The Mom Chronicles 7

Chronicles 7


August 16, 2009

The Mom Chronicles: Moving On

“EmbraceChange. Take the journey back to your self. Love with abandon. Speak of your gratitude. Wear yellow shoes. Unleash your creative spirit. Dance in the moonlight. Be positive. Believe in healing. Share your inner light. Surprise yourself and do the thing that you didn’t think you could do. Live as if you’ve only been given one chance.”

Oh, it’s good to be back. I missed all of you last week, and appreciated the writings of Christina and Kristen in my place. While not “here”, I was recovering from surgery. Have any of you seen that ridiculously looking mom around town with a cast on one leg, brace on the other and arm wrapped up as well, trying to maneuver with a cane and two kids? Yeah- that would be me. You see, before this surgery came about, I had embarked on the goal of running the Twin Cities Marathon. Unfortunately, my over zealous self over trained and ended up with stress fractures in both tibias. Hence, the state of my legs. Then, I had surgery the other week on one of my arms. When this arm heals, they will be fixing the other, again, via surgery. And all of this while trying to balance life with two small kids on my own. Needless to say, it has been an interesting last couple weeks.

That brings me back to what I was saying, I missed all of you last week. This is my outlet, my haven to come when things and motherhood starts feeling larger then I. I have been eager to share with you that which only other moms can appreciate.

I started this week’s column with a quote that is on a piece of art I recently picked up. This unique and beautiful piece of artwork hangs on my bedroom wall and reflects a girl with wings in the back ground. This week, it has been my inspiration. You see, my fellow moms, seasons of change are before me. In saying that I seek the courage and strength and knowledge of similar experiences from you.

Even in this most broken physical state as of late, I have made a choice for myself and my kids that will further test my mental strength. This “Not so single Mom” has decided to indeed, make herself “single”. In other words, I am in the process of formally ending my marriage to my husband and embarking on a world alone. Amazingly, instead of feeling fear and regret in this situation, I feel strength and peace.

I never wanted for myself or my kids to be a statistic. My kids are truly too young to understand, and their lives won’t really change from the status quo, as my husband works out of state and is only occasionally around on the weekends anyways. That said, I feel on some level like I failed them. Like I will not be the example to them that I had hoped, in not fulfilling my marriage vows that I took so seriously that clearly stated “for as long as we both shall live”. The only thing that comforts these thoughts, is that I have not gone out with out a fight. I tried. Truly I did. This was not my first choice, but my last. What I have learned, however, is that marriage and parenthood takes two and if both parties are not equally invested it can not work.

This said, life will be different. I wonder, how do so many others that have gone through this same thing, do it? How do I explain it to my kids one day when they can understand? For answers to these I look to you.

So what lies ahead for this now single mom? I don’t know. Perhaps I will take time to further find myself. To reflect on who I am and whether it is in line or not with who I want to be. I will love my kids. I will dote on them, as I always do, I will lean on them when I don’t feel strong, I will look to others for inspiration when I don’t feel capable, and I will surround myself with things which remind me that I am stronger than I think. As the saying says, I will do that which I thought I never could- I will wear yellow shoes.

To that, I extend my next challenge. My fellow moms, wear yellow shoes. In the recent weeks, when my unexercised self felt horrendous due to the inability to do much anything physical, instead of buying new clothes I knew I would only feel bad about, I bought new shoes. Colorful ones. Ones unlike any others in my closet. Yellow ones, red ones, bright ones. I have resolved to, on a daily basis, remind myself that I am doing that which is best for me, by wearing bright shoes. To me, it is an outward sign of the change happening with in. I have found my voice. I am proud to be a mom that is doing what is best for her. In deciding to end my marriage, I don’t feel like I have failed my kids, but I am being an example to them, to not settle. To demand to be treated well. To be heard. To surround yourselves with others who build you up, not bring you down.

With that, I encourage all of you, to wear bright shoes. Make a visit to Walmart (who happens to have very bright flats for really cheap right now) or Target, or Payless, or wherever. They don’t have to be expensive. They need no bling or great brand name. Simply to be bright. To say “I am proud of who I am”. Trust me, bright shoes, yellow shoes, they were not me, either. Normally I stick to neutral colors. However, I have suddenly been inspired. I will wear them on the days I feel strong in my decision, and the days I do not. I will draw strength from them, and pour strength in to them. I am changing. What could be brighter than that?

Finally, while I have an enormous amount of hilarious Peterson stories at the moment, I will instead end this week by extending a thank you that is far more important. The congregation of Our Saviours Lutheran has been a God-send these past weeks. They have provided evening meals for me and my family. Each night at 6 o’clock there has been a knock on my door with a warm meal for me and my kids to help out. They have called to offer well wishes and sent notes and cards. Their support and community has been incredible. I have attended there, but am not even officially a member yet, and they have embraced me as one of their own. I am so thankful to that, and want them to know how much it has meant to me.

See you next week, hopefully in your yellow shoes.