Welcome Back, Chronicle Moms~
This week for me is all about remembering Sam, the baby I lost last year, and what life has been like since her loss. To commemorate the first anniversary, I got a new tattoo in her memory. Have any of you had the devastating experience of a miscarriage or loss of a child? If so please post your stories here. This week's Mom chronicles will be all about Remembering Sam, and the topic of miscarriage and infant loss. I will be discussing the last year with out my child, how I have coped and some resources I hope you may find helpful. I hope you have all had a nice weekend! See you back soon!
Amy
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Coming soon!
Hey, Chronicle Moms! Just a FYI.. Coming soon to the Mom Chronicles near you, kid friendly recipes, safety topics, a Miscarriage memorial, and fall fun preview. Stay posted! Also, I just may get some pics up of my kids one of these days.. Computer issues.... making it difficult.. Soon, though. I can't wait for you to "meet" them!
Any other topic ideas or suggestions? Let me know.
Have a great week!
Amy
Any other topic ideas or suggestions? Let me know.
Have a great week!
Amy
Chronicles 8- Food for thought
Hey, everyone! Here is this week's column. It can also be viewed in print of course, in the Hastings Star Gazette. Please be sure to pick up a copy. Enjoy!
Amy
August 24th, 2009
The Mom Chronicles: Food For Thought
Welcome back, Chronicle Moms! I hope life has been less than exciting this past week, meaning no broken bones, no peeing in diapers (you, not your kids) and no embarrassing public outbursts (again by you, not your kids). For me I am happy to report this past week has been a little less exciting for once. Outside of a four day run of a GI flu which was just fabulous, trust me, life in the Peterson home was pretty uneventful for once. THANK GOD!
Needless to say this uneventful week left me scratching my head in all the spare time I had to myself, as I lounged on the couch watching Lifetime movies between mad dashes to the bathroom as to what to write this week’s column about. Normally, the week is so eventful I have a plethora of things to write about. Today, not so much. It is kind of, well, nice. When the most exciting thing you have to write about is what is coming out of which end of your body, that doesn’t seem so inspiring at all!
Seeing as I did have time to think, which isn’t always a good thing, I spent a lot of time thinking about how to make this column better. About what services I could further provide to you, and that made for a very exciting weekend!
The first “Aha” moment I had was while on a venture to the grocery store to get some saltine crackers and Gatorade. I am not sure whether it was because I couldn’t eat anything with out seeing it a second time in one form or another, or because everything just looked so good had I been feeling better, but whatever the case, the topic of food came to mind. I was prompted to think about these past weeks while I have been laid up and members from my church came by and provided meals to me and my family. The best part of that was that my kids were super excited to have something new to try. Not one meal was one I regularly, or in some cases, had ever made for my kids. As I watched them delight in the new dishes, I had thought about how I really needed to collect the recipes.
This same thought came to me at the grocery store, and it occurred to me that it was a service I would like to provide here as well. How often do we get in to a slump trying to come up with something different to make for supper? Granted if it were up to my son we would have “Macaronies” or hot dogs every night. But as a mom, I seek variety. I seek creative new ways of sneaking in the healthy things that my son other wise doesn’t always like, and that don’t take a lot to make. With so many moms around, why don’t we share our dinner secrets? We all have them, those dishes we make that the kids rave over, and satisfy our need for variety or a healthy twist. And so I put out a plug to all of my online mom friends and the result so far has been great. I have started a nice collection of easy to make, kid loved dinner ideas, and I will be publishing them in the weeks ahead. To that I also seek your suggestions. Do you have an incredible, super easy, kid approved meal you break out for your little (or big) ones? If so please email it to me at amyellamatthew@gmail.com and I will include it in a future column. I would love to collect several that you can keep in your back pockets for a rainy day. I don’t know about you, but I look forward to trying some of them out!
That brings me to my next “Aha” moment. Due to the positive feedback I have gotten regarding this column and the need for it, in an effort to further extend support to you moms, I have set up an online blog. It includes past columns, will include the recipes I get, the suggestions for other “cheap thrills” we discussed a few weeks ago, and so on. I hope you will take the time to venture and check it out. The goal is not to replace what is happening here, but rather, to offer a place for you to comment on the columns and give feedback to other moms in similar situations as you or I. I have learned as a mom, there is no such thing as too much support, and I would like to offer you one more place to go to find some. The blog address is www.hastingsmomchronicles.blogspot.com Please do pay the site a visit and let me know what you think, or what you would like to see included in future columns.
Finally, while I have craved an appetite for “real” food these past days, I also thought about mental food. It was the weekend which meant it was my husband’s time to take the kids. Our arrangement is that I have the kids during the week and when he is around on the weekends he takes them. That suddenly left me with a very empty, very quiet house to myself. Granted this was ok, considering my physical state, however, as the weekend went on and I found myself feeling better, I felt at a loss as to how to “fill my cup” before the kids came back. This made me wonder how many of you moms out there, in those rare kid free moments, know how to make the time count for you? So I thought of what sounded fun. Shopping? A movie? Finishing a couple books I have started? Going and sitting in the hot tub at the YMCA? All sounded great, but do you know what I ended up doing? Cleaning, and as my friend Christina says, I cleaned with purpose. I caught up on laundry. I washed my sink full of dishes in hopes of getting rid of the fruit flies once and for all (to no avail). I scrubbed my bathroom and bathtub and for the first time in like, a year, I think an average person off the street would actually be willing to take a bath in it. And all the while I thought, what am I doing? I could be out having fun. I could be soaking up the sun, working on my tan or catching some extra zzz’s before the kids come home. But why didn’t I? Is it because I truly don’t know HOW to let go and do these things or because I just didn’t want to?
Being given the opportunity to have time to myself this weekend and choosing to clean told me I have a lot to learn about how to pamper myself. While it was not without purpose that I chose to do that, I did decide that in future weekends, I would do at least one thing I would like to do, for me, and not feel guilty about it. I needed to clean this weekend as it just had to be done. Interestingly, though, perhaps it was personal insight that lead me to doing it. What do I really need in my life right now? A sense of accomplishment. What better way then the instant gratification that comes in cleaning? Ironically enough, being able to look around at a clean house by the end of the weekend did fill my cup. But it is far from the “ideal”. I have vowed in future weekends, to seek ways to fill my own cup, so that I can better fill my kids’. After all, what good are we to them, if we can’t take care of ourselves? So my challenge for you this week? Take time to indulge in some mental food for yourself. While thinking of recipes to share, think of what your own recipe for success would be. What are YOU craving? Is it time alone, or time with friends? Time to finish a good book, or to hit the mall or coffee shop with friends? Moreover, what is stopping you from cooking up those things for yourself? Then, just as you make picking up the things on your grocery list to cook physical meals a priority, make the ingredients for your mental “meals” a priority, too. It is not easy. It will take time and likely not feel natural. But each time you do, savor the flavor of what it is to feed yourself and your own soul. This weekend, I needed to clean. Next weekend, I have vowed to do something that doesn’t involve cleaning and I will share that thing with you next week. In the mean time, feed yourself in way that fills not just your belly up, but your soul as well. See you next week.
Amy
August 24th, 2009
The Mom Chronicles: Food For Thought
Welcome back, Chronicle Moms! I hope life has been less than exciting this past week, meaning no broken bones, no peeing in diapers (you, not your kids) and no embarrassing public outbursts (again by you, not your kids). For me I am happy to report this past week has been a little less exciting for once. Outside of a four day run of a GI flu which was just fabulous, trust me, life in the Peterson home was pretty uneventful for once. THANK GOD!
Needless to say this uneventful week left me scratching my head in all the spare time I had to myself, as I lounged on the couch watching Lifetime movies between mad dashes to the bathroom as to what to write this week’s column about. Normally, the week is so eventful I have a plethora of things to write about. Today, not so much. It is kind of, well, nice. When the most exciting thing you have to write about is what is coming out of which end of your body, that doesn’t seem so inspiring at all!
Seeing as I did have time to think, which isn’t always a good thing, I spent a lot of time thinking about how to make this column better. About what services I could further provide to you, and that made for a very exciting weekend!
The first “Aha” moment I had was while on a venture to the grocery store to get some saltine crackers and Gatorade. I am not sure whether it was because I couldn’t eat anything with out seeing it a second time in one form or another, or because everything just looked so good had I been feeling better, but whatever the case, the topic of food came to mind. I was prompted to think about these past weeks while I have been laid up and members from my church came by and provided meals to me and my family. The best part of that was that my kids were super excited to have something new to try. Not one meal was one I regularly, or in some cases, had ever made for my kids. As I watched them delight in the new dishes, I had thought about how I really needed to collect the recipes.
This same thought came to me at the grocery store, and it occurred to me that it was a service I would like to provide here as well. How often do we get in to a slump trying to come up with something different to make for supper? Granted if it were up to my son we would have “Macaronies” or hot dogs every night. But as a mom, I seek variety. I seek creative new ways of sneaking in the healthy things that my son other wise doesn’t always like, and that don’t take a lot to make. With so many moms around, why don’t we share our dinner secrets? We all have them, those dishes we make that the kids rave over, and satisfy our need for variety or a healthy twist. And so I put out a plug to all of my online mom friends and the result so far has been great. I have started a nice collection of easy to make, kid loved dinner ideas, and I will be publishing them in the weeks ahead. To that I also seek your suggestions. Do you have an incredible, super easy, kid approved meal you break out for your little (or big) ones? If so please email it to me at amyellamatthew@gmail.com and I will include it in a future column. I would love to collect several that you can keep in your back pockets for a rainy day. I don’t know about you, but I look forward to trying some of them out!
That brings me to my next “Aha” moment. Due to the positive feedback I have gotten regarding this column and the need for it, in an effort to further extend support to you moms, I have set up an online blog. It includes past columns, will include the recipes I get, the suggestions for other “cheap thrills” we discussed a few weeks ago, and so on. I hope you will take the time to venture and check it out. The goal is not to replace what is happening here, but rather, to offer a place for you to comment on the columns and give feedback to other moms in similar situations as you or I. I have learned as a mom, there is no such thing as too much support, and I would like to offer you one more place to go to find some. The blog address is www.hastingsmomchronicles.blogspot.com Please do pay the site a visit and let me know what you think, or what you would like to see included in future columns.
