Moms~
Here is this week's column. I hope you find it insightful and I hope that if you can relate you may share your experiences with me. There will be a second part to it I will be posting for next week. It's about the flawed system that is early childhood screaning for kids with disabilities.
I encourage any feedback you may have.
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: A Flawed System
My dear moms. I write this week on a topic very near and dear to my heart. This is the first of what is going to be a two part column, to be continued next week. I am examining the early childhood special education and early intervention system available to our children in our community and state. While I have spent a decent amount of time researching the subject for my family and their needs, as well as for you, I certainly am far from knowing all the ins and outs. What I am going to share with you is opinion based, with some popcorn facts and information I have been able to obtain. I would greatly appreciate any feedback any of you may have.
I have two children who are currently struggling with impairments and delays which have caused them to struggle in their physical, emotional and social development. As a mom, watching them struggle has been heart wrenching. What has moved me from sadness to anger and frustration, however, is the lack of services that I have been able to obtain for my children at a local level.
To date, my daughter was evaluated, as is the standard in MN, by our local school district early childhood folks. She was specificially evaluated for physical delays as she was at the time 21 months old and still couldn't take steps independantly. I was told at the time because she could pull herself up and stand holding on to something, she was too advanced to qualify for special services in our community. That was at almost two. Are you kidding me, I thought? And so since January, I have had to make weekly visits with her to Gillette Children's Specialty Care in St. Paul where she was evaluated by a Pediatric Orthopedist, given diagnosis for a physical condition causing her impairments, and now has required continued physical therapy and bracing for her legs and feet to be able to walk. My daughter at two still can not run or do steps independantly. She gets left in the dust behind her friends her age at the park and her brother who are miles ahead of her. I don't understand. Don't get me wrong. The physical therapy has been amazing and she has made enormous strides. However, Ella still is not where she is supposed to be, and instead of having services in my community available to me, I am having to spend an hour on the road, plus the cost of gas and parking, plus my time with my daughter to have these basic services rendered a half an hour away. How can this be?
Then we have my son. My Matthew. On the outside he is active and vibrant and glowing. But try to talk to him or ask him how old he is and at four, you can barely understand him and he can't tell you his age. He is starting to be able to tell you some colors, but he doesn't know his last name, can't identify most shapes, can't count to ten, can't write the letters of his name. He struggles behaviorally with impulse control issues and struggles with social skills as he has a hard time making his wants, needs, desires known so he becomes physical. He gets angry. He throws things when he gets frustrated, hits. And yet he seemed to have passed his preschool screaning with flying colors and thus when I requested it initially the school district would not further screen him. It was not in fact, until after he recently had his well child visit when his primary doctor was concerned on a number of levels of his development, most noted vision,speech and language issues and impulse control issues and after being contacted regarding this column that the school district was willing to evaluate him further. You see he was screened for his vision and they determined his vision was borderline and perhaps wouldn't even warrent glasses, when in fact he had a significant need for glasses. And how could that assesssment even have been accurate when my son couldn't even tell them the shapes they were asking him to identify on the eye chart because he didn't know them. He couldn't say the words, he couldn't remember the names of the shapes and so we resorted to him pointing to a chart to show me what he saw and matching the images. Most of the time he was distracted and guessing and pointing to random things. Are you kidding me again? And yet, again, no concerns. When shown an image of a ball my son would say "play!" or "ball!". He could not identify the color, the shape or even pronounce it correctly saying "bow". Yet my son was deemed ready for preschool with out any further need for help. If he was still struggling after preschool started let them know and they would consider reassessing him. He was noted to have a higher level of activity and needing more redirections then the rest of the kids they saw and regularly see, yet he was still ok to be watched. Again, it would be interesting to see how he did once school started and if it is interfering, go ahead and request a rescreen. And so I ask you, how can a child who is less then two months shy of four, who can't pronounce basic words, can't tell you his name, age, colors, count to ten, and any number of things that myself and my day care provider have literally worked for hours with him trying to get to sink in, not qualify for special services in our district? Again, we are headed to Gillette.
And so my dear parents, I am frustrated. I am angry. We have a flawed system. We live in a state where there is emphasis on birth to three and then K and up but that middle ground of preschoolers are kind of left hanging. There is little for early intervention in terms of addressing high risk kids. My son if you look at the risk factors for having disabilities has most on the list: a low birthweight, prematurity, low five minute Apgar scores, maternal health issues during pregnancy, and extended time in the nursery after birth for treatment for medical complications. And while it could be argued something should have been identified for him by now, I am finding that everytime I bring up a concern to everyone I get the canned response of "every child develops at their own pace and Matthew is just behind other kids". And despite these high risk factors I can't get any help for him. He is supposed to be able to get early interventions if he is at a high risk but I can't seem to get anything for him unless I want to pay for it or want my insurance to pay for and want to drive a great distance to get it. So when is it enough? When is it behind enough?
I come at this having worked for several years in special ed. Before I came in to Emergency Medical Services I was going to school to teach special education and I have seen far too many kids that have fallen through the cracks. Middle schoolers reading and writing at a kidnergarten level, doing Math at a first grade level, struggling to communicate, while exhibiting extreme behavioral issues and poor social skills, a lack of self confidence, and the list goes on. And so I ask you what is the cost? At what cost are we making our children have to be so delayed and behind before we will help them? There have been cuts to special education, as in every area, but to what cost to the long term? Is it not hurting our children more and costing us more in the long run to let our children struggle and struggle and become more and more behind until they can finally qualify for services when at that point they have developed other issues secondary to the primary one that now need to be addressed that could have been prevented all together to begin with?
There are so many reasons to intervene early, and next week I am going to discuss them. I am also working to gather resources to pass on to you if you are in the same boat I am. Don't get me wrong, we have a fabulous, dedicated group of special education providers in Hastings. The problem lies greatly beyond them. However, we need to look at our priority as a community and what we want for our kids. Perhaps we need to provide more for our kids then just what the state expects. I heard on the news tonight of a whole group of people coming together in an area of Minneapolis providing interventions for kids there to try to give them a better chance for the future. These are kids not qualifying but high risk kids based mostly on social factors. And there are multiple organizations who at the request of the community have banned together and are going to help the youth to try to catch them up. To try to give them a chance. What about our kids in Hastings? What are we doing for the kids here not qualifying under Minnesota standards? You hear each day of leaving no child behind. Both of my kids have been left behind and who is coming to pick them up? Who is going to catch my children up? So far, no one in our community, aside from a very proactive family practice provider and yours truly.
And so I urge you, moms, advocate for your kids. Fight this fight with me, to bring awareness and try to bring a change with in our community and within our state to help our children. To be there. So that they don't have to struggle as my kids have. It makes me sick. I feel lonely. I feel unheard. I feel lost in terms of who to turn to when my local resources close doors. How do I feel confident sending my son to school where I know he will be behind? Where he will struggle? Where he will not be fostered and feel confident? For he already is teased for not knowing how old he is and for acting out because he is lacking in social skills. The kids two doors down, they come and knock on my door all the time complaining about Matthew. Matthew this or Matthew that. Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. When is it his time? Heck, when is it mine? This mom needs help. And Ella. She is struggling physically mostly, but her language skills are also lacking. Not to the extent of Matty's but they are still lacking. And I am soon to be on this journey with her. Then what?
So my moms, I hope you will come back here next week and be educated. In the mean time, share your stories with me. Educate me. You are always welcome at my blog www.hastingsmomchronicles.blogspot.com I look forward to meeting you back here next week, hopefully with more answers and resources then I can offer you today. In the mean time, thanks for listening.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Long Time Gone
Let's just say quite frankly that I have sucked at this blog thing the past few months. Ok, now that I got that out there I can beg your forgiveness and update you all on life in the Peterson household!
My time has been in great demand in terms of having school and mulitple things for the kids. I completed my EMT course in May and passed my National Registry and License exams in June. I am now a NREMT-B (Nationally Registered Emergency Medical Technician- Basic). Now that's a mouthful! I loved school so much that I have stayed in it and am continuing on to become a Paramedic. This summer I took two classes and am almost done, before a short break and the fall semester starts. Whew!
As for the kids, I have continued to have to bring Ella to her physical therapy at Gillette, and Matthew now needs both glasses, AND speech therapy. He is showing early signs of learning issues and we have a long road ahead, I am afraid.
Ella turned two in April, Matty just turned 4, and I turned 29 yesterday. Woo hoo! One more year of 20's then its on to the next decade of my life. I am not sure how to feel about that. Probably as any mom does- OLD!- with my son starting preschool already! But I am excited and look forward to what life the next years brings.
And so as I have a break in life for a few weeks, I hope to get back on top of this whole blog thing. I appreciate your coming back and finding me again. I realized I commited blog suicide in taking a hiatus..... and I hope my loyal followers find their way back again!
Please..sit back, put your feet up and get caught up in my columns. They are all posted up through this week. I have started a new summer safety series and that has been a very exciting thing for me. As I embark on my second year of the column, I am full of new ideas. Feel free to share with me any ideas you have for it or any needs of yours you'd like me to address.
I look forward to meeting you here again!
The Mom Chronicles: Kids and Cars (7/15)
The Mom Chronicles: Kids and Cars
I was inspired for this week's column by an aritcle I recently read in a parenting magazine. It was hugely eye opening and I wanted to share it with you. The issue? Safety in and around cars and kids. There is a phenominal website on the topic of kids and vehicle safety and it is www.kidsand cars.com . Most of the content in this column comes from it and I urge you to visit it if you get a chance.
The fact is, when we think of kids and car safety we think of seat belts or car seats. We sometimes think of them being rolled or run over. Rarely do we think about the other risks.
Point taken from the website: A car is not a toy, a backyard, and certainly not a babysitter.
Some of the most common incidences with cars involve overheating by deadly temps in cars, accidentally knocking a car in to gear, being strangled by power windows, sunroofs or other power accessories, abducted from cars, getting locked in the trunk in an innocent game of hide and seak and carbon monoxide poisioning. Minnesota has had 15 deaths related to these things in children in the past decade, and that is on the low end. Some states have had over 50 deaths. Most are unintentional and accidents, and that doesn't make them any easier to swallow.
