Hey, Moms!! We Have Updates!!! Woo-Hoo!!!! My most sincere apologies for slacking on the blog end of my life... I would say there was no good excuse for it...but of course there was. We moved, got a new dog, I've had clinicals for school, and ten zillion other things it seems.. But here we are. I finally got some time to play on the computer tonight. I hope to get back in to the routine of posting eaching week, if not daily on my journal. I will be updating and adding several recipes in the next few days, so stop back. If you have any ideas, comments, etc I would love to hear them. In the mean time...happy reading! I posted a solid two months of column articles, so that should keep you mighty busy for at least a short while!
I am looking forward to coming here on a regular basis again, and meeting you here very soon.
Amy
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Mom Chronicles: The Calm After the Storm (4/16/10)
Moms~
This was one of the most challenging columns to write.. Finding the right words to say was something I struggled with as I addressed the events of the last week at Hastings Middle School. I hope some comfort can be found in these words somewhere....
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: Calm After the Storm
Hi, moms. Welcome back to the Chronicles.I hope this column finds you and your families all safe and healthy and dare I say happy.
I would imagine that seems like kind of an odd way to start, however, I believe in light of the events of the past week or so it's most fitting.Now, I myself may not have a child old enough to have been in the middle school that day, however I am still a mom, and I don't think I had to have children there to be able to offer my empathy and compassion for those of you who did.
In fact, in the most loosest of sense, any parent can relate to any of you. While perhaps not the same sense of having our children's lives and safety threatened in the place we feel most confident and safe in sending them, as parents, we all experience times where our kids are hurt or threatened or are faced with some kind of trauma or tragedy. I guess you could say it kind of comes with the territory.
This past weekend, for example, I had clinicals for my EMT program. That meant spending 10 hours in an ER in the cities, and the same on an ambulance in northern MN. Both were very eye opening events, and reminded me how tragedy and pain can come around us at the times we least expect. I think, for example, of the four year old boy we treated for a fall out of his second story bedroom window on to the pavement waiting for him below. Or of the six year old who was helping his mom in the yard when she inadvertantly cut off part of his finger with a garden sheers when his little hand got in the way at the last moment. These were not things either of these families planned for, or expected. And when they did come their way, of course as would be the case with any of us, they were devistated. I spent just as much time consoling the mother of the four year old, as I did treating him. And when the situation got to be a little too much for mom, I stepped in and we sang the ABC's, and some of his favorite songs. For the six year old, there was also a substantial amount of mom guilt. Of that sick feeling of how this ever happened. But like what transpired in our local middle school last week, both were accidents. Both were unplanned, unwarrented, unwanted.
For the parents from this weekend and for many of you, I am well aware of the next obstacle that may be faced. Now is that dreaded time when the storm of the initial event has calmed and we are left with an unsettling clear sky that should feel comforting but doesn't quite. For many of us, it is because we spent so much time attending to our kids and their needs following the event, that we have not yet dealt with it ourselves. I for example, teach 7th grade confirmation here in town. We spent our whole small group time this past week processing how the girls in my group were feeling about what happened in their school. There were mixed reactions, all of which had an underlying theme of fear and loss. Loss of security. Loss of comfort in a familiar place. In a sense, a feeling of violation. For me, I did the best I could in offering words and support I hoped and prayed would be of some help. And after the fact, I felt like our time together was very blessed. And I tried to shelf the conversation until the next day when it came time to put in my son's registration for preschool. Suddenly fear, uneasyness, hesitation. All at once I did not want to turn in his registration. And not just his preschool registration but his kindergarden or any registration for years to come. My husband's words of "And you want to send our kids THERE to school?" suddenly rang loud and clear. And it wasn't until that moment that I recognized my own feelings about the situation, and that perhaps I am not all that different from all of you afterall.
So what now? What do you do? What do the parents of the kids from this weekend do? The best I can say, is we hope and we pray that it doesn't happen again. We take time to reflect as we need and to address the feelings we ourselves may be experiencing. This was not just traumatic for our kids, but for you as well. I saw proof of this in the relief of a dad greeting his daughter after school that day. He held her and hugged her until she was like, "Um dad, you can let go now." None of us ever really let go do we?
So as life goes on and appears to move on from this sitation, I hope you are not surprised if your feelings of the matter don't just move on. Sometimes, as in after a death, it feels as if the world just continues and doesn't seem to care what just happened. We don't feel like we are moving on with it. Dont' be surprised if a month from now or five months from now when we send our kids back to school in the fall if these feelings are sturred or seem to come up out of the blue. And I hope if they do, that you talk about them. That you talk to other parents, a pastor, a spouse, a friend, a medical provider. It may be a time to start a journal to get some of those thoughts out of your head. You may be inspired at those moments to check in with your kids to see how they are doing. And in the mean time, don't forget the basic things, eating well, getting rest, taking time outs or spending quiet time alone. Basically whatever you need to help restore the peace and security you were feeling before this happened.
But mostly, let this be a reminder to hold tight to your children. Hug them. Love them. Take time to read to them or play with them or help them with homework even when laundry or housework or other tasks call. Be reminded that our time with our kids is never guaranteed. So make the most of it. And if by chance, some other tragedy happens or befalls you, come back to this time and how you have not just survived but hopefully rose above it. For I feel we will all come out of this more united, and bonded and stronger then ever.
Take time for yourselves and take care, moms. And whenever you need it, we are here.
This was one of the most challenging columns to write.. Finding the right words to say was something I struggled with as I addressed the events of the last week at Hastings Middle School. I hope some comfort can be found in these words somewhere....
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: Calm After the Storm
Hi, moms. Welcome back to the Chronicles.I hope this column finds you and your families all safe and healthy and dare I say happy.
I would imagine that seems like kind of an odd way to start, however, I believe in light of the events of the past week or so it's most fitting.Now, I myself may not have a child old enough to have been in the middle school that day, however I am still a mom, and I don't think I had to have children there to be able to offer my empathy and compassion for those of you who did.
In fact, in the most loosest of sense, any parent can relate to any of you. While perhaps not the same sense of having our children's lives and safety threatened in the place we feel most confident and safe in sending them, as parents, we all experience times where our kids are hurt or threatened or are faced with some kind of trauma or tragedy. I guess you could say it kind of comes with the territory.
This past weekend, for example, I had clinicals for my EMT program. That meant spending 10 hours in an ER in the cities, and the same on an ambulance in northern MN. Both were very eye opening events, and reminded me how tragedy and pain can come around us at the times we least expect. I think, for example, of the four year old boy we treated for a fall out of his second story bedroom window on to the pavement waiting for him below. Or of the six year old who was helping his mom in the yard when she inadvertantly cut off part of his finger with a garden sheers when his little hand got in the way at the last moment. These were not things either of these families planned for, or expected. And when they did come their way, of course as would be the case with any of us, they were devistated. I spent just as much time consoling the mother of the four year old, as I did treating him. And when the situation got to be a little too much for mom, I stepped in and we sang the ABC's, and some of his favorite songs. For the six year old, there was also a substantial amount of mom guilt. Of that sick feeling of how this ever happened. But like what transpired in our local middle school last week, both were accidents. Both were unplanned, unwarrented, unwanted.
For the parents from this weekend and for many of you, I am well aware of the next obstacle that may be faced. Now is that dreaded time when the storm of the initial event has calmed and we are left with an unsettling clear sky that should feel comforting but doesn't quite. For many of us, it is because we spent so much time attending to our kids and their needs following the event, that we have not yet dealt with it ourselves. I for example, teach 7th grade confirmation here in town. We spent our whole small group time this past week processing how the girls in my group were feeling about what happened in their school. There were mixed reactions, all of which had an underlying theme of fear and loss. Loss of security. Loss of comfort in a familiar place. In a sense, a feeling of violation. For me, I did the best I could in offering words and support I hoped and prayed would be of some help. And after the fact, I felt like our time together was very blessed. And I tried to shelf the conversation until the next day when it came time to put in my son's registration for preschool. Suddenly fear, uneasyness, hesitation. All at once I did not want to turn in his registration. And not just his preschool registration but his kindergarden or any registration for years to come. My husband's words of "And you want to send our kids THERE to school?" suddenly rang loud and clear. And it wasn't until that moment that I recognized my own feelings about the situation, and that perhaps I am not all that different from all of you afterall.
