Welcome back moms, from all of your Memorial Day adventures. Whether you stayed at home, or traveled afar I hope the weekend was special for you and your families.
For us, the Memorial Day Weekend got off to an interesting start. You see, while I was busy planning our Momorial weekend adventures, I was met with a bit of discouraging news. I learned my son needs glasses. He is three, I thought. Already? For me having received the news, disappointment inevidably set in. See, as moms we have this dream of our children being born perfect. Not of just having ten fingers and toes, but everything else just as it should be as well. Now many of you may be thinking, glasses that's no big deal. Many people wear glasses. But for this mom, its one more thing. Yes, this is the boy that was "supposed" to be born with Down Syndrome and have a heart defect, and didn't. He is the boy whose lungs were supposed to be "borderline" mature when I was induced for his birth, but who didn't need a single day in the NICU. So with these gifts, why is this dampening my spirits so much?
I guess you could say I wanted better for him. While Matty hasn't had those major issues, he's had several others ranging from a chronic medical condition to developmental delays. At the same time, my daughter who was also born prematurely and spent a week in the NICU, has gross motor delays. While having just turned two,she has only walked for a couple months and still can not walk up and down steps or run or completely keep up with her friends her age. Each week I make the trip up to Gillette Children's in St. Paul with her for her physical therapy to help her muscles grow strength and be able to better support her that she may some day be able to run after her friends at the park. Now yes, in going to Gillette, I see a lot of kids a whole worse off then either of mine. So why then not just be thankful for what we have been given and why be so caddy as to let a simple pair of glasses put a damper on what is supposed to be such a fun time of year?
The answer, I suppose, is not as simple as it sounds. I guess in everything my kids have gone through, not just physically and developmentally but emotionally, I just want something in their lives to be normal. To not set them apart and make them "special".
And that brings up an interesting point. What is "special" anyways and is it really that bad? Why no. In fact, special lies with in all of us and all of our kids. We can all argue that even someone with the most normal, flawless child is special. That's because special extends far beyond that which is on the outside. Special is all about what lies within. For my son, he is special not just because he is delayed in some areas, but because he has a killer smile and tremendous heart. He loves "dancin and swimmin'" and asks to go almost each night. He has a great sense of humor, a tender heart, a giving soul. He cuddles and kisses and loves his momma an aweful lot. Yet its perhaps those things that make my heart break at the sound of him needing glasses. You see there is the reality that kids can be mean. What if, I think, my son is teased? What if these glasses bring him negative attention or make him feel insecure or in some way make him feel less then the radiant little boy he is? The fact is, I don't want to have others look at him and think he must be "special" because he has glasses. I want them to know and see his heart and think "Wow! Now that's a special boy!"
And the same goes for my daughter and people's thoughts and responses to her current delays. In addition there is the fear and reality that due to how her little life started and the crappy genetics she got from her mom that she will likely need glasses one day, too. And likely I will have the same response. Inside that is. But I assure you the response to my children on the outside is not poor you, you are going to be different. It's how cool are you that you get to wear these glasses? We let Matty try on whatever pair he wanted to today. And while he still insists on orange ones (which they may just happen to be "out of" on the day we order his) as his mom I will be there hiding my own fears and insecurities for him, as I learn to support him and teach him just how special he is, glasses, or no glasses.
And so while this Memorial day I was quietly celebrating the last outing with out juggling Matty's new glasses or worrying about them in one way or another, I was also taking time to sit back and appreciate my son for being special in all the other ways he is.
That said, if you have a child that has a need that is not the same as most kids their age or is in some ways different, just remember that special is in the eyes of the beholder. No, actually, its in all of us. So as you have that time together this summer if you have a child or person in your home who is a little "special", let this be a time that you celebrate the specials within, not just those on the outside.
See you next week!
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