Backovers are the greatest cause of injuries and fatalities in kids when it comes to cars. In fact, 50 kids a week are backed over by a vehicle due to lack of visibility. One picture on the kids and cars website showed 62 kids sitting on the ground behind an SUV. Not one was visible to the driver because of the blind spots the SUV had. As parents, how many of us drive those large trucks or SUV's, even mini-vans? How often do the kids play in the driveway and how many times have you late to somewhere took off out of the driveway in a hurry with out knowing fully where your children are? It only takes one time, and unfortunately, 50 kids a week fall victim to this one time.
Additionally, my kids are two that love to "drive" aka play in the car. I have to drag them kicking and screaming sometimes away from the car reminding them it is not a toy, and yet the next time I get in and turn the key, my windshield wipers turn on, the music is blared and I have a CD in my player that wasn't there when I left it. That happens in minutes. While there are no keys in the ignition. What could happen in minutes if there were?
And how about those errands when we want to run in and pay for gas or grab something in the store while our kids wait for us in the parked car? The website's montra is "Not even for a minute". It takes seconds for a child to decide to get out of their car seat and come find mom or dad, or for mom to become distracted on a hot day in the cool comforts of a grocery store and forget her child sitting in the cooking car. Are you willing to take the risk? Now I know, it is a huge temptation. For me I think do I want to drag two kids in to the gas station where there are treats and distractions, etc? Or do I want to spare myself and run in and pay and get out in far less time and stress? I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with this. But who ultimately will pay the price if you leave them?
And finally, as it comes to overheating, the article which prompted me to do this column was about a distracted mom out of her daily habit who thought she dropped her sleeping baby in the back seat off at day care and instead left it in the car all day while she worked. The child died due to overheating. It was eye opening how easily we can become distracted and how getting out of our daily routines is an easy way for accidents to happen. Have a small child in a car seat? So this doesn't happen to you try these suggestions: keep a small stuffed animal in your child's car seat. When you put them in it move it to the front seat, when you take them out put it back. This way you will have a visual cue to check the back seat. Put your purse, bag, etc in the back as a matter of habit, even if the kids are not in the car. This will make you turn around to see the back seat. Make an agreement with your child care provider if you are late by twenty minutes on any given day that they call you. This way if you get to work and forget your child in the car, you are prompted.
While this information is so basic, and I don't mean to insult your intelligence by addressing it, things happen each day. Thousands of drivers are distracted at any given moment. And while you can't do anything about other people's inattentiveness, you can do a whole lot about yours. Cutting corners may save a minute or two, but in the long run, is the added risk to your child by not taking them in to the store with you, or allowing them to play in the car, or by not being aware of where they are before you back out of the driveway worth the risk?
Finally, do an experiment. Have your kids stand at different locations around your car while you are in it so you get a sense of your cars blind spots. This may not only be educational, but eye opening as you discover just how easy it would be for an accident to happen if your child is around your car.
I hope you all continue to have a safe and fabulous summer. Remember, not even for a minute. See you next week!
I was inspired for this week's column by an aritcle I recently read in a parenting magazine. It was hugely eye opening and I wanted to share it with you. The issue? Safety in and around cars and kids. There is a phenominal website on the topic of kids and vehicle safety and it is www.kidsand cars.com . Most of the content in this column comes from it and I urge you to visit it if you get a chance.
The fact is, when we think of kids and car safety we think of seat belts or car seats. We sometimes think of them being rolled or run over. Rarely do we think about the other risks.
Point taken from the website: A car is not a toy, a backyard, and certainly not a babysitter.
Some of the most common incidences with cars involve overheating by deadly temps in cars, accidentally knocking a car in to gear, being strangled by power windows, sunroofs or other power accessories, abducted from cars, getting locked in the trunk in an innocent game of hide and seak and carbon monoxide poisioning. Minnesota has had 15 deaths related to these things in children in the past decade, and that is on the low end. Some states have had over 50 deaths. Most are unintentional and accidents, and that doesn't make them any easier to swallow.
Backovers are the greatest cause of injuries and fatalities in kids when it comes to cars. In fact, 50 kids a week are backed over by a vehicle due to lack of visibility. One picture on the kids and cars website showed 62 kids sitting on the ground behind an SUV. Not one was visible to the driver because of the blind spots the SUV had. As parents, how many of us drive those large trucks or SUV's, even mini-vans? How often do the kids play in the driveway and how many times have you late to somewhere took off out of the driveway in a hurry with out knowing fully where your children are? It only takes one time, and unfortunately, 50 kids a week fall victim to this one time.
Additionally, my kids are two that love to "drive" aka play in the car. I have to drag them kicking and screaming sometimes away from the car reminding them it is not a toy, and yet the next time I get in and turn the key, my windshield wipers turn on, the music is blared and I have a CD in my player that wasn't there when I left it. That happens in minutes. While there are no keys in the ignition. What could happen in minutes if there were?
And how about those errands when we want to run in and pay for gas or grab something in the store while our kids wait for us in the parked car? The website's montra is "Not even for a minute". It takes seconds for a child to decide to get out of their car seat and come find mom or dad, or for mom to become distracted on a hot day in the cool comforts of a grocery store and forget her child sitting in the cooking car. Are you willing to take the risk? Now I know, it is a huge temptation. For me I think do I want to drag two kids in to the gas station where there are treats and distractions, etc? Or do I want to spare myself and run in and pay and get out in far less time and stress? I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with this. But who ultimately will pay the price if you leave them?
And finally, as it comes to overheating, the article which prompted me to do this column was about a distracted mom out of her daily habit who thought she dropped her sleeping baby in the back seat off at day care and instead left it in the car all day while she worked. The child died due to overheating. It was eye opening how easily we can become distracted and how getting out of our daily routines is an easy way for accidents to happen. Have a small child in a car seat? So this doesn't happen to you try these suggestions: keep a small stuffed animal in your child's car seat. When you put them in it move it to the front seat, when you take them out put it back. This way you will have a visual cue to check the back seat. Put your purse, bag, etc in the back as a matter of habit, even if the kids are not in the car. This will make you turn around to see the back seat. Make an agreement with your child care provider if you are late by twenty minutes on any given day that they call you. This way if you get to work and forget your child in the car, you are prompted.
While this information is so basic, and I don't mean to insult your intelligence by addressing it, things happen each day. Thousands of drivers are distracted at any given moment. And while you can't do anything about other people's inattentiveness, you can do a whole lot about yours. Cutting corners may save a minute or two, but in the long run, is the added risk to your child by not taking them in to the store with you, or allowing them to play in the car, or by not being aware of where they are before you back out of the driveway worth the risk?
Finally, do an experiment. Have your kids stand at different locations around your car while you are in it so you get a sense of your cars blind spots. This may not only be educational, but eye opening as you discover just how easy it would be for an accident to happen if your child is around your car.
I hope you all continue to have a safe and fabulous summer. Remember, not even for a minute. See you next week!
The Mom Chronicles: Celebrating Matthew (7/8)
Welcome back, moms. I hope you enjoyed your long holiday weekend.
The fourth of July holiday is particularly special for my family and I. What I did not mention last week is that it's the weekend we celebrate the passing of another year in my son's life. He was nearly a firecracker baby. I was induced with him on the fourth of July and as the fireworks boomed in the wee hours of the night, he held off in order to have his own special day, and came shortly after the start of the fifth. That was four years ago. It is hard to believe its been so long. Don't get me wrong, some days seem like its been an eternity!- but mostly, I can't believe we are already to preschool and riding a bike and all the other things that life with a four year old brings.
My Matthew entered the world at a mear four and a half pounds. He was a premie and had a somewhat eventful first two months of life, mostly in terms of being jaundiced and on bili lights for eight weeks. His first couple years were rough ones in general. At about seven months he got a horrible case of chicken pox that covered even his eye lids, and that brought us to our first trip to the ER. Shortly there after we figured out he had asthma. At a year and a half he spent several days hospitalized for RSV and pneumonia. During this time he also made his first trip over the side bar of his crib, not landing on his feet as he had hoped, and out of his high chair. And then there was that thing with the bee sting when we quickly learned he was allergic to them. Life with a kiddo is always interesting,isn't it? We've had our trip to the ER for a staple in the head due to jumping on mom's bed and now have learned Matty needs glasses.
The past four years have also brought many joys as well. Matthew has a radiant smile and dimples that make my heart melt. He is full of kisses and affection for his mom, and the highlight of our days are driving passed the fire department to see if the fire trucks and ambulances are "awake" (gone on a run) or "sleeping" (at the station). He has high aspirations like his mommy of being on one of those trucks. I've gotten to watch him embrace brotherhood as we welcomed his sister a couple years ago,and he fondly refers to her as "my Ella". Most recently his love has been devoted to "swimmin' and dancin'" after a weekend away to my brother's wedding where he got to do ample amounts of both and playing with our Newfoundland puppy. He also loves playing with "the kids" a few doors down, and going any where that entails fishing, swimming or a park.
Needless to say with such a joy brought in to my life during the fourth of July weekend, it holds a special place in my heart. As we sat together and watched the fireworks this past weekend with my son's head resting on my lap, I did what I do every year, and couldn't help but get a little choked up. You see, we had been told my son would likely have down syndrome and a heart defect. As the fireworks exploded outside my hospital window, I had hopes for the best, while expecting the worst. My Matthew, my dear sweet Matthew, came out perfect. Small, but perfect. He mearly had in-utero growth restriction. And so new joy came on that night. And as we watched those fireworks the other night, sweet memories of the night my son came in to my world flooded back, and I felt so blessed.
The only thing missing from the fourth of July fireworks this year was the music for the dancin'. My son over and over begged to go up to the club house where a wedding reception was being held so he could dance. This year, as opposed to last, there was no DJ. The event wasn't quite what it was last year. Fireworks were still great. It was fabulous to see families out enjoying each other and the holiday. But my family missed the music. I am hoping next year it finds its way back, as that would make for a very happy little boy. One, that would have loved to dance his way in to his birthday.
And so my moms, please join me in wishing my son a fabulous 4th birthday. We are spending it at Chuck-E-Cheese, every mom's dream place to take her kid (ah...yeah..) where Matthew will be surrounded by the people that love him most and are equally as thrilled to spend his special day with him. Additionally, thank you for allowing this mom to gush about one of the greatest loves in her life.