So what now? What do you do? What do the parents of the kids from this weekend do? The best I can say, is we hope and we pray that it doesn't happen again. We take time to reflect as we need and to address the feelings we ourselves may be experiencing. This was not just traumatic for our kids, but for you as well. I saw proof of this in the relief of a dad greeting his daughter after school that day. He held her and hugged her until she was like, "Um dad, you can let go now." None of us ever really let go do we?
So as life goes on and appears to move on from this sitation, I hope you are not surprised if your feelings of the matter don't just move on. Sometimes, as in after a death, it feels as if the world just continues and doesn't seem to care what just happened. We don't feel like we are moving on with it. Dont' be surprised if a month from now or five months from now when we send our kids back to school in the fall if these feelings are sturred or seem to come up out of the blue. And I hope if they do, that you talk about them. That you talk to other parents, a pastor, a spouse, a friend, a medical provider. It may be a time to start a journal to get some of those thoughts out of your head. You may be inspired at those moments to check in with your kids to see how they are doing. And in the mean time, don't forget the basic things, eating well, getting rest, taking time outs or spending quiet time alone. Basically whatever you need to help restore the peace and security you were feeling before this happened.
But mostly, let this be a reminder to hold tight to your children. Hug them. Love them. Take time to read to them or play with them or help them with homework even when laundry or housework or other tasks call. Be reminded that our time with our kids is never guaranteed. So make the most of it. And if by chance, some other tragedy happens or befalls you, come back to this time and how you have not just survived but hopefully rose above it. For I feel we will all come out of this more united, and bonded and stronger then ever.
Take time for yourselves and take care, moms. And whenever you need it, we are here.
The Mom Chronicles: Stepping Back
This one was never published, as it was written the week of the incident with the student and a gun at Hastings Middle School. When there is "big news"- I get bumped for space. But I thought I would share it with you nonetheless. May as not go to waste!
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: Stepping Back
Hi, moms. Welcome back to the Chronicles. I hope you all had a very blessed and fantastic Easter! I know, I know. It is one of those holidays we love to hate. Love because of the meaning, hate because of the exuberant amounts of sugar and chocolate that seem to find their ways to our kids (and ironically, us!) over the days that are and follow the Easter season.
This year, this mom decided that her kids didn't need any sugar or treats to get them wound up more then they have been lately, so the um, "Easter Bunny", was enlisted on to bring and set up a swingset for my kids instead. Just so happened Toys R Us had one on sale, badda bing badda boom, it ends up in my yard on Easter morning. Now lets just say that as fantastic of an idea as it was, what was not, was the brilliant idea of the "Easter Bunny" to try to put it together in the dark during the middle of the night the night before Easter so the kids would be surprised in the morning. Let's just say doing so took a little joy and quite frankly, pureness out of what is supposed to be a very Holy holiday, in the sense of doing such a task in the dark, with a motion light going out every five minutes and screws and holes that didn't line up... well, let's just say it was hard on the morale, harder on what is normally not such a colorful vocabularly, and relationship between the Easter Bunny and its spouse. To summarize, the swingset got up, the kids love it, but next year the Easter Bunny will be sticking to the chocolate. I'm willing to take my chances!
Needless to say, the Peterson crew stuck close to home this holiday weekend, and that was ok by me. Seems as if we have done nothing but run lately. Isn't that the truth? Seems like spring comes and all heck wants to break loose! When all we want to do is sit and soak up the warm spring sun rays and smell our newly bloomed flowers, instead we end up having to run here, there and everywhere in the form of holidays, birthday parties, sporting events or kids activities, weddings, school clinicals, and the list goes on. I dream of days I am able to just stay home and relax, but it never fails, they are always replaced by appointments, bringing Ella to physical therapy, bringing myself to therapy, helping out with this or that. And while it comes with the territory, I must say this mom is getting a little burnt out!
The move was a biggy for us. Now in addition to all of these other things, we have adjustment in to a new home, unpacking- still!, yard work, and so on. There is the continued potty training and training period of the dog. Establishment of new routines for the kids, and so on.
So what is this mom doing to survive? Stepping back, that's what. I am learning to accept that I can't do it all. That my family and personal sanity are more important to me then some of the demands of others, and so we are talking about weighing demands against priorities. About cutting things out. About not going to every extended family gathering or presence at an event that is requested of us. Instead, we are slowing things down. Opening up the windows. Placing random bouquets of fresh flowers around the house, that will have to do until the soil can become their permanent home. Instead of spending every evening unpacking or cleaning, I am taking the kids to the park, or McDonalds play place, or any other place that we can go where the kids can just be kids and I, mom, can have a moment of peace to breath.
I learned a very tough lesson from my son this past weekend. My son found a picture of me in a rare form, and he laughed. He said, "Mom! You are smiling!" and started laughing. And it was then that I realized how rare of an occurance this has been lately. So I asked him, glutton for punishment that I am, "Matty- how does mommy usually look?" and he gave me a look with a frown. Ouch. And then there was this weekend. My son yelled at my husband and my husband told him that it wasn't ok to yell at him in his face, to which my son replied, "But MOM yells at me in MY face!" Ouch again.
And so while hurt, I felt somewhat validated. While others have attempted to make me feel guilty for stepping back and focusing on my family, I was completely validated at that moment that it's what I really am needing to be doing.
And so, Chronicle Moms, as you embark on these next weeks of spring perhaps yourselves feeling overwhelmed, overscheduled, and under-familied, all while in that post-chocolate comatose state, I encourage you to step back. To look at what is most important to you and yours and decide if you are living the life, being the mom you intended to be. If not, give yourself permission to simplify things. To slow things down. To lessen your expections of yourself and not feel obligated to meet the demads of others. For you and your family are most important. At least that is what I have learned this past holiday weekend. That, and if a product review says "difficult and time consuming to construct".... well, perhaps it's worth thinking twice about! Have a great week!
The Mom Chronicles: Real Mom Moments (3/21/10)
Note: This column was written the same week as our move. It is a very clear indication of the frustration I was feeling in mom-land.... I think many of you may be able to relate..
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: Real Mom Moments
Well, one week of unpacking at my new residence under my belt and thankfully, I have carpet. That I can actually see. Woo hoo! Thank goodness for the very generous reader who delivered Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies to the newspaper office for me. They were most certainly needed, and appreciated. Thank you, whoever you were! It’s the little things, truly!Additionally, I decided that last week’s idea of the bathroom as a haven isn’t the greatest place to seek comfort after all! While organized and non-chaotic, the seat is cold (and there is nothing worse then a cold toilet seat!), the scale lives there as a constant reminder of all the Girl Scout cookies that have been consumed, and it offers no protection from noise, kids or husbands! So instead I retreated to my front yard (albeit it small) where I put out cute springy décor and raked some leaves and dog poop. It was a truly fulfilling experience. Now if only it were warm enough for planting flowers, I would truly be content. Instead, I am settling for walks in the new neighborhood with the dog and meeting my new neighbors on west fourth street. Well, this week’s topic stems from something I have struggled with recently, and know many of you struggle with as well. The topic is mom guilt. Unfortunately it comes in the form of what I like to call the “Real” mom moments when we are reminded in a very sobering kind of way the importance of our role, the reality of the impact our actions have on our children, and of our own humanity. Real mom moments usually occur after we do something we regret or acting in a way that did not show our brightest of colors. They are the moments after we loose our patience and temper and yell at our kids, or take out a bad day on them by being short or unresponsive to their demands, or saying or acting in a way that is less then admirable. And unfortunately, these are the moments that we agonize over the most, and talk about the least. After all, to who do we want to admit that we screamed at our kids or lost our temper? With whom do we want to share an incidence of losing patience with our kids and saying or doing things that made them sad or even cry? And when our child acts out and mirrors to us something we have said or done in one of those less then glorious moments, to whom do we really want to admit where it was learned?And so instead, when we behave in a way that we feel a parent should not, what do we do? We hold it in. We guilt ourselves. We blame ourselves for our children’s behaviors and short comings. We worry about the possibility that we have ruined our child for life, that they will in some way carry our own personal flaws with them for the rest of their days and may even perhaps turn out just like us. Gasp. This, I am told, is what being a parent is all about. Those moments when we feel bad for not being our kids best example, engaging in power struggles or yelling at our kids are what make us parents. That is because in feeling bad, we are reminded of how much we love our children. How invested we are in them. How much we long for them to have a happy and positive childhood and how truly terrified we are of making mistakes that result in them turning out ruined or flawed in some way. This last week I found myself in tears in my doctor’s office, for a number of reasons, but one being out of pure frustration with myself as a mom. I was feeling horrible that I had been short tempered and impatient with my kids, that my son wasn’t listening to me or respecting me and how that meant that in some way I failed him, how I felt my kids were doomed to be horribly sad and screwed up as adults because I have been stressed out and sad myself lately, and how truly awful of a parent that made me. Surely my kids would be better off with out me. And then came the words I didn’t expect to hear. My doctor shared with me that that very afternoon he had two moms that came in and sat in the very chair I did and voiced the very same things. I was not alone. In fact he himself admitted to not always being patient, or understanding or with out mistakes in his own role as a parent. And so emerged this reality of this very common, yet not talked about thing. How easy is it for us to tell others when our kids do well? To share stories about something great our kids did as it was a positive reflection of us as parents? And why do we do this? It’s because those are the times we feel our best and most confident in ourselves in our roles as parents. But what about those other times? Those times when we don’t feel like we deserve the parent of the year award or feel we failed our kids in our role of parent and role model?My challenge for you? Share these times, too. Don’t hold on to them, or lie in the guilt they may illicit.Talk about them as you would the times when you had a remarkable, uneventful family outing to a public place or made a trip to the grocery store and everyone left with out any incidence of tears or tantrum. For these moments are real, too. They are perhaps even more real in that they are what make us as parents great. For it is in those moments when you feel less then stellar, that you actually are doing a stellar job. It is then when we show our love, devotion and dedication to our children the most; when our own desire for them to grow up happy and healthy is strongest. It probably won’t be natural or easy at first, but I think you may find yourself surprised that the very person you choose to share some of those times will likely have done the very same things or felt the very same way themselves.Take heart, my moms, you are doing a great job.