Finally, while I have craved an appetite for “real” food these past days, I also thought about mental food. It was the weekend which meant it was my husband’s time to take the kids. Our arrangement is that I have the kids during the week and when he is around on the weekends he takes them. That suddenly left me with a very empty, very quiet house to myself. Granted this was ok, considering my physical state, however, as the weekend went on and I found myself feeling better, I felt at a loss as to how to “fill my cup” before the kids came back. This made me wonder how many of you moms out there, in those rare kid free moments, know how to make the time count for you? So I thought of what sounded fun. Shopping? A movie? Finishing a couple books I have started? Going and sitting in the hot tub at the YMCA? All sounded great, but do you know what I ended up doing? Cleaning, and as my friend Christina says, I cleaned with purpose. I caught up on laundry. I washed my sink full of dishes in hopes of getting rid of the fruit flies once and for all (to no avail). I scrubbed my bathroom and bathtub and for the first time in like, a year, I think an average person off the street would actually be willing to take a bath in it. And all the while I thought, what am I doing? I could be out having fun. I could be soaking up the sun, working on my tan or catching some extra zzz’s before the kids come home. But why didn’t I? Is it because I truly don’t know HOW to let go and do these things or because I just didn’t want to?
Being given the opportunity to have time to myself this weekend and choosing to clean told me I have a lot to learn about how to pamper myself. While it was not without purpose that I chose to do that, I did decide that in future weekends, I would do at least one thing I would like to do, for me, and not feel guilty about it. I needed to clean this weekend as it just had to be done. Interestingly, though, perhaps it was personal insight that lead me to doing it. What do I really need in my life right now? A sense of accomplishment. What better way then the instant gratification that comes in cleaning? Ironically enough, being able to look around at a clean house by the end of the weekend did fill my cup. But it is far from the “ideal”. I have vowed in future weekends, to seek ways to fill my own cup, so that I can better fill my kids’. After all, what good are we to them, if we can’t take care of ourselves? So my challenge for you this week? Take time to indulge in some mental food for yourself. While thinking of recipes to share, think of what your own recipe for success would be. What are YOU craving? Is it time alone, or time with friends? Time to finish a good book, or to hit the mall or coffee shop with friends? Moreover, what is stopping you from cooking up those things for yourself? Then, just as you make picking up the things on your grocery list to cook physical meals a priority, make the ingredients for your mental “meals” a priority, too. It is not easy. It will take time and likely not feel natural. But each time you do, savor the flavor of what it is to feed yourself and your own soul. This weekend, I needed to clean. Next weekend, I have vowed to do something that doesn’t involve cleaning and I will share that thing with you next week. In the mean time, feed yourself in way that fills not just your belly up, but your soul as well. See you next week.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sneak Peak
Just finished this week's rendition of the "Mom Chronicles". The topic? Food for thought. The article discusses some new things I will be incorperating in to the Chronicles, including a column on fast, easy, kid friendly recipes, as well as this blog. It ends with discussing how to mentally feed ourselves and keeping our own cups full. Really, how many of us are good at taking the time we need for ourselves or prioritizing our selves? So, I embark on the very topic of mental food, not just physical. I will post it here closer to the day it hits print, which is this Wednesday. In the mean time, I am collecting recipes for that future column. If you have any, do share. I would love to include them!
Hope every one had a great weekend! Look for this week's article later in the week!
Amy
Hope every one had a great weekend! Look for this week's article later in the week!
Amy
The Mom Chronicles 7
Chronicles 7
August 16, 2009
The Mom Chronicles: Moving On
“EmbraceChange. Take the journey back to your self. Love with abandon. Speak of your gratitude. Wear yellow shoes. Unleash your creative spirit. Dance in the moonlight. Be positive. Believe in healing. Share your inner light. Surprise yourself and do the thing that you didn’t think you could do. Live as if you’ve only been given one chance.”
Oh, it’s good to be back. I missed all of you last week, and appreciated the writings of Christina and Kristen in my place. While not “here”, I was recovering from surgery. Have any of you seen that ridiculously looking mom around town with a cast on one leg, brace on the other and arm wrapped up as well, trying to maneuver with a cane and two kids? Yeah- that would be me. You see, before this surgery came about, I had embarked on the goal of running the Twin Cities Marathon. Unfortunately, my over zealous self over trained and ended up with stress fractures in both tibias. Hence, the state of my legs. Then, I had surgery the other week on one of my arms. When this arm heals, they will be fixing the other, again, via surgery. And all of this while trying to balance life with two small kids on my own. Needless to say, it has been an interesting last couple weeks.
That brings me back to what I was saying, I missed all of you last week. This is my outlet, my haven to come when things and motherhood starts feeling larger then I. I have been eager to share with you that which only other moms can appreciate.
I started this week’s column with a quote that is on a piece of art I recently picked up. This unique and beautiful piece of artwork hangs on my bedroom wall and reflects a girl with wings in the back ground. This week, it has been my inspiration. You see, my fellow moms, seasons of change are before me. In saying that I seek the courage and strength and knowledge of similar experiences from you.
Even in this most broken physical state as of late, I have made a choice for myself and my kids that will further test my mental strength. This “Not so single Mom” has decided to indeed, make herself “single”. In other words, I am in the process of formally ending my marriage to my husband and embarking on a world alone. Amazingly, instead of feeling fear and regret in this situation, I feel strength and peace.
I never wanted for myself or my kids to be a statistic. My kids are truly too young to understand, and their lives won’t really change from the status quo, as my husband works out of state and is only occasionally around on the weekends anyways. That said, I feel on some level like I failed them. Like I will not be the example to them that I had hoped, in not fulfilling my marriage vows that I took so seriously that clearly stated “for as long as we both shall live”. The only thing that comforts these thoughts, is that I have not gone out with out a fight. I tried. Truly I did. This was not my first choice, but my last. What I have learned, however, is that marriage and parenthood takes two and if both parties are not equally invested it can not work.
This said, life will be different. I wonder, how do so many others that have gone through this same thing, do it? How do I explain it to my kids one day when they can understand? For answers to these I look to you.
So what lies ahead for this now single mom? I don’t know. Perhaps I will take time to further find myself. To reflect on who I am and whether it is in line or not with who I want to be. I will love my kids. I will dote on them, as I always do, I will lean on them when I don’t feel strong, I will look to others for inspiration when I don’t feel capable, and I will surround myself with things which remind me that I am stronger than I think. As the saying says, I will do that which I thought I never could- I will wear yellow shoes.
To that, I extend my next challenge. My fellow moms, wear yellow shoes. In the recent weeks, when my unexercised self felt horrendous due to the inability to do much anything physical, instead of buying new clothes I knew I would only feel bad about, I bought new shoes. Colorful ones. Ones unlike any others in my closet. Yellow ones, red ones, bright ones. I have resolved to, on a daily basis, remind myself that I am doing that which is best for me, by wearing bright shoes. To me, it is an outward sign of the change happening with in. I have found my voice. I am proud to be a mom that is doing what is best for her. In deciding to end my marriage, I don’t feel like I have failed my kids, but I am being an example to them, to not settle. To demand to be treated well. To be heard. To surround yourselves with others who build you up, not bring you down.
With that, I encourage all of you, to wear bright shoes. Make a visit to Walmart (who happens to have very bright flats for really cheap right now) or Target, or Payless, or wherever. They don’t have to be expensive. They need no bling or great brand name. Simply to be bright. To say “I am proud of who I am”. Trust me, bright shoes, yellow shoes, they were not me, either. Normally I stick to neutral colors. However, I have suddenly been inspired. I will wear them on the days I feel strong in my decision, and the days I do not. I will draw strength from them, and pour strength in to them. I am changing. What could be brighter than that?
Finally, while I have an enormous amount of hilarious Peterson stories at the moment, I will instead end this week by extending a thank you that is far more important. The congregation of Our Saviours Lutheran has been a God-send these past weeks. They have provided evening meals for me and my family. Each night at 6 o’clock there has been a knock on my door with a warm meal for me and my kids to help out. They have called to offer well wishes and sent notes and cards. Their support and community has been incredible. I have attended there, but am not even officially a member yet, and they have embraced me as one of their own. I am so thankful to that, and want them to know how much it has meant to me.
See you next week, hopefully in your yellow shoes.
August 16, 2009
The Mom Chronicles: Moving On
“EmbraceChange. Take the journey back to your self. Love with abandon. Speak of your gratitude. Wear yellow shoes. Unleash your creative spirit. Dance in the moonlight. Be positive. Believe in healing. Share your inner light. Surprise yourself and do the thing that you didn’t think you could do. Live as if you’ve only been given one chance.”
Oh, it’s good to be back. I missed all of you last week, and appreciated the writings of Christina and Kristen in my place. While not “here”, I was recovering from surgery. Have any of you seen that ridiculously looking mom around town with a cast on one leg, brace on the other and arm wrapped up as well, trying to maneuver with a cane and two kids? Yeah- that would be me. You see, before this surgery came about, I had embarked on the goal of running the Twin Cities Marathon. Unfortunately, my over zealous self over trained and ended up with stress fractures in both tibias. Hence, the state of my legs. Then, I had surgery the other week on one of my arms. When this arm heals, they will be fixing the other, again, via surgery. And all of this while trying to balance life with two small kids on my own. Needless to say, it has been an interesting last couple weeks.
That brings me back to what I was saying, I missed all of you last week. This is my outlet, my haven to come when things and motherhood starts feeling larger then I. I have been eager to share with you that which only other moms can appreciate.
I started this week’s column with a quote that is on a piece of art I recently picked up. This unique and beautiful piece of artwork hangs on my bedroom wall and reflects a girl with wings in the back ground. This week, it has been my inspiration. You see, my fellow moms, seasons of change are before me. In saying that I seek the courage and strength and knowledge of similar experiences from you.
Even in this most broken physical state as of late, I have made a choice for myself and my kids that will further test my mental strength. This “Not so single Mom” has decided to indeed, make herself “single”. In other words, I am in the process of formally ending my marriage to my husband and embarking on a world alone. Amazingly, instead of feeling fear and regret in this situation, I feel strength and peace.
I never wanted for myself or my kids to be a statistic. My kids are truly too young to understand, and their lives won’t really change from the status quo, as my husband works out of state and is only occasionally around on the weekends anyways. That said, I feel on some level like I failed them. Like I will not be the example to them that I had hoped, in not fulfilling my marriage vows that I took so seriously that clearly stated “for as long as we both shall live”. The only thing that comforts these thoughts, is that I have not gone out with out a fight. I tried. Truly I did. This was not my first choice, but my last. What I have learned, however, is that marriage and parenthood takes two and if both parties are not equally invested it can not work.
This said, life will be different. I wonder, how do so many others that have gone through this same thing, do it? How do I explain it to my kids one day when they can understand? For answers to these I look to you.
So what lies ahead for this now single mom? I don’t know. Perhaps I will take time to further find myself. To reflect on who I am and whether it is in line or not with who I want to be. I will love my kids. I will dote on them, as I always do, I will lean on them when I don’t feel strong, I will look to others for inspiration when I don’t feel capable, and I will surround myself with things which remind me that I am stronger than I think. As the saying says, I will do that which I thought I never could- I will wear yellow shoes.