See you next week!
The Mom Chronicles: Happy 4th! (7/1)
The Mom Chronicles: Happy 4th!
Welcome back, moms! Is it just me or is this summer whizzing by? Here we are, already to July. Where does the time go? In light of this being the 4th of July weekend I wanted to take a moment to offer a few reminders as they pertain to two of the most common fourth of July events: Parades and Fireworks. While I know you are all sharp, intelligent people, a few reminders never hurt, and my hope is that this is a safe and enjoyable one for all of you!
To start with, this past week the Peterson crew partook in the fun family summer tradition of attending a parade, something many of you will be doing this weekend. In going I was suddenly inspired in terms of the idea for this column. As there will soon be a parade marching down the streets of Hastings, and as I said, many of you attending others this weekend, I thought this would be a good time to offer a few parade going reminders for you before you hit the streets with your little ones.
The first applies to candy collection.I was horrified as I sat and watched dozens of kids dart in front of moving parade and float vehicles in an attempt to grab that last piece of candy or whatever else was being given out. Kids were literally going up to floats and running or walking along side them in an attempt to get as much candy as they could. This, as visions of a child getting run over or worse danced in my head. This will not be my kids, and I hope it won't be yours either. So, a good ground rule I use is that the kids have to stay on the curb and they can go only for the candy that comes around their feet or is handed to them. In many cities, I learned, there are no throwing rules for candy in parades. Parade organizers have gone to people walking next to floats and handing the candy to people vs throwing it from the floats to try to lessen the risk to parade goers.I think this is a great idea. The thing is kids don't see moving vehicles, they see candy. Additionally the people driving the vehicles pulling the floats can't see kids on the ground around the float behind them, and there are a number of things distracting them that it is nearly impossible to keep track of where each child is around the vehicle. When it comes to animals, mainly horses, try to keep your kids calm and avoid allowing them to shout, run around or throw things at the horses so as to prevent them from getting spooked. And how about all those go carts we as parents love to hate? If they, or another float group, request you to come up off the curb or move your feet, generally that applies to everyone. While there weren't any of these at the parade I attended, there was a motorcycle group in which the bikes soaring up and down the street were near invisible to some kids, or so it seemed. They stood three feet out in to the road and just in my small area there were a couple near misses. As a marching band color guard alumni I can also tell you I have been witness to more then one child getting hit by a flag that is being twirled from them coming too close. As with any other float, keep them back and keep them safe. Finally, if you are going to be sitting on a float instead of watching them, be sure to keep your kids back from the edges or be sure they are sitting down. There are many groups, from the city royalty to dance schools who are up and actively dancing around or moving on floats. If your child is on one of these, be sure there are barriers or adults walking next to the float to try to prevent your child from falling off. And finally, while parade candy is generally safe, it doesn't hurt to do the Halloween once over. In other words, take a quick look through the treats your kids have collected and be sure they are all in their original wrappers and there is nothing fishy about any of them. And while you are at it, this would be a prime opportunity to snatch up that chocolate bar you've been eyeing since it landed at your child's feet!
Before I go let's not forget that this weekend is afterall the beloved 4th of July weekend, so I wanted to throw out a couple reminders for kids and fireworks. Basically, kids and fireworks don't mix. Now watching them at a fourth of July display, yes, but setting them off, not so much. Each year there are thousands of serious injuries caused by individuals, kids and adults, setting off fire works, and this is a friendly reminder of how dangerous they can be. So before heading to that family gathering where there may be some fireworks action consider having a discussion with your kids. Enforce that fireworks are for adults, not for kids, to set off. Remind them to keep a safe distance when they are being set off, and not to touch them, even just to look at them. Fireworks are not toys (try telling this to my uncles) and are not meant for small children to play with. They should be used outside only and encourage them to tell you if they see fireworks misuse by other kids. Additionally it is encouraged that children under five don't use sparklers. If you are the adult setting off the fireworks, be sure to read the instructions and warnings carefully. Keep a bucket of water handy. Never put them in your pockets. Finally, generally as in most other things, alcohol and fireworks are not really a great combination. Need I say more on that one?
I hope you are all having a safe and enjoyable summer! Have a great fourth of July!
The Mom Chronicles: When the Thunder Rolls (6/24)
The Mom Chronicles: When the thunder rolls
When asked what first comes to mind when someone mentions the summertime how do you respond? Fun in the sun? The beach? Family vacations? Well for this mom, who grew up in the country regularly watching the Wizard of Oz something different comes to mind: thunderstorms. Specifically tornadoes. And as summer is well underway we find ourselves amid the stormiest month here in Minnesota, June. We were well reminded of both of those things last week as we watched, and continue to see, coverage of storms and tornadoes that damaged parts of the state. And these events got me to thinking. What am I doing to keep my kids safe and calm when such storms threaten my doorstep and what am I teaching them in my preparations?
Unfortunately, all those Wizard of Oz episodes have made me a bit storm phobic and I admit, regrettably, that I passed those same fears on to my kids. And that brings me here. While the big storms never came here, the Peterson household got awefully stormy that night just because of everyone being so scared and worked up of something bad happening. And surely, there are better ways to handle storms then I did. And while I did a couple good things the general take away of the evening in my house was not positive in nature. That said, with a potentially stormy week ahead of us again, I wanted to step back and look at how to best help myself and kids through another stormy night, and perhaps help your families, too. Face it. To kids (and big people, too) storms can be scary. They are loud, unpredictable and dangerous. We often don’t know or understand enough what is going on and it is easier to focus on these fears then to focus on how to stay calm. And the fact of the matter is we don’t spend enough time thinking of what to do in those situations ahead of time. We often find ourselves rushing around at the time of a storm and that keeps our blood and adrenaline pumping and offers no real help in establishing a calm and safe environment.
My quest of storm preparedness lead me mostly online where I was able, though the help of several websites, to find some great suggestions on how to keep you and your family safe and calm during a storm. The first suggestion was to understand what is happening. Go to the library and check out books on weather to help your kids have a better understanding of what is going on and refer to those things when the storm actually comes saying things like remember we read about how lightening is just this or that and make a little science lesson out of it. Remember those things we don’t understand tend to be more scary then the things we do.
Next, be prepared. Have a plan and practice it with your family. Be sure to have things like flashlights, blankets, extra batteries, water, any medications, etc stocked and accessable to your family’s safe area ahead of time. Be sure your kids know where these things are as well. That way you can give them tasks during or before a storm to make them feel a greater sense of control. Allow them to pick out the snacks they want with and pack them up for everyone or to help test the flashlights periodically. Having a sense of control also helps with calm. Storms can feel very unpredictable and uncontrollable. Doing tasks to feel prepared and like you have a part can make a big difference, especially to kids.
And finally, find your calm, and help your kids find theirs. Step back. Take a deep breath. If having the news channel on with constant updates is too stressful, perhaps get a weather radio that will just alert you when the storm is close to your area, or tune in every half an hour for updates so you aren’t worried for hours in advance. Make games out of the storm. Do things like count with your kids the amount of time between a flash of lightening and clash of thunder and divide it by five. That will tell you the distance from the storm you are. Consider going to the basement ahead of time if you have a nice basement to go to. That way you are all somewhat shielded from the visuals of the storm before it starts to avoid the last minute panic of having to hurry there. Use things like headphones or turn up the stereo and have a dance party to drown out the noise. Consider putting your kids to sleep with rain or thunderstorm CD’s at night so they get used to it and aren’t kept awake on rainy, stormy nights by sounds that are usually considered scary. If they learn to be calmed and relaxed by them, they won’t be so scary. In addition have special games, toys, etc reserved for use just in the special safe place. This will create fun distractions and make the place less scary. And finally, if the electricity goes out turn it in to a campout. Set up a “tent” and use the flashlights as if you are camping out. This is something that may be familiar to the kids if it is a favorite past time of your family and something else to associate with good feelings.
Ultimately, while you can’t change whether or not a storm is going to land on your doorstep, you can be prepared for it and help you and your kids find a sense of calm in it. There will always be some sense of scary and unknown, but I am learning it can be drastically lessened just by a few small things.
Additionally, avoiding news coverage after storms of destruction or scary weather movies like the Wizard of Oz can always help as well. I still can’t hear a wind chime at the start of a storm with out thinking of the movie Twister.
That said, while we can’t fully eliminate the scary out of a storm, the next time the thunder rolls at your house, perhaps it won’t be as scary as an adventure. Perhaps it could even be fun.
Have a great week!
When asked what first comes to mind when someone mentions the summertime how do you respond? Fun in the sun? The beach? Family vacations? Well for this mom, who grew up in the country regularly watching the Wizard of Oz something different comes to mind: thunderstorms. Specifically tornadoes. And as summer is well underway we find ourselves amid the stormiest month here in Minnesota, June. We were well reminded of both of those things last week as we watched, and continue to see, coverage of storms and tornadoes that damaged parts of the state. And these events got me to thinking. What am I doing to keep my kids safe and calm when such storms threaten my doorstep and what am I teaching them in my preparations?
Unfortunately, all those Wizard of Oz episodes have made me a bit storm phobic and I admit, regrettably, that I passed those same fears on to my kids. And that brings me here. While the big storms never came here, the Peterson household got awefully stormy that night just because of everyone being so scared and worked up of something bad happening. And surely, there are better ways to handle storms then I did. And while I did a couple good things the general take away of the evening in my house was not positive in nature. That said, with a potentially stormy week ahead of us again, I wanted to step back and look at how to best help myself and kids through another stormy night, and perhaps help your families, too. Face it. To kids (and big people, too) storms can be scary. They are loud, unpredictable and dangerous. We often don’t know or understand enough what is going on and it is easier to focus on these fears then to focus on how to stay calm. And the fact of the matter is we don’t spend enough time thinking of what to do in those situations ahead of time. We often find ourselves rushing around at the time of a storm and that keeps our blood and adrenaline pumping and offers no real help in establishing a calm and safe environment.
