Chronicles 11

Sorry we are a little out of sync here, but her is #11. Enjoy. Amy

Saturday, September 12th


Chronicles 11



The Mom Chronicles: Putting out Fires



Welcome back, Chronicle Moms! This week is for you, and about you. It is more mom-centered, vs our standard kid centered. I hope it fulfills its purpose.

In recent weeks, I have come to appreciate the fact that there is indeed, life outside of my kids. It has taken me a long time to get to that fact, but there is. What that means for me is not that I get to go out and joy ride or take for granted the time I have with out the kids. What it means, rather, is that it is ok and actually good for me to take time away, and that I don't need to bury myself chin deep in guilt if I do. The same goes for you. Furthermore, not only is it good to have life outside of our kids, it is necessary.

It seems rather cliche' to say we can't take care of others if we don't first take care of ourselves, but I have found that is a very true statement, and one that especially applies to moms. I was recently reminded of this when riding along with the Hastings Fire and Rescue. As I have recently done some soul searching to figure out what direction I want the rest of my life to take, I decided to ride along with one of their crews last weekend to get a taste of what they do and decide if indeed it is for me. As you can imagine those folks see a lot and do a lot, much of which is difficult and demanding. Each decision they make directly impacts the life of someone else whom they are there to help or save. The same, too, applies for us as moms. Each decision we make, every time we respond to our kids, be it in crisis or non-crisis, we are doing so in a way that is going to significantly impact them in their life ahead. While making them drink milk for dinner vs juice or soda doesn't exactly compare to performing CPR on someone whose heart has failed, looking out for the well being of our kids or making those choices for them based on our knowledge of what is best for them does.

Of everything I took out of my day with the Fire and Rescue crew, outside of course of the fact that they are a fabulous group of folks whom we are so lucky to have serving our community, was the need to take care of yourself in order to be able to fully attend to others. Being an EMT or Paramedic or firefighter means putting your own personal wants, needs, fears and desires aside and putting someone else's first. The same goes for being a mom. Why is it then that that is so difficult for us? Indeed we have something to learn from the folks at the fire department, after all, how many "fires" are we putting out each day? I think it is time to stop and listen to the Hastings crew. What a better example to follow?

While there I heard chatter of motorcycles and "bikes", of the car show down town and other various hobbies the guys (and gals) partake in. It was clear by the way the crew responded when the emergency phone sounded, that they were on their game. This would not be possible, if not for those aforementioned activities.

This lead me to thinking. What do I do to prepare myself to put out the fires that arise on any given day, or to respond with confidence when trauma, such as my son hitting his head on a night stand or choking on watermelon occur? Is this something even on my radar? Not so much, or at least, it didn't used to be. Then came this past spring.

This past spring I set out with a goal of running this years Twin Cities Marathon. For me, running has always been an "out" and with a high stress spring, and in anticipation of a higher stress sumer, I knew it was necessary to put that out back in place, so what did I do? I began running. Again. This time, though, it was not just to get in shape or to have something to do. It was to have an outlet, and an outlet that was mine. Just mine. It didn't involve the kids, my husband or anyone else for that matter. I set the goal and started working towards it. It was filling my cup, or "stocking" my fire truck, we could also say. And then it happened. I over trained. I abused those legs that had become my wings and I injured them. Both of them. That was not the part of the story you have all heard. Up until now, you simply knew me as the mom who spent the summer with a cast and walking boot on both legs. You didn't so much know how we got there. That is how. Recently, freed of my casts and boot, I have started walking again, and alas, this weekend I went for my first run. I do not call my legs my wings for nothing. While tired and stiff, my legs remembered what they were to do, and I felt new air in my lungs I had not breathed in some time. I felt an exhilaration, and that heavy, tired energy seemed to drip off of me with the sweat. When I got home, not only was I met with personal feelings of accomplishment, but an attitude and calm better able to attend to my kids and put out their "fires".

I will not be able to run my marathon this fall, due to my injuries, but I will run it again. My eyes are already set on next year. In the mean time, from the Hastings crew and from the thrill I felt in giving myself the out I needed, I have been reminded of what is perhaps our most important task as moms: to take time to take care of you.

My kids have suffered in the recent weeks. I have not taken great care of myself. I have been stressed, and down and overwhelmed and it's no wonder. There has been nothing I have done just for me. That is changing. In addition to riding with the Hastings Fire and Rescue folks, I have decided to return to school to become an EMT and ultimately, Paramedic. I picked up my application to hopefully join the Hastings Fire and Rescue department some day soon, and have started the application process for school. I took time this weekend to "escape" and partook in my greatest love, riding horse on the wooded trails of Northern Wisconsin. I committed to a day long riding trip in a couple weeks (that should give my legs and rear end time to heal from today) that not only will benefit my own mental state, but is a fundraiser for St. Jude children's Hospital as well. To top it off, I paid a visit to a high end grocery store in the cities, where I stocked up on my favorite stuffed olives at their olive bar. Oh, the little things.

My point? Run. In your own way. Do that thing that brings out your wings. If you have to, make a reminder for yourself. A long time ago, since we are on the fire and rescue theme, when I was in a treatment program for my eating disorder, we made what were called our "Firefighter" cards. They were a large recipe card that we decorated in a firefighter theme, and on it listed the things that were helpful to do of friends that were helpful to call, when our souls, our "fire extinguishers" were empty. They were our life lines. Make your own firefighter card. Each day vow to do one thing on it to help yourself be able to fight the fires in everyday life that arise. Include things like reading a book, going for a walk, calling a friend, taking a bath, etc. Make them things easily accessible and make it a priority. Then, if you as mom are having a "9-1-1" moment, when you are feeling overwhelmed, and the kids are screaming or fighting, or the bills are piling high, and you had a bad day at work, and you burn supper while intervening in the fight between the kids... grab the card. Take a time out. Do one thing. It may not help the first time or the second, but you will learn to love those "firefighter" moments. I hope you will take time to do that for you. Heck, include the kids in it. As an activity, make them for all of you. For the kids they can list things for them to do if they are feeling crabby, or grumpy, or if they had a bad day at school, or just need a break. You can say hey, firefighter! And together choose something off of their card that they can do to help the moment. It could be as simple as playing with a favorite toy, calling a friend for a play date, or going out for ice cream. And may this be a way for you as moms, to teach your kids the value of taking care of themselves. Of recognizing when their own fire extinguisher is running low. Theirs does, too remember. It is why they get tired and crabby and disrespectful.

Well, so much or short and sweet. My challenge for you this week? Make yourself a firefighter card, and use it, at least once. Then, whenever you see one, thank the members of the Hastings Fire and Rescue Crew for taking such good care of themselves, and ultimately us, too. We can learn a lot from them.

Good luck putting out whatever fires come your way this week. See you next week!