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: Real Mom Moments
Well, one week of unpacking at my new residence under my belt and thankfully, I have carpet. That I can actually see. Woo hoo! Thank goodness for the very generous reader who delivered Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies to the newspaper office for me. They were most certainly needed, and appreciated. Thank you, whoever you were! It’s the little things, truly!Additionally, I decided that last week’s idea of the bathroom as a haven isn’t the greatest place to seek comfort after all! While organized and non-chaotic, the seat is cold (and there is nothing worse then a cold toilet seat!), the scale lives there as a constant reminder of all the Girl Scout cookies that have been consumed, and it offers no protection from noise, kids or husbands! So instead I retreated to my front yard (albeit it small) where I put out cute springy décor and raked some leaves and dog poop. It was a truly fulfilling experience. Now if only it were warm enough for planting flowers, I would truly be content. Instead, I am settling for walks in the new neighborhood with the dog and meeting my new neighbors on west fourth street. Well, this week’s topic stems from something I have struggled with recently, and know many of you struggle with as well. The topic is mom guilt. Unfortunately it comes in the form of what I like to call the “Real” mom moments when we are reminded in a very sobering kind of way the importance of our role, the reality of the impact our actions have on our children, and of our own humanity. Real mom moments usually occur after we do something we regret or acting in a way that did not show our brightest of colors. They are the moments after we loose our patience and temper and yell at our kids, or take out a bad day on them by being short or unresponsive to their demands, or saying or acting in a way that is less then admirable. And unfortunately, these are the moments that we agonize over the most, and talk about the least. After all, to who do we want to admit that we screamed at our kids or lost our temper? With whom do we want to share an incidence of losing patience with our kids and saying or doing things that made them sad or even cry? And when our child acts out and mirrors to us something we have said or done in one of those less then glorious moments, to whom do we really want to admit where it was learned?And so instead, when we behave in a way that we feel a parent should not, what do we do? We hold it in. We guilt ourselves. We blame ourselves for our children’s behaviors and short comings. We worry about the possibility that we have ruined our child for life, that they will in some way carry our own personal flaws with them for the rest of their days and may even perhaps turn out just like us. Gasp. This, I am told, is what being a parent is all about. Those moments when we feel bad for not being our kids best example, engaging in power struggles or yelling at our kids are what make us parents. That is because in feeling bad, we are reminded of how much we love our children. How invested we are in them. How much we long for them to have a happy and positive childhood and how truly terrified we are of making mistakes that result in them turning out ruined or flawed in some way. This last week I found myself in tears in my doctor’s office, for a number of reasons, but one being out of pure frustration with myself as a mom. I was feeling horrible that I had been short tempered and impatient with my kids, that my son wasn’t listening to me or respecting me and how that meant that in some way I failed him, how I felt my kids were doomed to be horribly sad and screwed up as adults because I have been stressed out and sad myself lately, and how truly awful of a parent that made me. Surely my kids would be better off with out me. And then came the words I didn’t expect to hear. My doctor shared with me that that very afternoon he had two moms that came in and sat in the very chair I did and voiced the very same things. I was not alone. In fact he himself admitted to not always being patient, or understanding or with out mistakes in his own role as a parent. And so emerged this reality of this very common, yet not talked about thing. How easy is it for us to tell others when our kids do well? To share stories about something great our kids did as it was a positive reflection of us as parents? And why do we do this? It’s because those are the times we feel our best and most confident in ourselves in our roles as parents. But what about those other times? Those times when we don’t feel like we deserve the parent of the year award or feel we failed our kids in our role of parent and role model?My challenge for you? Share these times, too. Don’t hold on to them, or lie in the guilt they may illicit.Talk about them as you would the times when you had a remarkable, uneventful family outing to a public place or made a trip to the grocery store and everyone left with out any incidence of tears or tantrum. For these moments are real, too. They are perhaps even more real in that they are what make us as parents great. For it is in those moments when you feel less then stellar, that you actually are doing a stellar job. It is then when we show our love, devotion and dedication to our children the most; when our own desire for them to grow up happy and healthy is strongest. It probably won’t be natural or easy at first, but I think you may find yourself surprised that the very person you choose to share some of those times will likely have done the very same things or felt the very same way themselves.Take heart, my moms, you are doing a great job.
The Mom Chronicles: A Fresh Place (3/15/10)
The Mom Chronicles: A fresh place
Well, the very fact that you are reading this says that I survived my move. It was a long, grueling, overwhelming process, but the new place is great so it was well worth it. Now granted the place is a maze through boxes waiting to be unpacked, but I have come to accept the very nature of that as it pertains to moving. And so, just about the time I am ready to curse and swear because I can’t find something, I take a deep breath, count to ten, and try to remind myself it’s not going to be this way for long.
Adding to the chaos of the weekend, as I mentioned last week, was the arrival of the new family member, Dottie. She is a three month old Newfoundland that if you catch her out of the side of your eye could easily be mistaken for a little bear cub. All 35 pounds of her has shadowed me through the maze of boxes, sat on the front step with me for a “time out” when I reached my boiling point, and showered me with fabulous, wet puppy kisses on (and off!) demand. Yes, adding her now has been quite the adventure. I now have two little girls to potty train (her and my Ella), another basket of toys to keep contained (hers are of the squeaky variety) and another very hungry mouth to feed (she appears to be a bottomless pit!). However, she is fitting in very nicely and I am so very thrilled. She does not make my “issues” behind my getting her go away, but she does make for a nice distraction and comfort, so in the weeks and months and years ahead I so look forward to having her by my side.
Fortunately for us, there was some comic relief through out the weekend that always seemed to come at the times we needed it the most. My son felt the need to show off his manlier side and help the movers with the moving process. He frequently told them he better carry something as it was “too heavy” for them and they might get hurt. He walked around with out his shirt on showing off his “muscles” that he was using to carry things, and at one point stood shirtless, with his hands on his hips in the “man pose” scanning the living room and said to me, “Mom, I just think we have too much stuff.” The movers had quite the time with him. They did a fabulous job making him feel like he was part of the action and allowed him to boss them around. And the movers themselves weren’t short on good spirits, either. The company only sent two guys and it took them a solid ten hours to move everything. They, however, kept the jokes flowing freely to help us all keep our sanity. At one point while I was in the kitchen putting away dishes, one of them called from the living room after me and asked where I wanted my “vehicle”. What?- I thought. My vehicle? And with that he walked in to the room with my witches broom from my Halloween décor in his hand. I told him there was his tip out the window.He just laughed.