My quest of storm preparedness lead me mostly online where I was able, though the help of several websites, to find some great suggestions on how to keep you and your family safe and calm during a storm. The first suggestion was to understand what is happening. Go to the library and check out books on weather to help your kids have a better understanding of what is going on and refer to those things when the storm actually comes saying things like remember we read about how lightening is just this or that and make a little science lesson out of it. Remember those things we don’t understand tend to be more scary then the things we do.
Next, be prepared. Have a plan and practice it with your family. Be sure to have things like flashlights, blankets, extra batteries, water, any medications, etc stocked and accessable to your family’s safe area ahead of time. Be sure your kids know where these things are as well. That way you can give them tasks during or before a storm to make them feel a greater sense of control. Allow them to pick out the snacks they want with and pack them up for everyone or to help test the flashlights periodically. Having a sense of control also helps with calm. Storms can feel very unpredictable and uncontrollable. Doing tasks to feel prepared and like you have a part can make a big difference, especially to kids.
And finally, find your calm, and help your kids find theirs. Step back. Take a deep breath. If having the news channel on with constant updates is too stressful, perhaps get a weather radio that will just alert you when the storm is close to your area, or tune in every half an hour for updates so you aren’t worried for hours in advance. Make games out of the storm. Do things like count with your kids the amount of time between a flash of lightening and clash of thunder and divide it by five. That will tell you the distance from the storm you are. Consider going to the basement ahead of time if you have a nice basement to go to. That way you are all somewhat shielded from the visuals of the storm before it starts to avoid the last minute panic of having to hurry there. Use things like headphones or turn up the stereo and have a dance party to drown out the noise. Consider putting your kids to sleep with rain or thunderstorm CD’s at night so they get used to it and aren’t kept awake on rainy, stormy nights by sounds that are usually considered scary. If they learn to be calmed and relaxed by them, they won’t be so scary. In addition have special games, toys, etc reserved for use just in the special safe place. This will create fun distractions and make the place less scary. And finally, if the electricity goes out turn it in to a campout. Set up a “tent” and use the flashlights as if you are camping out. This is something that may be familiar to the kids if it is a favorite past time of your family and something else to associate with good feelings.
Ultimately, while you can’t change whether or not a storm is going to land on your doorstep, you can be prepared for it and help you and your kids find a sense of calm in it. There will always be some sense of scary and unknown, but I am learning it can be drastically lessened just by a few small things.
Additionally, avoiding news coverage after storms of destruction or scary weather movies like the Wizard of Oz can always help as well. I still can’t hear a wind chime at the start of a storm with out thinking of the movie Twister.
That said, while we can’t fully eliminate the scary out of a storm, the next time the thunder rolls at your house, perhaps it won’t be as scary as an adventure. Perhaps it could even be fun.
Have a great week!
The Mom Chronicles: Lessons in Safety (6/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Lessons in Safety
So I suppose by now most of you have heard be it through Chad's story this past week or via other sources that last week was indeed a very big week for me. Not only did I pass my exams to become a Nationally registered EMT, but I had my first big adventure in putting my skills to use. Fortunately for me, and the little guy who required them, I was successful. This column, however, is not about telling the story, as I think most of you already got the jist. What it is aimed at doing, however, is to remind all of you just how quickly bad things can happen and how easily, in most cases, they can be prevented.
As both an EMT and writer of this column, I am dedicated to educating as many of you as possible and bringing equal awareness of the safety issues facing our kids and what our role as parents and as a community is in terms of preventing tragedys like what happened out at Lake Elmo last week from occuring. Naturally, I recognize and fully am aware of the fact that things happen. Things that are outside of our control happen every day, and while we can't then necessarily prevent them, we can do our best to be prepared for them. Therefor I am dedicating a great deal of my columns the next few weeks to various topics in child safety. I am not an expert. I only have the knowledge of the personal and professional experiences I have had. That said, I can share with you what I know and point you in the directions of the "real" professionals that have a knowledge much greater than mine in areas I am not so knowledgable in. And while I could get in to all kinds of details about complex safety measures we could put in place, in the end, it comes down to the basics. It comes down to parents being diligent about watching their kids, and in the times they can not be there, the importance of choosing someone to watch them that will be equally if not even more diligent then we as parents will even be. It's about educating ourselves and our kids. It's about doing the little things that we sometimes take for granted: wearing a seatbelt, a helmet while riding a bike, life jackets while in the water, not talking to strangers, knowing how to assess the emergency medical services through 911, and so on. It's about knowing things like basic first aid and CPR for when things do happen, and I was thrilled to see the education being done in the middle school to teach even our local students the basics in CPR, something that can be such a vital role in saving some ones life. And so while yes, I was able to assist someone in such a way that made a vital difference in saving their life, as a mom, that was not what I walked away with. It was the reminder of how important the safety of our kids is and how quickly lives can be changed in a few short seconds of non-diligence or letting our guards down. So I look forward to the weeks ahead and if you have an idea for a safety topic, please forward it on to me, and hopefully together we can see to it that our kids have as safe of a summer as possible.
On a final note, something that was difficult for me this past week was the credit I got for what I did on that beach. The reality is, and something that I am very humbled by, is the fact, I was not the only one there who stepped in to assist this little boy. Additionally, we have a whole group of people in our community who put themselves our there for each of you every day. They have saved countless lives, making my one not such a big deal. And the thing about these people is that they don't do it for the credit or validation. They do it because they have a true and sincere desire to help and impact the lives of others. And so I ask that you keep that in mind whenever you see an ambulance or fire truck or policeman. And I also ask that you take some time to educate yourselves about the roles that they play in our community, roles that extend beyond just driving an ambulance or showing up at a false alarm or pulling over a speeding pedestrian. They are people that are vital to the safety and well being of our community, and our appreciation for and support of them are vital as well.
Have a safe and wonderful week.
So I suppose by now most of you have heard be it through Chad's story this past week or via other sources that last week was indeed a very big week for me. Not only did I pass my exams to become a Nationally registered EMT, but I had my first big adventure in putting my skills to use. Fortunately for me, and the little guy who required them, I was successful. This column, however, is not about telling the story, as I think most of you already got the jist. What it is aimed at doing, however, is to remind all of you just how quickly bad things can happen and how easily, in most cases, they can be prevented.
As both an EMT and writer of this column, I am dedicated to educating as many of you as possible and bringing equal awareness of the safety issues facing our kids and what our role as parents and as a community is in terms of preventing tragedys like what happened out at Lake Elmo last week from occuring. Naturally, I recognize and fully am aware of the fact that things happen. Things that are outside of our control happen every day, and while we can't then necessarily prevent them, we can do our best to be prepared for them. Therefor I am dedicating a great deal of my columns the next few weeks to various topics in child safety. I am not an expert. I only have the knowledge of the personal and professional experiences I have had. That said, I can share with you what I know and point you in the directions of the "real" professionals that have a knowledge much greater than mine in areas I am not so knowledgable in. And while I could get in to all kinds of details about complex safety measures we could put in place, in the end, it comes down to the basics. It comes down to parents being diligent about watching their kids, and in the times they can not be there, the importance of choosing someone to watch them that will be equally if not even more diligent then we as parents will even be. It's about educating ourselves and our kids. It's about doing the little things that we sometimes take for granted: wearing a seatbelt, a helmet while riding a bike, life jackets while in the water, not talking to strangers, knowing how to assess the emergency medical services through 911, and so on. It's about knowing things like basic first aid and CPR for when things do happen, and I was thrilled to see the education being done in the middle school to teach even our local students the basics in CPR, something that can be such a vital role in saving some ones life. And so while yes, I was able to assist someone in such a way that made a vital difference in saving their life, as a mom, that was not what I walked away with. It was the reminder of how important the safety of our kids is and how quickly lives can be changed in a few short seconds of non-diligence or letting our guards down. So I look forward to the weeks ahead and if you have an idea for a safety topic, please forward it on to me, and hopefully together we can see to it that our kids have as safe of a summer as possible.
On a final note, something that was difficult for me this past week was the credit I got for what I did on that beach. The reality is, and something that I am very humbled by, is the fact, I was not the only one there who stepped in to assist this little boy. Additionally, we have a whole group of people in our community who put themselves our there for each of you every day. They have saved countless lives, making my one not such a big deal. And the thing about these people is that they don't do it for the credit or validation. They do it because they have a true and sincere desire to help and impact the lives of others. And so I ask that you keep that in mind whenever you see an ambulance or fire truck or policeman. And I also ask that you take some time to educate yourselves about the roles that they play in our community, roles that extend beyond just driving an ambulance or showing up at a false alarm or pulling over a speeding pedestrian. They are people that are vital to the safety and well being of our community, and our appreciation for and support of them are vital as well.
Have a safe and wonderful week.
The Mom Chronicles: What Makes Special (6/3)
Welcome back moms, from all of your Memorial Day adventures. Whether you stayed at home, or traveled afar I hope the weekend was special for you and your families.
For us, the Memorial Day Weekend got off to an interesting start. You see, while I was busy planning our Momorial weekend adventures, I was met with a bit of discouraging news. I learned my son needs glasses. He is three, I thought. Already? For me having received the news, disappointment inevidably set in. See, as moms we have this dream of our children being born perfect. Not of just having ten fingers and toes, but everything else just as it should be as well. Now many of you may be thinking, glasses that's no big deal. Many people wear glasses. But for this mom, its one more thing. Yes, this is the boy that was "supposed" to be born with Down Syndrome and have a heart defect, and didn't. He is the boy whose lungs were supposed to be "borderline" mature when I was induced for his birth, but who didn't need a single day in the NICU. So with these gifts, why is this dampening my spirits so much?
I guess you could say I wanted better for him. While Matty hasn't had those major issues, he's had several others ranging from a chronic medical condition to developmental delays. At the same time, my daughter who was also born prematurely and spent a week in the NICU, has gross motor delays. While having just turned two,she has only walked for a couple months and still can not walk up and down steps or run or completely keep up with her friends her age. Each week I make the trip up to Gillette Children's in St. Paul with her for her physical therapy to help her muscles grow strength and be able to better support her that she may some day be able to run after her friends at the park. Now yes, in going to Gillette, I see a lot of kids a whole worse off then either of mine. So why then not just be thankful for what we have been given and why be so caddy as to let a simple pair of glasses put a damper on what is supposed to be such a fun time of year?
