Here We Go Again...

Well, here we go again. But hey, mums the word!
I woke up this morning to my crying daughter and after consoling her, I made my regular morning jaunt to the bathroom. This one was different, though. See earlier this week in unwrapping my faithful old First Response test stick, I made my deposit on it and waited. Is that a line I see? Let's see.. Hold it up to the light, the window. Yes, faint, though. Hmmm.. Could it really be again? Later that day I tried again. Same response. And the next day. When I had it checked at the clinic, negative. Hmmm... That was a few days ago. Today was the day to try again. So back to this bathroom scene. I am crossing my legs as to not pee my pants as I am fumbling with that blasted stick to try to get it unwrapped, and finally did my thing. Within minutes that beautiful light pink line started to emerge. In deed it appears as if we may once again be pregnant. All at once I gather myself and go call my husband as I know he, too will be up. Do you have news?- he prompts. At which time I reveal to him our fate. Could baby number three be on its way after all?
To those of you following me I have had two consecutive miscarriages in the past short while. While I am so desperately wanting another child, it seems it hasn't been in our cards. One would understand then why I am terrified at the prospect of being pregnant again. The nausea and cramping is a constant reminder of the good that lies within, but how quickly it can turn in to not so good. Part of me is here, just waiting for another loss. Each time I go to the bathroom I hold my breath. Blood? Any hint of blood? Anything? Sigh. Safe for now. Later, I go through the same thing all over.
Sunday I get my hormone level checked and two days later we repeat to see if we will get through another week. Then its one week at a time. I know it does me no good to constantly wonder and worry, which is why I am sharing this now. I will be here to share all my thoughts, my worries, my fears, hopefully my joys. This is one thing I cant tackle alone. While I have been very reluctant to share this news with anyone at the prospect of having to reveal another loss, I know it will be worse to hold this all in. And so I am here now.
Wish me luck.
Amy