Well, this is a big week in the Peterson household. My daughter, Ella, turns 2. It is hard to believe we are already here! I was just having that whole "my kids are getting so old!" complex as I was registering my son for preschool and talking kindergarten for him in another year, and now we are celebrating Ella turning two. Where does the time go? I swear Matthew's first two years didn't go so fast, however, the addition of a second child sure does change that. What scares me is that in one month, had I not lost the baby I did a year and a half ago, we would have been celebrating its first birthday sometime in May. That would have meant a one, two and four year old. And I think I am losing my mind some days as it is! Theoretically,having lost that baby, and with Ella turning two, I would normally be all about having a third. However, having a spouse that is never home due to working out of state changes things. I didn't notice that lack of present support as much with Matthew, but with two, it is a whole lot more noticable. And so, I will not be embarking on a third until that changes. Instead I am focusing on me and school and taking advantage of that time, almost using it as a distraction from a desire to have another child. What helps is that I can recognize how far I am from the place I want to be in physically and mentally when a third child comes along, and while some days that saddens me, other days that is ok. I deeply believe all things come in their own time. So in the mean time, this week my baby, my Ella, turns two. Join me in giving thanks for her and the first two years we have shared, and in hopes and prayers for many, many more years to follow. Happy Birthday, Ella~!
The other thing that made this a big week for us was that my extended family broadened. My brother Brian got married. Now, while I admit I was less then thrilled over having to be gone for three days and partaking in all the wedding festivities and the like, I was pleasantly surprised. What surprised me the most was not how I responded to the busy schedule, or the kids being short on sleep due to sleeping in a hotel, or all the "people" time that often overwhelms me, was finding out how little I actually knew about either of my brothers. Now I will admit we have never been especially close. They and my sister are but I have always been a little, odd man out. But this was actually part of what made the weekend so enjoyable for me. Part of the time came in the form of Friday night sort of tripping in to my brother's bachelors party. Our hotel was connected to a TGI Fridays resteraunt and I strolled over late Friday night for a beverage. Upon my arrival, I was met by both of my brothers and the rest of the groomsmen and ushers in part of their bachelor party festivities. My youngest brother, Noah, quickly invited me to join them and while somewhat hesitant, I did. It was fabulous. I saw sides of both my brothers - and brother in law for that matter!- that I had never seen before, and the whole experience, I admit was a bit odd. It wasn't until then that I realized just how little I knew about both of them, how few times as adults we have actually gotten together, how different they are (specifically my youngest brother) then I imagined them to be. Now, granted you see different sides of people in those circumstances, I think I actually saw them more genuinely then I had before. However, it was very, very fun and I admit to looking forward to a repeat. This was only enforced with my youngest brother, Noah, giving the most hilarious, fabulous best man speech I have ever heard at the reception. I kind of felt like, who ever knew I had these guys in my family?
And so what does this have to do with any of you? Well, its not that much of a stretch. I think as parents we want our kids to be close. To get along, to have relationships with each other that will last after we are gone. To look out for one another, to be there for one another, to support one another. Now I admit this hasn't come easy for my siblings and I, as is the case in many families. We had the sibling rivalries and differences, especially my sister and I who were so close in age. And I contend that it is true that things change when you get older. The little things are just that, little things, and as you all grow and mature you are able to see one another in a very different light. Time changes people. Life changes people. And while it has brought my sister and I closer, it hasn't so much my brothers and I. I think that may be changing.
And so as it applies to our own kids, it is most certainly true that you can't force your kids to like one another, to get along with one another, to look out for one another. You can't force them to mend their differences before they are ready to or to force them to "just get along". This takes time and will come. But what as parents we can do, is foster an environment where our kids learn to value each other. To support and be there for each other. To not feel the need to compete for time or attention, and to value everyones talents, different as they may seem. My hope for my kids is that they will be close. That they will be there for one another. My son already takes pride in "his Ella" and is doing that protective big brother thing. I hope that continues. What I must remember, though, and what you all must remember, is that it can't be forced. They must find a relationship that works for both of them, that is what both of them want and need from the other. And what's funny is as kids, that comes a lot more naturally and with a lot less effort then it does for us as adults. It is not always balanced, however, especially in families where there are a lot of kids. I admit growing up I always felt different or left out or not a part of what my sister and brothers had going on. I guess what I can say to that is if you have more then two kids, be sure they are including each other, showing value to each other, respecting each other. The rest can likely bloom on its own, but with out those three simple things as a basis, it is much more difficult as I found for myself.
So with that I will leave you all with wishes for a great rest of the week, Congratulations to my brother Brian and new sister in law Laura on their new marriage, and happy birthday wishes once again to my daughter. See you next week
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