The answer, I suppose, is not as simple as it sounds. I guess in everything my kids have gone through, not just physically and developmentally but emotionally, I just want something in their lives to be normal. To not set them apart and make them "special".
And that brings up an interesting point. What is "special" anyways and is it really that bad? Why no. In fact, special lies with in all of us and all of our kids. We can all argue that even someone with the most normal, flawless child is special. That's because special extends far beyond that which is on the outside. Special is all about what lies within. For my son, he is special not just because he is delayed in some areas, but because he has a killer smile and tremendous heart. He loves "dancin and swimmin'" and asks to go almost each night. He has a great sense of humor, a tender heart, a giving soul. He cuddles and kisses and loves his momma an aweful lot. Yet its perhaps those things that make my heart break at the sound of him needing glasses. You see there is the reality that kids can be mean. What if, I think, my son is teased? What if these glasses bring him negative attention or make him feel insecure or in some way make him feel less then the radiant little boy he is? The fact is, I don't want to have others look at him and think he must be "special" because he has glasses. I want them to know and see his heart and think "Wow! Now that's a special boy!"
And the same goes for my daughter and people's thoughts and responses to her current delays. In addition there is the fear and reality that due to how her little life started and the crappy genetics she got from her mom that she will likely need glasses one day, too. And likely I will have the same response. Inside that is. But I assure you the response to my children on the outside is not poor you, you are going to be different. It's how cool are you that you get to wear these glasses? We let Matty try on whatever pair he wanted to today. And while he still insists on orange ones (which they may just happen to be "out of" on the day we order his) as his mom I will be there hiding my own fears and insecurities for him, as I learn to support him and teach him just how special he is, glasses, or no glasses.
And so while this Memorial day I was quietly celebrating the last outing with out juggling Matty's new glasses or worrying about them in one way or another, I was also taking time to sit back and appreciate my son for being special in all the other ways he is.
That said, if you have a child that has a need that is not the same as most kids their age or is in some ways different, just remember that special is in the eyes of the beholder. No, actually, its in all of us. So as you have that time together this summer if you have a child or person in your home who is a little "special", let this be a time that you celebrate the specials within, not just those on the outside.
See you next week!
The Mom Chronicles: Summer in the Air (5/27)
The Mom Chronicles: Summer in the Air
Hey, Moms. Has it been warm enough for everyone? Seems like summer has found us in a big way. Hopefully unlike me, you all are fortunate enough to have air conditioning in your homes. Us...not so much. So its been pretty nasty but we are surviving. What all this warm weather has done besides make us hot and sweaty and a wee bit crabby at times.. is sort of inspired us to switch gears. The warm weather tends to get us all in to vacation mode, or slow down mode. It seems the days get a little lazier and each one feels like an opportunity to go out and do something.This column is all about our favorite things to do when the weather turns to warm.
May, warm or not, is the beginning of my favorite season, garage sale season. Now I never used to be much in to garage sales, mind you, but being a mom on a very small budget I have grown to love them. Now I don't go over board and am not one of those people that plans days in advance which sales to hit up in which order and that sort of thing, but I do usually choose a select couple and check them out. One of these days I will write a whole column on garage saling, as I pretty much have it down to an art. Today is not that day. However, I will share that every Thursday and Friday morning I admit I have woken up a little giddy. I look forward to going and venturing out. I have found some great things for the kids at very reasonable prices. And the kids love it, too! They are getting new things and they don't know I didn't pay top dollar for them. Not paying top dollar and being able to then get the kids things like games and books we otherwise couldn't afford makes mom happy.
With the warm weather has also come digging in the dirt. I love to plant flowers and dig in the dirt but nerve issues in my arms don't allow me to do much of it. Enter the kids. Its become a whole family affair. Ella fills up a bucket with dirt, Matthew helps me dig my holes and I can stick the flowers where I want them. It isn't as relaxing and solitude of a venture as I usually like it to be but its been great for the three of us to spend time together and has taught me family time is more important than things being just in their place or done perfectly.
The School House Scoop ice cream shop has also been one of our favorite spots to visit. Albeit a bit early in the season to be hitting up icecream on a regular basis, the staff there is great and the kids love to go. They get to get up on the little bench so they can see all the different kinds and colors and undoubtably always choose the blue kinds. Birthday cake waffle cones happen to be my thing, but whichever we choose, we all leave very happy (and sticky, and the kids - blue. Caution on the Superman icecream!) It never fails we run in to people we know there and it feels like sort of a fun place to get together. At least once a week, you will find us there.
And on to our favorite parks and beaches. This past weekend we went down to the Prescott beach. Now river and Lake swimming aren't my thing, but they have a decent beach and the kids had great fun. Our very favorite swimming hole is at Lake Elmo Park Reserve. They have a fabulous man made swimming hole that has the appearance of a small lake, but isn't, is rather a well filtered fabulous place for a dip. We will definitely be there a LOT this summer. And if its rainy out, as it was on Saturday when our plans to hit up Como park were sort of put the cabosh on, try the Central Park indoor park in Woodbury. There they have this fabulous indoor play facility for the kids. Its five bucks a kid to get in (moms and dads are free) and my kids were content for hours there. If you are brave like I was, and choose to climb and venture with your kids beware: you will definitely want to shower afterwords as you watch all the kids wiping their runny noses and the like with their hands.. However, it was a great place to go on a rainy day and well worth the price to get in. And speaking of Como park, next week the new Polar Bear exhibit opens, which we are so very excited for, and mid June the butterflies are back as well. That's an experience all in its own. So while not local, be sure to hit up Como Park as well. Its free and really has come a long way in the past few years. On a final local note, the aquatic center in town will undoubtably get our business as well this year. There is a great play area for the smaller kids and a big ole slide for us big people. Its clean, well kept, and close to home. Gotta love it.
Well I doubt we will be firing up the grill today, but undboutably the strawberries and sweet corn will be back on the docket for dinner tonight. All of them summer favorites as well.
Stay cool and have a safe and enjoyable holiday weekend!
Hey, Moms. Has it been warm enough for everyone? Seems like summer has found us in a big way. Hopefully unlike me, you all are fortunate enough to have air conditioning in your homes. Us...not so much. So its been pretty nasty but we are surviving. What all this warm weather has done besides make us hot and sweaty and a wee bit crabby at times.. is sort of inspired us to switch gears. The warm weather tends to get us all in to vacation mode, or slow down mode. It seems the days get a little lazier and each one feels like an opportunity to go out and do something.This column is all about our favorite things to do when the weather turns to warm.
May, warm or not, is the beginning of my favorite season, garage sale season. Now I never used to be much in to garage sales, mind you, but being a mom on a very small budget I have grown to love them. Now I don't go over board and am not one of those people that plans days in advance which sales to hit up in which order and that sort of thing, but I do usually choose a select couple and check them out. One of these days I will write a whole column on garage saling, as I pretty much have it down to an art. Today is not that day. However, I will share that every Thursday and Friday morning I admit I have woken up a little giddy. I look forward to going and venturing out. I have found some great things for the kids at very reasonable prices. And the kids love it, too! They are getting new things and they don't know I didn't pay top dollar for them. Not paying top dollar and being able to then get the kids things like games and books we otherwise couldn't afford makes mom happy.
With the warm weather has also come digging in the dirt. I love to plant flowers and dig in the dirt but nerve issues in my arms don't allow me to do much of it. Enter the kids. Its become a whole family affair. Ella fills up a bucket with dirt, Matthew helps me dig my holes and I can stick the flowers where I want them. It isn't as relaxing and solitude of a venture as I usually like it to be but its been great for the three of us to spend time together and has taught me family time is more important than things being just in their place or done perfectly.
The School House Scoop ice cream shop has also been one of our favorite spots to visit. Albeit a bit early in the season to be hitting up icecream on a regular basis, the staff there is great and the kids love to go. They get to get up on the little bench so they can see all the different kinds and colors and undoubtably always choose the blue kinds. Birthday cake waffle cones happen to be my thing, but whichever we choose, we all leave very happy (and sticky, and the kids - blue. Caution on the Superman icecream!) It never fails we run in to people we know there and it feels like sort of a fun place to get together. At least once a week, you will find us there.
And on to our favorite parks and beaches. This past weekend we went down to the Prescott beach. Now river and Lake swimming aren't my thing, but they have a decent beach and the kids had great fun. Our very favorite swimming hole is at Lake Elmo Park Reserve. They have a fabulous man made swimming hole that has the appearance of a small lake, but isn't, is rather a well filtered fabulous place for a dip. We will definitely be there a LOT this summer. And if its rainy out, as it was on Saturday when our plans to hit up Como park were sort of put the cabosh on, try the Central Park indoor park in Woodbury. There they have this fabulous indoor play facility for the kids. Its five bucks a kid to get in (moms and dads are free) and my kids were content for hours there. If you are brave like I was, and choose to climb and venture with your kids beware: you will definitely want to shower afterwords as you watch all the kids wiping their runny noses and the like with their hands.. However, it was a great place to go on a rainy day and well worth the price to get in. And speaking of Como park, next week the new Polar Bear exhibit opens, which we are so very excited for, and mid June the butterflies are back as well. That's an experience all in its own. So while not local, be sure to hit up Como Park as well. Its free and really has come a long way in the past few years. On a final local note, the aquatic center in town will undoubtably get our business as well this year. There is a great play area for the smaller kids and a big ole slide for us big people. Its clean, well kept, and close to home. Gotta love it.
Well I doubt we will be firing up the grill today, but undboutably the strawberries and sweet corn will be back on the docket for dinner tonight. All of them summer favorites as well.
While miserable feeling at times, I hope you are all enjoying the warm weather and that you have a safe and fun holiday weekend. I hope you will check out some of our favorite spots and don't be afraid to say hi if we should be there at the same time.
The Mom Chronicles: This and That (5/20)
The Mom Chronicles: This and That
Welcome Back, moms! I feel as if its been an eternity since I was here! I am gone one week and it feels as if I've been gone for years.
Well first, I would like to thank all of you who have stopped me to comment on the Mother's Day column I wrote. I really appreciated your feedback. I feel very priveledged that I get to come here each week and be a part of your lives. And remember, the only reason I am able to do that is because I am one of you, too. I appreciate the kind compliments on my column and hope you know that I come here each week not because of the compliments I may generate, but because I have been given an opportunity to be here for each of you in a very unique way. I am very greatful for that.