To that, I extend my next challenge. My fellow moms, wear yellow shoes. In the recent weeks, when my unexercised self felt horrendous due to the inability to do much anything physical, instead of buying new clothes I knew I would only feel bad about, I bought new shoes. Colorful ones. Ones unlike any others in my closet. Yellow ones, red ones, bright ones. I have resolved to, on a daily basis, remind myself that I am doing that which is best for me, by wearing bright shoes. To me, it is an outward sign of the change happening with in. I have found my voice. I am proud to be a mom that is doing what is best for her. In deciding to end my marriage, I don’t feel like I have failed my kids, but I am being an example to them, to not settle. To demand to be treated well. To be heard. To surround yourselves with others who build you up, not bring you down.
With that, I encourage all of you, to wear bright shoes. Make a visit to Walmart (who happens to have very bright flats for really cheap right now) or Target, or Payless, or wherever. They don’t have to be expensive. They need no bling or great brand name. Simply to be bright. To say “I am proud of who I am”. Trust me, bright shoes, yellow shoes, they were not me, either. Normally I stick to neutral colors. However, I have suddenly been inspired. I will wear them on the days I feel strong in my decision, and the days I do not. I will draw strength from them, and pour strength in to them. I am changing. What could be brighter than that?
Finally, while I have an enormous amount of hilarious Peterson stories at the moment, I will instead end this week by extending a thank you that is far more important. The congregation of Our Saviours Lutheran has been a God-send these past weeks. They have provided evening meals for me and my family. Each night at 6 o’clock there has been a knock on my door with a warm meal for me and my kids to help out. They have called to offer well wishes and sent notes and cards. Their support and community has been incredible. I have attended there, but am not even officially a member yet, and they have embraced me as one of their own. I am so thankful to that, and want them to know how much it has meant to me.
See you next week, hopefully in your yellow shoes.
The Mom Chronicles 6
The Mom Chronicles- Cheap Thrills
As the dog days of summer are upon us, and we set our eyes on those last few valuable weeks before everyone goes back to work and school, it seems every one is scrambling to get in one more vacation, adventure or weekend away. While my kids are not yet of school age, there is still a feeling in the air of the carefree days of summer coming to an end, and a desire to make the most of them before the cold and craziness of the fall season are upon us. Before I was a mom and married, summer didn’t seem to hold the same allure for me. Now that I am, however, I find myself wanting to make more of it and to make each weekend count. This in mind, as I would assume is the case for most of you- I am not made of money, and finding things to do on a budget takes some effort. So as to not waste this effort, however, I have decided to share with you some of the things we have done this summer that we all enjoyed and did not break the bank. Keep in mind, my kids are small, so they require much less to excite them! However, seeing as I have enjoyed our ventures as well, I am convinced anywhere can be fun if given the right mind set!
For starters, what would summer be with out parades, fireworks and carnivals? We brought our kids to their first parade this summer, and first firework experience. We were fortunate enough to be at the start of the Hastings Rivertown Days parade, and it seems as if that was the prime spot to be. We didn’t experience the same gaps or shortage of candy and handouts as other areas did. In fact, my son could hardly contain his excitement most of the time. Now granted, he just turned three so it took him a while to get the hang of the candy collecting thing, but once he did he was thrilled. I was in Marching Band in high school so attending a parade had a bit of nostalgia for me. Yes, the Shriners, I agree, got to be a lot, but the whole parade atmosphere was great, and we will certainly find others to attend in future years. Of course earlier in the summer, we found our way to the fourth of July fireworks. I don’t know about all of you, but for me, fireworks never grow old, as my son was born just after the 4th fireworks ended in the wee hours of the fifth of July so it’s a kind of emotional experience and brings me back to the night he was born. Even with the summer’s end fast approaching, there are still several fireworks shows around to catch.
Beaches. Sand. Sun. If the water is more your style, we found a great swimming hole this summer. Thanks to the suggestion of our most fabulous day care provider, we took the kids to the Lake Elmo Park Reserve off of 19 in the Oakdale area. Fabulous. For a five dollar vehicle pass, your family can swim in the most prime of swimming spots, fish off a pier, ride your bikes or hike their trails. They have a “pool” which really isn’t a pool, but a man made swimming hole completely surrounded by great beach. There are no weeds, no fish, and it’s pretty darn clean! At a max of about four and a half feet deep, you can see the bottom almost the whole time, and with life guards all around, it feels much safer then a typical lake beach or park. Not to mention, there are fabulous camp sites there, which I am sure we will be visiting next summer, and so much more to do. We even stopped one of the rare hot summer nights we had this summer and my son and I swam at sunset in our clothes! The water was bathwater warm and we had so much fun. Truly, a great find.
If racecars and demo derby’s are more your pace we have found them, as well. On a venture to my sister’s home near Duluth, we attended dirt track stock car racing. We went towards the mid point of the races, when we no longer had to pay, and were able to catch the feature races. We were there long enough for our son to decide he would one day drive race cars (Yay! Says mom! Perhaps the next Matt Kenseth), but not long enough for him to get bored! In a couple weeks we will be attending the Pierce County Demolition Derby which is a great show, as well. I can’t attest to any local ones, as I haven’t lived here long enough, but the Pierce County Show is always packed and a good night. My son is finally old enough this year to go so my husband can’t wait to take him. I look forward to the frosty beverages that are in abundance across the border, and seeing old friends there, but the sight of guys beating the crap out of each other and destroying their precious vehicles they work so long on to rig up isn’t so bad either. As long as it isn’t my husband getting the concussion doing it as he did the first time I watched him, it’s kind of fun.
Speaking of fun, if you are brave enough to endure the zoo that is their parking lot, the Como Zoo and Como Town are also a great venture. To get in to the zoo is a donation only, which you may choose whether or not to make, and while in the past the animals have been a bit sparse, this year was actually pretty good. Not to mention they have an amazing butterfly exhibit. Next year is the return of the Polar Bears which I can’t wait for. There were a couple babies- most adorable was the baby chimp- that have their own “ooo” factor. Since you can bring in your own food, it’s a potentially cheap day. A word to the wise- we parked at the State Fair grounds and took a shuttle over. My son thought it was GREAT as he got to ride a bus that looked like a Cheetah. Como Town has some great rides for the little ones at a pretty reasonable price. Not so cheap is the MN Zoo, which has a pretty sweet Grizzly Bear exhibit, but with the absence of a dolphin show and population, which is what I look forward to, I was kind of disappointed. No word on when they will be back, which is a shame as they built such a cool new facility for them.
A few other recommendations was another man made lake called Nugget Lake which is north of Ellsworth, Wi. About a 45 minute drive from here they offer a stocked fishing lake, camping, playgrounds for the kids, and pavilions for family get togethers.
As for staying local, I can’t say enough about the parks around town. The Hastings Aquatic Center has a great little kid play area and a big person slide for moms to enjoy. Spring Lake Park is a great place to go hiking, especially in the fall, and on the weekends there are usually several kite fliers. They have prime spots for get togethers and play areas for the kids, not to mention a nice view.
And finally, the highlight of our summer for my son, 2 visits to the Hastings Fire Department has left my son dreaming of one day driving a fire truck himself. Each day we drive by to see if the fire trucks are “awake” (gone) or “sleeping” (parked at the station). Our family made an impromptu stop one afternoon and the crew was thrilled to show us around and let my son climb in the trucks and check out the inside of an ambulance. His daycare has since ventured there as well, and they got to see how quickly the guys and gals can get dressed and out the door. A call to the station was all it took to find out that anyone can stop by at any time for a tour or family visit, though they appreciate non meal times and advanced notice for large groups such as day cares, etc. I can’t say enough about the folks volunteering there. My son looks up to them already and is in awe of all they do, with out even knowing the full extent at his ripe age of 3. That was a well worth it venture for our family and I hope yours will take the opportunity as well. Anything that provides safety awareness is a venture well worth it.
Well, apologies for this being long winded but I hope you and your family may get some ideas for future meaningful, cheap outings.
On a final note, I will be taking a break from the “Chronicles” next week as I am having surgery. I do have a request. Since I will not be able to write, I encourage any moms out there to send in their own mom chronicles, or stories. Do you know a great place to venture that I forgot? Send Chad the tip. Is there something you have learned from your kids this summer? Please share it with us! I look forward to reading what all of YOU have to say next week, as I take a one week hiatus to recover. In the mean time, be safe, take heart in knowing the kids will be back to school VERY SOON, and see you back here in a couple weeks.
Oh, and a last thing, of course we can’t forget the Peterson Family story of the week…. So we pull in to a local fast food joint this weekend while on the run and as we approach the window I hear from the back seat “..ah,yes..sandwhich..no tomatoes. Diet coke. Hashbrowns”. My husband looked at me and was like, “You are going to have a hard time proving you never come HERE with the kids!” I just had to laugh. My wonderfully adorable son. “No tomatoes (mom is allergic)… Diet Coke…” My son knows me all too well.
As the dog days of summer are upon us, and we set our eyes on those last few valuable weeks before everyone goes back to work and school, it seems every one is scrambling to get in one more vacation, adventure or weekend away. While my kids are not yet of school age, there is still a feeling in the air of the carefree days of summer coming to an end, and a desire to make the most of them before the cold and craziness of the fall season are upon us. Before I was a mom and married, summer didn’t seem to hold the same allure for me. Now that I am, however, I find myself wanting to make more of it and to make each weekend count. This in mind, as I would assume is the case for most of you- I am not made of money, and finding things to do on a budget takes some effort. So as to not waste this effort, however, I have decided to share with you some of the things we have done this summer that we all enjoyed and did not break the bank. Keep in mind, my kids are small, so they require much less to excite them! However, seeing as I have enjoyed our ventures as well, I am convinced anywhere can be fun if given the right mind set!
For starters, what would summer be with out parades, fireworks and carnivals? We brought our kids to their first parade this summer, and first firework experience. We were fortunate enough to be at the start of the Hastings Rivertown Days parade, and it seems as if that was the prime spot to be. We didn’t experience the same gaps or shortage of candy and handouts as other areas did. In fact, my son could hardly contain his excitement most of the time. Now granted, he just turned three so it took him a while to get the hang of the candy collecting thing, but once he did he was thrilled. I was in Marching Band in high school so attending a parade had a bit of nostalgia for me. Yes, the Shriners, I agree, got to be a lot, but the whole parade atmosphere was great, and we will certainly find others to attend in future years. Of course earlier in the summer, we found our way to the fourth of July fireworks. I don’t know about all of you, but for me, fireworks never grow old, as my son was born just after the 4th fireworks ended in the wee hours of the fifth of July so it’s a kind of emotional experience and brings me back to the night he was born. Even with the summer’s end fast approaching, there are still several fireworks shows around to catch.
