An Update

And so my moms, life continues on...
To update you, I continue to try to seek closure in what has been such a difficult time. The most recent way I have chosen to go about this is to plan a memorial service for Liam. I have been blessed with a tremendous intern at my church who has been willing to work with me and plan this for him, and for that I am so greatful. She seems to get my need to send him off in the way he deserves and I appreciate that so much, as so many others do not. I am planning kind of a simple service, and following it we will be going down to the river near my home and releasing balloons. I can't wait. While I dread the day where I will say goodbye to my son in a more final way, I look forward to what it can bring to myself and my family in terms of closure and a different kind of closeness with him.
In the mean time God continues to give me little glimpses of Himself reminding me He is here through all of this. It has been hard. It has been brutal. Many moments pass that I have no desire to be here, but I have been seeking Him and He continues to be that guide.
I am disappointed that some people close to me will not be attending the service. If it was for either of my two currently living children there is no doubt they would, so why not this? The reality is that miscarriage is looked at - still in this day and age- so differently. It makes me sad that my baby is not being recognized and respected in a way he deserves, but for me as his mom, while I can't control what others think or do, I can control what I think and do and while he may have never walked this earth with his two little feet, his heart beat in unison with mine, and I saw his little fingers and toes on that ultrasound screen on many occasions and he was as real to me as my living two. So for that I do need to honor him and he will be forever in my heart. I only wish it were the same for others.
Finally, I was able to see the infertility specialist today.I was given glimpses of hope in terms of a future with another baby and I hope and pray that that is in God's great plan for me.
On that note, I thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey.
Blessings
Amy