So where have I been? Well, I guess you could say taking care of some business. I regret to confess that I had to readmit myself to the hospital for further treatment for my depression. I guess you could say it is much easier to give the cheerleading and hope then to take it. It was very, very hard for me to be away from my kids, especially over Mother's Day, and while I got to see them for a short time that day, it just wasn't the same. But I must remind myself of what I remind you all of all the time, we can't take care of our kids unless we first take care of ourselves. Unfortunately my stay was cut short due to lack of care for my kids, but I hope the weeks ahead will give me further opportunities to get some of the help I have needed for a very long time.
Also detaining me a bit was my commitment to school. I am proud to report that I am one exam away from being a licensed, Nationally Registered EMT. I managed to get an A in my class and to complete the class at the top. I passed both of my "Rediness" exams to prepare me for the official license tests I need to take, and have since passed one of the required two. I had my practical exam this past Saturday which tested me on my skills I am required to be able to know and perform. I am now just waiting for my green light to take my written exam. I am very proud of this accomplishment and hope in the very near future I can serve you, the residents of Hastings, in a more "official" form hopefully in the form of a position with the Hastings Fire Dept. Unfortunately a hiring freeze has them a bit stuck at the moment, but believe you me I am all about pursuing that role as soon as it presents itself. I have been very verbal in the past in how highly I view the dept and the people that work for it, and they were the inspiration behind my completing this course and now pursing further classes to go one step further and become a paramedic. We are very lucky to live in a community that has such a great group of people serving us and I hope you will take the time to thank them when you see them around or stop by the station with your kids some time to give a wave of appreciation. So, one test to go. Wish me luck.
And now, while all that catching up doesn't leave me much space for a whole lot more this week, I do want to make mention of something I learned the past couple weeks. I guess you could say I didn't really learn it, but was reminded of it.
Moms protect your kids. Please remember you are your kids best advocates. You know who they are, what makes them tick, what they need. Your kids rely on you to be there for them, to protect them, to keep them safe. Others, even their fathers in some situations, can not necessarily be trusted to do the same. At all times and in all circumstances, you must be there for your kids. Sometimes yes, this means putting your own most important needs aside. It can be hard. It can feel challenging. And when others don't see things the same way it can feel darn near impossible. But that is one thing I have had to do the past couple weeks and I consider it my most important job. Others will not always make decisions that are the best for your kids. They will not always be able to see all that your kids are or do or have been through. As moms you are in that unique role. So stand up for them. Advocate for them. Be that mamma bear we have talked about in the past and don't let them be put in harms way. That's my salt box for this week. I say it only because it is so near and dear to me and so very fitting in my own life at this time.
Well, to you all a beautiful, warm, sunny week. Life may not always be or feel or present itself that way, but at least for this week, I am going to step outside at least one day and put my face to the sun and feel its warmth beam on my cheeks. It can't solve life, but it certainly can't hurt.
See you next week. And again, thanks for your comments on the column. They are stored away in a very special place in my heart that I carry with me through all my days. To steal one of my favorite people's lines- you are good eggs.
Welcome Back, moms! I feel as if its been an eternity since I was here! I am gone one week and it feels as if I've been gone for years.
Well first, I would like to thank all of you who have stopped me to comment on the Mother's Day column I wrote. I really appreciated your feedback. I feel very priveledged that I get to come here each week and be a part of your lives. And remember, the only reason I am able to do that is because I am one of you, too. I appreciate the kind compliments on my column and hope you know that I come here each week not because of the compliments I may generate, but because I have been given an opportunity to be here for each of you in a very unique way. I am very greatful for that.
So where have I been? Well, I guess you could say taking care of some business. I regret to confess that I had to readmit myself to the hospital for further treatment for my depression. I guess you could say it is much easier to give the cheerleading and hope then to take it. It was very, very hard for me to be away from my kids, especially over Mother's Day, and while I got to see them for a short time that day, it just wasn't the same. But I must remind myself of what I remind you all of all the time, we can't take care of our kids unless we first take care of ourselves. Unfortunately my stay was cut short due to lack of care for my kids, but I hope the weeks ahead will give me further opportunities to get some of the help I have needed for a very long time.
Also detaining me a bit was my commitment to school. I am proud to report that I am one exam away from being a licensed, Nationally Registered EMT. I managed to get an A in my class and to complete the class at the top. I passed both of my "Rediness" exams to prepare me for the official license tests I need to take, and have since passed one of the required two. I had my practical exam this past Saturday which tested me on my skills I am required to be able to know and perform. I am now just waiting for my green light to take my written exam. I am very proud of this accomplishment and hope in the very near future I can serve you, the residents of Hastings, in a more "official" form hopefully in the form of a position with the Hastings Fire Dept. Unfortunately a hiring freeze has them a bit stuck at the moment, but believe you me I am all about pursuing that role as soon as it presents itself. I have been very verbal in the past in how highly I view the dept and the people that work for it, and they were the inspiration behind my completing this course and now pursing further classes to go one step further and become a paramedic. We are very lucky to live in a community that has such a great group of people serving us and I hope you will take the time to thank them when you see them around or stop by the station with your kids some time to give a wave of appreciation. So, one test to go. Wish me luck.
And now, while all that catching up doesn't leave me much space for a whole lot more this week, I do want to make mention of something I learned the past couple weeks. I guess you could say I didn't really learn it, but was reminded of it.
Moms protect your kids. Please remember you are your kids best advocates. You know who they are, what makes them tick, what they need. Your kids rely on you to be there for them, to protect them, to keep them safe. Others, even their fathers in some situations, can not necessarily be trusted to do the same. At all times and in all circumstances, you must be there for your kids. Sometimes yes, this means putting your own most important needs aside. It can be hard. It can feel challenging. And when others don't see things the same way it can feel darn near impossible. But that is one thing I have had to do the past couple weeks and I consider it my most important job. Others will not always make decisions that are the best for your kids. They will not always be able to see all that your kids are or do or have been through. As moms you are in that unique role. So stand up for them. Advocate for them. Be that mamma bear we have talked about in the past and don't let them be put in harms way. That's my salt box for this week. I say it only because it is so near and dear to me and so very fitting in my own life at this time.
Well, to you all a beautiful, warm, sunny week. Life may not always be or feel or present itself that way, but at least for this week, I am going to step outside at least one day and put my face to the sun and feel its warmth beam on my cheeks. It can't solve life, but it certainly can't hurt.
See you next week. And again, thanks for your comments on the column. They are stored away in a very special place in my heart that I carry with me through all my days. To steal one of my favorite people's lines- you are good eggs.
The Mom Chronicles: A Tribute (5/6)
The Mom Chronicles: A Tribute
My dear moms. This column is a tribute for you in honor of Mother's Day. I hope you enjoy it.
"The Hats of a Mom"
The old saying goes that a mom is the bearer and wearer of many hats. That the title "mom" actually means "doer of many things; skilled in multiple professions." The role of a mother is as vast as it is wide, as specific as it is unspecific, as acquired as it is innate. Afterall, a mother was not created to create alone, but to create, nurture, foster, and provide. It is because of this if you open a mother's closet it is not shoes that tumble out, but hats and hats galore. Some are invisible, mind you, while others are as bold as a neon sign. Some are nearly worn out, while others still bear their tags waiting for the precise moment when they are to be put to use.
So what are these hats you ask? Oh, the list is none too few. For for every role a mother has, to her a new hat is issued to.
A mother is a mix of mothers, Goose and Earth to name a few. For for every story that she tells, new life comes to me and you. A mother is a homemaker, a builder and designer. Afterall the honey do list that she makes, is often done by her. A mother is a gardener, a planter of many seeds, and she waters them and fertilizes them, attending to all their needs. And when her garden bears its fruit and blooms its petals bright, she quietly stands back and smiles with delight. A mother is a firefighter, sometimes literal others assumed, as she bravely pours water over the fires in life, as if danger never loomed. A mother is a law maker, a politician and a judge, for what's fair is fair and done is done and when you fall out of line, she's there to give a corrective nudge. A mother is a night watchman always keeping watch, for her candle always burns at both ends until she hears the front door's notch. And while she's up and holding down the fort she tends and grooms, she is the recordkeeper, the biographer, the photographer that always looms. A mother is a paramedic, a doctor and a nurse, for if it bleeds, vomits, breaks or gushes, she's got a remedy in her purse. A mother is a teacher, a librarian and tutor, because when it comes to books and school, good grades will always suit her. A mother is a businesswoman, a broker and a banker,and for the bank of mom, though sometimes broke, for each withdrawal you should thank her. But a mom is not always serious, a police man or P.I., she's the entertainer, costume maker, party planner and a professional at hair dye (especially her own!) She's the seamstress, the florest, the beautician, and nail technition, and whether your prom or wedding day, she's the one to make you radiant and glisten. She is the troup leader, the Den Mother, the hockey and soccer mom, the referee, the coach, the cheerleader and school song. A mother plays scientist, an inventor at her best, and when its time for science fairs, volcanoes are her test! The tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny,and Santa Clause himself, for if it weren't for mom, would be just stories on a shelf. A mother is a counselor, a pastor and spiritual guide, that teaches us the way and word, and about how Jesus died. She is the zoo keeper, the animal trainer, the veteranarian for when our furriest of friends, make their ways home with us and there our interest in them ends! She's the Queen, the Cinderella, the maiden and the slave, the chocolate brownies that she bakes, have become the latest rave! A mother is a detector of metal, lies and harm, for homeland security is her number one, and she knows when to sound alarm. She is the calander, the pocket planner, the personal attendant that keeps us on track, her organizing and time managing allows no time to slack! But while all these hats are important, yes that is quite true, a mothers prize hats to wear are not what's always apparent to me and you. They're the hats that read "Nurturer", "Confidaunt" and "Friend", and hang next to the ones that say "Constant" and "There 'til the End". So while it seems a mother's day is full of flipping hats, remember that 's what makes her-her, and give her many pats. Pats to say "way to go" and "I appreciate all you do", pats to remind her that its because of her, that you are you. And if you're a mom whose pats don't come often as they could or should, remember how talented you are, and that as a mom you are oh, so good! For it's not the number of pats we get for the job that we do, its the pure joy experienced in watching our kids grow that we do what we do. A mother's job is never done, even after her final breath, the hats are nearly passed, leaving their impact even in death,
With that, I hope you all have a most wonderful Mother's Day. Take the time to celebrate you and the wonders that you are and do!