Beaches. Sand. Sun. If the water is more your style, we found a great swimming hole this summer. Thanks to the suggestion of our most fabulous day care provider, we took the kids to the Lake Elmo Park Reserve off of 19 in the Oakdale area. Fabulous. For a five dollar vehicle pass, your family can swim in the most prime of swimming spots, fish off a pier, ride your bikes or hike their trails. They have a “pool” which really isn’t a pool, but a man made swimming hole completely surrounded by great beach. There are no weeds, no fish, and it’s pretty darn clean! At a max of about four and a half feet deep, you can see the bottom almost the whole time, and with life guards all around, it feels much safer then a typical lake beach or park. Not to mention, there are fabulous camp sites there, which I am sure we will be visiting next summer, and so much more to do. We even stopped one of the rare hot summer nights we had this summer and my son and I swam at sunset in our clothes! The water was bathwater warm and we had so much fun. Truly, a great find.
If racecars and demo derby’s are more your pace we have found them, as well. On a venture to my sister’s home near Duluth, we attended dirt track stock car racing. We went towards the mid point of the races, when we no longer had to pay, and were able to catch the feature races. We were there long enough for our son to decide he would one day drive race cars (Yay! Says mom! Perhaps the next Matt Kenseth), but not long enough for him to get bored! In a couple weeks we will be attending the Pierce County Demolition Derby which is a great show, as well. I can’t attest to any local ones, as I haven’t lived here long enough, but the Pierce County Show is always packed and a good night. My son is finally old enough this year to go so my husband can’t wait to take him. I look forward to the frosty beverages that are in abundance across the border, and seeing old friends there, but the sight of guys beating the crap out of each other and destroying their precious vehicles they work so long on to rig up isn’t so bad either. As long as it isn’t my husband getting the concussion doing it as he did the first time I watched him, it’s kind of fun.
Speaking of fun, if you are brave enough to endure the zoo that is their parking lot, the Como Zoo and Como Town are also a great venture. To get in to the zoo is a donation only, which you may choose whether or not to make, and while in the past the animals have been a bit sparse, this year was actually pretty good. Not to mention they have an amazing butterfly exhibit. Next year is the return of the Polar Bears which I can’t wait for. There were a couple babies- most adorable was the baby chimp- that have their own “ooo” factor. Since you can bring in your own food, it’s a potentially cheap day. A word to the wise- we parked at the State Fair grounds and took a shuttle over. My son thought it was GREAT as he got to ride a bus that looked like a Cheetah. Como Town has some great rides for the little ones at a pretty reasonable price. Not so cheap is the MN Zoo, which has a pretty sweet Grizzly Bear exhibit, but with the absence of a dolphin show and population, which is what I look forward to, I was kind of disappointed. No word on when they will be back, which is a shame as they built such a cool new facility for them.
A few other recommendations was another man made lake called Nugget Lake which is north of Ellsworth, Wi. About a 45 minute drive from here they offer a stocked fishing lake, camping, playgrounds for the kids, and pavilions for family get togethers.
As for staying local, I can’t say enough about the parks around town. The Hastings Aquatic Center has a great little kid play area and a big person slide for moms to enjoy. Spring Lake Park is a great place to go hiking, especially in the fall, and on the weekends there are usually several kite fliers. They have prime spots for get togethers and play areas for the kids, not to mention a nice view.
And finally, the highlight of our summer for my son, 2 visits to the Hastings Fire Department has left my son dreaming of one day driving a fire truck himself. Each day we drive by to see if the fire trucks are “awake” (gone) or “sleeping” (parked at the station). Our family made an impromptu stop one afternoon and the crew was thrilled to show us around and let my son climb in the trucks and check out the inside of an ambulance. His daycare has since ventured there as well, and they got to see how quickly the guys and gals can get dressed and out the door. A call to the station was all it took to find out that anyone can stop by at any time for a tour or family visit, though they appreciate non meal times and advanced notice for large groups such as day cares, etc. I can’t say enough about the folks volunteering there. My son looks up to them already and is in awe of all they do, with out even knowing the full extent at his ripe age of 3. That was a well worth it venture for our family and I hope yours will take the opportunity as well. Anything that provides safety awareness is a venture well worth it.
Well, apologies for this being long winded but I hope you and your family may get some ideas for future meaningful, cheap outings.
On a final note, I will be taking a break from the “Chronicles” next week as I am having surgery. I do have a request. Since I will not be able to write, I encourage any moms out there to send in their own mom chronicles, or stories. Do you know a great place to venture that I forgot? Send Chad the tip. Is there something you have learned from your kids this summer? Please share it with us! I look forward to reading what all of YOU have to say next week, as I take a one week hiatus to recover. In the mean time, be safe, take heart in knowing the kids will be back to school VERY SOON, and see you back here in a couple weeks.
Oh, and a last thing, of course we can’t forget the Peterson Family story of the week…. So we pull in to a local fast food joint this weekend while on the run and as we approach the window I hear from the back seat “..ah,yes..sandwhich..no tomatoes. Diet coke. Hashbrowns”. My husband looked at me and was like, “You are going to have a hard time proving you never come HERE with the kids!” I just had to laugh. My wonderfully adorable son. “No tomatoes (mom is allergic)… Diet Coke…” My son knows me all too well.
The Mom Chronicles 5
July 26th 2009
The Mom Chronicles- Finding Your Voice
Sometimes life is funny. Not funny “ha” or funny “ha ha” but funny ironic. Life never ceases to surprise me. It is full of one twist or turn after another, most of which leave me scratching my head wondering what just happened, or searching to find meaning or purpose in the events that have taken place.
To those of us who have daughters, I think life is especially “funny”. As moms, I think daughters give us a look in to our own selves in a way that our sons do not. Perhaps that is where the special bond comes from. For dads, I am sure it is just the opposite. Now I admit, I always wanted a girl. At least one. However, as much as I wanted a girl, I was and remain terrified to have one. It always seemed to me that girls hailed a higher level of responsibility. There are, after all, things that just make us girls “special”. And with that higher level of responsibility, comes a higher level of fear.
As moms, I think we are very good at recognizing what we are good at and what we are not; at examining ourselves with a fine toothed comb, and finding not just things we like, but especially the things we don’t. Moreover, I think I would be hard pressed to find a mother of a daughter out there that did not have some feeling of hope that their daughter in one way or another did not possess a certain quality or trait or experience that they did.
For me, I find myself thinking about this very thing quite often. As my daughter continues to grow and change, there are days I look at her and hope she is just like me, and others I hope she is everything but.
My daughter, while only 15 months old, in recent weeks has changed a lot. She is indeed getting bigger and hitting more milestones, but more noticeably her personality is blooming and she is getting much more verbal. I can not tell you how many times I hear coming from my son in the back seat, “Ella! Shush!” or, “Mom, tell Ella to be QUIET!”. Needless to say, Matthew does not appreciate her being vocal as much as I! Yet, it is not just her voice and self expression that has changed. She gets mad. She gets very mad. There are times my sweet little Ella has started arching her back, throwing her arms in the air and screeching on the top of her lungs to express her shear dislike of a particular situation or circumstance. My same little girl that so gingerly cares for her babies or entertains everyone in church by her “singing” or that shows off her new tricks like “so big” and “peek-a-boo”, is indeed the same little girl that will curl up into the fetal position and sob when her brother takes away a toy she has or doesn’t share with her to protest the great injustice that has just occurred.
I must admit that I know life as a mother to a daughter may at times be trying or more emotional than it will be with my son. However, at the same time, I feel like I have been given a very special gift in being given a daughter as well.
Being a girl is not easy. We struggle with body issues and weight issues and self esteem issues in ways that many men do not. And we all know girls, well, they can be cruel to one another, critical and judgmental, however, probably never as harsh as we are on ourselves. There are pressures we face from others, and self imposed pressures as well. When girls turn in to women, these things don’t change. They just get more complicated.
Perhaps then, I feel somewhat privileged to have been chosen to undertake this very special task of mothering a daughter. In doing so, I have received a gift that I did not expect. Being a mother to a daughter has made me want to be a little kinder to myself. Remember those things I said we hoped we would never pass on to our daughters? I find myself more and more aware of those things each and every day, as I find myself wanting more and more to be someone my daughter can look up to and admire.
Unlike my son, I am in no hurry to “shush” my daughter in her new verbal ways. Contrary to him, I actually hope that she will continue to learn to use her voice in ways that I was not. I hope when she gets older she will be able to praise herself and her appearance so she is not plagued of years dealing with eating disorders and body issues as I did. I hope she will be able to use her words to say “No” or “Red Light- STOP!” to others that may threaten to hurt her or take something from her she is not ready to give. Unlike I was, I hope she is able to express what her needs are. I will nurture that “strong” personality of hers, in hopes that she will not curl up and let a situation get the best of her, but that she will flail her arms and take a stand and be able to say that she deserves better.
These are the things I am just learning to do for myself now. These are the things that I find myself struggling with on a day to day basis. It is not easy. It is, however, who I am. Unfortunately, it was just never fostered to come out. Is it different for me? Yes. Do people always like it? No. Of course not. But I am proud. I am proud because I am for the first time in my life being who I know that I am, using the voice I was given to use. I never said “No” or “Red light- Stop” when bad things were happening to me. I never stood up for myself or praised myself for doing what was right. My daughter on the other hand. She is something else. She is already doing those things in her own way. For that, I am so very proud. She may never be president or famous or world renowned for doing something great. What she will be, however, is heard. And I will never “Shush” her for that, as it is my hope, then, that she never has to endure the same things as I.
So that brings us full circle to how this article started to begin with. We were talking about life being funny. Ironic. The timing of my own personal growth and others resistance to it at the same time my daughter is learning the same skills before my very eyes is just that. What I struggle with so much every day is right in front of me when I look at my daughter and I wonder how life would have been different if only my voice had been fostered earlier.
Ironic? Funny? I don’t think so. Perhaps it’s just life. With that I ask you, have you found your voice today?
The Mom Chronicles- Finding Your Voice
Sometimes life is funny. Not funny “ha” or funny “ha ha” but funny ironic. Life never ceases to surprise me. It is full of one twist or turn after another, most of which leave me scratching my head wondering what just happened, or searching to find meaning or purpose in the events that have taken place.
To those of us who have daughters, I think life is especially “funny”. As moms, I think daughters give us a look in to our own selves in a way that our sons do not. Perhaps that is where the special bond comes from. For dads, I am sure it is just the opposite. Now I admit, I always wanted a girl. At least one. However, as much as I wanted a girl, I was and remain terrified to have one. It always seemed to me that girls hailed a higher level of responsibility. There are, after all, things that just make us girls “special”. And with that higher level of responsibility, comes a higher level of fear.
As moms, I think we are very good at recognizing what we are good at and what we are not; at examining ourselves with a fine toothed comb, and finding not just things we like, but especially the things we don’t. Moreover, I think I would be hard pressed to find a mother of a daughter out there that did not have some feeling of hope that their daughter in one way or another did not possess a certain quality or trait or experience that they did.
