled to connect with other children in positive ways and has as a result of his activity and aggressiveness been out cast.
So coming back full circle, where, you might wonder, is the gift in this? How is having your child be labeled as having emotional and behavioral issues actually a good thing?
The answer my moms, is that my son, in getting these labels, does not become them, but instead now can bring an awareness to others that he struggles with these things. He can receive various forms of treatment and we can finally have something concrete to hang our hat on and work with. It is hard as a parent when you see your child struggling and the answers as to why aren't forthcoming, to feel frustrated or give up.To blame yourself. It makes getting help or support or services near impossible. Additionally when other parents or strangers complain to you about your child or look at you in a judgemental way when they see your child acting out it is easy to feel you are to blame or lost. But with such an answer I feel the door is finally open to us. I can now reach out to other parents who also have children struggling with this. I can research it and find both traditional and non traditional ways of addressing the struggles we have. And fortunately for my son these are common things. Things that have had a lot of research and trials and people know how to help. It isn't some rare thing that no one knows the least bit about.
And so my moms, as we embark on this journey with my son, I have new found hope that things can and will get better. It may not happen today or tomorrow or a few months from now, but my hope is that his needs will be better met and the doors will be open to a multitude of future successes for him. And I hope if you have a child who struggles in the same ways, that you, too will seek help. That you will be the squeaky wheel who keeps reaching out until someone listens. There is help and there is hope. You are not alone. See you next week.
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