My dear moms. This column is a tribute for you in honor of Mother's Day. I hope you enjoy it.
"The Hats of a Mom"
The old saying goes that a mom is the bearer and wearer of many hats. That the title "mom" actually means "doer of many things; skilled in multiple professions." The role of a mother is as vast as it is wide, as specific as it is unspecific, as acquired as it is innate. Afterall, a mother was not created to create alone, but to create, nurture, foster, and provide. It is because of this if you open a mother's closet it is not shoes that tumble out, but hats and hats galore. Some are invisible, mind you, while others are as bold as a neon sign. Some are nearly worn out, while others still bear their tags waiting for the precise moment when they are to be put to use.
So what are these hats you ask? Oh, the list is none too few. For for every role a mother has, to her a new hat is issued to.
A mother is a mix of mothers, Goose and Earth to name a few. For for every story that she tells, new life comes to me and you. A mother is a homemaker, a builder and designer. Afterall the honey do list that she makes, is often done by her. A mother is a gardener, a planter of many seeds, and she waters them and fertilizes them, attending to all their needs. And when her garden bears its fruit and blooms its petals bright, she quietly stands back and smiles with delight. A mother is a firefighter, sometimes literal others assumed, as she bravely pours water over the fires in life, as if danger never loomed. A mother is a law maker, a politician and a judge, for what's fair is fair and done is done and when you fall out of line, she's there to give a corrective nudge. A mother is a night watchman always keeping watch, for her candle always burns at both ends until she hears the front door's notch. And while she's up and holding down the fort she tends and grooms, she is the recordkeeper, the biographer, the photographer that always looms. A mother is a paramedic, a doctor and a nurse, for if it bleeds, vomits, breaks or gushes, she's got a remedy in her purse. A mother is a teacher, a librarian and tutor, because when it comes to books and school, good grades will always suit her. A mother is a businesswoman, a broker and a banker,and for the bank of mom, though sometimes broke, for each withdrawal you should thank her. But a mom is not always serious, a police man or P.I., she's the entertainer, costume maker, party planner and a professional at hair dye (especially her own!) She's the seamstress, the florest, the beautician, and nail technition, and whether your prom or wedding day, she's the one to make you radiant and glisten. She is the troup leader, the Den Mother, the hockey and soccer mom, the referee, the coach, the cheerleader and school song. A mother plays scientist, an inventor at her best, and when its time for science fairs, volcanoes are her test! The tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny,and Santa Clause himself, for if it weren't for mom, would be just stories on a shelf. A mother is a counselor, a pastor and spiritual guide, that teaches us the way and word, and about how Jesus died. She is the zoo keeper, the animal trainer, the veteranarian for when our furriest of friends, make their ways home with us and there our interest in them ends! She's the Queen, the Cinderella, the maiden and the slave, the chocolate brownies that she bakes, have become the latest rave! A mother is a detector of metal, lies and harm, for homeland security is her number one, and she knows when to sound alarm. She is the calander, the pocket planner, the personal attendant that keeps us on track, her organizing and time managing allows no time to slack! But while all these hats are important, yes that is quite true, a mothers prize hats to wear are not what's always apparent to me and you. They're the hats that read "Nurturer", "Confidaunt" and "Friend", and hang next to the ones that say "Constant" and "There 'til the End". So while it seems a mother's day is full of flipping hats, remember that 's what makes her-her, and give her many pats. Pats to say "way to go" and "I appreciate all you do", pats to remind her that its because of her, that you are you. And if you're a mom whose pats don't come often as they could or should, remember how talented you are, and that as a mom you are oh, so good! For it's not the number of pats we get for the job that we do, its the pure joy experienced in watching our kids grow that we do what we do. A mother's job is never done, even after her final breath, the hats are nearly passed, leaving their impact even in death,
With that, I hope you all have a most wonderful Mother's Day. Take the time to celebrate you and the wonders that you are and do!
The Mom Chronicles: Strength in Two (4/29)
The Mom Chronicles:Strength in two
My dear moms. Today's column is about strength. Strength in numbers. Strength in one number in particular.The number two.
As you know, my daughter Ella turned two this past week. Now, what do most of us think of when we hear about a child turning two? We think the terrible twos. We think tantrums and trying behaviors and have frightening images of children throwing themselves on the floor kicking and screaming. I admit, I have seen these images in my home already. Twice. I now have had two children who entered that delicate age of two. However, my dear daughter, in perfect form of breaking the norm and showing her strong, independant personality showed me today a very different side of two.
This past week was probably the worst for me in recent, or perhaps even my whole life history. There were two things in my life that proved to be devastating to me this week. Aha, we have that magic number two again.The first was in the form of being given the news that my depression has become so resistent to medication treatment that at this time the only other real option for me is ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy, also known as shock therapy). This, an option which's prominent side effect being memory loss. And as a mom, and person whose identity lies so much with in her kids, the thought of subjecting myself to a treatment that could potentially erase memories of events and times with my children is - for lack of a better word-devistating. Additionally it would risk losing valuable knowledge I have obtained in my current area of study, an area in which people's lives are in my hands, and not one that would allow memories to fail.
The second form of devistation came in the form of the not just crumbling, but shear explosion of the relationship with my husband that I have worked so hard to save and salvage, and that happened in a matter of moments. The work, the second and third and fourth chances I have given him came back and slapped me harder then any thing in my life ever has and I was stunned. Breathless. I literally could not breathe. Wounded by words deeper then I ever knew words were capable of wounding.
It was no wonder then that by the time church came on Sunday, a place I often seek respite and comfort, it was all I had left to try to keep it together. And I failed miserably. I don't know if it was the particular message or the songs or lack of sleep or just events of the week, but I started to cry and could not stop. And then came this tremendous blessing in the form of not a terrible, but the most tremendous two year old.
My daughter, who I had tried to leave at the church nursery and who strongly resisted so I brought her in with me, came up in to my lap, wrapped her arms around me, rested her head on my shoulder and proceeded to gently pat my back as I sat and fought to hold back tears. As the strength left me it was as if it flowed right in to her and she was there to comfort me. I clung to her the remainder of the service, and she didn't let go. She never once pulled away. She just kept patting me with those soft, gentle pats on my back and let me fall apart. And she stayed that way until I let her go. At that moment I saw my daughter in a very different way. She is terrible two no more. In her I saw the same strength and resiliancy I have always seen in myself but that was absent at that time. I saw this stoic, brave, compassionate little girl emerge and it was nothing short of amazing.
Our exchange did not change a thing that happened this week. It did not suddenly make me, mom, better or heal my marriage or my mind. But it gave my heart the greatest squeeze it's ever been given and to my daughter, I am eternally greatful, and in that moment was eternally blessed.
I never thought of two as a strong number. Certainly two is better than one, unless you are talking about the number of devistating life events in a week. But to me today, two is the strongest number.
I do not know what the next weeks have in store for me. Quite frankly, I rather not know. But what I do know, is that no matter what happens I will not be in them alone. For I know I have a family, a daughter who loves me enough that she would take on my pain for me for even that short time, and while that will be neither her job or expectation of her that she continue in that role, she is afterall - only two, her filling it in those moments that she did meant more to me than any subsequent comfort I may receive ever will.
And so my moms, the next time you hear a two year old, perhaps even your own, referred to as being in the terrible twos, I challenge you to reconsider that notion that the strength and determination that lies with in them is terrible. Rather, it is indeed the most terrific thing I have ever seen.
My dear moms. Today's column is about strength. Strength in numbers. Strength in one number in particular.The number two.
As you know, my daughter Ella turned two this past week. Now, what do most of us think of when we hear about a child turning two? We think the terrible twos. We think tantrums and trying behaviors and have frightening images of children throwing themselves on the floor kicking and screaming. I admit, I have seen these images in my home already. Twice. I now have had two children who entered that delicate age of two. However, my dear daughter, in perfect form of breaking the norm and showing her strong, independant personality showed me today a very different side of two.
This past week was probably the worst for me in recent, or perhaps even my whole life history. There were two things in my life that proved to be devastating to me this week. Aha, we have that magic number two again.The first was in the form of being given the news that my depression has become so resistent to medication treatment that at this time the only other real option for me is ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy, also known as shock therapy). This, an option which's prominent side effect being memory loss. And as a mom, and person whose identity lies so much with in her kids, the thought of subjecting myself to a treatment that could potentially erase memories of events and times with my children is - for lack of a better word-devistating. Additionally it would risk losing valuable knowledge I have obtained in my current area of study, an area in which people's lives are in my hands, and not one that would allow memories to fail.
The second form of devistation came in the form of the not just crumbling, but shear explosion of the relationship with my husband that I have worked so hard to save and salvage, and that happened in a matter of moments. The work, the second and third and fourth chances I have given him came back and slapped me harder then any thing in my life ever has and I was stunned. Breathless. I literally could not breathe. Wounded by words deeper then I ever knew words were capable of wounding.
It was no wonder then that by the time church came on Sunday, a place I often seek respite and comfort, it was all I had left to try to keep it together. And I failed miserably. I don't know if it was the particular message or the songs or lack of sleep or just events of the week, but I started to cry and could not stop. And then came this tremendous blessing in the form of not a terrible, but the most tremendous two year old.
My daughter, who I had tried to leave at the church nursery and who strongly resisted so I brought her in with me, came up in to my lap, wrapped her arms around me, rested her head on my shoulder and proceeded to gently pat my back as I sat and fought to hold back tears. As the strength left me it was as if it flowed right in to her and she was there to comfort me. I clung to her the remainder of the service, and she didn't let go. She never once pulled away. She just kept patting me with those soft, gentle pats on my back and let me fall apart. And she stayed that way until I let her go. At that moment I saw my daughter in a very different way. She is terrible two no more. In her I saw the same strength and resiliancy I have always seen in myself but that was absent at that time. I saw this stoic, brave, compassionate little girl emerge and it was nothing short of amazing.
