The Chronicles - 1

This was the first official "Mom Chronicles". Enjoy. The rest will follow. Amy

29 July, 2009
Chronicles of the Not-So-Single Mom

This is for all of you gals out there whom for whatever reason at one time or another have been members of the elite squad known as the single moms club. In other words, it’s for ALL moms because it seems as if we all, at some time or another, are left to care for our little ones on our own, if only for a short while. Do not worry. This group is not exclusive. In fact, every mom has their place in it at one time or another. For some, it is due to divorce, separation or breakup. For me and others like me, it is because our spouses work out of town, even out of state. And for some, it’s that there has never been a second parent in the picture. But even happily partnered moms have their place here, too. Do the words “Deer Hunting Widow”, “Fishing Trip” or “Guys Night Out” mean anything? Yes, for each of us moms, there comes a time in which we must all reach inward and dig deep and take on the role as “Momma Bear”, caring for our growing young on our own. And it is in those times, that we experience great joys, and great – well, quite frankly great urges to run away or pop open a cold one. And it is for all of those times, that this column is written.

I am calling this column “Chronicles of the Not-So- Single Mom” because technically, I am not single. I am married. Have been for three and a half years, however, for 18 months of that time, my husband has worked out of state and has only been able to find his way home a few days out of each month leaving me the rest of the time to work the single mom gig with our kids. We have 2, Matthew, who is 2.99 (will be 3 on Sunday) and Ella, who is 14 months. There would have been one more had not been for the miscarriage I suffered last fall. Needless to say, the last 18 months, in all that they have been, have been nothing short of a tremendous learning experience and lesson in how much can I really handle? And during this time, I have found myself wondering how many moms are out there, struggling like me to balance work and kids and life during times that are unsupported by a spouse or partner. Let me tell you, even in my experiences I claim to be no kind of expert. Like many of you, I watch Super Nanny wishing she would make a surprise visit to my house. I read parenting books and exchange “what works” ideas with other moms. I watch Dr. Phil hoping to absorb some bit of useful info and despite it all, I fail. Some days miserably. There are days I feel like a great mom, and others I want to crawl in a hole and hide because I am so mortified about something my son (and it is always my son) has done. On the good days it’s easy to laugh, but on the bad ones- I find myself having to force myself to laugh as not to cry! In the past 3 years with my kids we have had chicken pox, asthma, pneumonia, RSV, hospitalizations, allergic responses to bee stings, a choking episode on watermelon, premature births, time in the NICU, falls and jumps and most recently a broken nose (this time, it was Ella). But we also have had some pretty cool things, and it’s here where I will share snipits of all of those things with you. You see, in all of this, I have wanted nothing but to have other moms to be able to share with. To vent to about the unsolicited parenting advice – oh, how many of us like that? To tell about the moms at the park who in observing my son said “THAT mom’s gonna have gray hair!” and so on. And the reason this is so important to me, is that so many times in all of this I have felt alone. I have wanted to shout from the rooftops – “Does anyone know what this is like?”.

To you, you “Not-So-Single” moms out there also shouting from the rooftops, this one is for you. I hope this column will be a place for you to come and visit each week and read about another mom’s trials and tribulations. We can laugh. We can cry. We can relate. Mostly, we can come here and be reminded on those “I need a cold one!” days- that we are not alone. We have ALL been there. We have ALL had the screaming kid in church, the kid in the toy aisle laying on the floor kicking and screaming because they haven’t gotten what their heart desires, and the kid that lets a colorful word innocently slip in the most convenient of circumstances. But more so- we have all stood in our children’s doorways watching them sleep, taken ridiculous amounts of pictures we never get to scrap booking to try to make a moment last, or read ten “just one more” stories because we know they won’t fit in our arms for long. Yes indeed. We have all been there.

So take time to sit back, find a cup of coffee, and come “visit” in the weeks ahead. Who am I kidding? Find a closet to lock yourself in, grab a flashlight and bar of chocolate and prepare to be grossly relieved. Your child is not the only one who streaked naked across the yard in front of the neighbors before promptly stopping to “water” the flowers because they were “thirsty”.

On a personal note, special thanks to Dr. Peter Schill, because “something did come of it”. And because I promised him I’d mention him if I ever got to doing this.

See you next week!