For me, I find myself thinking about this very thing quite often. As my daughter continues to grow and change, there are days I look at her and hope she is just like me, and others I hope she is everything but.
My daughter, while only 15 months old, in recent weeks has changed a lot. She is indeed getting bigger and hitting more milestones, but more noticeably her personality is blooming and she is getting much more verbal. I can not tell you how many times I hear coming from my son in the back seat, “Ella! Shush!” or, “Mom, tell Ella to be QUIET!”. Needless to say, Matthew does not appreciate her being vocal as much as I! Yet, it is not just her voice and self expression that has changed. She gets mad. She gets very mad. There are times my sweet little Ella has started arching her back, throwing her arms in the air and screeching on the top of her lungs to express her shear dislike of a particular situation or circumstance. My same little girl that so gingerly cares for her babies or entertains everyone in church by her “singing” or that shows off her new tricks like “so big” and “peek-a-boo”, is indeed the same little girl that will curl up into the fetal position and sob when her brother takes away a toy she has or doesn’t share with her to protest the great injustice that has just occurred.
I must admit that I know life as a mother to a daughter may at times be trying or more emotional than it will be with my son. However, at the same time, I feel like I have been given a very special gift in being given a daughter as well.
Being a girl is not easy. We struggle with body issues and weight issues and self esteem issues in ways that many men do not. And we all know girls, well, they can be cruel to one another, critical and judgmental, however, probably never as harsh as we are on ourselves. There are pressures we face from others, and self imposed pressures as well. When girls turn in to women, these things don’t change. They just get more complicated.
Perhaps then, I feel somewhat privileged to have been chosen to undertake this very special task of mothering a daughter. In doing so, I have received a gift that I did not expect. Being a mother to a daughter has made me want to be a little kinder to myself. Remember those things I said we hoped we would never pass on to our daughters? I find myself more and more aware of those things each and every day, as I find myself wanting more and more to be someone my daughter can look up to and admire.
Unlike my son, I am in no hurry to “shush” my daughter in her new verbal ways. Contrary to him, I actually hope that she will continue to learn to use her voice in ways that I was not. I hope when she gets older she will be able to praise herself and her appearance so she is not plagued of years dealing with eating disorders and body issues as I did. I hope she will be able to use her words to say “No” or “Red Light- STOP!” to others that may threaten to hurt her or take something from her she is not ready to give. Unlike I was, I hope she is able to express what her needs are. I will nurture that “strong” personality of hers, in hopes that she will not curl up and let a situation get the best of her, but that she will flail her arms and take a stand and be able to say that she deserves better.
These are the things I am just learning to do for myself now. These are the things that I find myself struggling with on a day to day basis. It is not easy. It is, however, who I am. Unfortunately, it was just never fostered to come out. Is it different for me? Yes. Do people always like it? No. Of course not. But I am proud. I am proud because I am for the first time in my life being who I know that I am, using the voice I was given to use. I never said “No” or “Red light- Stop” when bad things were happening to me. I never stood up for myself or praised myself for doing what was right. My daughter on the other hand. She is something else. She is already doing those things in her own way. For that, I am so very proud. She may never be president or famous or world renowned for doing something great. What she will be, however, is heard. And I will never “Shush” her for that, as it is my hope, then, that she never has to endure the same things as I.
So that brings us full circle to how this article started to begin with. We were talking about life being funny. Ironic. The timing of my own personal growth and others resistance to it at the same time my daughter is learning the same skills before my very eyes is just that. What I struggle with so much every day is right in front of me when I look at my daughter and I wonder how life would have been different if only my voice had been fostered earlier.
Ironic? Funny? I don’t think so. Perhaps it’s just life. With that I ask you, have you found your voice today?
The Mom Chronicles 4
The Mom Chronicles 4th Week
July 19, 2009
The Mom Chronicles: Soaking up the Peace
What a difference a week makes! And I am not referring to the weather!
Last weekend at this time, I was feeling very defeated. As I sat down to start writing this column, I had nothing upbeat to say and no funny stories about my kids coming to mind. What was heavy on my mind, however, was the horrendous week I had had with my son and how I was feeling a bit at the end of my rope.
I am happy to report that things in the Peterson household this week are feeling much better. Perhaps it was the “aha” moment that emerged as I wrote last week’s article, or even all the positive feedback I got from several of you who thanked me for writing about what so many others have also experienced but have not felt able to share. Whatever the case, our week was much better. As far as my son was concerned, there were no major outbursts, no one got hurt, and no mortifying public appearances. Instead he was calmer (note I didn’t say calm). He was polite. Loving. There were many hugs, even more laughs, and much love. I don’t know if he finally got it, or I did, or both, but I am happy to report that last week was a good week. Matthew even had his first days of “big boy underwear” to daycare.
So where does all that leave me? I think for the first time I feel a bit of pride. I was proud of my son this week. I was proud of myself, for acknowledging what I was doing wrong and being willing to change it. Was the week perfect? No. Was it completely free of breakdowns or resistance? No. But there was no dark shadow following us. There was no heaviness and oppressiveness that hung over us and it felt good. We had moments of peace, and that is all a mother can ask for. So as we embark on a new week I can only hope and pray that it will be a repeat of the last. I know they can’t all be “good”, but it would sure be nice.
Now, that would be a fantastic ending to a column, ending on a high note, you know. But I can’t just end this without a good Peterson story, can I? What would a “Mom Chronicles” column be with out sharing a good story? Of course I can’t resist. This week was, after all, not perfect.
So what does a crazy mom do that’s feeling overconfident and riding a high of her child behaving well? She is a glutton for punishment so she brings him back to the establishment he last embarrassed her of course! Yes, my overconfidence in my son’s apparent changed ways landed us back at Applebee’s. But I was prepared. Though by myself, I came armed with crayons, balloons, choo-choo trains, and treats. If my son wasn’t going to simply be inspired to behave by himself, I was going to bribe him. To my surprise, he was phenomenal. He sat in the booth. On his butt. On his own will. He only got up to pick up the various things my daughter was throwing on the floor. He sat contently, playing with his balloons. I looked at him and thought, “Really? Is this REALLY my child?” I was so proud.
Unfortunately, as we all know, all good things must come to an end. My perfectly unfolding evening with my little ones suddenly became anything but when my daughter, not my son!- my daughter- started shrieking. Then, my sweet, happy, go lucky little Ella, who rarely provokes even a stern look, lets loose, and as if on cue, throws herself back in her highchair, arches her back and starts screaming. Then come the water works. The tears stream down her face and it is as if someone is trying to dismember her. Then comes my unfortunate reality- I was so concerned about preparing for the outing for my son, that I neglected to prepare for a meltdown by my daughter, seeing as, of course, she has never really had one. So there I find myself, at Applebees, of course- because that is where it always happens, with my son sitting and eating like an angel, and everyone looking at me as my DAUGHTER makes the scene, and I have no bottle or blankie to comfort her.
Needless to say her first grand performance lasted over 15 minutes, and finally it was all I could do to get to go boxes and make a quick exit, once again, out of the restaurant. The ironic part was that this time, it was my son, not my daughter who watched the scene unfold and he was the one who helped me pack up and make the quick exit. Not before, however, all of Ella’s food and a whole glass of pop end up on the carpet. Of course we can’t just leave. We have to make a lasting impression, such as pop in the carpet. What made the evening even more spectacular was when I got Ella in to her car seat, she suddenly stopped whaling and gave me the most giddy, happy giggle she could muster. “Really?”- I asked her. “You have to be kidding me!”- I exclaimed. As drastically as it started, it ended and my daughter was happy as a bug the rest of the night. Sigh. If not one, the other. We were so close.
Just as I am learning to tame my older child, my younger is growing in to her own and emerging with a strong will and demand to be noticed. My days of being unnoticed in public are over. The likelihood of having two children behave in public at the same time is a feat I am not so certain I can achieve. As a glutton for punishment, however, I am certain I will try. One day we will get through an outing to Applebees unnoticed. We will come. We will dine. We will be civil. And we will leave. No apologies. No quick escapes. No mom wanting a margarita to go. Boring.
In the mean time, I am enjoying the pockets of peace I have come to with my son. My son, whom at the moment, is trying to curl his eyelashes with my eyelash curler. My son, whom still says “No” and “Let me be.” But my son with whom I think I have finally come to some kind of truce with. My house is not clean. My carpets are not shampooed. I have to do a load of wash yet tonight just so we have clean socks and underwear to wear tomorrow, but there is peace, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. There is hope after all.
Have a great week!
July 19, 2009
The Mom Chronicles: Soaking up the Peace
What a difference a week makes! And I am not referring to the weather!
Last weekend at this time, I was feeling very defeated. As I sat down to start writing this column, I had nothing upbeat to say and no funny stories about my kids coming to mind. What was heavy on my mind, however, was the horrendous week I had had with my son and how I was feeling a bit at the end of my rope.
I am happy to report that things in the Peterson household this week are feeling much better. Perhaps it was the “aha” moment that emerged as I wrote last week’s article, or even all the positive feedback I got from several of you who thanked me for writing about what so many others have also experienced but have not felt able to share. Whatever the case, our week was much better. As far as my son was concerned, there were no major outbursts, no one got hurt, and no mortifying public appearances. Instead he was calmer (note I didn’t say calm). He was polite. Loving. There were many hugs, even more laughs, and much love. I don’t know if he finally got it, or I did, or both, but I am happy to report that last week was a good week. Matthew even had his first days of “big boy underwear” to daycare.
So where does all that leave me? I think for the first time I feel a bit of pride. I was proud of my son this week. I was proud of myself, for acknowledging what I was doing wrong and being willing to change it. Was the week perfect? No. Was it completely free of breakdowns or resistance? No. But there was no dark shadow following us. There was no heaviness and oppressiveness that hung over us and it felt good. We had moments of peace, and that is all a mother can ask for. So as we embark on a new week I can only hope and pray that it will be a repeat of the last. I know they can’t all be “good”, but it would sure be nice.
Now, that would be a fantastic ending to a column, ending on a high note, you know. But I can’t just end this without a good Peterson story, can I? What would a “Mom Chronicles” column be with out sharing a good story? Of course I can’t resist. This week was, after all, not perfect.
So what does a crazy mom do that’s feeling overconfident and riding a high of her child behaving well? She is a glutton for punishment so she brings him back to the establishment he last embarrassed her of course! Yes, my overconfidence in my son’s apparent changed ways landed us back at Applebee’s. But I was prepared. Though by myself, I came armed with crayons, balloons, choo-choo trains, and treats. If my son wasn’t going to simply be inspired to behave by himself, I was going to bribe him. To my surprise, he was phenomenal. He sat in the booth. On his butt. On his own will. He only got up to pick up the various things my daughter was throwing on the floor. He sat contently, playing with his balloons. I looked at him and thought, “Really? Is this REALLY my child?” I was so proud.