So all in all it (the move) wasn’t so bad. My husband says the worst part is over. I beg to differ. To him, the easy part is over as he gets to go back to work today and I am left for the next five days to put every thing away. And it’s a lot. I do have one room done, though. That would be the bathroom. So I am thinking that may be my haven this week. When I am looking around feeling overwhelmed by boxes and the like, I am going to take a book and go sit in my bathroom – perhaps lounge in my tub- and soak in the calm and organization that lives there. Who knew the bathroom could be such an inviting place? I have never been one to want to spend any quality time in there, but hey, things are changing. Why not?
Finally, on a totally unrelated note, one last interesting bit in my colorful weekend, was in the form of a phone call. The long and the short of it is that my dad’s family owns a Dairy Queen and so we periodically take the kids to visit when my dad is there. Last weekend was one of those weekends. Well, while there we encountered an older woman and her daughter. They were interacting with the kids and seemed nice enough. I didn’t think anything of it. Well, as it ends up, one of the woman is from a local TV network and is working on finding families to audition for the show, Super Nanny, as they are going to do a taping from Minneapolis. Apparently something struck her about our family (and I didn’t think the kids were even THAT bad!! It was one of our better outings!) and she asked if we are interested. As many of you know, the Super Nanny is a show in which this Brittish Nanny Joe Frost goes in to people’s homes and helps them with their kids addressing behavioral issues, family dynamics, etc. When it comes on, I refer to it as the “Naughty Kids show”. Will we take her up on the offer? The jury is out. I think it may be a completely incredible experience, and at the same time, I get enough exposure in our little town of Hastings when I am out with my kids that I am not so sure I want anymore attention directed our way then my kids already illicit! So we will see.
Well moms, I am afraid I have a date with a house of boxes and very large puppy so for this week, I bid you farewell and send you wishes on a very calm, and organized week. Something mine will certainly be not! Who knows, though. I may just take the dog and have a party in the bathroom. Of any oasis, who knew it would be where the toilet lives! Have a great week!
Well, the very fact that you are reading this says that I survived my move. It was a long, grueling, overwhelming process, but the new place is great so it was well worth it. Now granted the place is a maze through boxes waiting to be unpacked, but I have come to accept the very nature of that as it pertains to moving. And so, just about the time I am ready to curse and swear because I can’t find something, I take a deep breath, count to ten, and try to remind myself it’s not going to be this way for long.
Adding to the chaos of the weekend, as I mentioned last week, was the arrival of the new family member, Dottie. She is a three month old Newfoundland that if you catch her out of the side of your eye could easily be mistaken for a little bear cub. All 35 pounds of her has shadowed me through the maze of boxes, sat on the front step with me for a “time out” when I reached my boiling point, and showered me with fabulous, wet puppy kisses on (and off!) demand. Yes, adding her now has been quite the adventure. I now have two little girls to potty train (her and my Ella), another basket of toys to keep contained (hers are of the squeaky variety) and another very hungry mouth to feed (she appears to be a bottomless pit!). However, she is fitting in very nicely and I am so very thrilled. She does not make my “issues” behind my getting her go away, but she does make for a nice distraction and comfort, so in the weeks and months and years ahead I so look forward to having her by my side.
Fortunately for us, there was some comic relief through out the weekend that always seemed to come at the times we needed it the most. My son felt the need to show off his manlier side and help the movers with the moving process. He frequently told them he better carry something as it was “too heavy” for them and they might get hurt. He walked around with out his shirt on showing off his “muscles” that he was using to carry things, and at one point stood shirtless, with his hands on his hips in the “man pose” scanning the living room and said to me, “Mom, I just think we have too much stuff.” The movers had quite the time with him. They did a fabulous job making him feel like he was part of the action and allowed him to boss them around. And the movers themselves weren’t short on good spirits, either. The company only sent two guys and it took them a solid ten hours to move everything. They, however, kept the jokes flowing freely to help us all keep our sanity. At one point while I was in the kitchen putting away dishes, one of them called from the living room after me and asked where I wanted my “vehicle”. What?- I thought. My vehicle? And with that he walked in to the room with my witches broom from my Halloween décor in his hand. I told him there was his tip out the window.He just laughed.
So all in all it (the move) wasn’t so bad. My husband says the worst part is over. I beg to differ. To him, the easy part is over as he gets to go back to work today and I am left for the next five days to put every thing away. And it’s a lot. I do have one room done, though. That would be the bathroom. So I am thinking that may be my haven this week. When I am looking around feeling overwhelmed by boxes and the like, I am going to take a book and go sit in my bathroom – perhaps lounge in my tub- and soak in the calm and organization that lives there. Who knew the bathroom could be such an inviting place? I have never been one to want to spend any quality time in there, but hey, things are changing. Why not?
Finally, on a totally unrelated note, one last interesting bit in my colorful weekend, was in the form of a phone call. The long and the short of it is that my dad’s family owns a Dairy Queen and so we periodically take the kids to visit when my dad is there. Last weekend was one of those weekends. Well, while there we encountered an older woman and her daughter. They were interacting with the kids and seemed nice enough. I didn’t think anything of it. Well, as it ends up, one of the woman is from a local TV network and is working on finding families to audition for the show, Super Nanny, as they are going to do a taping from Minneapolis. Apparently something struck her about our family (and I didn’t think the kids were even THAT bad!! It was one of our better outings!) and she asked if we are interested. As many of you know, the Super Nanny is a show in which this Brittish Nanny Joe Frost goes in to people’s homes and helps them with their kids addressing behavioral issues, family dynamics, etc. When it comes on, I refer to it as the “Naughty Kids show”. Will we take her up on the offer? The jury is out. I think it may be a completely incredible experience, and at the same time, I get enough exposure in our little town of Hastings when I am out with my kids that I am not so sure I want anymore attention directed our way then my kids already illicit! So we will see.
Well moms, I am afraid I have a date with a house of boxes and very large puppy so for this week, I bid you farewell and send you wishes on a very calm, and organized week. Something mine will certainly be not! Who knows, though. I may just take the dog and have a party in the bathroom. Of any oasis, who knew it would be where the toilet lives! Have a great week!
The Mom Chronicles: Survival of the Fittest (3/8/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Survival of the fittest
Hey, there moms. Welcome back for another addition of the Chronicles. This is a crazy and hectic week for me, so I am going to get right in to it!
This week is all about survival. It seems like each week sort of has its own theme emerge by week's end depending on the events which occured. Unlike many weeks where I haven't really figured that theme out until the week is almost over, this week I am rolling in to it with one very clear one: Survival.
This week is all about big changes. This seems fitting as we are emerging on a season of change and watching our surroundings transform before our very eyes on an almost daily basis. The large, jovial snowmen we created with our kids are shrinking under the heat of the emerging spring sun. The green grass is showing more and more of itself as it appears underneath the melting snow. The birds are coming back. The days are getting longer. That spring change is in the air.
Well, for many of you, spring time calls for the highly anticipated spring cleaning. Some years I look to it as a chore I rather not have to deal with. Other years, I can't wait for the chance to clean out the closet and reorganize my life.
This week, the Peterson family is doing large scale spring cleaning in the form of a move. It was a very quick, abrubt decision that formed when my condo association in the building I currently live decided to deny my having a service dog (don't get me started). Now we anticipated a move in the near future anyways, as we are beyond crammed for space, but not exactly this soon. But, since the dog has really become a necessity for me at this time, we found somewhere more excepting, less discriminating, open to the needs of my family in the form of a duplex owned by a member of my church. That happened on Saturday. Exactly one week later, this Saturday, we move in. Yikes. Also on Saturday- the new dog arrives. Very, very excited as will the kids be. One more adjustment our family is facing.
So what does this mean for me? Well, it means I am stressed. I am freaking out. I am wondering how on earth I and I alone are going to accomplish the huge task of packing this entire place in one week that it is already to be loaded up and moved out on Saturday morning. Fortunately for me, this week is spring break so I don't have to worry about school. However, as many of you know, as moms we accumulate a whole lot of stuff. As do our kids. In addition to feeling the stress of getting packed, there is the stress of the tax return coming in time to cover the costs. There is the stress of not having my "crutch" in the form of Thin Mint girl scout cookies, as apparently I ordered every kind but those (showing quite clearly my current mental status!) There's the stress of getting enough boxes. Of getting school work in that I am behind on. Of getting our current place clean after all the things are gone. There is the stress of the kids wanting to unpack everything I get packed. Of my son wanting to “help” tape up boxes before they are ready to be taped. There is the daunting task of cleaning out the fridge. Oh, the dreaded fridge!
