The Mom Chronicles: When Mom Needs a Time Out
Welcome back, Chronicle Moms! I would say I hope you are enjoying the fall, but between the cold and white stuff this week, it's not feeling very fallish, is it? I feel like I should be putting up holiday decor vs Halloween. Even I can't put up Santa Clauses and Greenery, though yet. I am holding out for at least another month or two until the Thanksgiving Gobblegait is run and turkey is served. Hard to believe we are already thinking of those things, though.
Well, this week has been a rough one for me, let me tell you. I am sharing it with you in the likely case that I am not the only single mom who has been here, in this current position, and that it may benefit at least one of you reading this.
Do you ever have days or weeks where you feel like you have just reached the end of your rope? Where everything goes wrong and nothing goes right and the kids are running circles around you, and there is nothing to do but lock your self in the bathroom and cry because it seems it will never end? If this has been you today, or ever, take heart, my chronicle Mom's, this has been me this past week.
Knowing a lot of you, I think it is safe to say that when our kids aren't doing what they should or are acting completely out of sorts, we give them a time out. What happens then when we as moms are in the same position? Do we give ourselves a time out to stop and think over a situation? Maybe we don't the first time we are feeling stressed or the second time, or perhaps even the third, but by the fourth and fifth time of feeling in over our heads do we take a self imposed time out or try to bite the bullet and trench through it? If any of you are like me, you do the later. Unfortunately doing the later got me in to some trouble this past week. This mom was unable to put herself in a self imposed time out, so someone had to step in and give me a time out. Someone- who was able to recognize that this mom desperately needed a break, and someone who cared enough about me to give me one. So, as it was, my kids went and stayed with my sister for what has been four and a half soon to be five days now, and I got myself a stay at Hotel United. By that I mean United Hospital in St. Paul. You see, this Chronicle mom was not doing so well. As I write this, I am still not in my most ideal form, but perhaps a bit better than five days ago.
You see, the past six months or so have been a little much for this mom. Between my arm and leg injuries, to the single mom life, to a pending divorce, my grandma's failing health, financial issues, etc, etc, etc, this mom has had more than she can handle. In addition, I have suffered a long time of my life with depression and anxiety issues. But here is me. The past six months, I have worked hard to keep it together, to be there for my kids and every one else, to not let myself be less than the stoic mom I feel the constant need to be. What happens when one does that, though, is that it offers no comfort or help to ones self. There is no break. No internalizing support. There is no one who really knows the depth of ones despair, because it's never a priority to share. Obviously, one can't go on forever like this. This mom, while madly in love with her kids, is not madly in love with herself. I do not take my own advice. I do not internalize the love and care I have for others on myself. I just trudge on until eventually, I stumble. This time I stumbled pretty badly.
So here I am. I am looking at my job situation which is dreadful, my financial situation, my relationship status, my health status, etc, etc and I feel overwhlemed and lost. But what I am finally not, is alone. Even at United, I resisted at first the help they were trying to offer me. While they have worked to keep me safe, I worked just as hard to keep those walls up. Afterall, what would happen if this Chronicle Mom indeed did let her walls down? The fear? That I won't be able to deal with the flood that comes through it.
And so, I am working slowly but surely on tearing down my walls, and letting the support of others in. I am learning I can't do it all myself, and that life, as I was recently reminded by someone near and dear to me, is not meant to be a solitary endeavor. That doesn't make all the sorrow and pain and despair go away, but it does remind me as I have so often reminded so many of you, that I am not alone.
I may not always be good at taking a time out and listening to my advice, but I hope you do. I hope that you will recognize as moms, when you need to take a time out or ask for help, that you won't get to where I have been this past week. Your kids need you to be there for them, the rest of us single moms out here need you to be here for us. Learn to recognize when you need to give yourself a self imposed time out to breathe and care for yourself. Learn that you are the most important person you need to take care of, before you can take care of others, including your kids. It may feel selfish at first, but it won't always. You will learn that it will make you a better mom, partner, person.
In the mean time, keep me in mind and prayers in the weeks ahead as I take a time out from life and deal with those things which have been weighing me down. My hope? That I will come out on the other side of this darkness with a light and hope that will make me a far better mom then I ever imagined.
Have a great week!
No comments:
Post a Comment