Unfortunately, as we all know, all good things must come to an end. My perfectly unfolding evening with my little ones suddenly became anything but when my daughter, not my son!- my daughter- started shrieking. Then, my sweet, happy, go lucky little Ella, who rarely provokes even a stern look, lets loose, and as if on cue, throws herself back in her highchair, arches her back and starts screaming. Then come the water works. The tears stream down her face and it is as if someone is trying to dismember her. Then comes my unfortunate reality- I was so concerned about preparing for the outing for my son, that I neglected to prepare for a meltdown by my daughter, seeing as, of course, she has never really had one. So there I find myself, at Applebees, of course- because that is where it always happens, with my son sitting and eating like an angel, and everyone looking at me as my DAUGHTER makes the scene, and I have no bottle or blankie to comfort her.
Needless to say her first grand performance lasted over 15 minutes, and finally it was all I could do to get to go boxes and make a quick exit, once again, out of the restaurant. The ironic part was that this time, it was my son, not my daughter who watched the scene unfold and he was the one who helped me pack up and make the quick exit. Not before, however, all of Ella’s food and a whole glass of pop end up on the carpet. Of course we can’t just leave. We have to make a lasting impression, such as pop in the carpet. What made the evening even more spectacular was when I got Ella in to her car seat, she suddenly stopped whaling and gave me the most giddy, happy giggle she could muster. “Really?”- I asked her. “You have to be kidding me!”- I exclaimed. As drastically as it started, it ended and my daughter was happy as a bug the rest of the night. Sigh. If not one, the other. We were so close.
Just as I am learning to tame my older child, my younger is growing in to her own and emerging with a strong will and demand to be noticed. My days of being unnoticed in public are over. The likelihood of having two children behave in public at the same time is a feat I am not so certain I can achieve. As a glutton for punishment, however, I am certain I will try. One day we will get through an outing to Applebees unnoticed. We will come. We will dine. We will be civil. And we will leave. No apologies. No quick escapes. No mom wanting a margarita to go. Boring.
In the mean time, I am enjoying the pockets of peace I have come to with my son. My son, whom at the moment, is trying to curl his eyelashes with my eyelash curler. My son, whom still says “No” and “Let me be.” But my son with whom I think I have finally come to some kind of truce with. My house is not clean. My carpets are not shampooed. I have to do a load of wash yet tonight just so we have clean socks and underwear to wear tomorrow, but there is peace, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. There is hope after all.
Have a great week!
Mom Chronicles 3
Here was the 3rd edition of the "Mom Chronicles" - enjoy!
July 13,09
The Mom Chronicles: Reaching Out
Today I find myself feeling thankful for having this place to come, not just to be able to reach out and offer support to all of you, but to take my turn in asking to be supported as well. For those of you who have been here to this column before, you may notice this one has more of a serious, more solemn tone. I think you can understand and perhaps appreciate that as moms, and even just as people, things can sometimes get to feeling much larger than we are. Thankfully, this column was not just about having a place to come and laugh, but to also be able to come to and be real, and that is where I find myself today.
If I were to choose one word to summarize this last week it would be “challenging”. Several more come to mind such as trying, a roller coaster, eventful, and the like. But I think challenging sums it up because it offers some hope in the fact that it was difficult, but not impossible. I am not an incurable optimist like Michael J. Fox, however, I do find that we do need some hope and some optimism in life working out to be able to just survive each day and choose to be there for the next. In saying the last week was “challenging”, I recognize it was hard, and that it was survived. And I am thankful for that.
So what made the last week so “challenging” you ask? It was two fold. Let me precede those reasons, however, in saying that as moms we frequently do not appreciate unsolicited advice. If another person, especially a non-parent sort of person, tells us how to do or not do something involving our kids, we tend not to appreciate it so much. In putting my story out there I understand that some of you may feel the urge to offer advice or throw in your two cents. In these circumstances, I welcome it freely. There are times we just want to do things our way and times we are throwing up the white towel and proclaiming “I need help!”. The is one of the latter times.
The first, and completely unrelated to anything in a parenting kind of column, is that my grandmother has been quite sick due to stroke, infection, etc and in the hospital. She has now been diagnosed with breast cancer that has moved to her hip. As I sat and combed her hair for her while visiting her in the hospital this past week, I reflected on all the times she had been there for me, and how deeply I will miss her when she is gone. She told me when I left that I am her biggest advocate. Quite contrary. She has always been mine. So with her laid up, I come to you for help on my current dilemma: my son.
My son is three. I think I have come to terms with that. And in addition, in my head to survive the 2s as a virtually single parent, I chose to believe that when he turned three, a light bulb was going to go off and suddenly- walla! All the behaviors, and challenges and difficulties we had at two, were going to vanish and he would evolve in to this compliant, well behaved, three year old. No, I was not drinking when I fantasized that. Well, as we all know, that doesn’t just happen just because we turn the page on another year, and I find myself with the same child, who just happens to be a little bigger and a calendar year older. So what’s a mom to do? The first I believe is to accept that I can not change the past. In my son’s three years of life, we have moved 3, soon to be 4 times. He went from having two parents around, to one, and one that unpredictably for him comes and goes. He has changed day care providers 4 times, before now settling on one we adore. Not to mention, our family grew by adding a child.
What this has meant for him that that there have been two constants in life: mom, and change. Up to this point he has done fairly ok. More recently, the two worlds have collided as he is getting better at expressing himself, and let’s just say, I am reaming the benefits. My once sweet, kind, gentle son has turned in to one that hits, spits, bites, throws things at myself and his sister. We are VERY obvious when we go out in public (which reminds me, I would like to apologize to the Applebees staff for his “performance” last week, and yes, his finger is fine) and most of the time I leave feeling defeated and mortified. As a mom, I have tried many angles, time outs, 1-2-3, ignoring it, the occasional spank on the butt (I hear the gasps), and taking privileges away. In the advice I have received I have heard “be consistent”, “be firm”, “be patient”, “stay calm”. And yet as the moments simmer down, and I reflect on how I handled such and such situation, I shake my head and feel like I have failed. And I am horribly confused. My son and I have priceless moments like we shared last night, when he crawled up on the couch next to me, put his little arm around my back and said “love you, mommy” and sat and watched TV next to me. In those times I see that sweet, wonderful little boy that I loved and cherished before I even knew him. But in a flash, those times go away and are replaced by this child that is angry, spitting at me, hitting at me, saying “shuck up (because he can’t say shut up) mommy” or “just leave me be”, and I wonder where I have gone wrong. Where did I fail him, and myself?
Enter the primary sin of mothers: self sabotage. I am notorious for doing this. Yet, I have noticed I have done it more so lately, as I have begun questioning my parenting ways. You know what it is. Taking a perfectly wonderful situation or experience and sabotaging it by thinking of something that puts a damper on it. We went swimming this weekend, twice actually, at a fantastic little man made lake. Saturday evening my son and I jumped in and swam in our clothes and had the most amazing, memorable time. On the way home, as I clicked through the pictures my husband had taken on the camera, my joy quickly dwindled as I critiqued my horrific appearance in a body, much larger than I ever wanted. Perhaps that came from running in to an old high school friend earlier in the day that recognized me but barely due to my frame carrying 70 more pounds more than it did since high school, but as I did that, in that moment, I realized just how much I do that. How many times have I taken a perfectly wonderful outing with my kids and dwelled on one minute part of it that didn’t go well and throw the rest of the experience out the window because of that one little thing? How many times has the positive energy in an experience been replaced with negative when something goes wrong?
This thought process posed an interesting question. Is it really that my son is “so bad” all the time and I have completely failed at being a mom, or is it that I am just hanging on to those times? Everyone who meets my son would agree that he is “busy”. However, they also tell me how sweet, and polite and cute he is. When he is not making a scene in church or at a restaurant, or hitting his sister, or saying “no”, yes, he is indeed a remarkable little boy. And perhaps there lies my answer. Perhaps my approach has been backwards this whole time. Instead of thinking first at the wonderful little boy I created, I think about all the icky stuff and how a nice boy lies behind it. Perhaps instead, I should think about the amazing little boy I have, who just happens to challenge me sometimes. Perhaps if my own approach is that he is mostly “good”, I will be more positive and patient in my approach when he is not, which usually he is more receptive to. If I have it in my mind that he is “SO bad” my patience in dealing with the things I don’t so much appreciate, usually quickly dissipates. Does this change our past? No. Does it make him less wanting to push me because I am the consistent one he trusts to be there even if he is “naughty”- no? But I think it gives us hope. Don’t you? Perhaps this was just the “ah ha” moment I needed. I will let you know how it goes. In the mean time, thanks for being there to listen when grandma can not. I will keep you posted on her progress.
July 13,09
The Mom Chronicles: Reaching Out
Today I find myself feeling thankful for having this place to come, not just to be able to reach out and offer support to all of you, but to take my turn in asking to be supported as well. For those of you who have been here to this column before, you may notice this one has more of a serious, more solemn tone. I think you can understand and perhaps appreciate that as moms, and even just as people, things can sometimes get to feeling much larger than we are. Thankfully, this column was not just about having a place to come and laugh, but to also be able to come to and be real, and that is where I find myself today.
If I were to choose one word to summarize this last week it would be “challenging”. Several more come to mind such as trying, a roller coaster, eventful, and the like. But I think challenging sums it up because it offers some hope in the fact that it was difficult, but not impossible. I am not an incurable optimist like Michael J. Fox, however, I do find that we do need some hope and some optimism in life working out to be able to just survive each day and choose to be there for the next. In saying the last week was “challenging”, I recognize it was hard, and that it was survived. And I am thankful for that.
So what made the last week so “challenging” you ask? It was two fold. Let me precede those reasons, however, in saying that as moms we frequently do not appreciate unsolicited advice. If another person, especially a non-parent sort of person, tells us how to do or not do something involving our kids, we tend not to appreciate it so much. In putting my story out there I understand that some of you may feel the urge to offer advice or throw in your two cents. In these circumstances, I welcome it freely. There are times we just want to do things our way and times we are throwing up the white towel and proclaiming “I need help!”. The is one of the latter times.
The first, and completely unrelated to anything in a parenting kind of column, is that my grandmother has been quite sick due to stroke, infection, etc and in the hospital. She has now been diagnosed with breast cancer that has moved to her hip. As I sat and combed her hair for her while visiting her in the hospital this past week, I reflected on all the times she had been there for me, and how deeply I will miss her when she is gone. She told me when I left that I am her biggest advocate. Quite contrary. She has always been mine. So with her laid up, I come to you for help on my current dilemma: my son.