For any of you moms who have moved yourselves with small kids in the past I am sure you know what I am talking about. There is just so much…stuff! And so, the necessity for a battle plan: divide and conquer. I must take a stand and say I am bigger then this move. I am not going to let it stress me out. I am going to be productive, and organized, and it will all be done in time, at which point I can sit with my new baby (puppy) and relax in the extra space we will have. If only it was that easy!
And so, to survive I say. I will do my best. I will turn up the stereo and put on some good tunes that will hopefully motivate me to move- in a packing way, that is. I will take walks. I will mix in a chapter of homework here and there. I will shower daily. I may have a stiff drink now and again. But I will survive.
I have learned a lot in my life including how big things quickly can feel overwhelming. I am certain many of you have experienced this in your life. You need ten things to fall in place all at the perfect time to make everything run smoothly. Sometimes it does. Most times it does not. So what will I do if I don’t get to all the packing or if the tax return doesn’t make it before we need it and if the new dog doesn’t adjust right away and our moving helpers don’t show up and…? I do just what I am doing now. I will step back and I will breathe. I will not scream. I will not cry. I will stay composed. Basically, I will make my husband deal with it.
And at the end of the day, when we are all moved, and my dog is in my lap and the kids are having fun playing in the back yard we will finally have, and my husband is at my side, I will be able to say, “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?!” Probably not. Likely I will say what I did the last time- “Never again!” But I will have survived and that is what’s most important.
Hey, there moms. Welcome back for another addition of the Chronicles. This is a crazy and hectic week for me, so I am going to get right in to it!
This week is all about survival. It seems like each week sort of has its own theme emerge by week's end depending on the events which occured. Unlike many weeks where I haven't really figured that theme out until the week is almost over, this week I am rolling in to it with one very clear one: Survival.
This week is all about big changes. This seems fitting as we are emerging on a season of change and watching our surroundings transform before our very eyes on an almost daily basis. The large, jovial snowmen we created with our kids are shrinking under the heat of the emerging spring sun. The green grass is showing more and more of itself as it appears underneath the melting snow. The birds are coming back. The days are getting longer. That spring change is in the air.
Well, for many of you, spring time calls for the highly anticipated spring cleaning. Some years I look to it as a chore I rather not have to deal with. Other years, I can't wait for the chance to clean out the closet and reorganize my life.
This week, the Peterson family is doing large scale spring cleaning in the form of a move. It was a very quick, abrubt decision that formed when my condo association in the building I currently live decided to deny my having a service dog (don't get me started). Now we anticipated a move in the near future anyways, as we are beyond crammed for space, but not exactly this soon. But, since the dog has really become a necessity for me at this time, we found somewhere more excepting, less discriminating, open to the needs of my family in the form of a duplex owned by a member of my church. That happened on Saturday. Exactly one week later, this Saturday, we move in. Yikes. Also on Saturday- the new dog arrives. Very, very excited as will the kids be. One more adjustment our family is facing.
So what does this mean for me? Well, it means I am stressed. I am freaking out. I am wondering how on earth I and I alone are going to accomplish the huge task of packing this entire place in one week that it is already to be loaded up and moved out on Saturday morning. Fortunately for me, this week is spring break so I don't have to worry about school. However, as many of you know, as moms we accumulate a whole lot of stuff. As do our kids. In addition to feeling the stress of getting packed, there is the stress of the tax return coming in time to cover the costs. There is the stress of not having my "crutch" in the form of Thin Mint girl scout cookies, as apparently I ordered every kind but those (showing quite clearly my current mental status!) There's the stress of getting enough boxes. Of getting school work in that I am behind on. Of getting our current place clean after all the things are gone. There is the stress of the kids wanting to unpack everything I get packed. Of my son wanting to “help” tape up boxes before they are ready to be taped. There is the daunting task of cleaning out the fridge. Oh, the dreaded fridge!
For any of you moms who have moved yourselves with small kids in the past I am sure you know what I am talking about. There is just so much…stuff! And so, the necessity for a battle plan: divide and conquer. I must take a stand and say I am bigger then this move. I am not going to let it stress me out. I am going to be productive, and organized, and it will all be done in time, at which point I can sit with my new baby (puppy) and relax in the extra space we will have. If only it was that easy!
And so, to survive I say. I will do my best. I will turn up the stereo and put on some good tunes that will hopefully motivate me to move- in a packing way, that is. I will take walks. I will mix in a chapter of homework here and there. I will shower daily. I may have a stiff drink now and again. But I will survive.
I have learned a lot in my life including how big things quickly can feel overwhelming. I am certain many of you have experienced this in your life. You need ten things to fall in place all at the perfect time to make everything run smoothly. Sometimes it does. Most times it does not. So what will I do if I don’t get to all the packing or if the tax return doesn’t make it before we need it and if the new dog doesn’t adjust right away and our moving helpers don’t show up and…? I do just what I am doing now. I will step back and I will breathe. I will not scream. I will not cry. I will stay composed. Basically, I will make my husband deal with it.
And at the end of the day, when we are all moved, and my dog is in my lap and the kids are having fun playing in the back yard we will finally have, and my husband is at my side, I will be able to say, “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?!” Probably not. Likely I will say what I did the last time- “Never again!” But I will have survived and that is what’s most important.
The Mom Chronicles:The Ultimate Role Reversal
A note on this one...
I never did have this one put in the paper... partly because it was too long, and partly because I decided to "save it" for another time.... It was very meaningful to me, though, and I hope you enjoy it.
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: The Ultimate Role Reversal
Welcome back, moms. I don't know about all of you but this warmer weather has me thinking spring. Flowers. Digging in dirt and planting seeds while watching the first butterflies of the season appear. It's likely only a weather tease, but I am thinking spring. A time of warmth. A time of rebirth. A time when the old and dirty is washed away and new layers of life emerge.
All this thinking about new life and seasons changing some what emerged this past weekend for me when I made a visit up north to see my grandparents (to see a potential new Peterson family member of the furry, four legged, barking variety as well, mind you!) - but to see my grandparents and pay a visit to dear old mom. The visit, besides to check out the new puppy, ultimately came about because my grandmother, whom I have mentioned in the past as suffering with metastatic breast cancer, recently has grown increasingly ill. Her very stubborn side prevented her from accepting her need for medical intervention before it was too late and she ended up quite ill with pneumonia. For her, it was a great step backwords. She had just started regaining her strength, doing things such as helping my grandfather wash dishes because he doesn't do them the "right" way, and getting around a bit more independantly. Now she finds herself struggling to get out of her bed or recliner and over and over asking, "Why am I just so tired?"
See, grandma is a lot like me (or I guess you could say really, I am a lot like her.) She doesn't like to ask for help. She doesn't like having to require medical interventions. She is horribly stubborn and strong willed and has her mind set that if she just ignores something long enough it will just go away. Naturally, this was not the case with her cancer, and is not the case now.
And that said, grandma finds herself very dependant on the help of others. Her unwillingness to ask for help, has actually lead at times to her requiring MORE of it, and so we as her family have taken on the role of trying to care for her and allow her to live in her home. When I say we, I primarily mean my grandpa, mom and aunts as well as periodically myself. And this whole thing has brought light to me the great role reversal that takes place when we age, when we as moms or grandmothers get to a place when instead of our children having to rely on us, we need to rely on them. When instead of us being their all to take care of, they are ours taking care of us.
This weekend I found myself face to face with this very thing. As someone who has always been very close to my grandparents, I have become someone that my grandma looks to for answers or reassurance in times when things aren't always so clear. And I admit I don't always know what to do with this. This weekend, while faced with this challenge, I found myself thinking, "What would grandma say?" Or in other words, if it was I who was asking her for the reassurances she was looking for, what would her responses be to me? What would she say, for example, if I asked her if I was going to make it (live)? What would she say if I expressed deep feelings of depression over a current dark physical state? How would she direct me to see the good and gifts in a situation when I couldn't?
