Feb 1st The Mom Chronicles:Do as I do

The Mom Chronicles: Do as I do
We have all heard line "Do as I say, not as I do". As moms it can at times be a joke, as we all do or have done things we tell our children not to do, and some times we get caught, while other times we don't. And in the times we do get caught doing that which we told our kids not to do, is when this line most commonly comes in to play. This week, I have thought a lot about this saying. Here's why:

One of the most important things I want to be able to teach my kids is self esteem and pride in ones self. Of course this is amid other very important things such as faith and generosity, however, for me this is one I have struggled with for as long as I have remembered. This week the issue came to a front for me when I had my first big exam at school. I was quite nervous about it, and it fell on a week that was jam packed full of other things that seriously were needing my attention. When all was said and done, the test went ok. However, I was rather down on myself following it as I had set a goal of a certain score that I wanted to achieve on it and scored one point under that. It was the difference between two grades, and I was substantially disappointed. Never mind that I passed and did decently, I was so focused on that one point that I didn't get and "should" have gotten that the next couple days I felt nothing but failure in myself. Then came an email from my professor. She informed me I actually scored higher then the class average and that I should feel quite comfortable in my grade in the class at this time. It was not until hearing this that I was able to finally take pride in the job I did. It was a hard test. It had aspects of anatomy and physiology and pathophysiology that I had never learned before, and quite frankly, I am not an "ology" kind of girl.Yet, I was so focused on that one point I missed that I couldn't see the points I did get right that were enough to pull me above the class average. Hense where the phrase, "Do as I say" comes in to play.

In this week's column I really wanted to focus on building self esteem in our kids and teaching them how to take pride in ones self. Instead of finding all kinds of great suggestions for how to do so, I kept coming back to one important concept: You can't teach your kids something you don't have or exhibit yourself. How do I, for example, teach my son to be proud of something he does that is less then perfect, if I can't find it within myself to be proud of myself when I do something less then perfect? How do I teach my daughter to give herself a pat on the back for doing well at something, when I can't give myself a pat on the back for doing something unless it is flawless, end even then, usually I can find a reason why not to.

And so that brings me to our saying for today. It is a well known fact that children learn best by example. That they are little sponges constantly soaking up the things around them, mostly things displayed by those closest to them. Has your child ever thrown out a four letter word that made you concerned or yelled when they got angry? Where do you suppose they learned that? Likewise, when they help out a friend who gets hurt, or shares a toy with a friend that doesn't have one, where do you suppose they got that?

We are our children's best examples. If we want them to have good self esteem and take pride with in themselves, then we need to remember that that first comes from within our selves. If you struggle with this, you are not alone and you must find ways of overcoming it that you can truly say to your kids "Do as I do". Do that which makes you feel good. Admit when you make mistakes, and apologize to your kids for them. Build mastery in yourself in doing things that make you feel capable and competent, even if it is as simple as washing dishes or cleaning your house. Teaching your kids good self esteem starts with you. If ever I saw my daughter so down on herself for missing a goal score on a test by one point, I would be heartbroken. So, I must teach her that that not be the case. For every time you praise your kids, praise yourself. For every time you reward your child for doing something well, reward your own self for something you did well. And for every time you forgive your child for doing something less then stellar, forgive yourself for something less then stellar you yourself did. And I hope that in doing so, not only will you teach your children to take pride in them selves, but perhaps you will take pride in your own self, too. You are doing a great job. Have a good week!