My son is three. I think I have come to terms with that. And in addition, in my head to survive the 2s as a virtually single parent, I chose to believe that when he turned three, a light bulb was going to go off and suddenly- walla! All the behaviors, and challenges and difficulties we had at two, were going to vanish and he would evolve in to this compliant, well behaved, three year old. No, I was not drinking when I fantasized that. Well, as we all know, that doesn’t just happen just because we turn the page on another year, and I find myself with the same child, who just happens to be a little bigger and a calendar year older. So what’s a mom to do? The first I believe is to accept that I can not change the past. In my son’s three years of life, we have moved 3, soon to be 4 times. He went from having two parents around, to one, and one that unpredictably for him comes and goes. He has changed day care providers 4 times, before now settling on one we adore. Not to mention, our family grew by adding a child.
What this has meant for him that that there have been two constants in life: mom, and change. Up to this point he has done fairly ok. More recently, the two worlds have collided as he is getting better at expressing himself, and let’s just say, I am reaming the benefits. My once sweet, kind, gentle son has turned in to one that hits, spits, bites, throws things at myself and his sister. We are VERY obvious when we go out in public (which reminds me, I would like to apologize to the Applebees staff for his “performance” last week, and yes, his finger is fine) and most of the time I leave feeling defeated and mortified. As a mom, I have tried many angles, time outs, 1-2-3, ignoring it, the occasional spank on the butt (I hear the gasps), and taking privileges away. In the advice I have received I have heard “be consistent”, “be firm”, “be patient”, “stay calm”. And yet as the moments simmer down, and I reflect on how I handled such and such situation, I shake my head and feel like I have failed. And I am horribly confused. My son and I have priceless moments like we shared last night, when he crawled up on the couch next to me, put his little arm around my back and said “love you, mommy” and sat and watched TV next to me. In those times I see that sweet, wonderful little boy that I loved and cherished before I even knew him. But in a flash, those times go away and are replaced by this child that is angry, spitting at me, hitting at me, saying “shuck up (because he can’t say shut up) mommy” or “just leave me be”, and I wonder where I have gone wrong. Where did I fail him, and myself?
Enter the primary sin of mothers: self sabotage. I am notorious for doing this. Yet, I have noticed I have done it more so lately, as I have begun questioning my parenting ways. You know what it is. Taking a perfectly wonderful situation or experience and sabotaging it by thinking of something that puts a damper on it. We went swimming this weekend, twice actually, at a fantastic little man made lake. Saturday evening my son and I jumped in and swam in our clothes and had the most amazing, memorable time. On the way home, as I clicked through the pictures my husband had taken on the camera, my joy quickly dwindled as I critiqued my horrific appearance in a body, much larger than I ever wanted. Perhaps that came from running in to an old high school friend earlier in the day that recognized me but barely due to my frame carrying 70 more pounds more than it did since high school, but as I did that, in that moment, I realized just how much I do that. How many times have I taken a perfectly wonderful outing with my kids and dwelled on one minute part of it that didn’t go well and throw the rest of the experience out the window because of that one little thing? How many times has the positive energy in an experience been replaced with negative when something goes wrong?
This thought process posed an interesting question. Is it really that my son is “so bad” all the time and I have completely failed at being a mom, or is it that I am just hanging on to those times? Everyone who meets my son would agree that he is “busy”. However, they also tell me how sweet, and polite and cute he is. When he is not making a scene in church or at a restaurant, or hitting his sister, or saying “no”, yes, he is indeed a remarkable little boy. And perhaps there lies my answer. Perhaps my approach has been backwards this whole time. Instead of thinking first at the wonderful little boy I created, I think about all the icky stuff and how a nice boy lies behind it. Perhaps instead, I should think about the amazing little boy I have, who just happens to challenge me sometimes. Perhaps if my own approach is that he is mostly “good”, I will be more positive and patient in my approach when he is not, which usually he is more receptive to. If I have it in my mind that he is “SO bad” my patience in dealing with the things I don’t so much appreciate, usually quickly dissipates. Does this change our past? No. Does it make him less wanting to push me because I am the consistent one he trusts to be there even if he is “naughty”- no? But I think it gives us hope. Don’t you? Perhaps this was just the “ah ha” moment I needed. I will let you know how it goes. In the mean time, thanks for being there to listen when grandma can not. I will keep you posted on her progress.
Mom Chronicles 2
This was the second Mom Chronicles Column.
July 5th, 09
The Mom Chronicles: Doing what works
I am hoping by the time this is published that my legs will be shaved, my upper lip and brows waxed and my carpets shampooed so I can move my living room furniture out of my kitchen and back in to my living room where it belongs. Not to mention, that I will have come to terms with now being the mother of a three year old. Of course, one of the four would be nice. What can I say? I dream big.
To those of you who have returned from last week to further indulge yourselves in hearing about another mom’s trials and tribulations so that perhaps your own feel a little more manageable, welcome back! If this is your first time here, we are glad to have you. By the way, a special shout out to military moms, whom I forgot to mention last week.
What lies in front of you is a support group of the loosest form, for all of us moms who need a respite at times from our kids, and perhaps even ourselves. The goal of this column is to offer assurance to you and to myself, that somewhere out there at any given time, another mom is going through exactly what you are and feeling the exact same way. While we may not be able to change our circumstances, we can change the way we deal with them, be it alone or by sharing our stories with others.
In the last week, I have already seen the magic of this column working. At a 4th of July party, several of us sat around and shared stories about our kids and situations. Others approached me at work and in the store to share a chuckle about something they were reminded their kid did. They were chuckling now, but at the time it wasn’t always a laughing matter. And not that I have any influence whatsoever on Oprah Winfrey, making it completely coincidental, but her show this past Friday was dedicated to moms and their confessions in surviving mom hood. I’d like to share a few highlights.
One mom confessed she made her children’s school lunches on day entirely out of snacks she had in her car. Another mom confessed she “turned on the water works” because if her kids saw her cry they were suddenly more willing to cooperate in picking up their toys or stopping fighting. And then my favorite, and one I can relate to- (I am so going to regret sharing this…) one mom confessed she was on a long road trip with her kids. After over an hour of listening to them fight and cry in the back seat, silence befell on her car. Aahh. They sleep. Cue her bladder, weakened by pregnancies and an intense urge to urinate RIGHT NOW. We all now how well we can hold it after a couple kids, kegel, or no kegel exercises! Horrified by the prospect of having to wake the kids by pulling in to a rest stop or gas station to get out and use the bathroom, she reached for the diaper bag and pulled out one of the biggest size diapers she had and peed in it. Fortunately for her, it worked beautifully. So well infact, that she’d do it again. I on the other hand wasn’t so lucky. Let’s just say I won’t be trying that again. I guess I had to go more than I thought I did! So now we just keep an eye out for construction or park porta pots or a quiet country road. At least it’s better than screaming kids! After all, if I wake them, there is no one else to take them. (If only all of you could see the wonderfully horrified look on my husband’s face right now sitting in my drivers seat as I just shared this story with him for the first time. To him, that seat will never be the same, no matter HOW hard I scrubbed it!) The things we moms do for peace!
I guess what I am trying to get at in sharing these stories is how much as moms we need and crave this companionship and opportunity to be able to share and support one another in all kinds of ways. Sharing stories or “confessions” like these are just one way. If even Oprah, who isn’t even a mom herself can recognize this, surely the rest of us can, too! Not all of you may have peed in one of your kids diapers so as to keep the peace, but we’ve all done something some time and those unique things we do purely out of survival is what makes this thing called motherhood so amazing. What is also clear is that we moms need each other, despite not always sharing it. Yes, I admit, we moms are not always kind to each other. We judge ourselves and each other. We’ve all heard the sagas about mom’s who home school, vs moms who send their kids to school. About moms who work vs moms who don’t.
It seems we all have our own ideas about what constitutes being a good parent but there is one constant that remains. And that is that we are out there trying to give our kids the best life that we want them to have.
Whatever kind of mom you are, I think we’d all agree that being a mom is about so much more then just genetics, or whether you work or send your kids off to school. And our kids are here to remind us of that. I have found on my son’s bad days, that what I don’t like about him is not him, it’s the reflection of myself I see in him. When I see him being angry, or impatient or unkind, I take it personally because I know it’s a reflection of me. But that makes me that much more proud on the good days when he goes potty in the toilet and exclaims, “I did it!” as he has learned to praise himself, or when he shares with his friends or recites a table prayer or gives his sister a kiss. These are the times I pat myself on the back and say, “Well done, mom.”
Once again, I am glad we have each other here to share with. I feel much better having watched the mom confessions on Oprah, knowing I am not the only one who has peed in to one of my kids diapers in the car. I was beginning to have a complex.
See you next week!
July 5th, 09
The Mom Chronicles: Doing what works
I am hoping by the time this is published that my legs will be shaved, my upper lip and brows waxed and my carpets shampooed so I can move my living room furniture out of my kitchen and back in to my living room where it belongs. Not to mention, that I will have come to terms with now being the mother of a three year old. Of course, one of the four would be nice. What can I say? I dream big.
To those of you who have returned from last week to further indulge yourselves in hearing about another mom’s trials and tribulations so that perhaps your own feel a little more manageable, welcome back! If this is your first time here, we are glad to have you. By the way, a special shout out to military moms, whom I forgot to mention last week.
What lies in front of you is a support group of the loosest form, for all of us moms who need a respite at times from our kids, and perhaps even ourselves. The goal of this column is to offer assurance to you and to myself, that somewhere out there at any given time, another mom is going through exactly what you are and feeling the exact same way. While we may not be able to change our circumstances, we can change the way we deal with them, be it alone or by sharing our stories with others.
In the last week, I have already seen the magic of this column working. At a 4th of July party, several of us sat around and shared stories about our kids and situations. Others approached me at work and in the store to share a chuckle about something they were reminded their kid did. They were chuckling now, but at the time it wasn’t always a laughing matter. And not that I have any influence whatsoever on Oprah Winfrey, making it completely coincidental, but her show this past Friday was dedicated to moms and their confessions in surviving mom hood. I’d like to share a few highlights.
One mom confessed she made her children’s school lunches on day entirely out of snacks she had in her car. Another mom confessed she “turned on the water works” because if her kids saw her cry they were suddenly more willing to cooperate in picking up their toys or stopping fighting. And then my favorite, and one I can relate to- (I am so going to regret sharing this…) one mom confessed she was on a long road trip with her kids. After over an hour of listening to them fight and cry in the back seat, silence befell on her car. Aahh. They sleep. Cue her bladder, weakened by pregnancies and an intense urge to urinate RIGHT NOW. We all now how well we can hold it after a couple kids, kegel, or no kegel exercises! Horrified by the prospect of having to wake the kids by pulling in to a rest stop or gas station to get out and use the bathroom, she reached for the diaper bag and pulled out one of the biggest size diapers she had and peed in it. Fortunately for her, it worked beautifully. So well infact, that she’d do it again. I on the other hand wasn’t so lucky. Let’s just say I won’t be trying that again. I guess I had to go more than I thought I did! So now we just keep an eye out for construction or park porta pots or a quiet country road. At least it’s better than screaming kids! After all, if I wake them, there is no one else to take them. (If only all of you could see the wonderfully horrified look on my husband’s face right now sitting in my drivers seat as I just shared this story with him for the first time. To him, that seat will never be the same, no matter HOW hard I scrubbed it!) The things we moms do for peace!