And so I started my responses like any good grandma response would: with God. Now this is hard for me, because in my most religous of upbringing, I loudly admit I struggle to seek God when things get really rough. Grandma? She's stellar. She's like God's number one fan. If you have a problem, there God will be. And so not only is her questioning this very thing she has always tought me throwing me off, but it is challenging me to seek- and very quickly mind you- my own feelings on the matter. And so we started with God and talking about why He does the things He does or doesn't, and then I put on a hat I was much more comfortable with and started the whole lecture on getting to the doctor and seeking help sooner and how this would have helped her in this situation and not taking for granted the time she has been given by letting her stubborness come in the way of seeking help for a illness that is fully curable. (I was much better at this.) And to my amazement- she listened. Grandma actually listened. And then I listened to her. Her lungs, that is. I used my newly learned EMT skills and pulled out my special new stethoscope to listen to her lungs. For my own personal sick, self seeking benefit I was secretly hoping to hear even just one of those crackles in her lung bases "live" in a "real" patient not just on a lung sound machine- but instead only the sound of clear free flowing air rushing through her lungs. Granted I expected this to be the case as the doctor the day before said they were almost completely clear at that point, but for her to hear it from me was a reassurance that seemed to give her new hope. Now yes, she does follow up with her real medical professional this week and so my opinion was just that for whatever it was worth, but there in that moment I gave her something that I never expected to.
And so that role reversal lives. She is still my grandmother. My mom is still her daughter, as are my aunts. My grandpa is still her husband, yet each of us in our own ways have taken on a bit of that which she used to provide for us. And that is a very special thing that happens when we age. We as parents turn that corner of going from where we were the care takers, to our children and grandchildren settling in to that role. And everyone responds to that differently. For me, it has certainly been an adjustment. I still want my strong, witty grandma. I want to be able to walk in to her home and see her up baking or outside kneeling next to her flowers, not physically weak and holding herself up in her chair. I don't want to have to provide answers to her questions about life and death and if she will be here to celebrate her 80th birthday this year. I don't want to have to listen to her lungs to be able to reassure her that her antibiotics are working. I don't want to have to lecture her about getting her arse to the doctor sooner before she declines so much, and about going to bed at night, not staying up and watching the Olympics until midnight and then wondering why she is so darn tired. And yet I do, and I will do, all of those things. Because she has been there and done them for me in the past. She gave me answers, even when she didn't have them. She reassured me even when she didn't know the outcome. She prayed for me and took care of me when I was ill or needed her. And so I will do for her.
As moms, none of us want this. None of us want to imagine the day that we will no longer be able to be there in all the same ways for our kids. But ultimately, we all know that this reality exists and the best thing we can do, is be there for our kids. Teach them the things that will get them through this life, so that when ours is ending, they can be there to remind us of how wonderful ours was. Show them compassion for others that they will take compassion on us when we are ill or no longer who they knew us to be. Lecture them on things like taking care of ourselves and going to bed that one day they can remind us of the same when we forget those same words ourselves. No one likes to think of these things. Not anyone I know, at least. But it is this beautiful, natural occurance in life. Just as the spring comes each year and brings new life, there is the reality of another season ending. What was once is now no longer, or is in some way greatly changed. Think of the butterfly that forms a cacoon only to emerge in to this beautiful butterfly, or of the tree that sheds all of its leaves to be able to bloom with great beauty and buds in the spring. We are ever changing. Life is everchanging. And while those changes are not always easy to see, we - at least I- can not help to feel so very blessed that at least I am here to help guide someone like my grandmother, through a change in her life, that is so less beautiful then a newly budding tree.
Yes, we are all mothers. But don't forget, we were daughters and grandaughters first. Continue on in such a way that you don't forget where you came from, and be sure that in the end, you can always find your way back to the ones who mean the most.
I never did have this one put in the paper... partly because it was too long, and partly because I decided to "save it" for another time.... It was very meaningful to me, though, and I hope you enjoy it.
Amy
The Mom Chronicles: The Ultimate Role Reversal
Welcome back, moms. I don't know about all of you but this warmer weather has me thinking spring. Flowers. Digging in dirt and planting seeds while watching the first butterflies of the season appear. It's likely only a weather tease, but I am thinking spring. A time of warmth. A time of rebirth. A time when the old and dirty is washed away and new layers of life emerge.
All this thinking about new life and seasons changing some what emerged this past weekend for me when I made a visit up north to see my grandparents (to see a potential new Peterson family member of the furry, four legged, barking variety as well, mind you!) - but to see my grandparents and pay a visit to dear old mom. The visit, besides to check out the new puppy, ultimately came about because my grandmother, whom I have mentioned in the past as suffering with metastatic breast cancer, recently has grown increasingly ill. Her very stubborn side prevented her from accepting her need for medical intervention before it was too late and she ended up quite ill with pneumonia. For her, it was a great step backwords. She had just started regaining her strength, doing things such as helping my grandfather wash dishes because he doesn't do them the "right" way, and getting around a bit more independantly. Now she finds herself struggling to get out of her bed or recliner and over and over asking, "Why am I just so tired?"
See, grandma is a lot like me (or I guess you could say really, I am a lot like her.) She doesn't like to ask for help. She doesn't like having to require medical interventions. She is horribly stubborn and strong willed and has her mind set that if she just ignores something long enough it will just go away. Naturally, this was not the case with her cancer, and is not the case now.
And that said, grandma finds herself very dependant on the help of others. Her unwillingness to ask for help, has actually lead at times to her requiring MORE of it, and so we as her family have taken on the role of trying to care for her and allow her to live in her home. When I say we, I primarily mean my grandpa, mom and aunts as well as periodically myself. And this whole thing has brought light to me the great role reversal that takes place when we age, when we as moms or grandmothers get to a place when instead of our children having to rely on us, we need to rely on them. When instead of us being their all to take care of, they are ours taking care of us.
This weekend I found myself face to face with this very thing. As someone who has always been very close to my grandparents, I have become someone that my grandma looks to for answers or reassurance in times when things aren't always so clear. And I admit I don't always know what to do with this. This weekend, while faced with this challenge, I found myself thinking, "What would grandma say?" Or in other words, if it was I who was asking her for the reassurances she was looking for, what would her responses be to me? What would she say, for example, if I asked her if I was going to make it (live)? What would she say if I expressed deep feelings of depression over a current dark physical state? How would she direct me to see the good and gifts in a situation when I couldn't?
And so I started my responses like any good grandma response would: with God. Now this is hard for me, because in my most religous of upbringing, I loudly admit I struggle to seek God when things get really rough. Grandma? She's stellar. She's like God's number one fan. If you have a problem, there God will be. And so not only is her questioning this very thing she has always tought me throwing me off, but it is challenging me to seek- and very quickly mind you- my own feelings on the matter. And so we started with God and talking about why He does the things He does or doesn't, and then I put on a hat I was much more comfortable with and started the whole lecture on getting to the doctor and seeking help sooner and how this would have helped her in this situation and not taking for granted the time she has been given by letting her stubborness come in the way of seeking help for a illness that is fully curable. (I was much better at this.) And to my amazement- she listened. Grandma actually listened. And then I listened to her. Her lungs, that is. I used my newly learned EMT skills and pulled out my special new stethoscope to listen to her lungs. For my own personal sick, self seeking benefit I was secretly hoping to hear even just one of those crackles in her lung bases "live" in a "real" patient not just on a lung sound machine- but instead only the sound of clear free flowing air rushing through her lungs. Granted I expected this to be the case as the doctor the day before said they were almost completely clear at that point, but for her to hear it from me was a reassurance that seemed to give her new hope. Now yes, she does follow up with her real medical professional this week and so my opinion was just that for whatever it was worth, but there in that moment I gave her something that I never expected to.
And so that role reversal lives. She is still my grandmother. My mom is still her daughter, as are my aunts. My grandpa is still her husband, yet each of us in our own ways have taken on a bit of that which she used to provide for us. And that is a very special thing that happens when we age. We as parents turn that corner of going from where we were the care takers, to our children and grandchildren settling in to that role. And everyone responds to that differently. For me, it has certainly been an adjustment. I still want my strong, witty grandma. I want to be able to walk in to her home and see her up baking or outside kneeling next to her flowers, not physically weak and holding herself up in her chair. I don't want to have to provide answers to her questions about life and death and if she will be here to celebrate her 80th birthday this year. I don't want to have to listen to her lungs to be able to reassure her that her antibiotics are working. I don't want to have to lecture her about getting her arse to the doctor sooner before she declines so much, and about going to bed at night, not staying up and watching the Olympics until midnight and then wondering why she is so darn tired. And yet I do, and I will do, all of those things. Because she has been there and done them for me in the past. She gave me answers, even when she didn't have them. She reassured me even when she didn't know the outcome. She prayed for me and took care of me when I was ill or needed her. And so I will do for her.
