Mom Chronicles 2

This was the second Mom Chronicles Column.

July 5th, 09

The Mom Chronicles: Doing what works
I am hoping by the time this is published that my legs will be shaved, my upper lip and brows waxed and my carpets shampooed so I can move my living room furniture out of my kitchen and back in to my living room where it belongs. Not to mention, that I will have come to terms with now being the mother of a three year old. Of course, one of the four would be nice. What can I say? I dream big.

To those of you who have returned from last week to further indulge yourselves in hearing about another mom’s trials and tribulations so that perhaps your own feel a little more manageable, welcome back! If this is your first time here, we are glad to have you. By the way, a special shout out to military moms, whom I forgot to mention last week.

What lies in front of you is a support group of the loosest form, for all of us moms who need a respite at times from our kids, and perhaps even ourselves. The goal of this column is to offer assurance to you and to myself, that somewhere out there at any given time, another mom is going through exactly what you are and feeling the exact same way. While we may not be able to change our circumstances, we can change the way we deal with them, be it alone or by sharing our stories with others.

In the last week, I have already seen the magic of this column working. At a 4th of July party, several of us sat around and shared stories about our kids and situations. Others approached me at work and in the store to share a chuckle about something they were reminded their kid did. They were chuckling now, but at the time it wasn’t always a laughing matter. And not that I have any influence whatsoever on Oprah Winfrey, making it completely coincidental, but her show this past Friday was dedicated to moms and their confessions in surviving mom hood. I’d like to share a few highlights.

One mom confessed she made her children’s school lunches on day entirely out of snacks she had in her car. Another mom confessed she “turned on the water works” because if her kids saw her cry they were suddenly more willing to cooperate in picking up their toys or stopping fighting. And then my favorite, and one I can relate to- (I am so going to regret sharing this…) one mom confessed she was on a long road trip with her kids. After over an hour of listening to them fight and cry in the back seat, silence befell on her car. Aahh. They sleep. Cue her bladder, weakened by pregnancies and an intense urge to urinate RIGHT NOW. We all now how well we can hold it after a couple kids, kegel, or no kegel exercises! Horrified by the prospect of having to wake the kids by pulling in to a rest stop or gas station to get out and use the bathroom, she reached for the diaper bag and pulled out one of the biggest size diapers she had and peed in it. Fortunately for her, it worked beautifully. So well infact, that she’d do it again. I on the other hand wasn’t so lucky. Let’s just say I won’t be trying that again. I guess I had to go more than I thought I did! So now we just keep an eye out for construction or park porta pots or a quiet country road. At least it’s better than screaming kids! After all, if I wake them, there is no one else to take them. (If only all of you could see the wonderfully horrified look on my husband’s face right now sitting in my drivers seat as I just shared this story with him for the first time. To him, that seat will never be the same, no matter HOW hard I scrubbed it!) The things we moms do for peace!

I guess what I am trying to get at in sharing these stories is how much as moms we need and crave this companionship and opportunity to be able to share and support one another in all kinds of ways. Sharing stories or “confessions” like these are just one way. If even Oprah, who isn’t even a mom herself can recognize this, surely the rest of us can, too! Not all of you may have peed in one of your kids diapers so as to keep the peace, but we’ve all done something some time and those unique things we do purely out of survival is what makes this thing called motherhood so amazing. What is also clear is that we moms need each other, despite not always sharing it. Yes, I admit, we moms are not always kind to each other. We judge ourselves and each other. We’ve all heard the sagas about mom’s who home school, vs moms who send their kids to school. About moms who work vs moms who don’t.

It seems we all have our own ideas about what constitutes being a good parent but there is one constant that remains. And that is that we are out there trying to give our kids the best life that we want them to have.

Whatever kind of mom you are, I think we’d all agree that being a mom is about so much more then just genetics, or whether you work or send your kids off to school. And our kids are here to remind us of that. I have found on my son’s bad days, that what I don’t like about him is not him, it’s the reflection of myself I see in him. When I see him being angry, or impatient or unkind, I take it personally because I know it’s a reflection of me. But that makes me that much more proud on the good days when he goes potty in the toilet and exclaims, “I did it!” as he has learned to praise himself, or when he shares with his friends or recites a table prayer or gives his sister a kiss. These are the times I pat myself on the back and say, “Well done, mom.”

Once again, I am glad we have each other here to share with. I feel much better having watched the mom confessions on Oprah, knowing I am not the only one who has peed in to one of my kids diapers in the car. I was beginning to have a complex.

See you next week!