I guess what I am trying to get at in sharing these stories is how much as moms we need and crave this companionship and opportunity to be able to share and support one another in all kinds of ways. Sharing stories or “confessions” like these are just one way. If even Oprah, who isn’t even a mom herself can recognize this, surely the rest of us can, too! Not all of you may have peed in one of your kids diapers so as to keep the peace, but we’ve all done something some time and those unique things we do purely out of survival is what makes this thing called motherhood so amazing. What is also clear is that we moms need each other, despite not always sharing it. Yes, I admit, we moms are not always kind to each other. We judge ourselves and each other. We’ve all heard the sagas about mom’s who home school, vs moms who send their kids to school. About moms who work vs moms who don’t.
It seems we all have our own ideas about what constitutes being a good parent but there is one constant that remains. And that is that we are out there trying to give our kids the best life that we want them to have.
Whatever kind of mom you are, I think we’d all agree that being a mom is about so much more then just genetics, or whether you work or send your kids off to school. And our kids are here to remind us of that. I have found on my son’s bad days, that what I don’t like about him is not him, it’s the reflection of myself I see in him. When I see him being angry, or impatient or unkind, I take it personally because I know it’s a reflection of me. But that makes me that much more proud on the good days when he goes potty in the toilet and exclaims, “I did it!” as he has learned to praise himself, or when he shares with his friends or recites a table prayer or gives his sister a kiss. These are the times I pat myself on the back and say, “Well done, mom.”
Once again, I am glad we have each other here to share with. I feel much better having watched the mom confessions on Oprah, knowing I am not the only one who has peed in to one of my kids diapers in the car. I was beginning to have a complex.
See you next week!
The Chronicles - 1
This was the first official "Mom Chronicles". Enjoy. The rest will follow. Amy
29 July, 2009
Chronicles of the Not-So-Single Mom
This is for all of you gals out there whom for whatever reason at one time or another have been members of the elite squad known as the single moms club. In other words, it’s for ALL moms because it seems as if we all, at some time or another, are left to care for our little ones on our own, if only for a short while. Do not worry. This group is not exclusive. In fact, every mom has their place in it at one time or another. For some, it is due to divorce, separation or breakup. For me and others like me, it is because our spouses work out of town, even out of state. And for some, it’s that there has never been a second parent in the picture. But even happily partnered moms have their place here, too. Do the words “Deer Hunting Widow”, “Fishing Trip” or “Guys Night Out” mean anything? Yes, for each of us moms, there comes a time in which we must all reach inward and dig deep and take on the role as “Momma Bear”, caring for our growing young on our own. And it is in those times, that we experience great joys, and great – well, quite frankly great urges to run away or pop open a cold one. And it is for all of those times, that this column is written.
I am calling this column “Chronicles of the Not-So- Single Mom” because technically, I am not single. I am married. Have been for three and a half years, however, for 18 months of that time, my husband has worked out of state and has only been able to find his way home a few days out of each month leaving me the rest of the time to work the single mom gig with our kids. We have 2, Matthew, who is 2.99 (will be 3 on Sunday) and Ella, who is 14 months. There would have been one more had not been for the miscarriage I suffered last fall. Needless to say, the last 18 months, in all that they have been, have been nothing short of a tremendous learning experience and lesson in how much can I really handle? And during this time, I have found myself wondering how many moms are out there, struggling like me to balance work and kids and life during times that are unsupported by a spouse or partner. Let me tell you, even in my experiences I claim to be no kind of expert. Like many of you, I watch Super Nanny wishing she would make a surprise visit to my house. I read parenting books and exchange “what works” ideas with other moms. I watch Dr. Phil hoping to absorb some bit of useful info and despite it all, I fail. Some days miserably. There are days I feel like a great mom, and others I want to crawl in a hole and hide because I am so mortified about something my son (and it is always my son) has done. On the good days it’s easy to laugh, but on the bad ones- I find myself having to force myself to laugh as not to cry! In the past 3 years with my kids we have had chicken pox, asthma, pneumonia, RSV, hospitalizations, allergic responses to bee stings, a choking episode on watermelon, premature births, time in the NICU, falls and jumps and most recently a broken nose (this time, it was Ella). But we also have had some pretty cool things, and it’s here where I will share snipits of all of those things with you. You see, in all of this, I have wanted nothing but to have other moms to be able to share with. To vent to about the unsolicited parenting advice – oh, how many of us like that? To tell about the moms at the park who in observing my son said “THAT mom’s gonna have gray hair!” and so on. And the reason this is so important to me, is that so many times in all of this I have felt alone. I have wanted to shout from the rooftops – “Does anyone know what this is like?”.
To you, you “Not-So-Single” moms out there also shouting from the rooftops, this one is for you. I hope this column will be a place for you to come and visit each week and read about another mom’s trials and tribulations. We can laugh. We can cry. We can relate. Mostly, we can come here and be reminded on those “I need a cold one!” days- that we are not alone. We have ALL been there. We have ALL had the screaming kid in church, the kid in the toy aisle laying on the floor kicking and screaming because they haven’t gotten what their heart desires, and the kid that lets a colorful word innocently slip in the most convenient of circumstances. But more so- we have all stood in our children’s doorways watching them sleep, taken ridiculous amounts of pictures we never get to scrap booking to try to make a moment last, or read ten “just one more” stories because we know they won’t fit in our arms for long. Yes indeed. We have all been there.
So take time to sit back, find a cup of coffee, and come “visit” in the weeks ahead. Who am I kidding? Find a closet to lock yourself in, grab a flashlight and bar of chocolate and prepare to be grossly relieved. Your child is not the only one who streaked naked across the yard in front of the neighbors before promptly stopping to “water” the flowers because they were “thirsty”.
On a personal note, special thanks to Dr. Peter Schill, because “something did come of it”. And because I promised him I’d mention him if I ever got to doing this.
See you next week!
29 July, 2009
Chronicles of the Not-So-Single Mom
This is for all of you gals out there whom for whatever reason at one time or another have been members of the elite squad known as the single moms club. In other words, it’s for ALL moms because it seems as if we all, at some time or another, are left to care for our little ones on our own, if only for a short while. Do not worry. This group is not exclusive. In fact, every mom has their place in it at one time or another. For some, it is due to divorce, separation or breakup. For me and others like me, it is because our spouses work out of town, even out of state. And for some, it’s that there has never been a second parent in the picture. But even happily partnered moms have their place here, too. Do the words “Deer Hunting Widow”, “Fishing Trip” or “Guys Night Out” mean anything? Yes, for each of us moms, there comes a time in which we must all reach inward and dig deep and take on the role as “Momma Bear”, caring for our growing young on our own. And it is in those times, that we experience great joys, and great – well, quite frankly great urges to run away or pop open a cold one. And it is for all of those times, that this column is written.
I am calling this column “Chronicles of the Not-So- Single Mom” because technically, I am not single. I am married. Have been for three and a half years, however, for 18 months of that time, my husband has worked out of state and has only been able to find his way home a few days out of each month leaving me the rest of the time to work the single mom gig with our kids. We have 2, Matthew, who is 2.99 (will be 3 on Sunday) and Ella, who is 14 months. There would have been one more had not been for the miscarriage I suffered last fall. Needless to say, the last 18 months, in all that they have been, have been nothing short of a tremendous learning experience and lesson in how much can I really handle? And during this time, I have found myself wondering how many moms are out there, struggling like me to balance work and kids and life during times that are unsupported by a spouse or partner. Let me tell you, even in my experiences I claim to be no kind of expert. Like many of you, I watch Super Nanny wishing she would make a surprise visit to my house. I read parenting books and exchange “what works” ideas with other moms. I watch Dr. Phil hoping to absorb some bit of useful info and despite it all, I fail. Some days miserably. There are days I feel like a great mom, and others I want to crawl in a hole and hide because I am so mortified about something my son (and it is always my son) has done. On the good days it’s easy to laugh, but on the bad ones- I find myself having to force myself to laugh as not to cry! In the past 3 years with my kids we have had chicken pox, asthma, pneumonia, RSV, hospitalizations, allergic responses to bee stings, a choking episode on watermelon, premature births, time in the NICU, falls and jumps and most recently a broken nose (this time, it was Ella). But we also have had some pretty cool things, and it’s here where I will share snipits of all of those things with you. You see, in all of this, I have wanted nothing but to have other moms to be able to share with. To vent to about the unsolicited parenting advice – oh, how many of us like that? To tell about the moms at the park who in observing my son said “THAT mom’s gonna have gray hair!” and so on. And the reason this is so important to me, is that so many times in all of this I have felt alone. I have wanted to shout from the rooftops – “Does anyone know what this is like?”.
To you, you “Not-So-Single” moms out there also shouting from the rooftops, this one is for you. I hope this column will be a place for you to come and visit each week and read about another mom’s trials and tribulations. We can laugh. We can cry. We can relate. Mostly, we can come here and be reminded on those “I need a cold one!” days- that we are not alone. We have ALL been there. We have ALL had the screaming kid in church, the kid in the toy aisle laying on the floor kicking and screaming because they haven’t gotten what their heart desires, and the kid that lets a colorful word innocently slip in the most convenient of circumstances. But more so- we have all stood in our children’s doorways watching them sleep, taken ridiculous amounts of pictures we never get to scrap booking to try to make a moment last, or read ten “just one more” stories because we know they won’t fit in our arms for long. Yes indeed. We have all been there.
So take time to sit back, find a cup of coffee, and come “visit” in the weeks ahead. Who am I kidding? Find a closet to lock yourself in, grab a flashlight and bar of chocolate and prepare to be grossly relieved. Your child is not the only one who streaked naked across the yard in front of the neighbors before promptly stopping to “water” the flowers because they were “thirsty”.
On a personal note, special thanks to Dr. Peter Schill, because “something did come of it”. And because I promised him I’d mention him if I ever got to doing this.
See you next week!
Welcome, Moms!
Welcome, Moms! I am so excited you are here! Since the origination of my "Mom Chronciles" column in the Hastings Star Gazette, I have long thought about coupling it with a blog to further expand on stories and ideas featured in the column. I also wanted a place for area moms to come to be able to give feedback on the column and share ideas or thoughts they may not want to share in printed form for the world to read. While I am not exactly sure what to expect myself from this blog, I look forward to it with much excitement. I hope you all feel free to share with me your own thoughts and ideas on it. We will evolve this blog together, in to something that meets as many needs of area moms as possible. So, Welcome. I am so glad you are here.
Amy
Amy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)