As moms, none of us want this. None of us want to imagine the day that we will no longer be able to be there in all the same ways for our kids. But ultimately, we all know that this reality exists and the best thing we can do, is be there for our kids. Teach them the things that will get them through this life, so that when ours is ending, they can be there to remind us of how wonderful ours was. Show them compassion for others that they will take compassion on us when we are ill or no longer who they knew us to be. Lecture them on things like taking care of ourselves and going to bed that one day they can remind us of the same when we forget those same words ourselves. No one likes to think of these things. Not anyone I know, at least. But it is this beautiful, natural occurance in life. Just as the spring comes each year and brings new life, there is the reality of another season ending. What was once is now no longer, or is in some way greatly changed. Think of the butterfly that forms a cacoon only to emerge in to this beautiful butterfly, or of the tree that sheds all of its leaves to be able to bloom with great beauty and buds in the spring. We are ever changing. Life is everchanging. And while those changes are not always easy to see, we - at least I- can not help to feel so very blessed that at least I am here to help guide someone like my grandmother, through a change in her life, that is so less beautiful then a newly budding tree.
Yes, we are all mothers. But don't forget, we were daughters and grandaughters first. Continue on in such a way that you don't forget where you came from, and be sure that in the end, you can always find your way back to the ones who mean the most.
The Mom Chronicles: Not that Different (2/22/10)
The Mom Chronicles: Not that different
Hey, moms and non-moms alike. This week I was inspired to have a little fun with my column. As many of my old highschool and college friends are having kids for the first time and experiencing those first moments of terror as they find that kids don't always have the same wants/needs/desires as we do at the exact moments we want them to (apparently they did not read "The Book" before they came out) I have to sit back and chuckle. Yes, we have all been there. Did we seriously believe our kids would come out loving sleep and naps and shopping and vegetables as we do?! And in light of this, I was thinking about how similar, yet how very different our kids can be from us, and yet how that can be part of the fun in being a parent. Afterall, it certainly keeps life... interesting? So for the heck of it I threw out to some online mom friends the phrase "Kids love 'em, moms..not so much" and the reverse "Moms love 'em..kids not so much" and asked them to send me their responses. I wanted to share them with you today.
As for the kids..they love 'em, we, as moms ...not so much! (Or at least we aren't about to admit we do!) Worms. Yellow snow. Noses and other body crevices and functions. Fast, spinny rides. Amusement parks. The McDonald's playland. Rain puddles.Kool aid in the living room. Paints.Picture books. Sand from the sandbox. Bugs. Grandma's rules. Boogers. Hot dogs. Toy aisles. Waking up bright and early on Saturday mornings to catch the cartoons. Screaming. Snow days. Sleepovers and staying up late. Scary movies. Playing "hide and seek" from mom in the store (of course with out her knowing we are playing!). Snakes. Running around naked. Pools. Getting dirty. Mud puddles. Playing "Dress up" with mom's clothes/shoes/makeup. Mom's purse. Gum. Sweets. Texting/cellphones. Video games.Fast food. Playing truth or dare. "Flying".
Compared to this, we mom's look pretty boring. Afterall, the things we moms love (or at least admit to loving)? Our kids...not so much. Naps. Relaxing. Shoes. Reminiscing. Taking formal family pictures. Rules. Sit down dinners. Making big deals out of "firsts" (first day of school, first date, etc) Benadryl. Quiet time. Shopping. Clean rooms and made beds. Clothes. Haircuts. Silence. Church/Musicals/Plays. The theatre. Sipping coffee. Shaving. Fruits and green vegetables. Working out. Novels. Magazines. "Oldies". Seafood (no, not the "see" food, that our kids like!"). Truffles. Mom's night out. Wine. Fresh flowers. Cards. Decorating. Dressing up. Non-mini vans.Candle lit dinners. Cover-ups.
Yikes! One can't help but wonder how we do co-exist when we appear to be so... different. Yet, despite these things which in most cases are polar opposites, there is this beautful, wonderful "grey zone" that exists. It is that which bridges us and forms these wonderful relationships that we have with our kids. The paints they love- colored the pictures we have hanging on our walls. The McDonald's play land we love to hate, is the place we meet up with other "mom" friends to catch up while our kids play. The quiet time we create allows them to rest so they can "fly" and play tag and hide and seek. The mini vans we drive, escort them to their activies that keep our calandars full and give us the precious photo ops we so seek. The clothes we love to buy, are the ones they wear to their outings. The flowers they pick (even if out of our garden) are the fresh ones we place on our dining room table. The screams and cries they make are the ones we miss when there is quiet and they are gone. The picture books we read them, teach them the words they will need to understand the novels they will read as adults. The visits to grandma's we hate because the rules are different, are the ones that give us our break to go out with the girls. The experiements with our make up now, are the ones which teach them how to apply their own on their wedding day. The sleepovers we host now are what helps teach them social skills that they will need in the future and build relationships that will hopefully last a life time. The Puddles they jump in now, will hopefully be the same ones they jump in with their own children.
So you see, Our kids and us? We aren't that different. In fact we are perfectly, wonderfully compatable. So instead on Saturday morning when you hear your kids up and at 'em at seven o'clock, asking for icecream for breakfast and raring to go for the day, instead of pulling the covers over your head and wondering aloud "What did I create?!" - join them. Afterall, who doesn't want ice cream in bed for breakfast? Even if you aren't willing to admit it!
Hey, moms and non-moms alike. This week I was inspired to have a little fun with my column. As many of my old highschool and college friends are having kids for the first time and experiencing those first moments of terror as they find that kids don't always have the same wants/needs/desires as we do at the exact moments we want them to (apparently they did not read "The Book" before they came out) I have to sit back and chuckle. Yes, we have all been there. Did we seriously believe our kids would come out loving sleep and naps and shopping and vegetables as we do?! And in light of this, I was thinking about how similar, yet how very different our kids can be from us, and yet how that can be part of the fun in being a parent. Afterall, it certainly keeps life... interesting? So for the heck of it I threw out to some online mom friends the phrase "Kids love 'em, moms..not so much" and the reverse "Moms love 'em..kids not so much" and asked them to send me their responses. I wanted to share them with you today.
As for the kids..they love 'em, we, as moms ...not so much! (Or at least we aren't about to admit we do!) Worms. Yellow snow. Noses and other body crevices and functions. Fast, spinny rides. Amusement parks. The McDonald's playland. Rain puddles.Kool aid in the living room. Paints.Picture books. Sand from the sandbox. Bugs. Grandma's rules. Boogers. Hot dogs. Toy aisles. Waking up bright and early on Saturday mornings to catch the cartoons. Screaming. Snow days. Sleepovers and staying up late. Scary movies. Playing "hide and seek" from mom in the store (of course with out her knowing we are playing!). Snakes. Running around naked. Pools. Getting dirty. Mud puddles. Playing "Dress up" with mom's clothes/shoes/makeup. Mom's purse. Gum. Sweets. Texting/cellphones. Video games.Fast food. Playing truth or dare. "Flying".
Compared to this, we mom's look pretty boring. Afterall, the things we moms love (or at least admit to loving)? Our kids...not so much. Naps. Relaxing. Shoes. Reminiscing. Taking formal family pictures. Rules. Sit down dinners. Making big deals out of "firsts" (first day of school, first date, etc) Benadryl. Quiet time. Shopping. Clean rooms and made beds. Clothes. Haircuts. Silence. Church/Musicals/Plays. The theatre. Sipping coffee. Shaving. Fruits and green vegetables. Working out. Novels. Magazines. "Oldies". Seafood (no, not the "see" food, that our kids like!"). Truffles. Mom's night out. Wine. Fresh flowers. Cards. Decorating. Dressing up. Non-mini vans.Candle lit dinners. Cover-ups.
