When The Lights Go Out - Dec. 9th Column

The Mom Chronicles:When the lights Go Out
Warm winter wishes, my Chronicle moms. By the time this goes to press I anticipate we will have our first decent measurable snow on the ground. For most, that means winter is officially here and Christmas can go ahead and come. There is something about that blanket of white that gets us all in to the holiday spirit.

This column was inspired while on my way to a special service at church tonight. As usual we took the scenic route to check out our favorite holiday light displays. To our dismay for the fourth night in a row, when we drove by one of the biggest displays (and one of our favorites to date) on W 3rd street just west of Pine, the lights were dark. "Are they broken, Mommy?" Matthew asked. To which my reply was simply, "I don't know, bud." And while he dropped it there, it didn't escape my thoughts. What did happen?- I wondered. Why are the lights off? We enjoyed them for several nights, and suddenly I found myself wondering what caused them to go dark. Well, to my excitement, later as I embarked on the long walk home from church, just as I was in deep thought and silently cursing my husband for conveniently being over a half an hour away and not answering his phone when I was ready to be picked up and hense having to walk the almost two miles home, in the cold and dark alone, I saw light. THOSE lights. Our lights. The BIG lights. They were on.

And so after taking a moment to step back and enjoy them, I then wondered why they had been dark for so many times before.I felt some sense of relief, for I had worried that perhaps something happened to the owner and they were unable to turn them on, or perhaps that they had blown a circuit, or, or, or. And then it was simply, perhaps they were just away from home and need to humor us all and put the lights on a timer. (I will donate one if you need it!)

Ultimately, my thoughts returned to the subject of the lights going out. This stayed with the topic of holiday lights for only a moment, and quickly lead to thoughts of how this applies to all of us in life, especially in the holiday season. You see, what I was walking home from was a Service of Rememberance for folks who have lost loved ones and are remembering them this holiday season. I went for my lost baby. We were given the opportunity to replace ornaments on a tree with a special bow with our loved ones name on it, and then given the ornaments we replaced to take home. There were many people there that in this holiday season, the lights could certainly be dark. While I am working hard to give my children the most memorable holiday I can, the fact that this would have been my baby's first Christmas had it survived is not far from my mind. Other things that make the lights go out during the holidays? Stress. Loss. Loss of job. Loss of a life. Loss of home. Financial burdens. The inability to provide for ones family, or give their children their coveted Christmas gifts. Sickness, mental or physical. The unexpected or dreaded. It seems just about anything can flip the switch on the light and hope that lies in the holiday season. So what happens then when the lights do go out?

The first thing to do is diagnose what happened. What do you do when your holiday lights go out? Do you simply throw them out, or check to see if there is a loose bulb, or simply make sure they are plugged in? Your approach to that may be similar to how you approach your life when the lights go out. Do you take time to figure out what happened, to problem solve, or do you simply give up? We have all fallen victim to the dreaded strand of holiday lights that suddenly stop working or part of the strand goes dark. Are you someone who tries to fix them, or do you simply throw them out? And if you do throw them out do you consider it a loss or are you fairly indifferent? Perhaps a simple analogy but the same can be applied to how to handle these life things when they darken our days. When a strand of lights goes out, it happens for a reason. Perhaps they were defective, something came loose, there was an electic short, etc or perhaps they were just old. And when it happens we can be upset, frustrated, even sad but does that mean we never buy a strand of holiday lights again, or do we take a chance and buy more perhaps next time buying a box of the kind that won't go dark when a single bulb does? Based on the number of people I see stocking up on holiday lights in after Christmas sales, I would be willing to bet that we buy more, perhaps even in anticipation of the lights going out again.

So what am I getting at here? I have see in my own life quite vivedly the past months how easily the lights go out. I have seen how I have allowed all the ways my life has gone dark to blacken my whole outlook. This holiday season, I am aware of where the dark areas remain in my life, and am seeking ways of bringing back the lights. I have examined where the problem areas lie and what caused them to begin with. I have decided which strands of darkness I am ok to let go of and accept as losses, and which ones I am fighting to salvage or bring back. Some of the dark areas I know how to fix, others are most obscure.And while it seems somewhat minimalizing to compare the darkness of life to the darkness of a strand of holiday lights, the analogy has taught me a lot. Of the things most important, it has taught me that things happen for a reason, even if I don't always know what the reason is. It has taught me that replacing lights doesn't mean the old ones never existed. It has taught me that the most important relationships in life are the ones that bring back the light, even if it is simply one tiny bulb at a time, and the relationships worth fighting for and working on the most are the ones that are going to be there when the next strand goes black. Finally, it has taught me to be patient. The process of diagnosing a problem and brainstorming a way to fix it and making those choices take time and patience. They don't always happen over night, and some times, what works for one strand isn't what works for another.

I hope that as we continue in the holiday season that if you find lights in your life going dark, that you are able to find ways to bring them back. I associate light with hope. Where there is light, there is hope. If you live in darkness, there is no hope. I hope if this holiday season finds you living in darkness, that you are able to find even one bulb that is bright, and when you do, let that light shine.

I hope you will continue to find hope and light this holiday season. Keep putting up those light displays. We are enjoying them! (PS- Way to Go, Chad! I am proud of you for yours!!)