Our exchange did not change a thing that happened this week. It did not suddenly make me, mom, better or heal my marriage or my mind. But it gave my heart the greatest squeeze it's ever been given and to my daughter, I am eternally greatful, and in that moment was eternally blessed.
I never thought of two as a strong number. Certainly two is better than one, unless you are talking about the number of devistating life events in a week. But to me today, two is the strongest number.
I do not know what the next weeks have in store for me. Quite frankly, I rather not know. But what I do know, is that no matter what happens I will not be in them alone. For I know I have a family, a daughter who loves me enough that she would take on my pain for me for even that short time, and while that will be neither her job or expectation of her that she continue in that role, she is afterall - only two, her filling it in those moments that she did meant more to me than any subsequent comfort I may receive ever will.
The Mom Chronicles: Celebrations (4/22/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Celebrations
Hey, moms! I hope you are enjoying this most beautiful weather! My flowers are all blooming and my grass is screaming to be mowed, and I am equally delighted about both.
Well, this is a big week in the Peterson household. My daughter, Ella, turns 2. It is hard to believe we are already here! I was just having that whole "my kids are getting so old!" complex as I was registering my son for preschool and talking kindergarten for him in another year, and now we are celebrating Ella turning two. Where does the time go? I swear Matthew's first two years didn't go so fast, however, the addition of a second child sure does change that. What scares me is that in one month, had I not lost the baby I did a year and a half ago, we would have been celebrating its first birthday sometime in May. That would have meant a one, two and four year old. And I think I am losing my mind some days as it is! Theoretically,having lost that baby, and with Ella turning two, I would normally be all about having a third. However, having a spouse that is never home due to working out of state changes things. I didn't notice that lack of present support as much with Matthew, but with two, it is a whole lot more noticable. And so, I will not be embarking on a third until that changes. Instead I am focusing on me and school and taking advantage of that time, almost using it as a distraction from a desire to have another child. What helps is that I can recognize how far I am from the place I want to be in physically and mentally when a third child comes along, and while some days that saddens me, other days that is ok. I deeply believe all things come in their own time. So in the mean time, this week my baby, my Ella, turns two. Join me in giving thanks for her and the first two years we have shared, and in hopes and prayers for many, many more years to follow. Happy Birthday, Ella~!
The other thing that made this a big week for us was that my extended family broadened. My brother Brian got married. Now, while I admit I was less then thrilled over having to be gone for three days and partaking in all the wedding festivities and the like, I was pleasantly surprised. What surprised me the most was not how I responded to the busy schedule, or the kids being short on sleep due to sleeping in a hotel, or all the "people" time that often overwhelms me, was finding out how little I actually knew about either of my brothers. Now I will admit we have never been especially close. They and my sister are but I have always been a little, odd man out. But this was actually part of what made the weekend so enjoyable for me. Part of the time came in the form of Friday night sort of tripping in to my brother's bachelors party. Our hotel was connected to a TGI Fridays resteraunt and I strolled over late Friday night for a beverage. Upon my arrival, I was met by both of my brothers and the rest of the groomsmen and ushers in part of their bachelor party festivities. My youngest brother, Noah, quickly invited me to join them and while somewhat hesitant, I did. It was fabulous. I saw sides of both my brothers - and brother in law for that matter!- that I had never seen before, and the whole experience, I admit was a bit odd. It wasn't until then that I realized just how little I knew about both of them, how few times as adults we have actually gotten together, how different they are (specifically my youngest brother) then I imagined them to be. Now, granted you see different sides of people in those circumstances, I think I actually saw them more genuinely then I had before. However, it was very, very fun and I admit to looking forward to a repeat. This was only enforced with my youngest brother, Noah, giving the most hilarious, fabulous best man speech I have ever heard at the reception. I kind of felt like, who ever knew I had these guys in my family?
And so what does this have to do with any of you? Well, its not that much of a stretch. I think as parents we want our kids to be close. To get along, to have relationships with each other that will last after we are gone. To look out for one another, to be there for one another, to support one another. Now I admit this hasn't come easy for my siblings and I, as is the case in many families. We had the sibling rivalries and differences, especially my sister and I who were so close in age. And I contend that it is true that things change when you get older. The little things are just that, little things, and as you all grow and mature you are able to see one another in a very different light. Time changes people. Life changes people. And while it has brought my sister and I closer, it hasn't so much my brothers and I. I think that may be changing.
And so as it applies to our own kids, it is most certainly true that you can't force your kids to like one another, to get along with one another, to look out for one another. You can't force them to mend their differences before they are ready to or to force them to "just get along". This takes time and will come. But what as parents we can do, is foster an environment where our kids learn to value each other. To support and be there for each other. To not feel the need to compete for time or attention, and to value everyones talents, different as they may seem. My hope for my kids is that they will be close. That they will be there for one another. My son already takes pride in "his Ella" and is doing that protective big brother thing. I hope that continues. What I must remember, though, and what you all must remember, is that it can't be forced. They must find a relationship that works for both of them, that is what both of them want and need from the other. And what's funny is as kids, that comes a lot more naturally and with a lot less effort then it does for us as adults. It is not always balanced, however, especially in families where there are a lot of kids. I admit growing up I always felt different or left out or not a part of what my sister and brothers had going on. I guess what I can say to that is if you have more then two kids, be sure they are including each other, showing value to each other, respecting each other. The rest can likely bloom on its own, but with out those three simple things as a basis, it is much more difficult as I found for myself.
So with that I will leave you all with wishes for a great rest of the week, Congratulations to my brother Brian and new sister in law Laura on their new marriage, and happy birthday wishes once again to my daughter. See you next week
Well, this is a big week in the Peterson household. My daughter, Ella, turns 2. It is hard to believe we are already here! I was just having that whole "my kids are getting so old!" complex as I was registering my son for preschool and talking kindergarten for him in another year, and now we are celebrating Ella turning two. Where does the time go? I swear Matthew's first two years didn't go so fast, however, the addition of a second child sure does change that. What scares me is that in one month, had I not lost the baby I did a year and a half ago, we would have been celebrating its first birthday sometime in May. That would have meant a one, two and four year old. And I think I am losing my mind some days as it is! Theoretically,having lost that baby, and with Ella turning two, I would normally be all about having a third. However, having a spouse that is never home due to working out of state changes things. I didn't notice that lack of present support as much with Matthew, but with two, it is a whole lot more noticable. And so, I will not be embarking on a third until that changes. Instead I am focusing on me and school and taking advantage of that time, almost using it as a distraction from a desire to have another child. What helps is that I can recognize how far I am from the place I want to be in physically and mentally when a third child comes along, and while some days that saddens me, other days that is ok. I deeply believe all things come in their own time. So in the mean time, this week my baby, my Ella, turns two. Join me in giving thanks for her and the first two years we have shared, and in hopes and prayers for many, many more years to follow. Happy Birthday, Ella~!
The other thing that made this a big week for us was that my extended family broadened. My brother Brian got married. Now, while I admit I was less then thrilled over having to be gone for three days and partaking in all the wedding festivities and the like, I was pleasantly surprised. What surprised me the most was not how I responded to the busy schedule, or the kids being short on sleep due to sleeping in a hotel, or all the "people" time that often overwhelms me, was finding out how little I actually knew about either of my brothers. Now I will admit we have never been especially close. They and my sister are but I have always been a little, odd man out. But this was actually part of what made the weekend so enjoyable for me. Part of the time came in the form of Friday night sort of tripping in to my brother's bachelors party. Our hotel was connected to a TGI Fridays resteraunt and I strolled over late Friday night for a beverage. Upon my arrival, I was met by both of my brothers and the rest of the groomsmen and ushers in part of their bachelor party festivities. My youngest brother, Noah, quickly invited me to join them and while somewhat hesitant, I did. It was fabulous. I saw sides of both my brothers - and brother in law for that matter!- that I had never seen before, and the whole experience, I admit was a bit odd. It wasn't until then that I realized just how little I knew about both of them, how few times as adults we have actually gotten together, how different they are (specifically my youngest brother) then I imagined them to be. Now, granted you see different sides of people in those circumstances, I think I actually saw them more genuinely then I had before. However, it was very, very fun and I admit to looking forward to a repeat. This was only enforced with my youngest brother, Noah, giving the most hilarious, fabulous best man speech I have ever heard at the reception. I kind of felt like, who ever knew I had these guys in my family?
And so what does this have to do with any of you? Well, its not that much of a stretch. I think as parents we want our kids to be close. To get along, to have relationships with each other that will last after we are gone. To look out for one another, to be there for one another, to support one another. Now I admit this hasn't come easy for my siblings and I, as is the case in many families. We had the sibling rivalries and differences, especially my sister and I who were so close in age. And I contend that it is true that things change when you get older. The little things are just that, little things, and as you all grow and mature you are able to see one another in a very different light. Time changes people. Life changes people. And while it has brought my sister and I closer, it hasn't so much my brothers and I. I think that may be changing.
And so as it applies to our own kids, it is most certainly true that you can't force your kids to like one another, to get along with one another, to look out for one another. You can't force them to mend their differences before they are ready to or to force them to "just get along". This takes time and will come. But what as parents we can do, is foster an environment where our kids learn to value each other. To support and be there for each other. To not feel the need to compete for time or attention, and to value everyones talents, different as they may seem. My hope for my kids is that they will be close. That they will be there for one another. My son already takes pride in "his Ella" and is doing that protective big brother thing. I hope that continues. What I must remember, though, and what you all must remember, is that it can't be forced. They must find a relationship that works for both of them, that is what both of them want and need from the other. And what's funny is as kids, that comes a lot more naturally and with a lot less effort then it does for us as adults. It is not always balanced, however, especially in families where there are a lot of kids. I admit growing up I always felt different or left out or not a part of what my sister and brothers had going on. I guess what I can say to that is if you have more then two kids, be sure they are including each other, showing value to each other, respecting each other. The rest can likely bloom on its own, but with out those three simple things as a basis, it is much more difficult as I found for myself.
So with that I will leave you all with wishes for a great rest of the week, Congratulations to my brother Brian and new sister in law Laura on their new marriage, and happy birthday wishes once again to my daughter. See you next week
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