Yikes! One can't help but wonder how we do co-exist when we appear to be so... different. Yet, despite these things which in most cases are polar opposites, there is this beautful, wonderful "grey zone" that exists. It is that which bridges us and forms these wonderful relationships that we have with our kids. The paints they love- colored the pictures we have hanging on our walls. The McDonald's play land we love to hate, is the place we meet up with other "mom" friends to catch up while our kids play. The quiet time we create allows them to rest so they can "fly" and play tag and hide and seek. The mini vans we drive, escort them to their activies that keep our calandars full and give us the precious photo ops we so seek. The clothes we love to buy, are the ones they wear to their outings. The flowers they pick (even if out of our garden) are the fresh ones we place on our dining room table. The screams and cries they make are the ones we miss when there is quiet and they are gone. The picture books we read them, teach them the words they will need to understand the novels they will read as adults. The visits to grandma's we hate because the rules are different, are the ones that give us our break to go out with the girls. The experiements with our make up now, are the ones which teach them how to apply their own on their wedding day. The sleepovers we host now are what helps teach them social skills that they will need in the future and build relationships that will hopefully last a life time. The Puddles they jump in now, will hopefully be the same ones they jump in with their own children.
So you see, Our kids and us? We aren't that different. In fact we are perfectly, wonderfully compatable. So instead on Saturday morning when you hear your kids up and at 'em at seven o'clock, asking for icecream for breakfast and raring to go for the day, instead of pulling the covers over your head and wondering aloud "What did I create?!" - join them. Afterall, who doesn't want ice cream in bed for breakfast? Even if you aren't willing to admit it!
The Mom Chronicles: When Parents- Don't (2/15/10)
The Mom Chronicles: When Parents- Don't.
Valentines Days and Anniversaries. They are supposed to be the most romantic days for a couple out of the year. For my husband and I, we learned this weekend this is not necessarily always the case. You see, since my husband and I's Anniversary and Valentines Day fall only 3 days apart, the two, if celebrated, are celebrated in a joint venture. As was the case this weekend. My sister super graciously agreed to take my kids for a night so we made plans for a nice dinner and booked a suite equipped with a whirlpool tub and fireplace right in the room at a local establishement. Supper was wonderful. Even a 70 minute was worth it for delicous crab legs and fresh lobster. And just when we thought things were off to a great start...we arrived at our hotel. To our surprise, it was completely booked with visiting boys hockey teams for a hockey tournament. We walked in to be met with the fresh smell of adolescent boys and hockey gear! I guess we should have known what we were in for when we were met by one of the kids' moms at the elevator with, "I hope you guys aren't here for a romantic getaway." Aha. Perhaps we should have turned and ran out. Fast. But we didn't.
Instead of the romantic getaway we were expecting, our night ended up being nothing but a very bad version of home. It was as if a herd of cattle was let loose in the building and no one was trying to round them up. Constant running in the halls, half a dozen boys at a time literally jumping from the top of one floor landing in the stair wells (which happend to be right next to our end-room) to the next. There were games such as tag and knock and run. And the parents? Where were they all night? In the social areas and lounge and hanging out next to the pool, which was also completely over run and crowded with testosterone pumped pre-teen boys.Who was making appearances in the hall instead? My husband. Trying to quiet the ones at least on our floor so God forbid I could at least take a whirlpool tub with out listening to noise even the tub jets couldn't drowned out.
In the morning hotel staff were less then apologetic and couldn't seem to understand why we wanted a refund. Really? I thought? This comes even after one of them admitted that yes, it was very loud in there the night before.
My point in sharing this? I love my kids. I adore them. AND sometimes I need a night away. Our stay ended up feeling like anything but. And why? Because apparently the parents of these guys felt they needed a vacation, too. And while I full heartedly feel the kids were old enough to "know better" in a public place where there are other people being affected by your kids actions, it isn't enough to count on it. No, it was not the hotel's job to parent these guys and tell them to knock it off- it was the parents-however, as an establishment they had a committment to us other customers to step in when that didn't happen.
Now, I admit when others are around it is easy to assume someone else will watch your kid for you or to give your kids some extra slack in hopes they can handle the responsibility. However, there is a time and place and in a public establishment when others can so easily be affected- watch your kids. Know what they are doing. Don't assume others will or that they are making the best choices.
We walked away from the hotel in the morning agreeing with each other that next year, we won't waste our money. We may still ship our kids off for a night, but instead of taking the risk, we are going to spend a quiet night at home together- alone. In the quiet. And the irony is that this whole hotel venture should have been the most romantic part of my weekend, but it wasn't. It was when all four of us were cuddled up taking a nap together the following afternoon spending time together as a family just "being". And perhaps that was a lesson to me in what Valentines Day is really all about. It is not about the flowers, or romance or extravagent things. It is about being with the ones you love the most.
That said, parents- watch your kids. Parent. Don't rely on others to do so for you. For you are not the only ones out there. And a disclaimer to others around that your kids may not be on their best behavior is no substitute or excuse. Teach and reflect respect for others to your kids. Need I say more?
Valentines Days and Anniversaries. They are supposed to be the most romantic days for a couple out of the year. For my husband and I, we learned this weekend this is not necessarily always the case. You see, since my husband and I's Anniversary and Valentines Day fall only 3 days apart, the two, if celebrated, are celebrated in a joint venture. As was the case this weekend. My sister super graciously agreed to take my kids for a night so we made plans for a nice dinner and booked a suite equipped with a whirlpool tub and fireplace right in the room at a local establishement. Supper was wonderful. Even a 70 minute was worth it for delicous crab legs and fresh lobster. And just when we thought things were off to a great start...we arrived at our hotel. To our surprise, it was completely booked with visiting boys hockey teams for a hockey tournament. We walked in to be met with the fresh smell of adolescent boys and hockey gear! I guess we should have known what we were in for when we were met by one of the kids' moms at the elevator with, "I hope you guys aren't here for a romantic getaway." Aha. Perhaps we should have turned and ran out. Fast. But we didn't.
Instead of the romantic getaway we were expecting, our night ended up being nothing but a very bad version of home. It was as if a herd of cattle was let loose in the building and no one was trying to round them up. Constant running in the halls, half a dozen boys at a time literally jumping from the top of one floor landing in the stair wells (which happend to be right next to our end-room) to the next. There were games such as tag and knock and run. And the parents? Where were they all night? In the social areas and lounge and hanging out next to the pool, which was also completely over run and crowded with testosterone pumped pre-teen boys.Who was making appearances in the hall instead? My husband. Trying to quiet the ones at least on our floor so God forbid I could at least take a whirlpool tub with out listening to noise even the tub jets couldn't drowned out.
In the morning hotel staff were less then apologetic and couldn't seem to understand why we wanted a refund. Really? I thought? This comes even after one of them admitted that yes, it was very loud in there the night before.
My point in sharing this? I love my kids. I adore them. AND sometimes I need a night away. Our stay ended up feeling like anything but. And why? Because apparently the parents of these guys felt they needed a vacation, too. And while I full heartedly feel the kids were old enough to "know better" in a public place where there are other people being affected by your kids actions, it isn't enough to count on it. No, it was not the hotel's job to parent these guys and tell them to knock it off- it was the parents-however, as an establishment they had a committment to us other customers to step in when that didn't happen.
Now, I admit when others are around it is easy to assume someone else will watch your kid for you or to give your kids some extra slack in hopes they can handle the responsibility. However, there is a time and place and in a public establishment when others can so easily be affected- watch your kids. Know what they are doing. Don't assume others will or that they are making the best choices.
We walked away from the hotel in the morning agreeing with each other that next year, we won't waste our money. We may still ship our kids off for a night, but instead of taking the risk, we are going to spend a quiet night at home together- alone. In the quiet. And the irony is that this whole hotel venture should have been the most romantic part of my weekend, but it wasn't. It was when all four of us were cuddled up taking a nap together the following afternoon spending time together as a family just "being". And perhaps that was a lesson to me in what Valentines Day is really all about. It is not about the flowers, or romance or extravagent things. It is about being with the ones you love the most.
That said, parents- watch your kids. Parent. Don't rely on others to do so for you. For you are not the only ones out there. And a disclaimer to others around that your kids may not be on their best behavior is no substitute or excuse. Teach and reflect respect for others to your kids. Need I say more?
Updates are Finally here!
Hey, Moms~
My apologies for this taking so long to update... Things in the Peterson household are FINALLY settling down so after many requests (and some nagging from my sister, whose loyalty to reading my blog I very much appreciate..) here are some updates..
Hope everyone is having a beautiful spring!
Amy
My apologies for this taking so long to update... Things in the Peterson household are FINALLY settling down so after many requests (and some nagging from my sister, whose loyalty to reading my blog I very much appreciate..) here are some updates..
Hope everyone is having a beautiful spring!
Amy
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